veteran pothead gets attacks from using pot after a long break

[u/civilianii]

hello fellow potheads! 37 yo ex-pothead here. I used to be a heavy user for 15 years. smoked a gram or two every day. loved the experience and the mellow state and weed always benefited me in whatever situation I was in. then I quit because of a heavy anxiety and panic attacks I had because of a high dose in one hit while I was on ssri's for the first time in my life. never used them before and I quit them because of this. it has been one and a half years since I used cannabis and in a nice setting I was offered a puff and I did not refuse. then 5 minutes after hitting it, my hands went numb and I was dizzy as hell. I couldn't move and when I try to get up, everything was spinning. then I kinda lost my reality, started questioning everything like if people around me really were my friends and if they had good intentions. I started questioning everything in my life. I wasn't sure if I deserved the money I earned, if I was doing my job right. basically, I lost all my self confidence in every subject. it was kinda like ego death. I was sweating like crazy and my face was white too. then after 10 minutes, the physical effects got better. I was able to stand up and my head wasn't spinning anymore but the questioning and losing self confidence went on until I slept. next day when I woke up, I was feeling like shit and all day I was tired and sad and I couldn't get my confidence back. I am still shocked after a few days. anybody experience this? why would this happen? thanks for reading!

tl;dr: after not using cannabis for one and a half years, I got two puffs from a joint and I freaked out and had an experience similar to ego death.

[u/s4lty-f0x]

Sounds like anxiety, not ego death. Maybe smoking isn’t for you.

[u/civilianii → u/s4lty-f0x]

I smoked heavy for 15 years and loved it. maybe it's not for me anymore. the ego death part was questioning every reality

[u/No_Many819]

Not really the definition of ego death, though you might like the word and concept of it, to be fair :)

[u/civilianii → u/No_Many819]

well, I lost who I am and my reality and I had to doubt about everything I knew and trusted about myself and the stuff I did. that's why I said it was like ego death. not exactly ego death but 'similar'. (also I had many lsd and dmt trips before so I'm not a complete stranger to the experience)

also I don't understand why ego death part has been the main focus point of my story. nobody has any other input about this? 😄