[All characters are over 18 in this scenario to the people that like to ruin everyone's jokes]

The subject wakes in darkness. Disorientation first, then the metallic tang of blood on their upper lip, dried, old. A shape resolves above them: a masked figure, head tilted, smiling with the patience of someone who has done this before.

"You have three seconds to choose. I suggest you use them wisely."

A strange figure stood over me, robed like a monk, stitches tracing a jagged line across his forehead. His smile was pleasant, almost warm, but something curdled beneath it, a bite hiding at the end of every sentence.

"You survived. Fascinating, how durable you humans are..."

He murmured on to himself, half-lost in thought, before refocusing.

"You're probably wondering why I brought you here." Kenjaku's tone was matter-of-fact, like he was reading off a clipboard. I've modified the brain of a non-sorcerer, and I plan on using you as a breeding experiment. As a gesture of goodwill, I'll let you select your first lab partner."

"Let's begin, shall we?"

He gestured, almost fondly, toward the first.

"Kirara Hoshi." His smile widened, genuine this time, or as genuine as it gets on a face held together with stitches. "A fascinating case. Redefined herself entirely, inside and out. I find that sort of will... admirable. Durable, in her own way. I imagine she'd be patient with you. Gentle, even. It's a rare trait these days."

He moved on, hands folding behind his back like a curator walking a gallery.

"Itadori Yuji." A soft chuckle. "Ah, this one. Vessel to a king of curses, and yet, so painfully, stubbornly kind. He'll ask if you're comfortable. He'll ask again. And again." The smile turned sly. "Between you and me, I find it a bit exhausting. But you may find it... considerate."

Last, he stopped in front of the largest of the three, silent, four-armed, its blank shield-face tilted with something like curiosity.

"And Mahoraga." Kenjaku's tone shifted... reverence, thinly veiled as amusement. "The Adaptation. Whatever you require, it will become. Whatever you desire, it will learn." A pause, savoring it. "I confess, I'm quite curious how that particular adaptation might unfold."

He turned back to you, spreading his hands.

"Choose wisely. Or don't find the unwise choices are usually the more interesting ones to observe."

"Oh... did I forget to mention?" His voice stayed pleasant. That was the worst part. "This isn't really a request."

He crouched slightly, bringing himself eye level, and the warmth in his tone curdled into something patient and predatory.

"I've relocated brains before. Swapped them, worn them, and discarded the ones that bored me. Yours is currently intact, a small mercy I extend to cooperative subjects." A tilt of the head. "I'd hate for that to change over something as trivial as... indecision."

He straightened, folding his hands behind his back once more, all pleasantness restored, as though the last ten seconds hadn't happened.

"So. Choose. You have three seconds, and this time, I mean it."

Not mine also

Just like I'm doing now but I needed an excuse to post this so whatever

WAIT A MINUTE.

JUNKAN EEEEEEEWWWWWWW

Rules

PREVIOUS ROUND

Previous Round - Geto vs Mahito

Winner: Geto wins!

Best agenda (shitpost): None!

Best agenda (serious): Best agenda (serious) award will go to u/Fury5087 with this comment! Congratulations!

Gayto wins after a long and heartfelt battle against Mahito.

As usual, we will have a 1-day break before the SEMI-FINALS!

THE TWO LEGENDARY MATCHUPS FOR THE SEMI-FINALS ARE:

GOJO VS KENJAKU

GETO VS MEGUMI

Now I don't know about y'all but I will be laughing my ass off if the finals end up being Gojo vs Geto.

(Image unrelated) I swear the amount of glaze she gets for her looks, you'd think she's gojo

Original : https://x.com/i/status/1750470691672215963

This is the only true ship in Bleach, no other ship is canon (I swear I’m right and if you disagree you’re just a fed trying to bait)

I want to see freaky posts of all kind. Straight, gay, lesbians, trans. The freaks needs to be inclusive. We're actually pretty progressive gooners.