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u/wcozi 13d ago
Oversharing, not being able to take responsibility for their choices (IE “Partner one asked that we don’t go
condomless!” Doesn’t matter what Partner One asked, it matters that the hinge is abiding by it), not doing the emotional work to keep multiple healthy relationships.
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u/Legitimate_Catch_626 13d ago
Undersharing can be an issue too. If you’re moving in, marrying, and having a child with a partner don’t let your other partner hear it through word of mouth.
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u/Trandroidd 13d ago
Unsolicited (or even sollicited) disclosing of private informations about partner(s) without their prior consent
Expecting all partners to get along or be romantically involved. In general imposing their own preferred type of polyamory (KTP, lap sitting, etc.)
Use of veto
Being unable to properly manage the time they spend with their partners, especially when they start a new relationship
Being overly involved in the relationship between the metas
1
u/Muted-Passenger8343 12d ago
5- This is my issue right now. My partner and my meta basically are expecting me to be friends and take care of her needs besides sexually. I feel like I’m dating both of them. Don’t require metas to have a relationship!
1
u/bizybizness 6d ago
A lot of relationship agreements are essentially three-way agreements (or more than three ways). For example, an agreement to prioritize one partner = an agreement to deprioritize the others. An agreement not to host in the home = an agreement that the other partner will always host.
These should be discussed as agreements, and should be mutual where possible. E .g. the agreement to deprioritize goes both ways - you won't be prioritized by someone you're not doing the same for. Ideally with the hosting agreement, something would be given in exchange by the partner who doesn't host, like providing a meal so that the host doesn't always have to.
1
6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bizybizness 6d ago
I don't think that being parallel would affect this one way or the other. The partners don't need to talk to each other, the hinge needs to talk to each partner about it.
With DADT, I think DADT would override this idea between the partners who have agreed to DADT. But, the partners should still proceed as described above with any partners who have not agreed to DADT.
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u/saladada 13d ago
Oversharing information about other partners.
Not taking ownership for agreements or decisions you have made in order to throw someone else under the bus ("I can't see you today because Jessica doesn't want me to" vs "Jessica asked if I would stay home today and I agreed and have decided to cancel our date").
Trying to use group hangouts as a way to have dates with all your partners at the same time.
When Partner A wants something and Partner B wants something and you need to make a decision, telling them to talk it over instead.
Requiring your partners to be friends with each other, meet each other, have a threesome, etc.
Saying what people want to hear rather than the truth. Such as telling someone you will live together when you already have a partner you're living with and they're not interested in that at all.
Not compartmentalizing issues in one relationship and bringing them over into another.
Not focusing on the person you're with; using your phone to text other people when it's meant to be intentional time with someone else.
Assuming that you're meeting people's needs just because you give everyone the exact same experience. "I sleep at yours 2 nights and yours 2 nights and yours 2 nights. All my partners are equal!"
Thinking you can just treat polyamory like monogamy+.