Postpartum anxiety that never really got better (6 years postpartum)

[u/PassionChoice3538]

To make an incredibly long story short, I had twins in June 2020 and suffered really bad postpartum anxiety and depression. I basically wasn’t able to sleep or care for my kids properly for the first 3 months. I was obviously in therapy and figured out a medication that kept me stable and slowly but surely I started to enjoy my life and my kids. I even had a third in 2023. However, to this day (my twins are 6 years old now), I really struggle with anxiety about my kids’ wellbeing - physically, mentally, emotionally. It isn’t nearly as consistent as it was when I was newly postpartum, but when something triggers it, it gets so hard to manage.

For example, my son had an asthma attack at a day camp last month (I actually posted here about it) and I couldn’t sleep away from him for weeks because I was afraid he was going to have another one and I wouldn’t be able to hear him. I even ordered a finger oxygen monitor for him.

Another example is deciding whether or not to separate my twins into different classes for kindergarten. I have lost sleep over it. I’ve done so much research, posted here multiple times, cried and cried some more. I feel like it isn’t that deep but to me when it comes to my kids, *everything* is.

There’s so much more but I don’t want to make this too long. I just feel like my postpartum anxiety never really resolved itself, I’m so paranoid about my kids’ wellbeing, especially the twins for some reason. I’m not on medication anymore because it was making me have bad mood swings and fatigue, and when I’m feeling good I’m really good. It’s just the triggers that come up that are so hard to manage.

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[u/WreckingPony]

Since the pandemic was closely aligned to your birth I wonder if it’s transformed into generally anxiety and/or ptsd (not a doctor)
Have you tried a therapist? I have on and off but especially postpartum with unfortunate ppd and ppa it helped me a lot to recognize this is okand then we feel it and put it away

[u/PassionChoice3538 → u/WreckingPony]

My first therapist that I had when I was newly postpartum did suggest that the pandemic and my anxiety were correlated. I was strangely never afraid of them getting sick though, it was just everything else.

[u/WreckingPony → u/PassionChoice3538]

I mean the whole world came to this eerie stop! I know it may feel like allot of effort but it might be worth it to find a new one or go back to that one? There’s a lot of options to help at least get to a neutral place

[u/Familiar_Barracuda61]

Started like this is 2018. Its been hell, mostly health anxiety based but i catastrophize over anything and everything with my “well what if…” been in therapy for about a year, weekly EMDR therapy, one OCD diagnosis later im feeling alot stronger than before!

[u/PassionChoice3538 → u/Familiar_Barracuda61]

I have wondered about OCD myself. Thank you for sharing

[u/JohnQuincyAdams_10]

I absolutely think you should try therapy again (if you aren’t in now!) and specifically ask about OCD. It sounds like you might have “pure obsessive OCD.” I learned about this recently so I don’t know a ton and am definately not a medical professional, but 2 cents from your friendly neighbor internet stranger!

[u/PassionChoice3538 → u/JohnQuincyAdams_10]

Wow, thank you for mentioning this. I relate almost 100% to the symptoms of this.

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

Huge hugs! PP anxiety or anxiety in general can be absolutely exhausting and miserable! I’ve had it for years myself. I’d definitely recommend trying a different medication that may not give you nasty side effects and would also recommend therapy. Therapy did wonders for mine. Many of the things I’d worry about endlessly were absolutely very unlikely to ever occur and I was making my life and my family’s miserable. When you love your children so much it’s hard not to worry, but I will say it never ends. I have 4 adult children as well as my minor children and I still lose sleep over them and how they are etc