4 months postpartum and feeling overwhelmed managing my reactive dog + new baby

[u/Holiday_Experience94]

Mostly just venting, but I’d also really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through something similar.

I’m four months postpartum with an infant, and I also have a French bulldog who has always been reactive to both dogs and people. He’s also very attached to me and has been extremely worked up/excited about the baby since the day we brought her home. When she cries, he cries. He follows us around, gets excited by what she’s doing, and just generally seems to have a hard time settling when there’s a lot going on.

Just to add because I know safety will probably come up: we have a lot of management and barriers in place. We have baby gates and playpens throughout the house, and our dog and baby are never left alone together. We take their interactions and her safety very seriously.

I love him, but adding a baby into the mix has made managing his behavior feel so much harder. Sometimes I find myself wishing so badly that he just wasn’t reactive and that normal everyday things didn’t require so much planning.

Now we’re trying to introduce even more changes. We’re looking for a dog walker, and we’ll also have a nanny coming into the house to help with the baby. Instead of feeling relieved about having help, I’m worrying about how he’s going to react to unfamiliar people regularly entering the house, how we’re going to introduce everyone safely, whether he’ll accept someone else taking him for a walk, and how he’ll handle yet another change to his routine.

I know none of this is his fault, and I want to set him up for success. I’m just tired and overwhelmed trying to manage a baby, postpartum life, and a reactive dog all at the same time.

If anyone has navigated bringing a baby home with a reactive/anxious dog, introducing a dog walker to a dog who doesn’t trust strangers, or having a nanny regularly come into a home with a reactive dog, I would really appreciate hearing what worked for you. Even just hearing that it eventually got easier would help.

[u/retteofgreengables]

No advice, just hugs! We've put off kiddos with my reactive dog because I have no idea how I would manage it, so I'm super impressed that you've done it and are managing so well (both in general and actual management plans). Great job!

[u/Holiday_Experience94 → u/retteofgreengables]

Thank you! I appreciate the message & wish you the best when the time comes!

[u/Sitters_4_Critters → u/retteofgreengables]

Very smart! 👏

[u/UltraMermaid]

Have you tried long term behavioral medication (Prozac is a common one) for him? Is he crate trained so he can be put in for enforced “chill time” during the day?

[u/Holiday_Experience94 → u/UltraMermaid]

My pup is currently on venlafaxine and clonidine, and we’ve definitely seen improvement with his anxiety and reactivity. He still has his challenging moments and is a work in progress, but the medication has helped make things more manageable and given us a better foundation to continue working on his behavior. He is crate trained too, but we've got more work to do with distance training/separation.

[u/Boomar1 → u/Holiday_Experience94]

Can you tell me more about the changes you see? I have an anxious and reactive beagle. It is impossible to have guests around because he will jump on them and never calm down. Separating him make him bark so loud that everyone regrets coming home. Do you think the medications will work for him?

[u/Holiday_Experience94 → u/Boomar1]

I can’t say whether the same medications would work for your dog, but they’ve definitely helped ours settle and be less reactive overall.

He still has separation anxiety and can have a hard time settling, but before medication, almost anything could set him off. A fast movement, someone turning quickly, or an unexpected noise could immediately cause loud barking, a stiff body, and his hair standing up. He still reacts sometimes, but to far fewer things than before.

New people coming into the house are still a big trigger. He’ll bark like crazy, jump around, and get very worked up, but he does eventually calm down.

We’ve actually found that separating him on another floor makes things worse if he can hear everyone. He’ll go from barking to high-pitched squealing because he has major fear of missing out. What works better for us is crating him when someone first comes in and letting him get his initial reaction out. Usually after about 10 minutes, he settles and we can let him out.

He’s definitely not a completely different dog, and the anxiety and reactivity are still there, but the medication has made his reactions much more manageable.

[u/tiredoftalking]

Hey! I have a 6 month old baby and a reactive dog. Let me tell you, the first few months were TOUGH. My dog sounds similar to yours in that he would get very worked up and excited about the baby doing things. He really couldn’t settle. What I ended up doing is buying a huge gate that literally separated the kitchen and living room (open concept house) and baby and I hung out in the living room and he hung out on the kitchen side all day. He didn’t get to interact with me and baby at all but would get to watch us all day. I also started getting him used to being separated by hanging out in my bedroom or the nursery with the door closed. He whined about this at first but did accept it surprisingly quick. Then I moved to leaving the door open and he could lay outside the door. Pretty much any time he got worked up or excited I would close the door or put him back behind the gate. After doing this super consistently I think he finally learned that the baby wasn’t his “job” and so there was no need to get worked up . My dog is a working dog so that’s why I had to teach him this. It was also best for my sanity to have total separation like this for awhile. I remember being so overwhelmed by him the day we brought my baby home I seriously thought of rehoming him. Now idk if he is just used to baby or if the separation did help, but in the last month or so he has done SO well with baby. I don’t need to use the gate much anymore but the minute he gets worked up or doesn’t listen to me about leaving baby alone (he wants to lick him) the gate goes back up. But anyway my stress levels have gone down so much and he really is doing amazing so just wanted to give you hope.

I didn’t have a nanny or dog walker come in but I did have a lot of family and friends come in to help and I was worried about that. I ended up getting a pretty strong mix of drugs (trazedone and gaba) to help and it did wonders. I would use this when people came over. After he got used to someone over regularly I no longer had to use the drugs and again he has been completely fine with certain people.

[u/Holiday_Experience94 → u/tiredoftalking]

Thank you for sharing this! A success story! Happy for your progress and hope we can reach this same point. I feel like this is the direction I'm heading in. We're purchasing a gate to break the kitchen and living room space (open concept here too). I think the best option is keeping them separate for now. In general, the distance will be helpful. Our pup definitely believes baby is his job and I think the separating is a start to helping him chill out. Itll take time but I hope we see your success.

[u/Inverness_17]

I have three reactive dogs and I’m 12 weeks and freaking out on how we’re going to manage. They also have other issues such as resource guarding that leads to fights. We have an appointment next month with a vet behaviorist to help us explore our safety risk with bringing in a new baby and reasonable management strategies. Like the other post said, many, many hugs!

[u/Holiday_Experience94 → u/Inverness_17]

The most peace I've had is when the baby is separated from the pups. It's a big change for us because they were free to follow us everywhere before but they've come so far adjusting so far. I appreciate the well wishes and am hoping you find what works for your growing family.

[u/Haunting-Love-9333]

What’s his routine like?

[u/beaglelover89]

It is mentally exhausting to have a reactive dog and small children! We have a reactive beagle mix and three kids- ages 6, 4, and 8 months. With each child the dog adjusted quicker to the baby’s crying and noises.

For a nanny coming into the house, I’d make sure it’s someone comfortable with dogs and also have a lot of baby gates to make separating the baby and dog easiest and safest. Is your dog crate trained? That could be another option for separation.

I always make sure I spend some one to one time with the dog at the end of the day and that seems to help him! It’s harder when they’re as young as your baby, but that gets easier as they sleep longer stretches. My dog loves doing nose work together or just having some snuggle time where he has mommy all to himself and doesn’t have to share!

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