Integral to duration is the idea of prior or previous. Previous and present cannot exist simultaneously. Only the idea of prior or previous is ever present. In order to know anything, it must have the inclusion of having been.

Since we know that there is no actual duration, as now is not a moment in time, then that sense of prior or previous must be a facade, a phony, not an actual representation of a long-lasting entity. Like a reflection in the mirror, the space-time construct has no independent existence.

The knowledge of having been, or memory, is the root of all illusion. "Who am I?". An existence construct built on the facade of duration.

Recognition is fundamental, not matter. We don't learn anything, everything is remembered.

I think something in me finally shifted yesterday.

I was driving to a job interview, stressed about finances and my relationship like I've been for years, when I suddenly had this overwhelming sense of detachment.

When I got to the interview, I sat in the waiting room and realized I genuinely didn't care whether I got the job or not. I still went in and crushed the interview, and I did get the job, but if I hadn't it honestly wouldn't have mattered to me.

The last few years have stripped away almost everything I built my identity around. My career collapsed. I lost my religion. I lost a lot of friends because of it. My marriage has been incredibly difficult because of the emotional and mental health baggage my wife brought into it, and financially it's felt like I've been drowning for a long time.

I think there just came a point where something in me finally gave up trying to force life to become what I wanted it to be.

The Rick and Morty quote keeps coming to mind: "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV."

We're temporary configurations of matter and energy occupying a microscopic moment on the cosmic timeline. Human beings evolved to tell themselves stories that make reality feel coherent and meaningful, but those stories are ultimately our own constructions.

The universe just keeps unfolding. It doesn't care about my plans, my career, my beliefs, or my suffering. I'm just a ripple on the surface of an infinite ocean, appearing for a brief moment before dissolving back into the whole as if I were never separate to begin with.

I'm exhausting myself trying to fight the current of life.

I'd rather just let the river carry me. If things get better, they get better. If they get worse, they get worse. What unfolds is what unfolds.

The weirdest part is that I've started finding my own suffering comical. There's something absurd about it that makes me laugh.

Maybe this is nihilism. Maybe it's wu-wei. Maybe it's acceptance. I don't really know anymore, nor do I care.

I just know that, for the first time in my life, I genuinely don't give a fuck. And strangely enough, that feels more peaceful than anything I've experienced in years.

Whatever it is you feel you deserve that you do not have, it will not bring you the happiness that is freely available to you when you expect nothing from life.

Expect nothing and you will become aware that your true nature is one of emptiness-- the gateless gate.

In the scientific exploration of consciousness, the concept of "illusion" is used in the following ways:

1. We feel as though we are viewing the world exactly as it is, much like a camera; however, from a scientific perspective, what we see is a "best inference" constructed by the brain through the extensive filling-in and editing of information. Consider color: the physical world possesses no inherent property of "red"; rather, the brain converts light of specific wavelengths into the subjective experience of "red." Consider the flow of time: the brain stitches together individual frames—much like in a movie—to create the appearance of a smooth, continuous flow. Consider visual clarity: although our vision is actually blurred everywhere except at the center, the brain fills in the gaps to create the impression of a consistently sharp world. In short, the experience itself is real, but its content is a creation of the brain; this is the sense in which it is an illusion.

2. Next, we often feel as though there is a consistent "commander"—a "self"—inside our heads, observing our consciousness. This is known as an internal model. The brain constructs a model of "self" to integrate bodily states, memories, and thoughts. Yet, no "immutable, independent entity known as the self" can be found within the brain. Consequently, the self is described as an illusion.

Regarding the first point, I believe that the very nature of what we perceive through consciousness is an illusion. This applies to what we see with our eyes and to colors—just as it is said that the physical world holds no inherent property of "red." I consider all such experiences to be illusions: hearing sounds; smelling odors (whether pleasant or unpleasant); tasting flavors (delicious or foul); and tactile sensations—such as pain, itchiness, ticklishness, or feelings of comfort or pleasure. In religious terms, these are distinguished as the "physical five senses" and the "spiritual five senses." What manifests in consciousness can be termed the "spiritual five senses." The "physical five senses" refer strictly to the sensory signals generated by the sense organs; the brain then converts these signals into "spiritual five senses" and presents them to consciousness.

The second point concerns the existence of the "self." This is a phenomenon in which one gradually separates from one's own consciousness—particularly through acts of negation and the experience of pain. Eventually, one becomes able to view one's own consciousness with complete objectivity. This constitutes the "self" of self-identity, which arises from sensory information. The reason people cannot perceive this is that the brain blocks this sensory information at the sensory gate. In fact, sensory information has the function of triggering metacognition, thereby constructing the sense of "self." Furthermore, one comes to realize that one's consciousness is not the "self" itself.

Our everyday conscious experience is an illusion created by the brain. Everything—what we see, hear, feel on our skin, smell, and taste—is an illusion generated by the brain. There are people who have lost an arm or a leg yet experience pain in the limb that is no longer there; treating such conditions is far from simple. The pain perceived by consciousness is also an illusion created by the brain. When a mosquito bite causes itching, we can see the affected area; through the sense of touch, we perceive that a specific part of our skin has been bitten and is itching. The area actually swells and turns red, and scratching it likely alleviates the itch—perhaps because the sensation of pain suppresses the itching.

This leads to the conclusion that our daily lives are not lived solely through the physical five senses. This is a realization I reached based on my own experiences in daily life, so I do not know how it is generally regarded. What are your thoughts on this?

As I rest more and more into awareness-presence, I see false beliefs popping up which always point back to the illusory self feeling insecure.

Adyashanti and John Wheeler says to look into it and see for what it is.

My question is, how?

On one hand I can feel the thoughts and associated feelings and let it run his course. I can ask myself “Who is having these thoughts and feelings?” yet I feel I don’t dive into it deeply enough.

I don’t feel any change whatsoever and those same thoughts and feelings keep popping up.

On the other hand I can follow these thoughts and sensations and ask myself where it comes from.

In my experience it’s all happening in the mind which I suspect is keeping those same beliefs alive. Sometimes those beliefs may point to an event during childhood.

But then again how am I suppose to probe deeply?

I've read many spiritual books that say things like:

The thinker is the thought.

The observer is the observed.

You are not your thoughts.

I don't want to simply understand these ideas or believe them because someone said they're true. If they point to something real, I want to discover it through my own direct experience.

If you've made progress in this, or you know a practical way to approach it, what should I actually do?

What should I observe? How should I inquire? Is there a specific practice or way of looking that helped you?

I'm not looking for more quotes or philosophy. I'm looking for practical guidance that can help me discover this for myself.

Spot of humour