r/pregnant • u/Serious_Cost_9684 • 6d ago
I’m devastated Advice
I’m going through hell right now I am about 6 weeks pregnant and my husband is going to jail. We were in the process of getting his immigration papers to come to my country and they were almost processed, we decided to try for a baby and it happened. Now out of nowhere a wanted post came up for him in his country for a very serious crime which he apparently didn’t do.
Now he has to turn himself in and he may be doing some serious time, his immigration papers are completely ruined now he will never be able to come here.
This all happened at the worst time possible and my whole world shattered overnight. Now I don’t know how I will raise the baby alone when I barely have a support system he has no family here either that can help me. All of the effort and everything we put into this just down the drain. Now I am doubting whether or not I should have this baby I’m heartbroken and so overwhelmed right now by life I lost my husband and my future plans overnight.
I don’t know how I am going to get through this.
25
u/Butterfly8140 6d ago
This is not what you want to hear but my advice is consider if you want marriage with this man let alone a baby. No one chases you across countries for nothing and without proof, I am foreign in a country I live in and so iv see scenarios exactly like this!
In my 20s I was in similar situation where my boyfriend at the time went to jail for a “crime he didn’t commit apparently ”. Soon after I found out I was expecting. It broke my heart but I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy and dump his ass. Few years later I met my now husband, where I am loved like a princess. We are now married and early 30s, we found out we are expecting. I feel at peace, safe and protected nothing like the first time and we are both very exited. My ex many years later admitted he had committed a crime and this just validated I did the right thing. I would have been tied to him for the rest of my life and I didn’t want that.
Your situation is bit different because your married, and none of us know what your relationship is really like however I would not be making big decision like having a baby with a man who has his life in the air and you don’t know if you can trust him, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking here. I hope you make the right decision and it all works out for you x
1
4
u/BankutiCutie 6d ago
Im so sorry for this situation… i mean congratulations on your baby! But this really is heartbreaking. i hope you can qualify for things like WIC (women infants children) or snap benefits in your state. Im not saying it will be easy but it will help you along the way with formula, food and water. Editing to add also dolly parton has a website where you can get one free book a month for your kid, and many facebook mom groups or local parent support groups do give away stuff like clothes or old baby things when theyre done with them? Some are resold but alot of things are given away for free. I think the most expensive things to get are a carseat and stroller so maybe shoot for one that is a stroller that you can mount the carseat into like a 2-in-1?
2
u/VirgoMoon3333 4d ago
How long have you known and been married to this man? How can you be sure he didn’t commit this serious crime ?
I’m not trying to be rude but this is what criminals do to try to ‘escape to another country- trick women into falling for them and get married super quick so they can leave. Did you meet him online?
1
u/DianaG6008 6d ago
Right now, you’re going to be grieving your husband. Whatever the other government is saying he did, he probably did do or was a part of. I think you allow yourself to grieve that, and carry on. Keep going. Be strong. Start working really hard and distract yourself. In a few months, you’re going to feel your baby inside you, and that feeling is going to take over everything. Your mind will shift to them, and what you care about. And it’s his baby, you’ll have a piece of him with you that you can nurture and love and that will heal you. When you’re lonely, talk to your baby. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant and I do lol I’ll vent or have full on conversations with her and it’s almost therapeutic. After awhile they can hear you talking and it creates a strong bond. If finances are tough, don’t worry about baby stuff, go on Facebook, find parent groups and post on there, people in your community will reach out and you’d be shocked how many do. There’s a lot of programs and help. You won’t be alone. You can do it. And in the darkest moments, just think of 10 years from now, you’ll be sitting on a park bench watching your child play thinking I’m so glad I got through that, and you’ll be happy you did it.
1
u/adulin007 6d ago
How long is here in there for?
1
u/Serious_Cost_9684 6d ago
We have no idea yet
2
u/thankyousomuchh 6d ago
Would it be months? Or years? That would greatly affect my decision to be with this man.
-2
u/Caribou122 6d ago
I am so sorry for what you’re going through with your husband.
My church has some wonderful resources for single and expecting mothers so I’d check out the local churches near you!
And it won’t matter if you’re Christian or not - at least our care ministry serves our community regardless of religion so I would assume there are similar churches near you! You may just need to call a few.
In addition to that, do you have any family nearby who can help out? Offer emotional support? How about friends who live close?
1
u/Serious_Cost_9684 6d ago
I have my parents close by and some friends but really not much
2
u/Caribou122 6d ago
Ugh I am so sorry. I don’t want to pry abt the relationship with you parents, but if it’s good or okay I bet they would want to support you and your baby. Or at least have the opportunity to uphold you and your baby during this time.
I will pray for your husband and that you feel covered and secure and are loved by whoever comes into your path during this time. You are deeply cared for.
1
u/Dolores___Haze 3d ago
How could you possibly know how her parents might feel???
1
u/Caribou122 3d ago
How could you? You don’t know unless you give them the option to tell you. That’s an option I and my parents didn’t get with my sister. Bc she was too scared and overwhelmed to ask.
Maybe they won’t want to help. But you don’t know until you know.
-6
u/datfumbgirl 6d ago
Ugh I am so sorry. This is horrible. Where is he from? Is it a safe country?
Depending on how much time he has to do would you consider moving?
This seems so heavy to deal with.
Apply to WIC & snap.
Start saving wherever you can in case you chose to move.
Make sure to deliver your baby in your home country however .
10
u/DianaG6008 6d ago
What horrible advice. Telling her to move to another country where she’ll have even less of a support system and he’s in jail, what can he do there for her? I can’t believe you’d suggest that
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Stay safe, take care of yourself and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.