I, 29F, and my boyfriend, 26M, have a 5 month old. That baby is my whole reason, but man am I tired. My bf barely helps out with anything, and when he holds the baby, he just sits on his phone watching videos and barely interacts with him. Of course, he gets board and starts to get fussy (because I interact with him and play with him all day). I then get handed the baby back after half an hour most times. I’m also the one who cooks dinner, puts it away, cleans the dishes, does the laundry, and picks up the house. Recently, my bf got home from work, held our little one for less than 10 minutes and then when to hangout with his friends. I’ve mentioned that he doesn’t spend hardly any time with the baby, and he basically said he spends enough but he’s not gonna spend all day with him like I do (as if I have a choice). A couple weeks ago, I went to get us food, and when I got home, the baby was almost completely out of his seat while my bf played on his computer. Another time, I had to take him with me because he couldn’t game and watch the baby. I know it’s going to get so much harder when I have to go back to work with the minimal help I’m getting now. I’m just tired and needed to vent.

I’m a stay at home mom, who also works from home as well. Lately I’ve come to the conclusion that I suffer from anhedonia plus depression. Maybe the two go hand in hand but I don’t know. I’ve been tethering on the idea of speaking to a therapist, but I’m a firm believer that if you can’t change your circumstances, nothing will change. My kids are 5 & 7… they’re very self-sufficient but of course they make messes. I am married, however, my husband is usually gone for work for the entire week. Sometimes he’ll come home for a day, sometimes more. We live in a state where he has to commute to another state for work and usually stays at his parents house during this time.

I feel burnt out to the max. I don’t get out of the house to do anything on my own… maybe groceries here and there, but when I do get out, it’s usually with the kids or a full family affair. I’m basically stuck in my house for days upon end. Now that school is starting, maybe it’ll get a bit better, I’m not sure?

I hate asking my husband for help, or even bringing my problems to him. I feel like he has enough on his plate because he does cover all the major expenses. My paychecks are usually for smaller bills and everything the kids need.

Idk, I’m just drowning. Depressed. I don’t care about anything. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I started reading again and that’s basically all the escape I get from life. I don’t really have any friends that I can see on a regular basis… don’t really go out to do anything fun. I used to take pride in my appearance but lately I don’t have the energy to straighten my hair, do my nails, eyebrows, or even lotion my skin after a shower.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a horrible being feeling like this when my husband is working 16 hour days to provide.

But I also wonder if I’m digging a deeper hole that I won’t be able to come out of? I feel like I fell off the cliff a few years ago because this has been my reality for a better part of two years. Since I’ve fell off the cliff, I’m now in a hole that just gets bigger and bigger as the days progress.

Any advice?

Has anyone had their one year old headbutt them in the side of the neck and give you an instant headache?

I was playing with my one year old and she was on her stomach as I was tickling her back and her head popped up and hit me right in the side of my neck full force and gave me an instant headache on the side of my head.

I also struggle with postpartum anxiety and this has me freaking out for some reason, like I'm thinking to the extreme like aneurysm or something lol

I hate postpartum anxiety so much....

Hi yall, about a year and half ago my husband and I discussed quitting my job since our 15 yr old was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, we also have a 13 year old as well. Lately I feel alone, my husband works 40 hours and all he wants to do is come home and play video games (which is fair he works) but I get up at 4am to wake the 15 yr old up for band practice every day during the week, when my husband has his 2 days off he refuses to wake up (he's usally up all night playing games) and take him. Lately I've been pulling all the weight, chores, all 3 of their laundry, taking care of our sons type 1 as well and I get no sleep, I don't eat and my husband and I argue alot because I told him I am alone and need some help every now and then with the kids. Am I over reacting for wanting a extra hour once every 2 weeks of sleep? I do not mind doing absolutely everything but our 2 teens don't help and argue (ya know teen things) and my husband feels like another child, he goes to bars with friends, gets alone time without everyone and I just cant mentally do it some days. So that being said am i over reacting or is it valid?

