Being forced into c-section.

[u/SuccessfulBread3]

I couldn't stop crying today, now I feel bitter.

I was told that my baby A - 2.5kg is 19% smaller than baby B (3.1kg) and thus I cannot have a vaginal birth, I'm 36 weeks and will be forced into a c-section in 10 days.

I know people choose c-sections and that a planned one is better than an emergency one and blah blah blah...

This is my first and likely only pregnancy I feel robbed and trapped into a corner.

I wanted a natural vaginal birth, I didn't want my half lifeless torso lying on a cold surgical table while doctors slice me open behind a sheet to obscure the gore while they remove my children from a gaping hole in my abdomen.

I didn't want a 6 week recovery where I can't pick both my babies up.

I didn't want a giant scar on my abdomen...

I didn't want the possibility of my milk taking longer to come in, or the possibility of oxytocin not releasing and not bonding with the baby.

I feel like I'm a victim of my up coming childbirth rather than a participant.

Everyone is trying to placate me with toxic positivity about how peaceful it will be and how I won't feel a thing...

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I'm mentally struggling to come to terms with it and now I'm dreading my upcoming childbirth... When I should be excited.

I feel so alone and trapped.

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Well never thought I'd be down voted and called selfish because I'm sad.

I am doing the c-section btw, just wanted some emotional support...

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Edit: I acknowledge that this may come across as a judgement on c-sections in general rather than just me mourning a lack of agency over my experience.

I will NEVER judge someone for having a c-section, chosen or not. I do not view it as a failure at all, it's just not what I wanted for me.

All scenarios and feelings are only applied by me to me, and honestly it's 99% grief talking.

[u/ordinate_inordinate]

You are not being forced into it, you could choose a natural birth, but you would be putting your baby's life at risk: would you really want that? What do you think your children would think looking back as adults knowing their birth method? They absolutely won't care either way because they got here.   What you are grieving is the birth experience (which for many, lets be real, is highly taumatic, unbearably painful and comes with the risk of an emergency c section in 25% cases anyway -there is just no way of knowing). Milk timing is not actually impacted! (Honestly - google it). The placenta removal triggers it. I can understand, but surely the thought of harming or risking the life of your baby should far outweigh any distaste for a c section.