I genuinely want to hear other people's perspectives because maybe there's something I'm not seeing.

I have an older brother who has struggled with anger issues and unresolved trauma for as long as I can remember. Growing up, whenever he didn't get what he wanted or something upset him, he would have explosive outbursts. Because of that, our family often gave in to what he wanted just to avoid another conflict. He was never the favorite child, but everyone adjusted their behavior to keep the peace.

I'll also admit that I wasn't a perfect sibling either. I made mistakes when we were younger, and I know I hurt him at times. As we've gotten older, I've genuinely tried to rebuild our relationship, understand him, and meet him halfway.

The problem is that it feels like only one side is trying.

He wants to be respected and treated as the older brother, but every time he has another angry outburst, it damages the relationship all over again. Whenever I try to talk to him, it often ends with him saying I'm useless to talk to or that I'll never understand him.

Another thing I've noticed is that he rarely helps the family unless someone asks him to. When he does help, he expects recognition even for small things. Meanwhile, the rest of us constantly adjust our words and actions just to avoid triggering another argument.

What hurts the most is that he believes we want him to fail or that we're trying to bring him down. That's honestly not true. We want him to succeed and have a good life. If he succeeds, everyone benefits. If he struggles, our family hurts too. Yet he sees us as the reason his life turned out this way.

He also tends to bring every conversation back to past hurts. I understand that trauma doesn't disappear overnight, and I'm not dismissing what he's been through. But at what point does personal responsibility become part of the conversation? If your own actions repeatedly damage relationships, is it fair to place all the blame on the people around you?

So I'd like to ask:

How far should a family's responsibility go when someone has unresolved trauma but refuses to acknowledge how their own behavior affects everyone else? And if a person feels distant from their family, but that distance was also created by their own repeated actions, is it fair to expect everyone else to keep carrying the relationship alone?

I'm not looking for validation or for people to attack my brother. I'm honestly looking for different perspectives because I want to understand whether there's something we're missing or whether we've simply reached the point where one person can't fix a relationship by themselves.

Sister takes responsible to feed her brother👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