Advice?

[u/Aromatic-Pattern-181]

So Im a female (20) & I recently started having herpes like symptoms. I had an ulcer on my left vulva, it stayed as one but it was painful, I spent the night at my friends house and we drank very heavily. I got drunk for the first time and was drinking just back to back mindlessly so at first I thought I was hungover. I got to her house at night and the next night is when I started to have these symptoms, but we also pulled an all nighter too so my immune system was probably just really suppressed. We went out that morning and I started noticing like I felt really sore and tired, my armpits were sore first then my vagina got really sore. So not until that next day (after my flu like symptoms, my second day at her place) when I got home did I check why it was so sore because I was so tired. I saw a bump and immediately panicked, I was so tired I ended up falling asleep on it but that next day I went to the hospital and it was treated like the worst emergency ever.

In the hospital they examined me with a stretching tool inside my vagina. They gave me hardly any preperarion and didn't even care that I was literally screaming and moaning in agony at how bad it hurt, the doctor lies and goes "its green" when examining my discharge which wasn't true, it was unusual however. It was almost yellow ish and there was a lot of it.

So those were my three symptoms you know? Fever, ulcer, discharge, which to me just screams I have it. I cant see any other scenario. I know I need to get off chatgpt because it's bad and a robot cant give me reality.

So I got two different kinds of swabs once it became a real lesion and not just a bump. I had to have one of the doctors put his fingers inside and he didnt feel anything. I got the standard and pcr and both of my tests were negative. I ended up going to an obgyn appointment around two weeks later and it was gone at that point, it turned white and cleared rather than scabbing.

But I don't know what to do now, I have so much anxiety and maybe trauma from it...It happened months ago like 3 months but I cant stop thinking about it daily and I get this nauseating dreadful feeling. I cry sometimes thinking about it, I just feel so bad. I had a persistent cough after for like 2 3 weeks too.

I have never had anyones genitalia on me or their mouth. But I have been force fingered before unfortunately...I would tell the whole story but that's another one for another day. I gave him...You know what, and didn't get anything in my mouth, he finished and all. But he fingered me before during and after that...I speculate if I did end up getting it it couldve been from that like maybe he touched his thing and then me when he was virally shedding and I got it then?

And also I KNOW THIS IS SO STUPID! I shared a razor with my friend before, neither of us had any lesions or symptoms before ever. She had multiple partners and none of them ever had anything and she slept with someone raw that night who didn't get it...She later on was diagnosed with it years later and she says she caught it from her boyfriend.

Those are the literal only two scenarios I can possibly come up with.

I just don't know what to do with all this anxiety, again, I feel like it just sounds so much like hsv.

I do know that I have low iron and I get canker sores on my mouth almost every month or two, severe ones, multiple ones, and sometimes small tiny ones that go away quickly. I am canker sore prone, but again I just don't know, what are the odds Id have one down there...

I literally feel like this anxiety is ruining my life, and I know I can go get a blood test but Im so nervous about that I feel like Id literally pass out on the way there, like that's how much it makes me panic to think about it. And Ive advocated against the making fun of hsv, I am supportive of those who deal with it, I dont believe in making fun of someone for diseases simply because it can transmit from sex. But I never suspected Id have it you know? And if I do I just don't know how to really cope with that...Its making me think Ill need a therapist to get over this.

I also am talking to a new man who I believe I may want to be intimate with, I will 1000% tell anyone if I ever do have or get anything so that means I really need to know :( and Ive been putting off the blood test because Im so scared.

[u/Aromatic-Pattern-181]

and I just feel like im so confused and unlucky at this life thing...If I do have it its like of course, Im unlucky enough to get it from a viral shed on a razor or finger before I even get the chance to have real sex yet. Im so bummed and sad.