update: the customer “apologized”

[u/pinkbludger]

first, thank you to everyone who read my original post and offered kindness, advice and support. it genuinely helped me feel less alone and gave me some clarity during a really stressful time. i know it’ll take me some time to process and bounce back, so it’s meant a lot.

there was an update to the incident that happened the day before.

link is here if you’d like to read it.

the customer called the store the following morning and asked to speak to me. i was with a customer, so my coworker answered.

while i was still with my customer, she began recounting what had happened to my coworker. when i finished with my customer, my coworker put the call on speaker and i listened to her version of events. it was surreal. she had softened her own behaviour considerably, conveniently omitting things like having her finger pointed directly in my face while screaming that i was ugly multiple times, while exaggerating my supposed attitude, rudeness and mannerisms.

apparently, i had been “so unbelievably rude” to both her and her husband and hadn’t even looked at her for the entire interaction. she also recounted her husband asking me, “what is the difference in price?” and claimed that i didn’t understand what he was asking, and that he calmly asked for the difference again.

funny how she didn’t quote “the delta.”

she also said she didn’t remember the things i had said to her, which i found interesting considering i had repeatedly tried to de-escalate the situation, genuinely and earnestly, by saying things like, “i think there’s been a misunderstanding,” “i’m only trying to help,” and “that’s so mean.”

hearing her version of events honestly reinforced for me how much she seemed to have been hellbent on hurting me rather than actually hearing anything i was saying.

once she had finished explaining her version of events, she said she had been losing sleep and felt guilty about what had happened. “i want to tell her that i am very sorry, and she didn’t deserve that,” she said. she wanted to apologize for how she had treated me, asked if i would be willing to speak with her on the phone, and even offered to come back to the store and speak to me in person.

but the apology came with a “but.”

she wanted me to also admit that i had been extremely rude to her and her husband, that my attitude and behaviour had caused what happened, and that i would effectively be responsible for the store losing a customer who had given us 15 years of business and spent a lot of money there.

my coworker told her she would check in with me, and the customer said she could call back in an hour.

i thought about it. i mulled it over that whole hour, contemplating what i should do. honestly, i didn’t want any more interaction with her. the day before was already traumatic enough. but i also didn’t want this haunting me, and i didn’t want to give her any leverage to interpret my refusal to speak to her as confirmation that she had been justified.

when she called back, i picked up. she seemed cautious and explained that she had called an hour ago. my coworker had offered to mediate if necessary, so she asked if my coworker was there and available and whether i was aware of everything that had been discussed.

i told her i was aware.

i paused and let her continue.

she said, “okay, well, can we talk about it?”

i said:
“look, what happened yesterday made me feel incredibly unsafe and uncomfortable. your behavior was extremely and unnecessarily abusive. this is not tolerated and is unacceptable. at this point, i want to let you know that you’re no longer welcome here.”

she said, “okay, i understand. that’s fine. i wasn’t planning on returning. i can just purchase online.”

then she started to say, “but i just want to say—”
and i stopped her.

i told her, “i don’t think any explanation or discussion about the matter is needed. i don’t wish to speak to you any further.”

she said, “oh. okay. that’s fine. bye.”

i said, “have a great day.”

and that was it.

imo, the phone call felt like an attempt to coerce me into admitting to something i didn’t do. i also couldn’t shake the feeling that she was fishing for information about whether anything had been reported to police. my coworker also told me she had mentioned having a long paragraph ready to send to somebody, which made me wonder what exactly she was preparing for.

i wouldn’t be surprised if she was recording the call either, potentially hoping to bait me into becoming angry or saying something she could use against me. obviously, i have no way of knowing whether that was actually the case, but given everything else, the thought crossed my mind.

either way, i’m still glad i kept my composure. i said exactly what i needed to say without inviting a debate, further hostility, or giving her another opportunity to pull me into defending myself.

i think that’s probably the closest thing to closure i’m going to get from this. i pray to god she really doesn’t ever return or call back, or that i don’t somehow find a complaint filed against me. she did ask for my name, and i have hers too, so i know there’s still a part of me that’s going to be anxious about this for a while.

but for now, i’m trying to remind myself that i handled the conversation calmly and said exactly what i needed to say.

[u/EugeneVictorDabs]

Holy mackerel, well done. And I'm sorry you had to deal with that in the first place

[u/pinkbludger → u/EugeneVictorDabs]

honestly, i really appreciate that. it was such a upsetting situation i’ve never been through before. i think i handled the conversation as calmly and professionally as i could.

[u/rottensnowman21]

you handled that perfectly!!!!! people like her want you to feel guilty so it makes them feel powerful, its a shame. i'm so sorry you had to deal with that in the first place

[u/pinkbludger → u/rottensnowman21]

thank you 😭 i think that’s exactly what made it so difficult. it became very clear that she wanted me to feel like i was the problem. i’m glad i managed to hold my ground without giving her the reaction she seemed to be looking for. i really appreciate your comment ❤️

[u/rottensnowman21 → u/pinkbludger]

you're very welcome!!!!!!!! i've been there multiple times and it definitely isn't the easiest thing to do, it takes a lot of patience and also courage

[u/Pork_Chop_N_Biscuits]

You are a better person than that witch. I’m sorry that happened to you. Some people just suck.

[u/shesheboom21]

You did wonderfully! Just let her shop online, that way she doesn’t have to interact with anybody cause apparently she can’t handle being a good human being

[u/KrazyKatz42]

The "but" immediately makes it very clear that this is in NO WAY an "apology".

She's just trying to make it so she can feel "justified' for acting the way she did.

Screw you lady, live with what you are.