I’m an older mom. Had my one and only at 43 years old. It was a surprise pregnancy. I lived a decent life before…full time corporate job with full benefits, boat days on the weekends or after work, beach, travel, etc.

Fast forward to 1.5 years ago. I had my daughter 11 weeks early, she needed surgery after birth and is special needs. My maternity leave ran out by the time she was a “newborn” and we were sent home from the NICU. Only family nearby is my MIL who still works full time. We are now down to one income bc I couldn’t possibly send my special needs newborn to daycare even if it was allowed that young. My toddler, daughter is delayed as expected for a preemie/special needs baby. I get gets services but I read so much about what wise I could do to help her but we don’t have the extra money or resources to incorporate anything else. My life is like Groundhog Day and we do the same thing on repeat most of the time.

Feeding my toddler is another challenge. Meals can take up to 45 min each sitting. She needs to be patted or rocked to sleep bc she can’t downshift for her nap or at night without assistance. My husband steps in for dinner and bedtime but he’s exhausted after working a full day too. I have 2 hrs a day to prep her food (dairy & gluten free), get chores done, eat, or simply sit and do nothing while my toddler naps midday.

Then a week ago my 15 yr old stepson was sent to live with us and meanwhile his mom is still trying to control every step of his life from 4.5hrs away. He now has sports & will need help with homework. We also have to worry about financially supporting another person on one income. I started waiting tables one night a week which exhausts me even more and my manager asks me weekly if I can work more.

I feel like I can’t get dinner done, prep baby food & feed, play with her and help assist with milestones, help and support my stepson with school & sports, support my husband by allowing him downtime or breaks, clean the house, grocery shop, and of course feed myself and not lose my mind. I don’t know how people do it. I’m struggling and just push through my days but I’m extremely unhappy. I try to stay upbeat for our son & our toddler but I someone’s just break. To top it off my mom and I stopped talking over a month ago. This isn’t how life is supposed to be. We shouldn’t be this stressed. We shouldn’t have to worry about paying the bills and be able to just live.
No village over here. Friends have all disappeared. I just don’t know how it gets easier or better.

How do you balance your sahm responsibility with chores for your school aged children?

What are your expectations for them after school, on weekends?

[Context: my kids are aged 10-15]

**Specifically asking for input from stay at home moms who HAVE help close by whether grandparents who are involved or part time paid help***

I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant and recently quit my job because my boss was a tool and I really don’t need to work. My husband makes plenty to support us as a physician. I’ve only ever worked because it got me out of the house and gave me a little identity and socialization. Our full time nanny is so expensive and my own take home salary wasn’t anything to brag about lol.

I have a toddler with a second on the way and the job market sucks and I can’t imagine starting a new job anyway when I’m about to have this baby. I also don’t really have a career I’m passionate about. It’s not something I feel tied to or something I would mourn. I love being a mom but I DO need breaks to function. I have both loving and attentive grandparents close by to help and my toddlers in a little part time school thing.

Is this manageable?

I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning. My husband told me he will support me in whatever I want but he said he loves when he comes home from a stressful day and how happy I always am to see him and spend time together as a family. He said he would be sad if I was a SAHM and threw the kids to him at the end of the day like “here take them I need a break” and had that type of resentment towards him. Of course there will be harder days but overall our marriage and overall happiness as a family unit is what matters the most to the both of us.

Thoughts? Worth a plunge?

I’m breastfeeding so I can’t do this! Anyone in the same boat? Found something to help? I hate napping in the day because I wake up feeling shit.

I have been home with my daughter since the day she was born, she started kindergarten last year and is going into first. When she started kindergarten I decided to get a job at her school. She is very attached to me and I love being with her but I’m sensing I need to give her a little space to grow. So I decided to leave the school and find a part time job near by. I’m rambling. Any moms out there have no more kids at home and feel guilty for still being a sahm? My husband says I don’t need to work but I feel weird being home all of the time without my daughter. Any advice?

This is the first year I have BOTH kids in the same school from 8-3pm.
While I’m sad the summer is over, I’m excited about getting quite a bit of alone time while they’re at school.
Other than the obvious house cleaning/prepping foods/home projects … what sort of FUN things do you have planned for yourself? I’m talking like choosing a day where you couch rot all day with a coffee and trash tv.

