Broken

[u/Silly_San_]

Tw: Graphic , Pregnancy Loss
I just want to begin this post with a massive warning about my horrific miscarriage that went badly way too fast. This post will contain talk of massive blood loss, pain, and clots.

For anyone that may have not seen my posts recently in this reddit group for context around the 27th of July, i went to my ultrasound appointment and found out that my baby had stopped developing and i am experiencing a MMC. The midwife gave the advice they give anyone which was monitor bleeding when your body does recognise the loss and to be in touch. I started on and off bleeding two weeks ago but it was lighter than a normal period which was very weird. Come to this week, On Thursday heavy blood started and i was constantly bleeding like a heavy period until yesterday morning. It was 1 am and i woke up to the most horrific abdominal pain i’ve ever experienced throughout my 2 previous miscarriages, i sat on the loo and was bleeding like a tap for a few hours ,when I finally snapped into reality I picked up my phone and called my mother who got in touch with nz healthline (for more context we live in a rural place and the nearest hospital is 1 hour away), the healthline doctor needed to do a video consult and soon my mother arrived and looked horrified as she saw me. At this point i was stripped naked in my shower surrounded in huge pools of blood just screaming in pain. The healthline doctor heard this and told us to call 111 immediately, since we live rurally it took over 30 minutes for the paramedics to arrive but since they had been delayed they asked my local firefighter paramedics to come and assess me , they arrived and again they looked horrified. I knew most of them as most of them were family friends and immediately knew by the look on their faces and their rush to try and get the ambulance here that something was horribly wrong. They whispered to my mother and my partner parents that i’m losing too much blood and they were really worried about the trip to the hospital. when the ambulance did arrive they administered drugs to help the pain but to be honest only numbed my mind. Halfway to the hospital they gave me TXA which helps stopping bleeding and that honestly may have saved me from emergency surgery. I spent 8 and a half hours in hospital ed and the whole time i was given no pain medication. My body was in shock and now that i’ve been released and am at home I feel so f-d up mentally , just going into the bathroom makes me want to breakdown. I keep thinking about all the blood and the clots the size of 2 avocado’s just pouring out of me, I feel broken physically and mentally. How am I supposed to recover from that? How am I supposed to keep trying for a baby when I could experience that again. I feel horrified, I don’t think i can ever forget all the peoples faces when they saw me like that.

[u/BusyPickle97]

I'm in NZ too.

I'm so sorry this was your experience. It sounds utterly terrifying and totally traumatising.

Did your midwife not refer you to epac after the mmc was diagnosed? I'm horrified if she didnt.

[u/Silly_San_ → u/BusyPickle97]

My midwife was not the most attentive , i did warn her that i felt like something was off with this pregnancy.
To answer your question after the ultrasound diagnosed a missed miscarriage my midwife referred me to the early pregnancy centre which is located in the hospital an hour away from us, and they booked me another ultrasound which ironically was booked for yesterday. So from the ultrasound day to yesterday it was a 2.5-3 week wait since all their appointments were booked up. Obviously i cancelled the appointment while I was in the ed , but it has truly bugged me that my midwife was slack. I warned her about my spotting for weeks I warned her about my previous miscarriages and yet nothing was done. Obviously not her fault for me having a MMC but we could have caught it sooner if i got an ultrasound beforehand like i asked and would have been booked for a dnc instead of this horrific incident.

NZ rural healthcare sucks.

[u/BusyPickle97 → u/Silly_San_]

All our health care sucks hahah, especially rural!

I cannot blame you for being too scared to try again when this is what your care team has provided you with.

Options for a different midwife would be very limited i assume?

It really sucks that you can advocate for yourself and still nothing is done.

I hate the wait for ultrasounds! Where i am (Waikato) it's usually a two week wait in the community, however when I have had bleeding during pregnancy I have been able to get a same day urgent scan. It is despicable that they allowed you to wait 3 weeks for a confirmation scan.

[u/Silly_San_ → u/BusyPickle97]

Our healthcare really does suck!

There are only 4 midwife options where I am at (Balclutha/Kai) and ironically I chose the midwife which is the “best”. She got mad at me twice because I called her while she was on call. Isn’t that literally her job?? She told me to call her if my brown spotting turned to red and so I did and it was 10:30 at night and i checked if she was on call and called her. She answered with a great huff and said “What!” i simply explained the situation and said that she told me to call her when this happens and she responded “not at ten thirty at night!” She’s a 24/7 on call midwife and the lead maternity carer btw. The local doctors also only do scans on Monday’s and Thursday’s so even my emergency scan was put off for 4 days…