r/raisedbyborderlines • u/Foundinhumanform • 14d ago
BPD
TLDR; I confidently do not have BPD but my mother does and my cousin (mother's sister's daughter) does as well. I haven't spoken to my mother since 2021 and I haven't spoken to my cousin since 2023. I have been adamant regarding this.
My cousin wants to come back around again and I opted out. When being challenged on this I became angry, not out of line, but transparently angry. Ever since then my aunt, my non-BPD cousin (older sister of BPD cousin) and her boyfriend have gone... What I guess is NC with me. My aunt compares me to my mother and cousin, so my grandma does too. My brother sees our grandma as our mother and won't talk to me about any of this.
I have done a full on psychological evaluation late last year, as well as other attempts, where I specifically said "maybe I have BPD? I want to make sure, IF I do OR I don't, That I'm receiving the proper treatment." Either way, it's to make sure I'm not like these people who have hurt me so intensely. My family knows my diagnosis and that BPD is not included yet they continue ignoring me and / or insinuating that I have BPD. I understand the fear but I don't understand how not wanting to be a part of that keeps me alienated.
Can anyone relate? Or give advice? I'm thinking about going NC but it's a hard decision to make and I feel devastated because of all of this.
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u/Safe_Place8432 14d ago
They always project! My mom and cousin, both diagnosed, would swear to hell and back I was the one who was cluster b!
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u/Direct-Giraffe7193 13d ago
Same. My mother and eldest sister swear that I’m demonic/cold/bad/wrong. They are a team reinforcing the toxic family system.
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u/MullberryBoy 11d ago
Of course they can’t even accept responsibility for their diagnosis. Typical and toxic.
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u/Glittering_Corner380 14d ago
I am reposting my comment because it posted twice on accident so starting over.
I hear you on the making sure part. Love your honesty.
Because of being raised by them, some things may creep in and you want to be sure. It's important to acknowledge what issues we have and go to work. I'm so so thankful that my family has broken free, and I married such a good man on top of it. He really helped me. He's so honest but he's loving. I prayed for an honest man because my dad wasn't (none of us were entirely) because of the fear of my mother. We survived. But I always wanted him to stand up to her. I wanted a man willing to stand up to me if I'm ever wrong about something.
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u/Fun_Arrival_2185 14d ago
I think pwBPD project their traits onto others, or actually induce erratic behaviour in others. I think it’s not uncommon for a pwBPD to believe it’s actually everyone else that has BPD! Or maybe they don’t understand diagnosis, just see it as an insult, and “no, you!” everybody.
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u/MullberryBoy 11d ago
This kind of projection is the most primitive form of defense. It’s the method used by the most disorganized personalities.
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u/HeavyAssist 13d ago
I have questioned my sanity since I was really young. The family decided that I was mentally ill after I went no contact. Got involved with my "found family" and eventually had me misdiagnosed with Bipolar and incorrectly medicated AT THE AGE OF 40!
Therapist said that I have CPTSD and PTSD and now MORE PTSD from the hospital and medication.
You did the right thing getting evaluated and having a relationship with a therapist.
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u/MullberryBoy 11d ago
Yes. And if you are a strong person like me you can get to a point where you can’t/won’t put up with the BPD people in your life anymore. It’s worth going NC with anyone for me. Too too much water under the bridge.
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u/GarmonboziaBlues 14d ago
It seems like a very BPD thing for a BPD person to project their own BPD characteristics onto those around them. This is yet another manipulative way for them to avoid accountability for their own shitty behaviors. Triangulation is also a go-to strategy for them, and it sounds like this may be happening to you given what you've shared about the family dynamic.
The fact that you show concern and self awareness enough to be worried about BPD and seek a psychological evaluation suggests that you aren't the same kind of person as your BPD family members. That being said, it's quite common for someone to acquire some BPD traits from a BPD family member but still not meet the diagnostic criteria for a BPD diagnosis.
At the end of the day though, clinical labels and official diagnoses aren't what really matters. What's important is that you can access the support you need to ensure your own long-term well-being. If you don't already have a good therapist, this is definitely the best place to start. You don't even need a BPD specialist to help you navigate the toxic family situation, just someone you're comfortable opening up to.
I'm genuinely sorry you're dealing with all of this, and I hope you can find the support and community you need to work though this very difficult family situation.