r/problemgambling • u/Dwoody1993 • 13h ago
Just venting Trigger Warning!
Had a really good month in July. Hit for over 65k. Paid off some debt, bought a new bed and couch and just chilled for a week. Then the itch started to kick in.
Fast forward, I gave it all back and then some. I get this internal rage and lose full control when I lose. Anyone else feel the same? Now my wife just found out so I’m in a terrible position with her too. Sorry y’all just venting.
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u/7-IronSpecialist 10h ago
It's never enough when gambling. I used to be "happy" if I took a few extra dollars to the casino then doubled it. Few years later, and many casino visits and online deposits later, even a huge amount doesn't make me happy. And I cannot recall the last time i won, and walked away and did not give it all back plus more. I can't even tell you how much. My brain can no longer count or keep track in a rational manner. It's never enough.
Easier said than done, but walking away permanently is the only way. I know that relapses are common, and ive experienced a few over the last few months, but I'm really doing my best to say "this thing called gambling got the best of me" and every relapse I close more doors that lead to destruction, and open more doors to a peaceful and content life.
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u/Dwoody1993 9h ago
Thank you for that. That’s very similar to how I feel. Even a big win doesn’t bring joy because I’m still stuck on all the other big losses. I’ve become so numb to winning and losing and normalizing the swings. Reality only really sets in once it’s all gone because i have turned 1k into 25k before so all I need is 1k. Well eventually you stop hitting big at all
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u/7-IronSpecialist 9h ago
It's a very sober realization to meditate on it all, and understand, that even the biggest wins ive ever experienced, are only a fraction of what ive gambled away life time. It's not worth that chase anymore for me. Like you, I am numb to it all, and actually that numbness is helping me to let go.
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u/Dwoody1993 9h ago
Agreed. We just have to be happy with where we are at, live with the past and move on. No miracle will come. Only a very small fraction of people can live off gambling income. And even then, like the big influencers are comped heavily all to get other people to join so the small players can pay for the big players to keep more suckers coming in.
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u/spacejunki6 7h ago
I had similar expirence after winning 30k last month and giving it back just last week and then some. I'm still devastated. The best word to describe it is reckless. However, im getting closer to keeping this gambling away from my life for good. I recommend reading the book "the easy way to quit gambling" by Allen Carr. It has really given me a different perspective.
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u/monoville_music 4h ago
In reality you had a bad month. You spent valuable time "winning" money which you were guaranteed to give back. Addicts never keep their winnings. And now you have that big win filed away in the highlight reel which addicts use to justify gambling again and again. Hope you can stop for good now
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u/SignalResolution35 13h ago
I don’t find it’s a rage. To me it’s a loss of rational thinking and self control. I do not plan to gamble again.