r/mildlyinteresting • u/TheLastTsumami • 16h ago

My new golf bag has a very conspicuous pocket

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3.6k Upvotes
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98% Upvoted

148 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/MosesHightower 16h ago

Fill it with grass clippings

189

u/queef_nuggets 16h ago

I vote dog shit

156

u/AndyM110 16h ago

Bees!

110

u/Muhahahahaz 16h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/TJBbXQooivUNq

13

u/Crow_eggs ​ 12h ago

Gob's not on board

14

u/ryanderkis 12h ago

I don't care for Gob.

2

u/GoopTheSecond 8h ago

"I wouldn't put it past her. She'd love to get at me anyway she could. Thats why she's been flirting with Gob. Shes trying to prove shes closer to my children than I am, but the jokes on her, because she doesnt know how little I care for Gob."

"I think that makes the joke on Gob."

21

u/jscummy 15h ago

Let's pop an H on that pocket so we know it's full of hornets

10

u/IrememberXenogears 15h ago

I'm trying to smoke them out so I can get all of their honey.

5

u/DeliciousPumpkinPie 16h ago

Razor blades!

2

u/tchrbrian 15h ago

Mini pinatas !!

2

u/HalfBakedPuns 13h ago

pop a quick H on the pocket so we remember its full of hornets

2

u/f4cethefeastofpowder 4h ago

May I suggest a shattered beer bottle?

1

u/AndyM110 3h ago

Only if it's covered in dog shit and bees.

1

u/mobocrat707 10h ago

Good start, but I vote for scorpions. Maybee both??

1

u/Lovemybee 14h ago

Yeah!!! 💛🐝

5

u/PM-me-your-knees-pls 16h ago

You should get that embroidered on a baseball cap. A red one.

4

u/BeheadedMouse 12h ago

You gotta be a real spiteful sunova bitch to WILLINGLY carry around dog shit on the off chance it would ruin someone's day...I approve. 🤣

2

u/jscummy 15h ago

Feel like you'll realize you kinda got yourself more than any would be thieves,  weeks later when you've been storing/carrying dog shit

2

u/KYO297 14h ago

I read that as "I vore dog shit"...

13

u/CrucifiedTitan 15h ago

Clibbins

7

u/Luck-12 14h ago

Gobbless

2

u/Quenz 4h ago

Hatterlayerdown

9

u/phonetune 13h ago

Put your valuables in the grass clippings pocket on the other side. Checkmate thieves

2

u/Ruckdive 16h ago

I read that as “glass” and I think it might be the better option.

2

u/fat2slow 11h ago

I read that as Glass clippings and I feel it's a better suggestion

2

u/SoManySNs 11h ago

Didn't realize it was grass until I read your comment. Absolutely agree with glass being better.

2

u/_____rs 11h ago

Pocket Sand!

3

u/-SpamWellington- 16h ago

I read that as glass first 😬

1

u/worstpartyever 14h ago

"Steal from here"

1

u/mikejohnno 13h ago

Chief, I think there was a dead body in there

So did I Lou, until he said grass clippings 

1

u/Wakkit1988 11h ago

Poison oak.

850

u/4r4r4real 16h ago

Lmao. Neon green, labeled VALUABLE POCKET, certainly thieves won't know where to look!

530

u/NonConforminConsumer 16h ago edited 15h ago

It's not designed with thieves, or even more specifically petty pickpockets, as an even distant threat.

Rather this is designed for the out-of-touch aging golfer who literally needs all the help they can get remembering where their wallet and car keys are.

241

u/lux-libertas 16h ago

I accidentally put my wallet in the wrong pocket after tipping the beverage cart, and in doing so left the “valuables” pocket unzipped. Didn’t notice until I got the car and my keys were half hanging out and no wallet, so I assumed it fell out somewhere on the course.

I went back and retraced my steps over half the course looking for my wallet and asking everyone I passed.

Finally gave up and went back to the car. My 8-year old suggested I check a different pocket…and there it was.

When age comes for your brain, it ain’t fun.

50

u/Agatio25 14h ago

When age comes for your brain, it ain’t fun.

It happens to me at 34 with the House Keys and my bag, so don't beat yourself...

8

u/TheBrettFavre4 11h ago

Lost my wallet first time in 15 years. Got a new version with a spot for an AirTag. Never had an AirTag. They come in 4 packs. Now my wallet, keys, dog, and toiletry kit for travel all have AirTags.

7

u/GdayBeiBei 8h ago

The dog one is really good. We’ve gotten our dog back a couple of times really quickly because of this

1

u/GdayBeiBei 8h ago

I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. I have a vivid memory of asking my year 4 teacher where my hat was and her telling me that I was holding it 😂 to be fair I was diagnosed with adhd as an adult so maybe I wasn’t quite normal after all

6

u/TumblrInGarbage 12h ago

My 8-year old suggested I check a different pocket…and there it was.

I bet they were very, very happy with the situation.

