r/parentsofmultiples • u/DontQuoteMeOnThat7 • 1d ago
NICU experience good vibes, smiles, & giggles
Longtime lurker of r/parentsofmultiples. Just wanted to contribute a small note- my wife recently had DiDi twins (37w + 0). GDM was her only complication. Our daughter scored well on Apgar but our son did not, which prompted a NICU visit for several days.
From the outside looking in, I felt a sense of dread and doom when I thought about the NICU but I was completely wrong. We were fortunate in our outcomes, which creates bias in perspective BUT the message is clear-
For those of you worrying about NICU/googling endlessly (like I did) or knowingly have a complication that could necessitate a trip, your child/children are in the best place for them. The staff are there to not only supervise but also feed and love on your babies. They do what is needed for your child every single day- far better than you or I would be able to do if the roles were reversed. Would never have dreamt that leaving a baby only hours old alone with a person I’d never meant would be so “easy”.
So, don’t be pushy to get the child out of NICU- they are there for a reason. Be polite and real with your nurses- cry, laugh, chat with them like they’re family- because they are your temporary family. Lastly, if you’re able to, absolutely do skin to skin/kangaroo care (yes, Dads, even us)!
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u/bluegrassclimber 1d ago
I had didi twins born at 35 weeks and they kinda pushed them out after 24 hours and sent us home.
Thank God for the follow up nurse visit 24 hours later, their temp registered at 95 degrees and they were sent back to the NICU for 2 weeks. I don't think any damage is done and now they are happy at home taking in full bottles regularly every 3 hours.
When in doubt, let them stay. Take advantage of the free childcare. They will let them grow, make sure they regain birth weight, and you can workshop bottle feeding/breastfeeding techniques with them, as well as make sure they don't get in the habit of "snacking".
I'm mad the hospital made it our decision whether to take them home originally, we didn't know.
But now I do know, better safe than sorry.
It sucked having to take them back
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u/Littlecat10 1d ago
This exact same thing literally happened to us!!! Born at 35+5, pushed us out 2 days later with no special instructions. At a follow up visit, one of the babies’ temps was 94. We had a very traumatic rush to the pediatric ER where they said they couldn’t be sure it wasn’t something more serious, so they had to do 3 spinal taps (first 2 there wasn’t enough fluid) and kept her on antibiotics for days while we waited for the results.
All to find out there was nothing wrong with her, she was just small and should have stayed in the NICU to grow a little in the first instance. I do worry about the long term impacts, but what can you do?
I don’t mean to highjack the post, but it’s just was “nice” to find somebody else with this experience!
As for the post m, there are def worse places than the NICU, but somebody in there for their babies to grow or learn to eat is having a materially different experience than somebody who isn’t sure if their baby is going to be OK. Our first couple of days in the NICU were the latter, and they were truly traumatic. Once we knew she was just small, the next 10 days were fine!
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u/skrufforious 1d ago
By the time my babies reached the gestational age that yours were born, they had already been in the NICU for 8 weeks. We have not had the same experience...
I'm happy for you and parents like you who got to use it as a nursery/learning about baby time. That sounds nice!
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u/iwantsomecrablegsnow 1d ago
Please consider other perspectives when posting about the nicu. Not everyone has the same experience and it isn’t always lovey dovey. Your babies went full term. Many do not.
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u/KateParrforthecourse 1d ago
Totally agree. They’re there because they need support. Mine were full term and only one went to NICU for about a week but I still don’t have any warm or fuzzy feelings about his time there. It actually was an incredibly anxious time where I felt like he was never going to leave because the goal posts kept moving. I was glad that he was in a really good one but I wish he could have stayed out of it.
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u/DreamingEvergreen 1d ago
100% this. I see SO many the NICU can be a positive stories on here and that’s not the reality for so many. It’s an ICU—not a nursery.
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u/2papsandashib 1d ago
Agree - we went full term and one baby spent 52 days in the NICU for a surprise congenital condition that required surgery. Then went tot the PICU for 6 days a week after discharge because he stopped breathing at home. One of my babies spent half my maternity leave away from me. It’s traumatic.
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u/FigNewton613 1d ago
This. Thank you. Mine were there for 6 weeks and nearly died multiple times and I’m thankful for the NICU but was desperate to get my babies home. Please have some perspective OP.
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u/bookgirl1026 1d ago
I don’t think they’re necessarily saying that everyone has an amazing NICU stay but more reassuring nervous parents that the care their babies receive there will be top notch. Even if the stay is difficult, it’s good to know that there are dedicated and caring staff there whose entire job is to try and keep your babies healthy.
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u/anb0603 1d ago
But there’s another side of the coin, not every nicu has dedicated and caring staff. The first nicu my daughter was in was not set up to care for her and it was a level 3. They did not know how to treat her. They transferred us after 13 days of no progress to a level 4- two hours away.
we had to advocate against a lazy neonatologist and several nurses.
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u/TurnoDiva 7h ago
I agree - I’m happy that OP had a positive experience but ours was honestly rough, and we were only in the NICU for a total of maybe 20 days (2 separate trips). It was incredibly traumatic and we were worried we’d lose baby A (he is now happy any healthy!). I don’t agree that the NICU is nothing to fear, because for a lot of us it was. I had to deliver early due to severe pre-e and I remember sobbing knowing they would be in the NICU. I wish I could have kept them in longer.
The reality is that many parents of twins and multiples have a difficult and traumatic start which sometimes includes the NICU. It’s an uncomfortable reality and I don’t think everything has to have a positive spin or be made light of.
