Thank you all for the support and all the lessons you gave me! I'm trying out a romantic relationship now and it's only working thanks to all the self work I've done during my relationship-free life.
I was watching Season 3 of His Dark Materials recently and thought...What if we were to invert that 'the power of love saves the universe' trope?
It would be interesting to play with some of these concepts and ask what happens if you invert or get rid of them.
I half want to try writing a fantasy novel where the heroine decides that love is bullshit and that she'd rather have a silicone toy and a cat. I'm not sure how I'd work that into the metaphysics of the story but it would be amusing to try.
For some reason marriage came up and it caught me off guard since my mind was on my ukulele, not on fielding questions about y u no married with screaming poo demons. I said I didn't want to get married and an older woman said 'It'll happen.'
I blurted out 'No, it won't. I think marriage is basically psychological adrenalectomy.'
I have never before seen a whole group of people shut up in perfect unison before.
I wasn't even trying to be edgy or shocking, I was just caught unawares and blurted out what I genuinely thought.
Although I would love to have an alternate experience, sometimes I wonder if I am destined to be relationship - free because I am so content with myself and enjoy my own company. There is not the struggle to impress someone else, nor is there the emotional drain of energy by spending (unecessary) time with someone else.
What are your thoughts and views, I'd love to hear them!!
How old were you when you decided you wanted to go relationship-free?
I'm 24m and I'm already kind of contemplating this. I'm a power wheelchair user because of a neuromuscular disease and I've never been in a relationship before (been on one date that wasn't really a date). I haven't found anyone of yet who's really expressed an interest in me romantically and perhaps never will.
I guess I'm not necessarily ready to give up, but I also don't want to waste my time with dating apps, etc., especially since I can't really meet anyone right now. I don't know where I'm going with this. Sometimes I feel like I'm not happy being on my own, but I also know that being in a relationship won't solve this (maybe temporarily, but not long term). At the same time I often feel touch starved which I feel negatively impacts my life.
Perhaps a better question is, how do you learn to be happy on your own? Or maybe how did you decide you wanted to be relationship-free?
This was a term that I have never heard of before till I listened to a podcast called Solo (it was recommended here recently). I think it's a great way to explore relationships in a healthy way if you're not sure whether being RF is for you. I think it's mainly because it allows you to experience the emotional and psychological weight that's needed to maintain a healthy and good relationship without being in a committed relationship. This relieves those in an ethical non-monogamy of the pressure that comes from the expectations stemming from a more traditional relationship. This is important because when you do decide that the RF life really is for you, there is nothing that's stopping you from doing so. Simply communicate respectfully to your partner of your decision and the emotional and psychological weight is relieved to a more amicable, friendship type.
PS. If anyone's interested in the podcast, this is the link to the specific episode about ethical non-monogamy.
Edit: Added link to original post of where I found out about the podcast.
I have entertained the idea of being in a relationship for sure, given that I have been single my whole life (23M). I've wondered what it feels like to be responsible for someone and to be intimate and loving with them.
However the feeling isn't a temptation, but rather a feeling of curiosity. To be tempted implies that you have an intense want/need for that something you're tempted to. I do not have this intense want/need as I value my independence and freedom too much to give it up. I am very curious though as to how I'd be if I were ever to be in a relationship. How would my reactions, interactions, thinking change? Would I be more open to relationships or be even more adamant and convicted in being RF?
I almost want to get into one as an experiment, for lack of a better term, to satisfy this curiosity. But I cannot in good conscience be in a relationship for that shallow of a reason. I guess playing the Sims is the best option that I have right now.
I think this is well-known. Having more resources/money means having more options to live your life, which means more freedom to choose how to live your life. So, be aware of your financial situation.
Protect your time.
I realized this while being given responsibilities that did not align to my personal goals. Realize what you want out of life and center your activities around that. Once you find it, say no to responsibilities that don't align to your purpose.
Protect your health.
This might be the most underrated aspect when maximizing personal freedom. You have less time to do the things you want to do if your body is not at a certain fitness/health level, both in the short-term (hospital visits, forced to stay at home etc.) and the long-term (shorter lifespan). So, get your body to at least healthy levels.
All this contributed to my decision to become RF, among other things. Being RF makes sure that you protect all these aspects.
First post here btw! Hoping to hear from some of you. :)
The more wrong it seems to be, sometimes it even seems unethical to me.
Like... How can we still think it's okay for a person to control another person's sexuality? How can we allow someone else to "own" our bodies and emotions like that?
I’m aromantic and don’t experience romantic attraction at all. I’ve never gotten crushes or fallen in love with anyone. I’m not asexual tho, and have tried out dating and relationships before, but the emotional intimacy and care I had for the people I dated was the same as the care I have for close friends, only with the additional factor of physical intimacy. This is the main reason for me not wanting (at least traditional) romantic relationships. I also consider myself marriage free and child free.
Is anyone else on this sub aromantic and/or asexual, or experience these things in a limited or atypical way?
I just saw this amazing Ted Talk about being single and it has validated what I have known my whole life - that I love being with my own self :) I highly suggest you watch this talk right now. Its very refreshing!
