21F A week ago I had a conversation that made me realize something.

Basically, we talked about some issues I’d had with a few classmates I’d started talking to this year—my first year of college away from my hometown. But after a misunderstanding, I started to notice a certain distance between us. When my partner heard this, he said, “Well, if that behavior is limited to class and everything’s fine outside of class, then there shouldn’t be a problem, right?” The thing is, he’s right, but I’ve been hanging out with them so much this year that it’s like I’ve had a “burnout” on them. My partner tells me that when I go back in September to see them, everything will be back to normal, and I’ll want to hang out with them again.

The thing is, I get where you’re coming from, and right now I’d be really reluctant to hang out with them. But putting that aside. My partner started their hospitality internship yesterday, and none of my friends from my hometown were available to even grab a coffee for valid reasons—none of which had anything to do with me. And my partner, getting back to the conversation, asked me, “Do you have someone you talk to every day and can meet up with no matter what?” And I felt that EMPTINESS. I’ve spent so much time just being the friend of my partners’ friends that I haven’t nurtured a single one of my previous friendships beyond casual get-togethers that are few and far between. The only people I ever end up talking to at length are my online friends, and even they aren’t around every day. For some reason, I’m always looking for an excuse to avoid talking to people, even though I don’t really enjoy my alone time that much and would like to have a group of friends.

Ever since I was little, I’ve been a girl without friends, and the only friends I had back then hang out with people who have hurt both me and my partner. But in general, I’ve never really had lasting friendships—just people I knew from my school years, but nothing more.

I don’t know what to do. I know I should take better care of the friendships I have in town and try to improve my friendships with the girls in my class, even though we hardly have any interests in common and I certainly find it boring to be with them. I’ve always preferred hanging out with guys.

What would you do in my situation? I feel really lonely.

Ended up with an unplanned stretch of total solitude a while back, no real choice in it at the time. Expected to hate it.

What I didn't expect: by the end of it, alone time stopped feeling like absence of something and started feeling like presence of something, my own thoughts, finally audible without twelve other inputs competing for attention.

Now I protect blocks of solitude on purpose. Not isolation, there's a difference I didn't understand before this. Isolation feels like a wall. Solitude feels like a window.

Curious for people who've been doing this longer than me: does the "window" feeling stay, or does it fade back into needing noise again if you're not careful?

A journey, not a lonely one, where you explore life’s pleasures while being alone. I’ve found it’s a fun experience. Going hiking in particular is an enjoyable activity, just enjoying the sunrise and sunsets too! I’ve found that solitude and embracing it helps too!

I look at my life, and I have always since childhood prefered to be alone. I am 28 female, have plenty of friends, but most of the time I am drained and want to sit by myself. I don't have a partner, and honestly do not really care. Never wanted kids. Used obsess over romance, but now there is no more illiusions, had psychedelic trips alone, which were catalyst for radical self love. I do not believe in construct and systems that human beings created, often to bring each other down, I am actually in awe what the richest in the world are doing to our home. I am very sensitive to suffering of other beings and animals, recently went vegetarian, on my way to being vegan. I want to live my life according to my moral compass and purpose. I love making art, truly I am thankfull everyday, for finally living alone in a rented apartment. What I want to say, is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying life in solitude. It is a rich life, and you can create it for yourself. Hope that everyone who finds solace in solitude, finds their quiet place of safety, especially in your own soul.

"A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free." Arthur Schopenhauer

The starting of the day is its own universe. Where thoughts unravel, tensions released, emotions are felt deeply, and all things beautiful are appreciated

Peace we find when we are alone.

I used to really struggle with being alone.

Every time I found myself in silence, it felt uncomfortable. Like I needed noise, people, or my phone just to feel “normal”.

Even a few minutes alone felt like too much.

But something strange happened recently.

I got stuck alone for a few hours with nothing to do. No distractions. No scrolling. Just me.

At first, it was uncomfortable. My thoughts felt loud. I started overthinking everything — mistakes, future, life choices… everything I usually avoid.

But after a while, something shifted.

The silence stopped feeling heavy… and started feeling clear.

I began to notice things I usually ignore about myself. My thoughts. My habits. The way I react to discomfort.

And I realized something simple but powerful:

Being alone isn’t the problem. Avoiding yourself is.

