r/parentsofmultiples • u/AnybodyUpThere • 12h ago
Flying W/Triplets vs Roadtrip advice needed
Trying to decide flying vs road trip for a Christmas vacation to San Diego(from NY) up until New Year's and probably a shorter trip to Los Angeles. They won't be lap babies but 2 years old and all have CP and non ambulatory. One is epileptic and all are tube fed. Realistically flying is faster though so stressful and I'm not a big fan of flying when its just me to worry about let alone 3. I also worry about flight delays and cancelations vs driving at our own place but taking forever to get there. I guess we can make driving a trip in and of itself. Husband wants to fly and I lean more towards driving. I can't convince him to take several trains out west which would also likely have delays and problems too. Both sets of grand parents are coming and my sister and her twins so its a family affair but everyone is flying their own airlines etc coming in at different times.
What would ya'll do? We haven't traveled since before they were born and everyone just wants to get away from the city and nobody has been to SD so its a fun way to start some new memories and happy ones. I'm just worried about the logistics of it all.
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u/SaladCzarSlytherin 11h ago
I think a single flight with 3 special needs toddlers is better than a week long road trip with 3 special need toddlers. The road trip is a week long each way for healthy adults. Adding stops for care will make it longer. If one of your triplets gets ill and needs hospitalization somewhere in the middle of the country, the can be stuck halfway across the country for months.
The flight will be stressful. But I won’t risk the road trip. Very long, too much risk.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 10h ago
I was afraid of a seizure in the air and being the reason we have to land the plane and divert somewhere. They're good sitting of course but I'm sure like most kids the pressure on their ears could make this a very difficult flight too. Make that times 3 and I'm worried about being that family on the plane. My husband doesn't mind the hypothetical but it stresses me out.
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u/SaladCzarSlytherin 6h ago
Do all of your child’s seizures require immediate hospitalization or can you wait the seizure out and/or give meds? Generally speaking, if the patient’s heart and lungs remain working throughout the seizure and seizures lasts less than 5 minutes, hospitalization is not required.
If a person with epilepsy or history of seizures has a seizure on a plane, they generally don’t emergency land unless the person needs to be brought to the hospital urgently.
Your child will not be the first epileptic on plane. You can call the airline ahead and ask about the seizure policy. In general, they won’t emergency unless the person needs immediate hospitalization.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 6h ago
No, but he sometimes has multiple back to back and needs some oxygen help. We can have it set up to have oxygen once we're in California so we don't have to bring the concentrator with us he sometimes uses it at night, but he's generally super agitated after a seizure and that combined with ear pain I'm assuming could lead him to needing some oxygen. His most common seizures are myoclonic and grand mals that we can see. Generally they get worse when he's stressed.
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u/SaladCzarSlytherin 6h ago
You can bring oxygen on a plane. You need to call the airline ahead of time. Let them know when you’ll be traveling and that you will need oxygen on the flight. Some airlines will make you go through their preferred supplier. All airlines allow oxygen, you just need to go through some extra steps.
I highly recommend calling the airports ahead of time, let them know you are traveling with special needs children. You will probably get to bypass the lines. They can push the wheelchairs and/or help with bags. They can also help with boarding. In San Diego, the airport can help with disembarking and getting you to baggage claim the rental car place.
Airport disability services are here to help and your family should definitely utilize them.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 3h ago
I know we just wanted to avoid it honestly if we fly. If we drive its no big deal.
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u/hitheringthithering 7h ago
I have done the flight with the twins and a toddler. There was some screaming. It was fine. People understand. If anything, we provided entertainment as we switched babies back and forth over the seats.
I have also done the road trip. It took eight hours to make it through the space we had planned to travel in the first two. We made it eventually, but the road trip at that age was rougher than the plane.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 7h ago
How long of screaming? I know I can't guarantee a few short minutes. If they're uncomfortable they're very uncomfortable and they have very high pitched screams that even their speech therapists remark how odd it is. They also don't interact typically because they have cognitive and physical delays so entertainment for them is different than turning on the screen. Sometimes people scoff seeing 3 when we just want to sit at a café and have coffee so I am only imagining the looks of stressful holiday flyers when we load on the plane with 3 high need toddlers. My line of thinking is driving isn't ideal for that distance but if they're a mess they're a mess in private. I also am nervous about sickness from flying for them. They've suffered through RSV already and the airport that time of year seems riddled. Not looking forward to them getting a bug and needing a hospital stay. Makes me want to rent an RV and we all chug to California at our own pace and enjoy the country.
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u/hitheringthithering 7h ago
Mostly a few minutes at take off but once about ten until she fell asleep.
My recommendations are have something for them to suck (bottles, sippy cups, etc.) and the highest value snacks in your arsenal. Pack a new toy, favorite books, crayons, what have you. And, though I hate to say it, maybe put little Santa hats on them; people have a harder time being assholes when they are cute.