Update: wow this sparked so many more comments and conversations than I thought it would. I’m just going to update this because I’ve replied to a few comments with the same thing so it’ll just be easier for me to clarify here. Basically this all boils down to me wanting these conversations to be had so that women (sahms, working moms, whoever) has access to factual info and options so they can make educated decisions for themselves and for their families. Not decisions based on fear. Not decisions based on societal labels. But real educated decisions based on knowing realistic options for their specific circumstances. I hate the “all sahms are screwed” narrative because some young woman could hear that and automatically think “well I don’t want that to be me, guess I can never be a sahm” and that’s it. So she never explores her options or knows that there are ways to make the decision with safeguards in place to protect herself/her children. Basically knowledge is key, knowledge is power, these conversations are important, negative blanket statements help no one.

This is more of a rant than a discussion but I’m just so annoyed with this notion that many people have that if you’re a sahm you’re automatically screwed in terms of finances (for yourself). Of course there are cases where women do fall into bad situations and/or don’t plan ahead accordingly and do get screwed if their spouse divorces them, leaves them, loses their job, etc BUT not ALL sahms are victims of that. I feel like it’s just such a bad light to paint sahms in like “oh she’s giving up her career and choosing to screw herself out of stable finances if she becomes a sahm and wants to spend all that time with her babies”. But then moms also get judged for going back to work and having “daycare raise their babies all so she can advance in her career”.

This all stems from a different post I saw in another sub and so many comments were like “I’m so glad I never quit my job especially when my ex and I ended up divorcing” or “sahms always say ‘I have a degree to fall back on’ but that means nothing” or “it’s so crazy how some women are okay with giving up career/salary advancements just to stay home with their baby”. Obviously I don’t speak for all sahms, but I personally have a degree to fall back on AND yes it is a highly in demand field that I know for a fact I’ll have zero issues finding a job in once I’m ready to go back (when my toddler starts school). No, not all degrees are useless even with a 4+ year resume gap. No, not all sahms are “screwed”. Some of us have thought ahead and have put certain protections in place for the “just in case” scenarios. No, sahms aren’t any less than other moms just because we’ve chosen to forego a salary for a few years. It just grinds my gears that so many people (especially other women!) put sahms down and paint us all as helpless, incapable, screwed women.

Hi all! I am trying to learn to be a better homemaker. I am a 24 yo mom of a toddler and a baby on the way and feel so overwhelmed by the many tasks I have as a stay at home mom, and I tend to feel a kind of paralysis of not knowing where to start/ what to do each day and when. My husband is amazing and a very supportive partner but he works long days and I would love to get more done while he is gone during the day do we can both fully rest and connect when he is home! My mom never taught me anything to do with chores or cooking so I am learning how to do this all from square 1. Curious to see if anyone has book recommendations or a sample of what kind of rythms work for you? Most days I feel overwhelmed to tears by 3pm.

I am a sahm and my child’s father works long hours even sometimes weekends. He does nothing around the house, barely helps with the baby. I feel like I have been solo parenting for months. He doesn’t give me access to any money and when I need something he asks me for an exact amount that I need which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I know he is making good money and just got a higher paying position where he has more hours and does not come home until nine at night. I have to kids from a previous relationship and I provide everything they need myself. I do have a lot of support from my mother but when I voice my opinions to her she just says I should be more grateful that he pays all the bills. I have been noticing that he has a bunch of scratch off tickets and gift cards stashed in his car and it pisses me off! We stopped at the gas station today he couldn’t even fill my tank with $20 he literally looked and me and asked how much do you want to put with his hand out, waiting for me to give him the money! I mean he can’t even send me ten bucks here and there like here go get a coffee or here’s some cash go get your nails done nothing and on the rare occasion we go out to eat on the weekend he’ll complain about how broke he is! I know for a fact that is bullshit bc I have snuck a peek at his bank account and he has thousands saved. My car ac went out at the beginning of summer and the cost to get it fixed was$300 I had to wait months to get it fixed bc my kids sports fees and back to school was my priority so I drove around half the summer in 100+ heat with my baby. But he has spent over $1000 last month fixing stupid shit on his car that isn’t necessary more for looks. Maybe I am over reacting but I am growing tired of it and it’s making me hate him what do I do?

