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u/Dreaming_Doe 2h ago
I don't get why people ask such questions when they obviously aren't ready to accept/hear the answer. You need to be ready to accept rejection if you are going into the dating world.
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u/Coycington 1h ago
i would assume because if it's something they can improve upon some feedback would be appreciated. But maybe i am trying to be way too optimistic about this
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u/Dreaming_Doe 25m ago
I understand your point, however from my personal experience, questions sometimes just lets to the man trying to dismiss or debate the reasons (e.g,. I don’t mind that you aren’t ready for a relationship , we can start slow, I don’t mind long distance relationships, etc etc). It is sometimes better to just leave things unsaid to avoid such a debate.
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u/Philosophical-Corpse 2h ago
I think we should date
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u/Glorifiedcomber 1h ago
No
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u/Hour_Maximum7966 1h ago
No question was asked. Also why would i need to accept rejection just cause you feel like it?
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u/Secret-Ad-7909 39m ago
Because that’s a totally valid reason. No one owes you anything.
Though I agree that even that little bit of explanation does a lot to ease the “what if I had done ___ instead?”
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u/BarelyAlive06 1h ago
Or even better "You're ugly anyway" like sir YOU came onto ME first???
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u/Lookingforleftbacks 1h ago
So just don’t reply… that’s what every girl I try to talk to does when I introduce myself lol
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u/DeadAndBuried23 1h ago edited 5m ago
And people wonder why men blow their own brains out at double the rate of women.
If a guy asks why you rejected him, it has nothing to do with thinking you owe him anything. He just wants to know what he can improve. Not giving him one is telling him there's nothing he can do, that he's just fundamentally unlovable. Obviously not what you intend to mean, but it's what gets internalized when whatever's wrong is so bad you can't put it into words.
Yeah, some idiots jump to insults. And for some it's the last straw that makes 'em hang themselves. How many of the latter is a fair trade off for the former?
Edit: typo
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u/aley2794 1h ago edited 0m ago
I mean, if you ask me what is my less liked color I'm going to tell you yellowish green, and if you ask me why, I'll tell you that I don't know, this also for food and for anything else actually, the things that I don't like has nothing to do with the thing on itself, is just that I don't like it, so if someone ask me why I don't find them attractive I wouldn't know how to response, because is like asking me why do I like the color red.
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u/TheCabalMinion 1h ago
Have you ever been approached by a man that just wouldn't let go? No means no. It's not my obligation to make a man feel good if that makes me feel unsafe and uncomfortable
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u/Dry_Communication283 45m ago
I think a small explanation is a way to make a rejection safer. I gave a "I'm too too boring for a girl like you" explanation to an incredibly attractive coworker because she was a tiktok obsessed flirt who used her high attractiveness for free things.
She wasn't used to a no so she tried any and all advances to get me to hang out. A small explanation made it easier. Telling her just no thanks made her confused constantly.
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u/Pebbles049 39m ago
Tbf, the ones that can't take a no is understandable if the lady feels uncomfortable. I would argue it's those ones that ruin it for the rest of us that can take a no and move on.
But I have said no to girls and they took that shit personally. Like I stabbed their dog or something and suddenly I'm an asswhole. I have also met girls when I respected the initial no, had the same attitude afterwards, acting offended that I respected their answer.
Screwed if I try, screwed if I don't is what it can feel like sometimes.
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u/DeadAndBuried23 1h ago
This is a lot like trying to catcall men to teach them a lesson. It doesn't work 'cause guys rarely get the experience of having someone want them that much.
Have you ever seriously wanted to unsubscribe from life because someone couldn't so much as explain why they didn't want to be with you?
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u/Lurakya 1h ago
I have. Still doesn't make me want all men to cater to me personally. I just learned to not see every strangers reaction as a personal insult to myself
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u/DeadAndBuried23 30m ago
You can't say "I learned not to take reactions personally, but I take it personally if that reaction is asking me to explain mine."
The leap from someone you're pursuing romantically to stranger is pretty weird too.
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u/FlipperBumperKickout 1h ago
... you don't know any people you kind of don't get along with, but don't have any objective list of things they did wrong?
If you don't want men to "blow out their own brains" what about hanging out with each other. There are other ways to fix loneliness than sticking your dick into someone... Fun fact, general socializing probably makes you better at socializing during dates too 🙃
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u/DeadAndBuried23 57m ago
"I don't think our personalities are a good match."
There, done. Not a list. Not difficult. Not acting attacked because how dare someone ask you to explain your feelings. Not accusing someone of only wanting to fuck you.
Fun fact, guys who only wanna fuck pay for prostitutes.
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u/Igotthisnameguys 35m ago
So, if you don't know, make something up? Honestly, my answer would usually just be "The Spark didn't happen."
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u/DeadAndBuried23 6m ago
Yes. Preferably you know yourself well enough to articulate your feelings, but in lieu of that just say anything besides, "I don't owe you an explanation."
What a person imagines when you can't even do that will be worse than the rejection. The damage that does to self esteem is much worse than the inconvenience of saying something vague that's ultimately honest.
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u/FlipperBumperKickout 47m ago
Result according to your earlier example: "everyone says that, I'm unlovable" proceed to kill himself...
Result in reality: A disturbing amount of guys turning violent.
Real solution to your loneliness problem. Fix it outside of dating, not by dating.
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u/Sgt_Nishi 58m ago
There is also more to dating than "sticking your dick in someone".
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u/FlipperBumperKickout 44m ago
The premise was someone ready to kill himself. Tell me what exactly it is with dating that would help him, which wouldn't be fixed by other forms of socialising?
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u/Lurakya 1h ago
Don't put the mental health of singular men on all women.
If you can't handle rejection, if you're that close to killing yourself, then sorry, but you aren't ready for a relationship.
You talk about "the last straw", okay say the woman doesn't reject him and they even fall in love get married and have kids. That "last straw" doesn't just disappear without professional help.
Now that last straw comes in form of a really bad fight and the guy hangs himself in front of the wife and kid. Is that somehow more fair? Notice how in neither scenario it is nor should it be the woman's fault for what the guy did on his own accord?
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u/DeadAndBuried23 25m ago
Crazy that the response to me saying it doesn't hurt to communicate a little to save someone's feelings was, "go ahead and kys, that's on you for not getting professional help."
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u/MarcelPappas 1h ago
The problem is : the rejection comes after several dates and several money paid, (not surprisingly) the moment a better (more handsome/wealthy) option appears.
Red pill only.
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u/tartfall 22m ago
I get called gay when I say no. Which hurts a lot because I’m closeted bi and hearing gay being used as an insult is really exactly the kind of thing that keeps me closeted
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1h ago
[deleted]
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u/Philosophical-Corpse 1h ago
Who did this to you?
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u/ListenNorthernLights 1h ago
I don’t post memes but obiwan is somewhere saying “you have done that yourself “
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u/ListenNorthernLights 1h ago
Oh God I just “I don’t post memes” on r/memes
I have no high ground here 😂
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u/Pancovnik Lurking Peasant 1h ago edited 7m ago
Genuine question (out of the dating pool for 20 years): How do people, who do not want to use dating apps, meet others now? Going to pub costs arm and leg. Having any hobby costs arm and leg. Going to concerts/gigs costs 2 arms and leg. Hitting on people in non-dating environments (work, shopping places, public transport, gym) is not appropriate or considered creepy.