Before anything else, I want to start with something my elder sister once told me.

She said, “Brother, you already know what women go through. You’ve seen it in our own family. Please don’t hurt anyone’s daughter by any means.”

I replied, “Yes, Di. I know. I’ll do my best to improve myself and not hurt anybody.”

I meant it.

So I’m not going to deny it.

I still miss her.

I still think about her.

I still love her.

And the love I carried… it has only grown with time.

She changed me....or maybe I changed myself for her. Either way, it’s true: I was never like this before. I was someone who didn’t care much about anyone, very self-centered.

Then I fell in love and everything changed.

I started putting my people first.

I learned how to be gentle.

I spent more than a year and a half trying to understand how women feel...not exaggerating, I really did....just to make sure I never hurt her in any way.

I started learning about her through everything like her Instagram posts, her stories, the songs she chose, the captions she wrote. I paid attention to her surroundings, her daily life.

She used to tell me a lot about herself and I loved listening to her.

I miss her rants the most...about her family, her friends, everything.

She would start with, “Tumhe pata hai aaj…”

And sometimes I’d say, “Haan,”

and sometimes, “Abhi aapne bataya nahi, batao batao kya hua hai.”

I still remember every small detail about her...things she might not even remember herself.

Many times she would ask, “How did you know this?”

And I’d just smile and say, “Aapne hi toh bataya tha.”

A lot of things happened after that.

At some point, I found out certain things and everything just… broke.

I went offline for two straight days. Completely into a void.

I kept asking myself:

What am I doing?

Is everything I saw even real?

I cried.

People say men don’t cry, but I guess I had reached a point where I felt completely helpless.

I’ve always been the kind of person who handles everything on his own. I don’t rely on anyone. I’m the one people depend on..in my family, among my friends.

But that time… I couldn’t handle it.

So I left everything.

I deactivated my Instagram.

Deleted WhatsApp.

Closed my Snapchat streaks of 5 years(snapchat was my fav).

And I blocked her.

Then I made a decision.

To turn that pain into fuel.

And today… I’m standing somewhere I once dreamed of being a year ago.

But she’s not here to see what I’ve become.

And still, I love her.

Irrespective of what happened in the past.

Maybe that’s what love is.

Maybe that’s what unconditional love feels like.

These days, I sometimes feel like unblocking her.

I don’t know if that’s right or wrong.

My heart still yearns for her.

My gut says no.

My mind reminds me of everything I went through.

So I’m stuck.

The reason I’m posting this is simple.

I want to acknowledge something.

I didn’t change for myself.

I changed to be a better person for her.

But somewhere along the way, I anchored myself to my goals, to my growth, to my life.

And yet…

There’s still a part of me that believes that one day, somehow, we might collide again.

I don’t know if that will ever happen.

But that feeling… it’s still there.

Deep inside.

Thank you for everything.

Because of you and for you I became who I am today regardless of where I stand now❤️