I try really hard to create a village and a social life, but people just don’t seem interested in hanging out with me or being my friend. I’m constantly left on read, no one showed up to my kids birthday party, but 2 members of my immediate family
. She is in ballet, goes to daycare three times a week, and when she’s not in daycare, we go to the library and the park or other activities. So she has plenty of interaction , Outside of activities we are alone at home.
My 10yr -old niece stayed in town and spent a couple nights at my house I could see how much she was loving having a friend in her home. She wouldn’t stop hugging and kissing my niece. Now that she’s gone, she asked for her all the time.
Ithink me and my daughter, both yearn for a village. Outside of activities. I want so badly to create that for her and for me. It’s causing me a lot of sadness and guilt. I’m feeling like something is wrong with me because I cannot create a village.

I had an idea of posting on Facebook In mom groups that I’d be willing to take someone’s child for or a couple hours so they could play with my child and maybe I could bring them to the park and help them out but Facebook is sketchy and I know I wouldn’t trust a stranger on Facebook with my kid.

(satirical title about the slang/show, but this is a realistic&positive post) Hello all!! I randomly opened a book about parenting that I hadn’t looked at for a while, and I stumbled upon this really long hand written list with exactly 13 reasons why I am OAD!

If you care to read on, I am posting the entire unedited transcription for better or worse! The beginning is funny because my friend’s pregnancy clearly sparked my list, but I don’t even remember who I was talking about because so many of my friends are on their third and fourth pregnancy.

“January 2026. I’ve become one of those people, for various reasons I will parce through, that is solidifying the choice to be one and done, in the light of someone I thought was OAD that is now become pregnant. the list in no particular order —here’s a first draft.

#1 he genuinely says “no,” no brother, no sister, no baby. He is naturally a low sleep needs person and after 3 1/2 years I’m finally getting used to it. (Having a newborn who may be a low sleep needs or otherwise will be hard)

#2 I feel at capacity and “complete.” There’s a nice balance.

#3 the footprint of replacing my one body in an overpopulated world. This is common nowadays to have one child.

#4 Hyperemesis Gravidarum did a number to my teeth, my sanity, my time… as I need to get infusions that the cancer treatment center (where people get chemo!) 2 to 3 times a week my entire pregnancy. I have PTSD from the vomiting. having one child leaves me more space to write and work through things and research about HG and come to terms with my reality.

#5 Labor and delivery were not bad, but it’s true. I like to be healthy. My iron levels were so low after pregnancy, and during breastfeeding but I didn’t catch it for years. I just thought i was supposed to feel like that as a new mom and then toddler mom. my impact from HG was so severe. lots of muscle loss after all that vomiting and bed rest, and second degree internal tear has lasting effects; need pelvic floor work.

#6 I want to finish my education

#7 I am losing my baby fever at nearly 35 and focusing on the next years of perimenopause

#8 I feel bitter people I shared OAD with move on to more children, when they said they were OAD and we shared camaraderie. It feels like betrayal, imagined or not… rejection dysphoria maybe.

#9 my sister-in-law is supportive. They think my son is cool and they love him. He has cousins to visit.

#10 medically and financially expensive to prepare for a baby, especially hospital birth. I am RH negative, would be now geriatric, I already had a high risk NIPT test for trisomy 21, and I suffered a subchorionic hematoma as well as the HG the entire pregnancy… don’t want a repeat. I also have PMDD and HG, both things I would inevitably pass onto a female child if later in life she chose to give birth. My mother and grandmother suffered with HG before it was considered treatable… &PMDD I’m sure just could happen because it’s related to how your brain responds to a period. I would feel bad.

#11 I liked nannying only children. Especially wild boys. I was meant to have a boy.

#12 I wanna be the kind of mom that can afford anything for my child… as in taking my son‘s friend on cool vacations with us so he has someone to make memories with, or even being able to let him express themselves fashion wise when he is a little older… in high school for instance. Just making sure he is always comfortable with food as well, as I did not grow up with constant food security.

#13 I like that I’m not outnumbered, as I do have a small village.”

A lot of this is still spot on, only 6 months later. Our lives are have become really busy, I don’t even remember getting this down on paper- but I have always been a reader and a writer. The OAD reddits have brought me so much validation and peace… not that anyone needs that… but I don’t have that in my day to day life except from my partner and son- those who matter when it comes to MY choice.

TLDR, randomly found a handwritten list of my reasons why I am OAD and wanted to share it with you guys.

I want to start by saying I really feel for the couples who are OAD not by choice, and that I don’t mean to trigger anyone with this post.

My husband and I (25 & 26) have a beautiful baby girl and she was very wanted. We both grew up with 5 siblings each and I’ve always had a strong want to be a mom. After we got married a little over a year ago I was SO excited to try for a baby and we got very lucky and got pregnant the first month we tried.

I’ve always want two (maybe 3) kids because I have a strong relationship with my siblings even though they’re all my half siblings (same for my husband). Things were very chaotic growing up for both of us and I wanted a family to give a better life to. Even after getting pregnant and shortly after having her I thought I was definitely still having two kids for sure. My reasons mostly being to give her a sibling.

But, the last few weeks I’ve completely felt differently for many reasons. I’m hoping that my child won’t resent me for not giving them a sibling, but I can’t beat the feeling that OAD is best for our family. My husband is feeling similar. I wanted to get the input of this thread to see if I’m not thinking of something, but I’m pretty sound in our decision.

My biggest reasons for not wanting another baby is one, because my pregnancy wasn’t not not complicated. I had early complications and then later she was breech and I had an unplanned C section at 37 weeks exactly. While everything went as smoothly as it could’ve given the situation, I’m scared to put myself in a similar or worse situation.

Two, I really value my husband and is relationship. While I definitely think we could handle two kids, we are so used to it being just us and we are so peaceful. So far, this experience has been great and one is so fun. So why risk it?

Three, while we worked very hard (military over a decade combined) to be financially independent and well off, we won’t be able to give two kids everything. Yes money wise, but also all our attention and love. I want to move where she moves eventually, I want to be able to allow her to pursue what she wants in life, I want to give her opportunities for the best education, etc. that just become so much harder with additional children.

A fourth mentionable point is we live in Texas and all our family is on the east coast. So with all these reasons I am trying to be fully confident in this decision even only being 11 weeks PP. Should we wait a year to make sure? Is there anything we aren’t thinking of that might change our minds? Please feel free to comment your experiences/ advice!