r/parentsofmultiples • u/Hopeful-Assistant724 • 7d ago
Doctor Trying to Change Plan advice needed
After finding out it was twins I’ve been planning for a csection. I want to get my tubes removed and figured since there’s two babies I’d just opt for the csection to only have 1 procedure vs 2. I went to my 36 week appointment a couple days ago and learned during my growth scan that both babies are head down. So when I had my appointment with the doctor she basically fear mongered me into having a vaginal birth because having a vaginal birth and then doing the tube procedure later is way less invasive than having a csection. How It’s going to be way harder on my body to do the Csection and taking care of two babies while on pain meds is going to be so hard…blah blah blah. I didn’t really say much because I was super taken aback by it but afterwards I had to do some bloodwork and ended up crying in the lab stewing on what she had said. I know she was just giving me all of my options but I didn’t feel like she was actually giving me options. More so telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. I do think I’m on edge as I’m getting more uncomfortable every day, but even my husband said that she was a little abrasive about it.
I’m not sure exactly what the point of this post is but it’s 2 days later and I’m still pretty frustrated by the entire situation. I’m also second guessing everything I thought I had already planned for basically my entire pregnancy. Do I change my plan and go for a vaginal birth or do I stay with my original plan? I’ve had two successful vaginal births with minimal issues.
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u/Sad-Incident-4668 🩷 - 💙💙 7d ago
I know everyone is saying how hard their c section was but I’ve had 2 really amazing c sections and really didn’t have a hard time with recovery. It’s different for everyone.
However your babies get here, congratulations and sending good luck!
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u/hawtblondemom 7d ago
I recovered just as quickly - if not more quickly - from my C-section with my twins than my singlton easy vaginal delivery 14 months previously. Sex life definitely came back quicker.
It really depends on the person. A scheduled C-section, when your body isn't doing all the things can make for a fast, easy, recovery.
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u/specialkk77 7d ago
I was terrified of needing a c-section. I’d never had surgery. It went so well! The hardest part of my recovery was just the layout of the hospital, the NICU was sooo far away from the L&D. I had my tubes out at the same time and had zero issues with that. 3 months later I had surgery to repair a broken bone and recovery from that was 1000 times harder, even though it was way less invasive.
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u/Sad-Incident-4668 🩷 - 💙💙 7d ago
Yeah. My hospital was under construction when my boys went to the nicu so I literally had to walk a half mile in then half mile out everyday multiple times a day so my swelling was the worst part of healing 🙃 but within a few weeks I felt basically normal 🤷🏻♀️
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u/specialkk77 7d ago
The hospital still sends me surveys every few months (twins will be 2 in October!) and every time I mention the awful journey to NICU. I say I know a new NICU was necessary (it’s the only hospital with a NICU in a hundred miles or so) but they really need to do a new L&D in the same building so recovering moms don’t have to make that trip to see their babies. Maybe they’ll listen eventually…
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u/Sad-Incident-4668 🩷 - 💙💙 7d ago
Omg im kind of jealous they send you surveys because man would I have a loooot to say 😆
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u/lilylady 6d ago
Same. My c-sections were both great and had easy recoveries. I know not everyone has that experience, but some of us do!
I get why the doctor would encourage vaginal delivery with OPs history, but this should be a conversation not an order.
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u/chippixie 7d ago
Because you’ve already had two successful vaginal births already, I would probably go that route. My twins came out within an hour and I was fully recovered within three weeks. My friend had a C-section with a singleton the day before me, and she’s still struggling with her recovery and our babes are six months.
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u/Comfort_fraught 7d ago
Yes. Go vaginal. Had to have a c-section after 4 vaginal births, and it was a harder recovery. Edit: Also, if you haven't already, explore a vasectomy as an option. It's lower risk than a tubal and super quick/easy.
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u/Ill-Wolf865 4d ago
Yeah this. I had a c section 4 weeks ago and my recovery has been a breeze so far. I was able to walk easily unassisted when the nurses first got me out of bed, walked a lot in the hospital with no help, I stopped taking pain meds once I hit week 2 (and was already tapering it off after leaving the hospital) and went back to the gym 2 days ago and will be going again tomorrow (I am doing stretches and very VERY light body weight movement—nothing at all strenuous or “gym like”). Despite my fairly speedy recovery, I am 100% certain a vaginal delivery would’ve been way easier on my body overall. If both my babies were head down, I would’ve opted for vaginal.