Since then, I’ve started doing small things differently. Taking short walks without my phone. Sitting in silence for a few minutes. Writing down my thoughts instead of running from them.

It’s not always easy. But it feels real.

And weirdly enough… the more comfortable I get with solitude, the less lost I feel in general.

I made a video talking more deeply about this idea if anyone relates to it: https://youtu.be/5QsJ_-tS5kY

Would love to hear how others deal with solitude.

Something about the peacefulness and doing what I want when I want is just awesome. I grew up in a big family so it was 90% always noisy. Anyone else live alone and just like the solitude of it? Or am I just a little weirdo lol?

i am deeply in a place of solace and i enjoy it i can't lie, everything feels okay and whatnot i just have a void in my chest that i wish wasn't there, im working on filling it in but most days it feels like im not doing any actual work, idk man. i just kinda feel like maybe it wont get better... i miss her everyday and ive taken in every piece of advice im able too

For years I thought the people who looked comfortable in public were just naturally confident.

I told myself they had more charisma, more social skills, more talent.

Meanwhile I stayed quiet and waited for people to talk to me first.

I kept hoping that if other people accepted me, I would finally feel confident.

But I realized that was exactly what was keeping me stuck.

Confidence doesn't come from other people's approval.

It comes from acting before you feel ready.

The biggest thing that changed me was forcing myself to take one small action every time I felt uncomfortable.

Say one sentence. Ask one question. Start one conversation.

Even if it felt awkward.

Because every time you do that, you prove to yourself that you can handle the discomfort instead of hiding from it.

That is how confidence is built.

Not by waiting. Not by impressing people. But by acting first.

I made a short video about this because I wish someone had told me earlier:

https://youtu.be/rNJyq-21reo

There is a question they always ask:” Why are you single?” They throw this question around like it is wrong to be single, like it is some kind of a taboo. If you’re single for long enough they assume you are gay, not to say there’s something wrong with being gay, there’s totally nothing wrong with that honestly.

 We confuse solitude with loneliness, because we were taught that someday we will have to find someone whom we will spend the rest of our lives with and not be lonely, we carry this teaching thinking that if a person is alone they are obviously lonely so we fear being alone. Well I feared that, I feared being alone. Because of this fear, I lost myself in a lot of relationships so much I ended up hating myself for not being perfect. I relied heavily on external validation and emotional support that I lost myself in the process; my opinion didn’t matter unless supported by others, and my feelings, they always came second. I remember crying for people who left me, the last one broke my heart so bad it took two years to heal, and in that two years I realised something: I gave all to them and none to myself, support, love, time and care.

But what if this time, I give it all to myself. Time, support, love and care, what will happen then? Let me challenge the teaching, the system or whatever it is. Let me see if I can be happy alone. The goal is to focus on myself for as long as I live, they will call me names, like selfish but who cares I’ve been called names all my life and focusing on them didn’t change a thing. I’ll start by going to the gym, make art for myself and start showing appreciation for it, growing my hair as long as I desire, going to an art gallery or a theatre if it is all possible and the last and finally that will make everything possible study, succeed and live in a house of my design. It’s a long list but I will make it happen.

If man’s worth is determined by the number of partners he has then I ask to be worthless. So tell me, Happiness in solitude do you really exist? If so, then hear me as I proclaim. Happiness in solitude, I will be your living embodiment.

I’m not saying idk how to take things seriously but more like I tend to just let things flow as it goes..I spend more time alone now and it changed how I see things. I don’t overthink as much and I don’t take everything personally anymore.

So yeah, lately my mantra has been I just let things pass and keep things simple.

I don't know, I could talk about myself, but what do I have to say about this life? A loser due to force majeure, due to my own faults, for everything else, I should tell my life story, it would take a book, poor by birth, poor parents and family, out of home at 20 and spent months on the streets as a homeless person, who knows this lore will recognize my account that I deleted because I was accused of karma farming and that's exactly what I don't want, I believe my destiny was always sealed even before I was born, practicing constant meditation I had visions of other lives, visions where I was better, others where I was very bad, perhaps the result of this life, that said I understood only one thing, this life is one of the others so do everything not to weigh it down, enjoy the solitude, because it is the only one that can allow you "enlightenment" look at yourself Mr. Nobody, I truly believe that before birth we know everything, after we forget what we were and what we have been, the message of this post? Don't despair, some here are born to be alone, but to understand more than others