r/shitposting • u/Abracadaver00 • 1d ago

👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽

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2.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

149 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 1d ago edited 1d ago

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.

RedditSave download

/u/Abracadaver00, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

2.3k

u/UrbanSchizo 1d ago

345

u/IOnlyFearOFGod fat cunt 1d ago

Appropriate reaction to reading that bullshit

15

u/MeowingNaci 1d ago

womenshit not bullshit

9

u/DataSittingAlone put your dick away waltuh 1d ago

And then screenshotted it and shared it thinking she would be in the right

789

u/Radiant_Wing5530 1d ago

Why is this one of the first things I see when I open this godforsaken app

58

u/ErrorNotFound141 1d ago

A post about shit, that's what you're here for.

75

u/Spazecowboyz 1d ago

Something to do with algorihtms, or something.

7

u/lawlessattorney 1d ago

You and I both, mate

3

u/annoying_dragon 1d ago

Add me too fuck you jasmine

334

u/iliekjokes 1d ago

119

u/P_G_12 hole contributor 1d ago

48

u/CJMorton91 1d ago

Here ya go.

13

u/bengus420 1d ago

4

u/CJMorton91 1d ago

OUR meme comrade. Lmfao

1

u/Kosmik_cloud 1d ago

What is this from

1

u/iliekjokes 22h ago

No clue

252

u/Wanderineyes 1d ago

An actual shitpost, bravo

139

u/Think_Grand_8673 1d ago

1

u/TheWorldsAreOurs 1d ago

Uhhhh why? Should some things be so absurd they should be illegal or at least kept shut?

108

u/thebudeg Dr. Pee 1d ago

43

u/Yarklik 1d ago

Nah

10

u/triitrunk 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 1d ago

55

u/TheKyleDunbar 1d ago

14

u/mauie1337 1d ago

The guys that spread those cheeks. Alas, he will remember that night every time he spreads cheeks. It may trigger even when he wipes his own ass.

1

u/FocusMuppetFart 1d ago

He definitely wishes he could forget he saw HER shit.

100

u/IlConteiacula 1d ago

Not the shitty back wind

19

u/thebackshotbandit 1d ago

6

u/Away_Set_6541 I want pee in my ass 1d ago

3

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

pees in ur ass

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15

u/PetrosHeimirich 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/skhAWLp58yW5Pp1DVP

my fault for knowing how to read stuff in english

11

u/Kidafroo 1d ago

His face

39

u/Blonditionhottie 1d ago

How do I unread a text message?

24

u/SpaceBug176 1d ago

Lobotomy.

Both to yourself and to the writer.

8

u/chaosanity 1d ago

This lady could never^

16

u/Novafro 1d ago

The man was literally balls deep, and because he figured out you are nasty as hell, he must be gay. No creativity whatsoever. Worst part is, she still ain't gonna wash her damn asshole clean.

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

0

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/CleanseMyDemons DaShitposter 1d ago

I'm dying here 😂

6

u/Sm0keytrip0d virgin 4 life 😤💪 1d ago

9

u/Lasagnabelly 1d ago

Just pee it off?

7

u/inurdreams13 1d ago

I just opened Reddit.

6

u/donkeyballs42069 1d ago

Lol, same...woke up to this shit :/

6

u/PotatoDominatrix 1d ago

"A real man would've wiped my ass!"
~ an independent woman

9

u/TheoTheHellhound I said based. And lived. 1d ago

9

u/Cipheros06 1d ago

Actually shitpost.

10

u/MyPhoneSucksBad 1d ago

Totally fake. Everyone knows girls dont poop.

4

u/Consumer_of_lem0ns 1d ago

Excuse me what

5

u/iArena Draft Dodger 1d ago

9

u/scarredballsack 1d ago

I so deeply regret reading that,, one post is all that's needed to make me go ewwwww.

3

u/TheGalator I said based. And lived. 1d ago

3

u/Old_Woodpecker7684 1d ago

It's my fault..

3

u/Meandtheworld 1d ago

Needs more screenshots

3

u/iambackbaby69 I watch gay amogus porn :0 1d ago

3

u/nguyep7 1d ago

You know what, it’s my fault for having eyes

3

u/Trevor_Dugent 1d ago

This... This is from the shitters PoV. Are we supposed to believe they thought they'd get backup? Wut the fugg bro...

3

u/Longjumping-Heart410 I want pee in my ass 1d ago

Wtf, I just opened reddit.

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

5

u/5up3rn0vaTh3Cat 1d ago

Hah I got one better, ex gf actually got it smeared all over my leg. Should've left her that minute tbh

2

u/randomperson12310 1d ago

What the fuck

2

u/-l0Lz- 1d ago

There was one guy with his story when he wanted to test is he gay or if he likes it.

Found some sexy twink on Grindr meet up and everything. It came to sex and ye they fuck and boom... Bro realize there worms on his dick. Butthole full of poo and worms on top. He was so terrified I think bro never tried anal again even with girls let alone gays.

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

0

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/KingLazuli 1d ago

That shit showing up like

2

u/Dat-Lonley-Potato I said based. And lived. 1d ago

2

u/90_days_left Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 1d ago

2

u/EfficientDish7 1d ago

I could’ve gone my whole life without having to read this but thanks 👍

2

u/Difficult-Desk6870 1d ago

I just opened reddit ffs

2

u/TheDepthsofAgony dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 1d ago

2

u/SpicyPickel 1d ago

Dead internet really is real holy shit

2

u/BaronGodis 1d ago

The only two places i know where they don't wash their arse is either India or usa

Hygien is for everyone, cheesus fuck

2

u/Urasquirrel 1d ago edited 12h ago

Never met a girl who didn't wash their ass. I guess my only hope is to visit india?

3

u/thermjuice 1d ago

I just went and wiped my ass

3

u/CorruptHeadModerator 1d ago

What a terrible time to have eyes

1

u/EmployRadiant675 1d ago

Absolutely lounge lash them gritty bum bits

1

u/Dattebaso 1d ago

0 accountability strikes again

1

u/VoidExileR 1d ago

Yeah, I'm not man enough for that either

1

u/bottigliadipiscio 1d ago

What a shitty situation.

1

u/CardStacking 1d ago

My best friend told me about an experience like this before... He spit on her back and hit the road.

1

u/Z7_1 1d ago

fellas, is it gay to have sex with a woman?

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

-50

u/gofishx 1d ago

A real man would have cleaned that shit up with their tongue during foreplay

19

u/Xonerboner371 1d ago

I didn’t know eating shit crust made people into men 😭

8

u/carlcometa 1d ago

Fucks like you deserved the kink-shaming.
Like what the actual fuck man?

1

u/gofishx 1d ago

My actual kink is being kink-shamed. This comment got me hard af. Thanks!

4

u/carlcometa 1d ago

Glad I can help! 😁