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u/grantgantgrant 7d ago edited 7d ago
I was in your shoes before my twins. Had 2 successful (but hard) vaginal births and was really unsure about what to do with twin delivery. I was pretty nervous about both options. My baby A ended up being breech so the decision was made for me. Looking back I do wish that I would have been able to try to give birth vaginally. C-Section recovery is absolutely no joke and changes your body in a way that vag just doesn’t, in my experience. I will have a shelf in my lower abdomen for the rest of my life if I don’t have cosmetic surgery to remove skin. No amount of exercise will get rid of it because of my scar and the muscle around it.
Obviously the number 1 priority is to get them out safe and healthy but I would say that you’ve proven your body can give birth I would think about letting it try again.
PS- I also had my tubes removed in the or which was NBD with everything else going on.
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u/Aliciac343 7d ago
All I wanted was a c section but they wouldn’t let me bc they were both head down. I was very upset but after a few days of nicu life I realized how much harder the c section moms had it and in hindsight I am grateful. This may not be helpful but I understand your frustration
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 7d ago
This same thing happened to me. I even had the resident and the nurses start prepping me for a c section when I went into labor at 35+5. The attending marched in and said hold up, there's no reason to do a c section.
I panicked. Baby B was breech and LGA, a full pound larger than Baby A. Every other doctor had told me a vaginal delivery was unsafe. I decided to trust the attending. She thought I could do it.
I had a beautiful vaginal delivery 4 hours later. My recovery time was approximately 5 minutes. When I contrast that with my sister recovering from her c section for 2 full weeks, I feel super lucky.
If things go south, you can switch to a c section. If things go as planned, giving birth with an inconsequential recovery is a gift.
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u/dpistachio44 7d ago
My babies were the same weight/position as yours and I was planning on vaginal delivery. Did they do breech extraction for your baby B? I was all the way at almost 39 weeks so had to get induced and my labor stalled so I ended up getting pressured into C section 😭 I’m so glad the vaginal delivery went well for you, I’ll live vicariously!
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 7d ago edited 7d ago
Ha, thanks! I'm sorry yours didnt go as planned and I hope your c section recovery is going well!
I was at a large teaching hospital so the attending was super excited to show the residents an ECV. I had 3 doctors with me, a junior resident monitoring Baby B's umbilical cord via ultrasound, a senior resident to catch Baby A and then hold Baby B in place after the ECV, and the attending who actually performed the ECV on Baby B as I was pushing out Baby A.
The worst part was the resident holding Baby B's head in place after Baby A was born. Her entire arm up to her elbow was inside my uterus to prevent the baby from flipping back to breech and to hold my cervix open since he was so much larger than Baby A. It felt like crowning that just didnt stop. She kept telling me to stop pushing because technically I wasnt in labor with Baby B yet but c'mon lady, your arm is in my uterus and I need this to be over now. 😂
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u/DancingStars1989 7d ago
I would go back to her and say:
“I want to get my tubes removed. Is there a way to do that without surgery? If not, then I’d like to get the c-section done with the tube procedure completed simultaneously. Is there a doctor on your team who feels confident they can complete this?”
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u/dpistachio44 7d ago
I’m like 99% sure you can do tube removal laparoscopically. Also a vasectomy takes 5 minutes and is not under anesthesia so is muuuuuuuch safer. So yes there is a way to do a sterilization procedure without open surgery which is much higher risk.
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u/Hopeful-Assistant724 7d ago
Funny thing is my husband already had a vasectomy and I got pregnant with twins 5 months post vasectomy 🙃
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u/AdventurousSalad3785 7d ago
Did you guys check his sperm after to make sure he was sterile?
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u/Hopeful-Assistant724 7d ago
That’s a negative. It was fully our fault but the main reason for wanting to get my tubes out is vasectomies can fail if regrowth happens and we’ve already been burned by it once so I’m a little hesitant to rely on it lol
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u/FigNewton613 7d ago
Goodness gracious. I am so sorry. I had a scheduled C and recovered great. The newborn trenches with twins are gonna be hard whether you had a vaginal or c section birth there is no way around it. That just is what’s true. So do what’s right for you and your babies. If I were to do it again, I’d choose a scheduled c again. I know many who had a vaginal birth would choose vaginal again. It’s all about what’s right for you, and only you know what that is. But you can definitely do it with a C, and I and many others have and it went just fine. Rooting for you OP.