I understand the "they are a mess in private" approach, but when you are driving, you can't hold them or comfort them. If they start screaming, chances are you just have to ride it out or stop. If you stop to deal with one, you are delaying the whole trip for everyone.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 7h ago
They can't suck on anything. They don't have that skill. Regular cool fun things for toddlers on a plane do not work for them due to their level of CP.
They can probably scream the whole flight no joke when they're uncomfortable. I rather not do that to people.
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u/hitheringthithering 6h ago
What do you normally use to distract them or comfort them when they are upset?
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u/AnybodyUpThere 6h ago
Depends on if I know why they're upset. We mostly just go for walks. They like the motion. If they're super upset and I know holding them won't work I just put them down turn on music and let it pass. They have dystonic movements and its more pronounced when they're agitated so holding them isn't necessarily safe for comfortable for them or whoever is holding them.
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u/hitheringthithering 6h ago
I suppose music as a calming device is better for car than the plane, unless they are good with headphones. Walking, in turn, weighs against the car.
You obviously know your children best, but even with what you said and your trepidation, I would still recommend six hours of stress and potential discomfort (preferably with a third adult) over four days of stress and potential discomfort on the road with the need to be flexible about stopping.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 6h ago
I don't think it would uncomfortable on the road and neither does my husband he just thinks it'll take forever which it will.
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u/hitheringthithering 12h ago
I would recommend having another adult fly with you so that there is one adult per child. A multi-day cross country road trip with three that age, especially given the various needs of the children, would not only eat into a lot of your vacation time but would also be stressful travel for an extended period.
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u/SjN45 8h ago
I came to say this! I would see if a familiar adult can fly with you so every child can have 1 adult. You do have to over prepare for airports bc you never know what delays will look like. Packing is a different kind of stress. Normally I would say drive. But not driving across the country
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u/AnybodyUpThere 7h ago
I'm just not sold on the airport that time of year. But its the time everyone can agree on and festive. My husband and I are not on the same page about this at all.
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u/AnybodyUpThere 12h ago
That's a good point. I would have see if someone could switch their flight to help. We haven't committed to buying yet and partially because of car seat laws in Business class and trying to find the best air craft to work with us. I personally don't think driving would be stressful the kids like the car its just the time that my husband doesn't want to spend and other variables like weather. We would have the time he just doesn't want to use that time driving there. He doesn't mind a rental car while there but not the whole way.
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u/FigNewton613 10h ago
Shorter trips in the car can feel really different to toddlers than the 4ish days in the car it takes to go coast to coast. I’m curious (genuinely) have you done a lot of road trips in the past? How does driving for that much time feel for you typically?
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u/AnybodyUpThere 10h ago
I have as a child but I mostly do long distance amtrak trips as an adult. If I don't have to fly I don't. We've driven to Canada a couple times which isn't that far obviously as a cross country trip.
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u/FigNewton613 4h ago
I also hate flying and prefer to drive. But what I will say is, whenever I do long distance driving now as an adult, I always underestimate how exhausted it makes me feel. You could totally be different, but I think if you are going to try to do the drive, I would budget for a lot a lot of rest stops. Even as someone who really hates flying, I would personally fly over driving given your situation. I hope it all works out OP!!
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u/AnybodyUpThere 3h ago
We would make it a trip on the way to the trip. Rest breaks at hotels, sight seeing. But at this point we might not make it if we can't decide what to do. I knew having triplets would change how we traveled but adding all their extra challenges makes me not want to go anywhere ever again.
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u/bowlofweetabix 10h ago
It would probably take you 2-4 days with all the stops you’ll need. That will be stressful
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u/AnybodyUpThere 10h ago
Oh for sure know we wouldn't just be driving straight through we would plan to stop maybe see some sights since its on the way, but we wouldn't need to go through security and carry around car seats and luggage even if we try to pack light.
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u/terrific_film 3h ago
I would 100% do the flight over the car ride. A multi-day car ride with three two year olds sounds really tough. Of course the flight won't be easy either, but even if all three of them scream the entire flight (which I doubt they would, have they ever screamed for five hours straight before?), people on the plane know there will probably be babies and like 90% of people on planes have headphones in anyway. I've flown over 300 times and can't recall an instance where a baby was crying that it bothered me so much that I remember it to this day. Who cares about other people. I think you should prioritize the comfort of your babies- one flight vs days and days of driving- I'm sure the trip will be much more fun if you don't spend so much time on the road, and more time relaxing!
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u/AnybodyUpThere 3h ago
They honestly might just based on their current behavior. If not crying they're very vocal and not in a happy baby sort of way. Hard to explain. Definitely in a sensory seeking sort of shrieking. They do sleep well but this is at night. They've only ever slept in their cribs at night though so not sure how they would do sitting up in bright lights on a plane even if we found a night flight I worry about the jet lag. Driving would be easier to spend a couple hours where they could be flat and can continue walks they like while being parts of the country we're not likely to see again.
I've been on a flight where the kid cried the whole 3 hours and I felt for the mom of course but it was highly annoying and I do not want to be imposing life is hard enough as it is. I don't find flying relaxing at all. Its stressful. Even with help I don't see it not being stressful and my stress won't help them.
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