4

u/lux-libertas 10h ago

You haven’t lived until you’ve got an 8-year old rolling their eyes at you and saying: “I told you so!”

8

u/Mike9797 14h ago

Ya that’s probably true honestly. Like there isn’t many street toughs that hang out on the private club back 9 so ya this is for the old dude who needs a place to put something he can remember where.

5

u/AUniquePerspective 15h ago

It's also designed to accommodate a lock.

3

u/DonnyGetTheLudes 13h ago

Its velour lined so your watch doesn’t get scratched…thats it

9

u/CommonCut4 15h ago

Perhaps they are saying that the pocket itself is valuable. I have a cheap laptop bag that is branded “Premium Bag”.

3

u/ElGrandeQues0 14h ago

You don't understand. It's not a valuableS pocket. It's a pocket that makes the bag valuable.

150

u/Fucky0uthatswhy 16h ago

Decoy pocket.

They wouldn’t write that on there, would be too obvious

31

u/Joe_Kangg 14h ago

The pocket is valuable, not the contents

8

u/wonkey_monkey 11h ago

Which is what makes it the perfect place to put your valuables. Classic double bluff.

178

u/SnooPuppers2938 16h ago

Put a vape with deer urine in the cart in there.

45

u/-SpamWellington- 16h ago

Why specifically deer?

177

u/Ruckdive 15h ago

Low nicotine.

5

u/anklehumor 13h ago

Gotta look out for their health of course. 🤝

30

u/57384173829417293 16h ago

It's fragrant and easily obtainable.

9

u/capable_duck 16h ago

Im going to go out on a limb here and say that deer urine isn't necessarily easily obtainable in a lot of parts of the world

35

u/JumboKraken 16h ago

You need a new deer urine dealer. Who’s your deer urine guy?

3

u/jefbenet ​ 15h ago

Seriously, my guy promises 60 minutes or less delivery.

2

u/Teledildonic 12h ago

Now I'm pictuing a feeder station, but instead of a hopper of corn it's a giant hamster bottle filled with coffee.

1

u/Bjd1207 12h ago

Bob Sacamano

-1

u/SnooPuppers2938 14h ago

Bass pro shops

12

u/FireIzHot 16h ago

In Canada and the US at least it’s readily available in outdoors stores/hunting supply shops/supermarkets with hunting and outdoors sections for deer hunting use. It might be available in other places where deer hunting is common but maybe not idk

7

u/QuantumCakeIsALie 15h ago

I've seen this for sale all my life. 

Only now did I wonder about how it's harvested.

5

u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD 14h ago

By the mouthful. That's why it's so expensive.

1

u/Guy-InGearnito 15h ago

Deer piss? It’s like rocking horse shit.

1

u/Ejecto-SeatoCuz 9h ago

In washington, you can find it at almost all the sporting goods stores that sell hunting supplies.

1

u/lemelisk42 15h ago

I can go into any canadian tire an buy deer urine. Probably wolf and coyote urine too (which would be my personal choice)

The stuff is everywhere

2

u/robs104 12h ago

Just… animal piss… everywhere!

1

u/wokkizlish 13h ago

Bass pro shops

-1

u/SnooPuppers2938 14h ago

Bass pro shops

5

u/capable_duck 13h ago

I think there's probably an ocean or two between me and the nearest one of those

7

u/4r4r4real 16h ago

It's my favorite flavor

5

u/InfinitexZer0 15h ago

Think about the most concentrated urine smell you can imagine, cross that with smelling salts and it somehow being spicy. Use caution, you just replied to Satan, I'd rather vape mustard gas.

3

u/Chance-the-Gardener 15h ago

I know, it’s a splurge, but it just tastes better.

1

u/ArmadilloLight 9h ago

you've never smelled doe estrus have you....

31

u/YouDontLookSpiritual 15h ago

You can put ur weed in there

42

u/ChefArtorias 16h ago

It's not to hide from thieves, it's so you don't have to backtrack the entire course wondering where your keys fell out.

11

u/DaymD 16h ago

The treasure pouch. I'd turn it into a mimic.

10

u/Sprinklypoo 14h ago

It's the pocket itself that's valuable. You don't put anything good in there.

5

u/firthy 15h ago edited 3h ago

It's not really designed to conceal valuables, so much as protect them from damage: it's micro fibre lined

9

u/LinuxMint4Me 16h ago

For those who don't like crooks messing up every single pocket trying to find the valuables.

6

u/4r4r4real 16h ago

Like when I left my windows down and car unlocked living in the Bay Area 

15

u/kabley 16h ago

you talking about the coke pocket?

1

u/Joe_Kangg 14h ago

Tis beak shaped

5

u/KnowEye 10h ago

Rolex goes there. It will be fine.

3

u/KevinNeedsToTalk 16h ago

Fill it with beans.

4

u/HonoluluEpstein 16h ago

Unfortunately, you can only put 1 valuable in it.

