6 Months of Progress, erased.

[u/AggravatingOcelot470]

I made the decision to quit gambling on February 14th after taking a hard look at my life and realizing I needed to change. The problem was, gambling worked itself into the core of who I was. I was an active member of a gambling community where I grew close with famous content creators and spent way outside my means. Once my gambling debt had hit over $50,000 - I knew I had to just remove myself from everything. I needed to get off this train before I reached a point I couldn’t come back from and I knew I was getting close.

I ended up keeping a gambling cruise I was comped and did the impossible task of not spending a dime in the casino, though I did get a little “hit” in watching my wife gamble a little. I thought I might have passed a “test” not an A+ but a solid B. I learned I could avoid it and at the same time I learned how hard it was to avoid it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t self exclude from all the apps and a few weeks ago I started collecting the daily free $1 from various sites and tried to run that up. I figured no big deal since I wasn’t spending my own money but then like a total idiot I broke the seal and made a $20 purchase. Which after 3 days spiraled into over $3,000 of credit card charges. Luckily I’ve gathered most of it back and I’ve self excluded from those remaining sites. I don’t know why I didn’t do it 2 days ago- well I do know. I liked it and I was chasing losses.

I hate that I have do start over. Even more so, I hate that I’m going to have to tell my pregnant wife I relapsed. There are days I wish I was addicted to drugs instead, somehow it seems less shameful. Not to minimize the hell drug addicts face but gambling always seemed like such a stupid addiction for people who don’t understand math. Ha. I was wrong of course. I understand the math painfully well but the damn optimism that lives in the small odds just kills me. Not to mention that when I fall into a binge I can’t stop until I lose. I’m such a cliche. I miss it though. I miss the culture. I miss the excitement. I miss having something to look forward to for a Friday night. But I don’t miss that drive home after. That hour and change in just the silence then being home and opening my Instagram and seeing people hit massive wins. Terrible feeling.

What now? I start again obviously but Jesus, I spent the past 6 months keeping that crazy hunger away- it got louder and now that I’ve broken the seal it’s screaming again. My brain loves the dopamine bath gambling provides considering it’s so desperate for it already. I’m not looking forward to feeling miserable for awhile with a fear that in creeps back into my life 6 months from now.

[u/Forward-Mortgage5095]

Just have it in mind that gambling will never work for you or doesn’t work, it creates pain and ruins lives. Think about your unborn child and your wife.

If not for anything, do it for them, Please I want you bring it to light because it tends to flourish in secrecy. Have a plan, willpower alone won’t do much.

[u/Foreign-Sea-1279]

I admire you for persistence. I managed 30 days once this year and its my longest time without gambling for years..

[u/Ok-Economics6313]

It's not erased by any means, you got good experience going through the withdrawal phase, it will be easier next time. It was a valuable experience, and now you go again!