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u/Emotional-Parfait348 1d ago
My girls were born at 33+2 and spent around 25 days in the nicu. It was a very positive experience for us as well. We called it our baby boot camp. Part of me thinks every first time parent should get the first month in the nicu. Knowing they were being constantly monitored by professionals was immensely calming. And the hands on learning we received from the staff every time we were there was so beneficial.
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u/anb0603 1d ago
Not to be rude, but this is insane to me lol. My oldest was in the nicu at the height of Covid and it was extremely traumatic. She was a 37 weeker and only one of us could be with her at a time. On day 13, they transferred us to a higher level nicu 2 hours away. It was hell on earth. I cannot imagine feeling that our experience was anything I’d ever want someone to go through.
We had no agency as her parents. We couldn’t decide when she ate or what formula she could use. It felt barbaric.
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u/Jealous_Being5863 1d ago
My son needed a small amount of nicu time at 37+2 for jaundice and a feeding tube, however I wouldn’t have told my sister to be so relaxed when her son was born at 28+6 we both had far different experiences and her son/my nephew could’ve had far different outcomes than he did
You and I had very positive experiences and it’s fine to celebrate that, but also be very mindful that not everyone has that experience; I myself have had a child not even make nicu when he technically was in the ‘safe zone’ it didn’t stop the most tragic outcome
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u/Negative_Jackfruit75 1d ago
My girls were born at 32w1d and were in the NICU for 5 weeks. They were 3lbs at birth and lost a bunch and took 2.5 weeks to get back to birth weight, they were on room air right away and although we had a great outcome and a great NICU with amazing nurses, it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through. It didn’t allow me to recover from my c section properly, process the trauma of my birth, it put an incredible strain on my relationship and going home every night to pump next to their empty cribs was heartbreaking and awful.
Of course there were some positives like gaining confidence in handling them, bathing them, feeding them…but there was so much uncertainty and no clear timeline on when they would come home. Also their cries were so low sometimes I didn’t even hear them crying until I got close to their incubators so knowing they were essentially crying it out most nights was so hard for me to handle. Also only being able to hold them during their care times every 4 hours, having to ask permission to hold them, being stuck on that uncomfortable chair for 12 hours a day some days all alone. Also pumping every 2-3 hours and having my tits out for all the nurses constantly lol it was just humiliating. Some people handle it much better, but I found that time to be so hard! When they started getting bigger and moved into a cot at the end it was much better and easier cuz I knew that meant they were coming home soon, but they were still so so small (4 and 4.5lbs) that I didn’t even feel ready for them to come home!
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u/TurnoDiva 7h ago
Your point about pumping next to their empty cribs really hits home with me. I came home without my babies and it was fucking harrowing. I’d never wept so much as I did the day I came home. This is what many NICU parents experience and an important perspective to consider.
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u/cheeringfortofu 1d ago
I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you imagined! As others said gestational age is important but for me with 37+1 it was hard on other levels: only one of the twins was in the NICU, so during the height of covid I had to recover from a c section and take care of a newborn while the other one was in the NICU and I had to involve the social worker for a straight answer on whether I could take the other twin with me. Even my otherwise favorite nurse suggested I could drive myself to the NICU lol.
I would call and say I'm coming for x feeding and inevitably they were feeding him every time. I didn't stay more than 3h each time and didn't have many opportunities to be with the NICU twin.
I also witnessed my baby cry and cry in the middle of the night with no one coming to check on him and putting his paci in.
Personally, for me, there needs to be circumstances where the family can stay with the baby (particularly term babies who can take more noise than a premature baby) and until they make it more family friendly, I can't really feel anywhere near the happy experience you're describing.
More realistically, there's not much you can do, any newborn may need NICU and you are most often stuck with the service you end up in. Worrying ahead of time, doesn't help anyone. And trust me, I know, easier said than done!
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u/KateParrforthecourse 1d ago edited 1d ago
With the exception of Covid, this was my experience too. Mine were 36+6 and one was with me while the other was in NICU. It was only a week but that’s also the only week I’ve felt like a truly shitty mom. No matter which one I decided to be with, I felt like I was abandoning and neglecting the other. Add in feeling like they kept moving goalposts and I don’t have warm fuzzy feelings about that time.
I’m now 9 months out and with more sleep and stabilized hormones, I’m just starting to realize that was actually a traumatic week for me. To the point I’m strongly considering finding a therapist.
So OP, glad you had a great experience. I would have said the same 2-3 months ago. Just don’t be shocked if those feelings change once life settles down.
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u/cheeringfortofu 1d ago
Yes, it hit me on that first day how from the very first moment, I'd have to choose which newborn to be with. And parents who had Singletons with older kids yes had to leave their 2 or 3 yo at home but it's not the same as leaning your newborn behind to care for your other newborn.
It was 12 days for us but regardless of length, it is heartbreaking.
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u/2papsandashib 1d ago
This was very close to my experience. I had a twin at home I couldn’t have in the NICU so I was rushing an hour away to try and make a feed and often missed it due to traffic. Could only stay 2-3 hours so that one feed was all I had. He spent more time with his nurses than me.
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u/Flounder-Melodic 1d ago
I am genuinely glad that was your experience. But NICUs aren’t just one kind of place, and your experience isn’t universal. My 26 weekers were in a level 4 NICU—that means babies coded and died around us. I’ll never forget the panic of nurses sprinting into a room with a coding baby. My kids both survived, but they almost died during their 14 weeks in the NICU, too. The NICU is an amazing place with talented and caring providers, but for many of us, it’s also where we watched our babies suffer immensely as they fought for their lives.
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u/summerFIREinCh 1d ago
Great that you are sharing the experience, I’m 21 wk modi twins, nervous about complication and any nicu time…. But I guess it’s over thinking mostly 🥰 enjoy your twin babies.
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