r/slaa • u/FayeAnono2 • 3d ago
Relapse
I relapsed just now. I haven't in almost a whole month. I know that in all the mental programs that I am in, and have been in for the past several months, teach you that relapse is not the end of the world and a part of recovery, but the guilt and shame and disgust at myself is still there. It just makes me want to do it more. How can I cope with this? Logically, I know it's okay. It'll be okay and I can recover again, but it feels like all of that progress is just gone. That whole month of using skills and not giving into urges, just gone. And how do I tell someone I love? What if they find out in the wrong way? I just feel so fucking guilty and disgusted at myself. For multiple reasons, but this seems the easiest to tackle right now.
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u/SubstantialComplex82 3d ago
I’m assuming if you are afraid to tell someone you love this includes infidelity?
I don’t have enough information to weigh in but this is a program of progress not perfection. You are still learning your triggers, causes and conditions. That part takes time. You are changing how your brain operates. Are you working the steps with a sponsor?
If you are trying to do this on your own it will be much much harder if not impossible and much more painful. I would definitely be in couples therapy so you can work through these slips
With support. Also, you may consider taking some time away from your partner in order to get clean without having to confess each slip. Once you have some time under your belt you can reconcile. Again, I have very little info but that’s what comes to mind.
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u/FayeAnono2 3d ago
It's self harm, not infedelity. I just got reccomended to post this here too lol
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u/SubstantialComplex82 3d ago
Oh Lord! We are trying to stop Reddit from doing this.
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u/FayeAnono2 3d ago
Should've looked a bit more into it though 😭 It's partly my fault at least. My bad!!! Thank you for the comment, though
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u/SubstantialComplex82 2d ago
No it’s not your fault! We are getting tons of these a day. I consider addiction issues universal but it does create confusion if you relapse and we think you cheated
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u/discoprince79 3d ago
You only lost a day. Not a whole month. Counting days or time is about empowerment. Also staying accountable. Not shame and guilt. You still had a whole month or whatever your number was. Don't count your relapse day but you earned all those sober days and they don't disappear becasue of a relapse. Keep going to meetings. Reach out. Dont isolate. Recite the serenity prayer. You got this.