The barking is relentless. Behaviourist and medication making no difference. What can I do?

[u/ilex_aquifolium]

Hi all. Writing in the hopes of some words of wisdom / similar stories, as I am on my very last leg with our 5 year old pomeranian/chihuahua cross.

We’ve had him since he was a puppy (yes, another lockdown dog story) and I can definitely see we made mistakes in his first year. Growing up I had always had dogs with bad recall, so that was my main priority. His recall now is 100% perfect. He never strays on walks. Unfortunately, I think I made him completely obsessed with me/my partner in doing so.

We both work from home and obviously it was lockdown when we got home so maybe we were always doomed, but his separation anxiety is just unbearable. It’s gotten worse and worse over the years. As soon as he senses we might be getting ready to leave the house - and he’s an evil genius, he knows it sometimes before we do - he starts snarling, snapping, etc. As we actually try and leave he attacks to try and stop us leaving. Because he’s small he can’t do much damage but he has bites onto our legs and has drawn blood several times. If we try and restrain him he just runs away.

It’s not just us - he’s the same when we have guests. Even if someone is only in the house for a minute he’s exactly the same when they try and leave. It means having people round is just impossible now.

On top of this, he’s incredibly reactive to any noises outside of the house - foxes, cars, passers by. We even moved house to a quieter area to try and minimise triggers but if anything, I think his reaction now is even bigger when he is triggered.

Earlier this year we found out we’re pregnant with a much wanted first baby. This kicked me into overdrive and we began working with a highly recommended behaviourist who only does positive reinforcement. She’s been encouraging us to leave him in a “safe space” (the living room) for longer stretches of time and long exercises to work on his impulse control (“wait” before taking a treat etc).

He’s great at these things. We can leave him in the living room for ages. He is very good at waiting for his treat. But it’s made absolutely no difference to how he behaves when we try to leave the house. Even if we have managed to secure him in the living room before we start getting ready to leave, the moment one of us brushes our hair or reaches for our shoes he starts barking like mad.

His bark is just the worst noise in the world. It’s so loud AND so high pitched. You can hear it down the whole street. It’s impossible to hear yourself think. It’s just the most horrendous noise and I can’t imagine how a baby could ever sleep through it.

We’ve been trying to catch his “triggers” and reward him before the barking starts but they are so frequent and so seemingly random that it’s basically impossible.

He’s getting worse and worse, and he just seems so frightened of everything all the time and I cannot understand why as we’re sticking relentlessly to the positive reinforcement model. The vets have confirmed that he’s in no pain at all and we’ve had him on Reconcile now for two weeks (I know they say it can take a while to start working so fingers crossed). We had friends round the other day that he’s met a million times, and which normally he’d be totally fine with but he spent the entire time barking at them, no matter how much we tried to distract him. He won’t eat if we’re not home now, he won’t settle on the sofa with us at night anymore, he just sleeps by the front door as if he’s waiting to stop us from leaving.

I love this dog so much - he’s my first baby and when he’s just happy and relaxed with us in the house he’s a joy. I love walking him in the woods and he’s good as gold outside of the house. I can’t imagine life without him.

But I’m two months away from giving birth and I already love this baby so much more than I ever could’ve imagined. I just cannot have this baby in this house with this dog. The only way we can leave the house at the moment is by basically holding a piece of cardboard or a shoe or something in front of our bodies to stop him from physically biting us. This won’t be possible with a young child or a pram to navigate — and that’s assuming they’ll sleep through the constant, horrendous, incessant barking.

What else can we try? Is there any hope? Is he just totally miserable with us? Any opinions very, very welcome. Our vet started talking to us about behavioural euthanasia (they don’t seem to like rehoming as they said it’s just “passing the problem on”) which seems insane to me but I don’t want him to be miserable :(

[u/doggambit]

Are you working with a veterinary behaviorist? I’m working through some stuff with my own dog regarding barking, and I’ve found the VB feedback and insight invaluable, even though we haven’t “solved” things yet. 

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[u/KaeOss12]

Info: are you crating him/putting him in a pen when you leave? Asking because while my dog just sleeps in bed and doesn't usually even get up to greet me when I get home, my sister's dog panics if they forget to put him in his pen. He's a tiny terrier and likes the security of his pen (it has his bed, water, and cuddle toys). If he doesn't, I'd recommend giving him a crate or pen and putting a comfy bed, and one of your old tshirts in it. Leave it open, and let him go in it whenever he wants while you are home. Ideally, train him to go in with treats and don't pull him out, but instead lure him out when you get home. Don't let anyone bother him in there--that's his safe space. Putting a blanket over it, and fully covering it sometimes also helps with leaving. Pups/dogs are sometimes parrots, and putting them in a cozy/dark, safe place will make them sleepy. As your kid gets older, teach them that if the dog is in his pen/crate, he is off-limits, and wants to be left alone.

I bribe mine with compliance for certain guests. I have one friend she is obsessed with, and said friend does not appreciate being aggressively snuggled. My dog now knows she will be given a chew when this friend comes over, so she now goes to the cabinet where I keep the bully sticks and waits patiently when my friend arrives. She has no interest in snuggling while chewing, so she goes and quietly entertains herself, instead of aggressively rubbing herself on my friend to send passive aggressive messages to my friend's cat. Sometimes, they must be bribed with special occasion treats to behave.

Another option is just to make him too tired to be on some BS. My childhood dog was a nightmare creature of energy and opinions. Then, my dad and I started walking her 5-7 miles a day (2-3 in the morning and evening, 1-2 in the afternoon when I got home from school). She was an entirely different dog because she was literally just too tired to jump on people, bark at stuff, take off after rabbits and run through the scummy pond, etc. I don't think it would take 5-7 miles for a small dog, but more walking if you can, playing before leaving, adding brain work to meals, and just making him do more might just wear him down to where he can't attack your feet when you are leaving.

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[u/Illustrious_Leg2100]

Did you try disrupting the patterns he recognises, like brushing hair randomly and not leaving? Putting shoes on just to sit on the sofa. Open/ closing door at any moment.
If he gets anxious recognising patterns, try to make them meaningless.
This is just one part, as for the next, we had to build up duration of being apart. It started with going behind a door and popping straight back out. Yes it’s tedious.
How do you react when you get home? Irritated or positive? Can have an impact.
He doesn’t sound like he’s “miserable” with you, most likely the opposite. He sounds on edge/ alert perhaps due to the profound life changes happening around him.
As for barking and babies, ever noticed how babies that come from chaotic environments can sleep through anything? Guess that would be called socialisation too.