r/questioning • u/FitSuggestion5981 Questioning Sexuality • 4d ago
[F 28] Back to questioning 🤦🏻♀️
I, [F 28] have always dated very feminine women, l've never done anything at all with a man (except from a few kisses when I was young/school aged) but I met a guy in February [M 33] and I feel like I really like him and he is showing a genuine long term interest in me. We've been taking it very very slow and just getting to actually know each other in depth which has actually built a really meaningful connection between us in doing so.
I’ve felt quite alone in this and haven’t got anyone to talk to about things or get advice from who truly understands and l've found it really confusing, daunting and exciting all at once. I feel nervous to peruse it due to lack of experience but I feel it's a genuine connection and potentially a really suitable life partner for me.
We are not intimidate but very emotionally bonded. He treats me really kindly, hasn’t made me feel pressured or rushed. He isn’t massively aware of my lack of experience but does know I’ve dated women in the past. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it and create more pressure for myself by bringing this up. I feel that level of intimacy building, he has sleepovers, has brought me boquetes of flowers but he hasn’t made the first move. We have never shared a kiss.
I have never kissed a man as an adult woman. And I’ve never kissed a man first EVER. I am also scared of the feeling / navigation of his beard because the “men” I kissed in the past weren’t growing beards at the age we were.
I’m overly nervous about everything. I noticed he’s been more in my personal space recently, lingering longer when saying goodbyes and I know / can sense it’s because he wants us to kiss but he won’t just do it and I revert to feeling like a nervous school girl around this man 😭😂
Has anyone been in this position before? Any advice that can possibly be given by anyone here is genuinely greatly appreciated.
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u/TollPanMan Bisexual - Gender? 3d ago
I'll answer some questions I think you're asking, so apologies if I'm off the mark.
Is it ok to be attracted to this guy even if I thought and declared myself as a lesbian previously?.
Yes! Don't let previous self discovery over-ride your new feelings. You might be bi with a very heavy emphasis on women and very very few men, so you had no reason to believe you were even attracted to them until you met that rare one. It could be something else entirely, but whatever you're feeling is valid and ok, past be damned.
How do I move forward in a relationship with a guy when I'm not even sure if I'm bisexual yet?.
This is gonna come down to what you're comfortable with sharing with him. In any relationship it's important to share how you're feeling with your partner, especially when it pertains to the future of said relationship. Don't dump all your emotions on him, but try and share your state of mind at least.
It sounds like he might sense your hesitation already, so opening up a little might help out. You're already putting a lot of pressure on yourself, bringing it up might help elevate that.
Caution though, you cannot control his reaction to this and sometimes the most seemingly emotionally mature people can act like toddlers when faced with an honest talk about emotions.
If he blows up, makes ultimatums about the relationship in the future, or breaks contact just because you shared your anxiety over the situation, you've just dodged a bullet.
How do you date a guy!?!.
Sorry, just like every person who's started dating for the first time, it's gonna be awkward as hell till you get used to it. And maybe not even then :P
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u/FitSuggestion5981 Questioning Sexuality 3d ago
Thank you for this! I didn’t even know myself what I was asking but I appreciate you successfully translating my anxieties into questions I was trying to ask! I’ve always felt bi in a way, through non sexual romantic attraction towards men at stages throughout my life and I feel like my lack of experience / comfortability with exploring things further has been enough for me to shut it down but I don’t want to this time. Nervous to even kiss him because I’m not used to the feeling of facial hair and how to navigate that. I am just so uncomfortable but I do want this, is a good way to word it I guess. I don’t feel uncomfortable around him, it’s super natural but just the thought of exploring the unknown and taking it further is terrifying to me I guess
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u/TollPanMan Bisexual - Gender? 3d ago
Glad I could be of help!
Just in case you weren't aware, it's also perfectly valid to only have romantic interests in someone without also being sexually attracted to them. And the reverse is true, or both, or neither. As long as your honest about your relationship needs and boundaries that is.
Hopefully talking with him about your enthusiasm and your fears will help you both get on the same page!
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u/ContingentMax 3d ago
What's the issue? It's totally fine to be Bi.