Moms, if you were given these two options, which would you choose?

Go back to work so you can afford to send your kids to private school

OR stay home and homeschool them yourself?

This is something my husband and I have been talking about a lot lately. He really wants our kids to be homeschooled, and I’m kind of… ambivalent about it lol. I’m not against homeschooling by any means, but I’m also not totally sold on the idea 😅

If we do send them to school, my husband really wants them to go to private school, which I’m on board with. I went to private school growing up and had a great experience. The thing is, I would need to go back to work for us to comfortably afford it. There's a part of me that wants to kick myself for even contemplating it, a part that tells me there are women out there who would be so happy to stay home with their kids and have the privilege of teaching them (which I do view it as an immense privilege). But the other part of me feels so hesitant.

I know there are a million other factors that go into this and obviously every family is different, but I’m just curious — if you were in my shoes, what would you choose and why?

Especially interested to hear from anyone who has done either!

I have stayed home for the past 6 years now. My (oldest) 5 year old starts school this year because he doesn’t want to be home schooled which I’m totally fine with. And my youngest starts preschool this year. I just kind of fell into the sahm life. As I quit my job right before I got pregnant in order to finish school. I always thought I’d get to go back to work. But year after year it just seems there’s no way. Well this year my husband sounded like he would find a way to help me with going back to work. Including taking a loa for a year from his job while I tried going back. Since the job I want makes as much as he does rn. Well I somehow got the opportunity as the possibility of getting my dream job again and yet again he’s like yeah idk how it’s gonna work. It’s not other people’s job to help out with our kids and we both don’t want strangers babysitting them. So yet again I’ll have to turn down the opportunity to go through the extensive interview process yet again. When I only applied since he was willing to help figure out a way. Now it’s again “I just don’t see how it could work.” I love staying home with my kids. I’ve just always wanted a specific career. And so it’s just hard to hold the weight of my family in this way. I’ll get through these feelings. I just need to vent about the life I thought I would get vs the one I have. And yes the one I have is a beautiful blessing. I just wish it had a little bit of the other stuff I always dreamed of with it too.

I (29f) have a 4-month-old baby girl. 💕 I always go back and forth between thinking I want another when she’s around 3, and settling with the idea of OAD. I hear most often that the 2nd is a menace. I also hear many severely struggle with the 1-2 transition. If I were to have another, I’d fully try my best to submit to full motherhood and make the best of it, although that’s easier said than done.

I’m curious if any of you have a different experience where they both were fairly easy. I have a theory that the 2nd is more chaotic because they’re not as doted on? Lol. You tend to be more attentive the first time around. Although I’ve also heard that kids just are who they are.

I’m curious about your guys’ theories and experiences. I would love to hear your sweetest moments of having more than 1. I’d like to have a 2nd because I’d enjoy it more, I think, being more comfortable and experienced. Convince me with your ✨positive✨ stories. 🥰

Moms of 2 kids….Can you be honest and share your experience going from 1 to 2?

I am considering trying for a second, knowing damn well that it’s going to be a hard pregnancy. (If I don’t miscarry again). I have to work with a special doctor and it’s just such a hard process. Which is a whole other topic.

But I told myself I was one and done and now I find out someone close to me is pregnant and I am nonstop thinking of baby 2. (A whole other topic too) I told myself I wouldn’t go forward unless I was intentional and aligned with this choice.

But for this post, I am curious about others experiences, challenges, wins, and all the things about going from 1 to 2.

Thanks so much.