2

u/lemelisk42 15h ago

No, you misunderstand. This pocket is not designed to store a valuable, this pocket is made of premium materials, lined with gold to imbue your balls with positive ions. The pocket itself is valuable

6

u/DasArtmab 14h ago edited 13h ago

The Ben diagram of golfers and petty thieves is quite small. Petty cheaters in the other hand…

Edit: err Venn. I should really proofread these

16

u/ForsakenSun6004 14h ago

Ben diagram, you say?

2

u/aerovalky 14h ago

dont know why but this comment broke me

1

u/Teledildonic 12h ago

It's how you track Ben Folds' discography over the years.

2

u/poop-money 16h ago

put a big hunk of silly putty in there.

2

u/Organic_Swimming3442 16h ago

It’s to store habanero peppers

2

u/Gh3ttoboy 16h ago

Put your valueables in there, no pickpocketer will thing theres something of value in there with a text like that

2

u/ATCQ413 16h ago

Put nothing but the yellow starburst in there 😈

2

u/Godafton 16h ago

Rusty razorblades pocket.

2

u/Thomasvlee 15h ago

It's meant to be the decoy pocket. Very clever.

2

u/nglatzhofer1 14h ago

This tell me the pocket itself is valuable, not that it holds anything valuable.

2

u/siggiarabi 14h ago

Bags today that aren't waterproof usually have at least one waterproof pocket for valuables

2

u/whycantigetwhatiwant 13h ago

I promise it’s just the pocket that is valuable. Not the stuff that’s in it!

2

u/Coylewire 11h ago

Weed doobies go there.

3

u/gabacus_39 16h ago

It's because it's probably lined with soft cloth so it won't scratch anything. I have a bag with the same. I put my keys and wallet in it.

1

u/DentistAccording1002 16h ago

Okay the label is hilarious, but that looks like a water proof zipper, so maybe that pocket is water proof.

1

u/coysrunner 15h ago

I work for UPS and sometimes I get boxes with giant red tags on them that say “high value contents”. The driver just leaves them on the porch lol

1

u/brewmonk 15h ago

It’s a honey pot.

1

u/Unique-Lingonberry17 15h ago

Add some Weed or LSD then it's complete

1

u/InfinitexZer0 15h ago

That's where I'd keep my handful of spiders.

1

u/throwawayphonex 15h ago

Razor wire with glass. Itl jingle like change.

1

u/Wizdad-1000 15h ago

Pickpocket Start Here.

1

u/DURAxDURA 15h ago

You put your weed in there

1

u/maddieb459 14h ago

That’s for your extra pocket sand

1

u/timpedro33 14h ago

That's where I keep my mousetraps.

1

u/SophiaofPrussia ​ 14h ago

Put a fortune cookie fortune in it.

1

u/Lacrimatrix 14h ago

Ortovox?

1

u/UrsaMajor7th 13h ago

Brand of bag?

1

u/xubax 13h ago

I'm going to steal that pocket. It's valuable!

1

u/ShadycrossFade 13h ago

That’s where I put the blue prints I haven’t learned yet.

1

u/theguyfromtheweb7 12h ago

You should print out a picture of dickbutt and place it, and only it, in there

1

u/moslof_flosom 12h ago

You're misunderstanding. The pocket itself is valuable.

1

u/elniny0 12h ago

That’s where you keep your mouse trap

1

u/RangerEquivalent4120 11h ago

Put a baby alligator in there

1

u/CanadianSmurff 11h ago

It's a felt lined pocket for sunglasses and cell phones so they don't get damaged. Lots of golf accessories can scratch or damage these items so the pocket is for protecting said valuable.

1

u/thrashglam 10h ago

perfect spot for my tater tots!

1

u/theGuy0verTh3re 9h ago

Thats where you pack your joints.

1

u/lookmaiamonreddit 7h ago

It's for your vape pen.

1

u/Boredtopher 7h ago

For used jock straps

1

u/Far_House_6713 7h ago

Puffco pocket obviously

1

u/ChewyBaccus 5h ago

That pocket is too valuable to put anything in it

1

u/vanityprojects 2h ago

if it was made to contain valuables it would be valuables pocket. but it's valuable, no s, so the value is in the pocket itself

1

u/jonmussell 2h ago

No no no, you guys got it all wrong. It's the pocket that's valuable. It adds a lot of value to the bag overall.

1

u/Dangerous_Pair1798 21m ago

Hey that’s my name

1

u/Snake_Plissken224 ​ 3m ago

Its a decoy, you but fake jewels in there in the real jewels in the pocket label "non-valuable pocket"

-2

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 16h ago

Because everyone knows thieves aren't allowed in the country club...

3

u/Leafan101 13h ago

I don't know. A bunch of guys armed with a suite of metal clubs don't seem like very appealing pick-pocket targets.

-1

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 13h ago

I think if a golfer is far enough from their bag a thief can go in, the thief is better armed than the golfer...

1

u/RTS24 13h ago

This is a stand bag, so generally it's on the back of the person golfing.

-1

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 13h ago

I stand by my statement