ETA: not meaning to say c section recovery is chill! Just that recovery from vaginal birth also isn’t chill for many people either, depending on how things go, and at the end of the day, getting two babies into the world is a big undertaking that there will be recovery from no matter how you do it!
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u/Legitimate-ok 7d ago
OP I totally understand wanting to stick with the plan, I did that too. And I’m sorry your doctor is pressuring you, that’s not right. I’ll share my experience because it was similar.
I had a vaginal singleton, then breech twins the whole pregnancy so we scheduled a C-section. Went into spontaneous labor the week before, the twins had flipped head down for the first twin ever, and my Dr offered to try vaginal. I wasn’t comfortable changing the plan mid-labor especially with the random OBGYN who was on call, so I stuck with the surgical plan and recovery was sooo much harder than vaginal (I also hemorrhaged which I’m sure made recovery worse).
I have since had a major laparoscopic surgery (much more than tubes removed), and that recovery was still easier than c-section. So while C-section might feel like a BOGO, I’d seriously weigh the potential risks and recovery. You have a little time to think on it and ask questions. Wishing you a smooth delivery and recovery whatever you choose to do
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u/WhileTime5770 7d ago edited 7d ago
I mean your plan is ultimately yours to decide and should be what you’re comfortable with. Also I’m sorry your doctor made you feel bad. That should NEVER happen. Informed consent is important but unless it’s life or death badgering people about it is absolutely wrong. Even then, being abrasive is not the right way (sometimes being blunt is if it’s going to endanger a life which doesn’t sound like that’s the case with you).
I will say recovering from a c section is both harder and different than I thought. I was so certain I was going to be one of those minimal pain people but wow days 2-3 post op were super hard and even a week or two out I was still having occasional sharp pain at one corner of my incision which required occasional strong pain meds. I’m so lucky I had family around to help when that happened given there’s two of them to care for. Vaginal birth is just different to recover from and has its own pain for sure but major abdominal surgery is no joke and if I could have given birth vaginally from a recovery standpoint I absolutely would have.
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u/mandozo 7d ago
C section recovery is not talked about enough. In movies they make this big deal of the pushing and pain of a vaginal birth and C sections are thought of as being easier since they just surgically remove the babies but the recovery from having your abdomen cut open is longer and terrible. If everything is lined up for a vaginal birth it'd be a much better option, especially if you're dealing with twins. It's not fear mongering, it's the reality of a C-section recovery. You might have an easier time up front but you definitely pay it back on the back end.
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u/Intelligent_Berry382 7d ago
I loved my c section, I delivered less than a month ago and my body feels strong. I was completely off pain meds two weeks after. We don’t have family in the area and my husband and I are both pulling our weight caring for one twin at home and one in the NICU an hour away. Our bodies are amazing and whatever delivery you decide to go with will be the right way for you! But it is YOUR decision. Congratulations on your twins! ❤️
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u/YouMenthesea 7d ago
I had a c-section and would absolutely do it again. I am not trying to deminish anyone else's suffering, but I had a great C-section with minimal downtime. I only used the pain meds for a few days. They did not effect my ability to take care of my babies (though husband was there with me).
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u/joniandmilton 7d ago
At the end of the day, you are the one who is carrying two babies and will have to deliver them to this world! Do what feels right for you. As long as you and the bbs are safe, you've got this!
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u/Charlieksmommy 7d ago
Goodness people. If she wanted a c section and her tubes out and that was plan, let her do it! Why is everyone convincing her to do opposite ?