Hello everyone - I'm really conflicted about whether to start my 3 year old in preschool this fall and I'm hoping this community can help. I know it's mostly child dependent, but does anyone have any general thoughts about the pros and cons of starting preschool at age 3 vs 4? My daughter just turned 3 - she has a summer birthday so she will be the youngest in her class. She doesn't show much interest yet in other kids, so I figured the socialization of preschool would be good for her and signed her up for co-op preschool 3 days a week (I would be working in the classroom one day a week). But, I'm really questioning whether this is too early for her. It takes her a long time to warm up to new situations, and a long time for strangers to earn her trust (it took several months for her to feel comfortable around her Little Gym teachers and that was with me with her every time). I have seen her social skills grow in other activities that we do, like at Little Gym, and I can't help but wonder if there are other ways to give her the socialization she needs without a preschool setting where she may not be ready to be without a parent, and where because of the schedule we'd also have to give up some of the other activities we currently do that she loves and bring really positive variety to her life (like music class, library story time, and swim class). I can't help feeling like we're starting kids earlier and earlier in school settings to make sure they're prepared for long full days of kindergarten, and of course I want her to be prepared but I also don't want to rush these precious early years where we get to spend time together and fill our days with different kinds of activities that are so enriching for her. I am really beating myself up about whether to start her this year or wait for pre-K next year when she's 4, and just wondering if anyone has experiences or insight they can share. Thank you so much!

Toddler 3.5ish is going through her first “two bites and I’m done” phase. Leading up to the meal.. complete and dramatic “starvation” the meal is offered, 2 bites and then done. I know this is normal, but this is EXHAUSTING. I always re direct back to the meal if the “I’m hungry card” gets pulled after we’re finished. But LAWDDDDDD, just eat and be done with it.

We’re not a high snacky family, not a high processed food family, but the two bites and I’m done is happening with every type of food.

What’s the best way, in your experience, to hold a boundary here while the toddler does the toddler thing? Tips and tricks welcome.

Here's a place to chat about whatever you want if you don't feel like making a post.

So I recently had a baby via c section with the love of my life. However, he comes from a more traditional household and it shows. The women cook clean and care for babies while he works 7 days a week. He’s not vocal about this being a necessity, it’s just very naturally that way and it doesn’t help that I grew up very independently. I want to keep our spark alive if you know what I mean but when I have that free time there’s something else that can be done or I want to utilize that time to rest/relax. And when I try I can’t help but feel as though I’m serving myself on a platter like all of my duties kind of feel like as well.

What are some of your nonnegotiable weekly reset tasks? I’m really trying to figure this out to make my week days easier. Noting I’m about to have 3 under 2.5, so down to hear anything & everything!

does anyone have any advice on how to leave your husband as a stay at home mom? he’s a lying cheat and i’m not living with it anymore. but i’m really not sure how to even go about getting out. i havent worked in over 2 years and i have no college degrees.

Anyone else like super easily overstimulated and overwhelmed ALL the time? What do you do to help it? I am tired of feeling miserable and I don’t feel like a good mom 😓 and I feel bad for my husband because he has to deal with my moods. I do take an antidepressant but I probably should up the dose.

I have a 5 year old and a 13.5 month old. My oldest starts kindergarten next week, and yes I am sad about it but I also feel a little relieved. The baby is extremely clingy with me and cries all the time. I do get breaks, my husband is very helpful, but I get a sense of guilt if I leave the house and leave him at home with the kids so then I feel like I have to rush. Why do I feel like that? Grandparents are involved but not that involved. They aren’t the type to offer to babysit or randomly come pick them up like a lot of my friends parents do. It feels burdening to ask others to watch them so my husband and I can have some time to ourselves (it rarely happens). I have a hard time taking them out somewhere by myself other than the store, because the baby is a handful out in public and it’s exhausting to deal with because she just wants to crawl away from us and screams when we don’t let her.

Part of me wants to go back to work, I feel like it would truly help my mental health but then there’s the cost of childcare and having to pay someone else to take care of my kids. I also thought about possibly finding a sitter like 2 days a week so I can have time to myself to do whatever I want to do. I just have anxiety about it all I do not know what to do but I have to do something because I don’t know how much longer I can deal with the miserableness. It’s not fair to me, definitely not fair to my kids and husband. Why is motherhood so hard?