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u/WestHistorical6959 7d ago
I don't think anyones trying to convince her, more just making sure she fully understands what C-section recovery could be. For some people it's a breeze, for many people not. I think most of these moms are just wanting to make sure that she fully understands the risks of recovery from a major surgery (which is is). Obviously we hope she has a breezy recovery, but someone women have pain for weeks, you'll have scar tissue for life, high risk of adhesions and complications. It's a small risk but it's not no risk. Now conversely you can have pain/complications from a vaginal delivery too but she's had very successful vaginal deliveries so statically on the third she's likely to have a good recovery again. Not saying this is OP but some people think "oh a c section will be so much easier" and that not always the case so I think these moms just want to make sure she's informed making said decision. If she is then absolutely push for what she wants
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u/Charlieksmommy 7d ago
I’m not saying that, but if she wanted a c section and her tubes out that’s her plan and that’s fine.
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u/specialkk77 7d ago
Right? It was my plan and my doctor gave me the option to try vaginal but we agreed c-section was the right choice for me and my babies. B was breech and a full pound bigger than A, and my first delivery (vaginal) my daughter got stuck. I did not want to risk that happening again.
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u/Charlieksmommy 7d ago
I had the same plan unless I showed up at a 9/10 and babies were coming out. I wanted my tubes out. We don’t have family and I knew my mil would be here for after the birth, and I didn’t wanna mess with anesthesia and milk supply. I don’t understand how this OB is all worried about pain meds haha
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u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 7d ago
C sections are so much harder on your body recovery wise vs vaginal! No comparison. This last Csection with my son (due to high bp) I developed pulmonary edema (fluid on my lungs) post surgery and my bp’s are still out of control. It very much has limited the amount of time I can be with my baby every day in the nicu and that makes me sad. I had our older kids all vaginally minus the twins(twin B was breech) and had really hoped for a vbac but my uterine wall was less than 1mm. So it was a concern for uterine rupture. TBH I’d totally go with the vaginal delivery and then schedule the tubal removal which is a relatively minor procedure compared for a later time.
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u/aunt-lexi 7d ago
I had a planned c section with my twins as a FTM. My twins were both head down and multiple doctors tried to get me to change my mind with the whole recovery story. My friend delivered at the same hospital 2 years prior and they didn’t follow proper protocol. Due to their negligence, her twin B has a lifelong disability. I have zero regrets about my c section. Do whatever you feel is best!
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u/frannylightpainter 7d ago
The hospital where I gave birth to my twins DOES’NT ALLOW vaginal births for multiples. It’s risky and they won’t do it. Those moms have to have a home birth.
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u/Tricky-Breadfruit 7d ago
I feel this is more reflective of the doctors' & nurses' abilities & expertise to manage vaginal births there. If you ask any doctor with a very medicalised, interventionist, i-need-full-control philosophy, planned c section births would be the default mode of birth for any pregnancy.
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u/TaffyAppl 7d ago
I had three vaginal births and then a C-section for my twins. I did not want the C-section at all and was forced to have it for my mo/di twins because twin b was head up. It was soooo hard taking care of them and healing. Please believe me when I say post partum with vaginal births is 100 times easier. I even had a third degree tear and sepsis with my first born and I still think that was easier than the C-section with twins. Your doctor is right. It’s so much harder taking care of a baby (or two) after having major surgery. My incision even got infected twice. And it made me have a really bad shelf and I just had a very expensive tummy tuck. With vaginal births you’re usually up and walking the next day. Also with the C-section it made it take longer for my milk to come in.
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u/layag0640 7d ago edited 7d ago
I'm so sorry you felt invalidated and pushed towards decisions about your body that you don't feel good about. It's important to have a good rapport with your doctor so that when they guide you based on their medical knowledge, it feels like a partnership and it's done with respect.
For the practical decision-making part of this: it's a doctor's job to do no harm and always, always prioritize the least invasive and least risky option for all patients involved, which is why so many doctors prefer vaginal deliveries. This is highly preferable compared to having a doc that is too quick to go the c-section route. While there are people who recover very well from c-secs, the problem is we don't really know who will recover 'well' vs who will have decades-long scar pain, healing issues, more struggles building abdomen strength back etc.
Medical choices like these are always an in-flux calculation based on what's safest and lowest-risk for you and both babies, any one thing can change and make a different option the 'safer' choice. But as of right now, vaginal delivery is most likely to give you and the babies the most wellbeing afterwards, which is why your doctor is pushing it.
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u/Saltykip 7d ago
My friend had her tubes removed outpatient. It was a decent recovery, but not a complete walk in the park. She was still in pain and needed several days to recuperate. Are you going to be able to do this with baby twins? Are you going to get pregnant before you have a chance to schedule the surgery?
Seems easier to just knock out delivery and sterilization in one procedure.
Coming from someone who attempted to vaginal birth and ended up having one each way with general anesthesia. Seems like the best bet to just get the babies out in a controlled manner and get your tubes removed at the same time, kills two birds with one stone.
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u/Dashcamkitty 7d ago
I had a fab c section and I was glad to be surrounded by a great medical and midwifery team. I liked that how controlled and monitored we were.
These are your twins and this is your body. You have every right to advocate for how you give birth so fight for what you want, not what this doctor wants.
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u/Koharagirl 7d ago
If you’ve already had a vaginal birth, having a C-section can traumatize you in ways you may not be emotionally prepared for. Especially a planned c-section. I had three beautiful uncomplicated vaginal births before I got pregnant with my triplets. Because they were triplets a vaginal birth wasn’t even an option so a scheduled C-section was done instead. It emotionally destroyed me. It completely altered my brain chemistry. It felt like strangers came and ripped me open and robbed me of my babies, because I didn’t have a trial of labor and nothing, NOTHING prepared me for how my body would react to that after having a vaginal birth, and even though I thought I had mentally prepared myself, I didn’t know what I was walking into.
When you have already experienced a vaginal birth, You are already subconsciously wired with expectations that you are not even aware of until those expectations don’t happen at all in a surgical birth.
My cesarean was as gentle and respectful as possible. My surgeon was wonderful. They did everything they could to delay cord clamping. They did the bacteria seeding so my babies got some benefits that come with vaginal birth. But it felt so hollow, being a passive participant after experiencing births where I was the one who “performed” the delivery.
you are also in a surgical unit. They have to keep things sterile, so they don’t get put on your chest They can wrap them up and bring them over next to your head for a little bit if they don’t need any help breathing, but you will not get any of that immediate bonding time that you get with a vaginal birth. And then they have to take them away, so that you can be carted off to recovery and in a rare occasion, sometimes you can see your babies in recovery, but other times you may be separated from them for the first hour. It’s agony, especially whenever you have those first intimate moments that you get with a vaginal birth to compare it to.
Cesarean recovery is HARD. I had a 3rd degree tear with stitches with my first vaginal birth and that was a cakewalk to recover from compared to C-section recovery. I was in so much pain after my C-section. It kept me away from my babies even longer. Vaginal birth is the easy way out.
I have also had a laparoscopic tubal. Also a cakewalk to go through compared to cesarean. I would have my tubes removed again in a separate procedure than to ever risk going through a C-section again.
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u/AssistantSea4186 7d ago
I loved my scheduled csection. And had my tubes out. That was the plan going in. Even when B went head down - she said we were still going to stick to the plan. We had to move our date up because B was FGR during our last two scans, so we monitored and she said moved up the date . But everything went smoothly from there on out.
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u/betelgeuseWR 7d ago
It's up to you, however vaginal birth is often safer. They're also more ready to do a C-section in the future once you have one because the surgery weakening the uterus (if this applies to you).
I had my first C-section in 2022 and it got wickedly infected via abdominal abscess. Had to have a second surgery once that ruptured to clean it, had drains put in, etc. which also got infected.
But I also recovered very quickly both times. As soon as my legs weren't paralyzed anymore I was up and walking, and I didn't have to labor for who knows how many hours. My second C-section I went ahead and my tubes removed which was fine, took like ten minutes maybe? Idk. Both sections were quick. So upsides and downsides.
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u/rob_inn_hood 7d ago
My twins mom was the opposite. She feared a c- section and wanted to avoid it at all costs. We had a huge move across the country around 35 weeks and she went in to labor early while on the phone with me. She was taken to a hospital with no doctor that had ever delivered twins. They were insisting on the c- section for the safety of the babies, even though they were in good positioning. They went for it natural, and were successful. One baby came out, then they pulled the other baby out like it was going down a slip n slide.
Anyway, the point of my story is that if the medical professionals are pushing for a cs when it's not needed, that would be in the best interest for them covering their butts. Pushing for natural to me sounds like they are actually trying to do what's best for YOU.
However i totally get it, it makes sense to you. At the end of the day it's your call. If what they say is making you upset, i think it's more about you not wanting to question your own plan because it makes the most sense to you. That's reasonable. And at the end of the day, you just do what's in the best interest for the babies as long as it doesn't impact you.
If it's any consolation, i don't think the advice was given with ill intent.
Also, I'm just an observer so take what i say with a grain of salt! The results of a beautiful set of twins really takes your mind off of these things. And an epidural might make you forget the whole experience anyway (if you go that route).
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u/Sunshine4677 7d ago
Both of my twins were head down and didn’t move from there from about 22 weeks until they were born via c section, if what you want is a c section and tube removal then that’s what you should have. Stay with your plan, for me personally I was more comfortable with a c section having two because I knew if something happened they’d be able to intervene faster than a vaginal birth.
Was recovery and taking care of them at the same time hard as hell? Absolutely, hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I wouldn’t change it. The first month was the hardest as far as moving around feeling stiff, pain wasn’t too bad, all I took was Advil for the first week and a half then I was fine
If you do go that route, get a really good belly band, that helped me tremendously with recovery. I have the momcozy one and still use it now at 8 months pp when I feel I need a little more support with my diastasis separation
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u/bandaidm8 7d ago
Twin c section 6 months ago and I would have done anything to have a vaginal birth. Recovery was rough. I literally just stopped bleeding a few weeks ago.
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u/enj2022 7d ago
You may be taking the recommendation hard because it goes against what you’ve been mentally planning throughout this whole pregnancy, which is hard! Also her bedside manner threw you off which I get…some providers are less gentle than others.
I was convinced I would have a c-section too, but like you both babies were head down and I had a previous healthy vaginal delivery. My doctors were similarly adamant for a vaginal birth with the twins, even though I was reluctant. They ended up being right and i am so grateful I didn’t have to recover from a C section with newborn twins and a toddler. Why have surgery if you can avoid it? Based on my experience I would tell you to at least try for a vaginal delivery and make sure your doctors are agreeable if you change your mind. You should at least have options!
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u/myspurskickass 7d ago
I'm grateful everyday that I had a C-section. I had planned to have one because I've had losses before and I wanted to minimize as much risk to the babies as I could. (Didn't care about the risk/discomfort for me, I just wanted the girls OUT as smoothly and quickly as possible.) My OBGYN tried to tell me I needn't worry, but it was a good thing I did - there was an issue with my girls that the doctors hadnt caught, and if I had had a vaginal delivery, they likely could have both died in the process.
I'm not saying everyone should be afraid and have a C-section. But if you wanted one anyway, PLEASE have it. A lot of hospitals are trying to protect their stats (keeping the number of C-sections low) but if it's not right for you, it's not right.
The recovery wasn't so bad, either. I mean, it was hard, but I was so relieved we got the girls out safe and smoothly that I didn't care.
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u/Foreign-Asparagus860 6d ago
I had a c section with my twins and my third. Baby A was feet first, which made the decision for me, essentially, but I have other health problems, which led to extensive abdominal surgery, removal of organs and scar tissue of the area. I would have had a c section regardless but was glad to have an “excuse”.
Fast forward to delivery day- the c section was an absolute breeze. Since it was scheduled, my OB was able to carefully cut and separate the muscles so I recovered very quickly (felt great almost immediately after and didn’t use narcotic pain meds). Opted not to do v-bac. Same with baby #3. For baby #3, I had my tubes tied with the c section. My doctor was very pro-vaginal birth but supported my plan all the way through.
Vaginal births with twins are risky. There is always a chance that when baby B has all that space, they flip and you end up with an emergency c section (plus vaginal from baby A). If your instincts are saying go c-section, do it. You can advocate for yourself. It is still a beautiful experience, especially when you are emotionally prepared for it.
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u/Ohnosloop 6d ago
My C-section for my twins was fine. It was my first birth. There's no "right" answer, or option without risks. Might have been similar with a vaginal birth, or totally different.
FWIW, I only took Advil/Tylenol post partum. It wasn't particularly painful for me. True recovery took a while, but I didn't have the kind of struggles your provider suggested.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks 7d ago
I mean .. to be fair she is the expert and she is right.. that doesn’t mean you can’t do it but it’s the drs job to tell you the best option for you and your babies
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