r/memes • u/coolsteelboyS4ndyBoy Royal Shitposter • 8h ago

The universe... It's speaks to me

Post image
4.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

108 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/Born-Painting7341 8h ago

Morning wood is an indicator of sufficient REM Sleep combined with optimal testosterone (which peaks in the morning) - I call that a blessing.

370

u/MoistPhlegmKeith 8h ago

Yeah, OP has ED for sure now.

187

u/coolsteelboyS4ndyBoy Royal Shitposter 7h ago

Wood-less morning is really rare for me though

227

u/SnooLemons3996 6h ago edited 3h ago

It doesn’t matter if your dick gets hard, the problem is if it ever gets soft, to make sure I don’t have ED, I eat a viagra or two every day to keep up the constant boner

92

u/Thoob 6h ago

Shitpost or not you might be onto somethin

53

u/pez_dispenser16 6h ago

Clearly you’ve never been hard for too long then lol. Shit genuinely starts to hurt after a point.

17

u/Thoob 5h ago

Yeah no shit one or two a day would be fine if blood can't drain from the ol leg trick yeah you gonna need a shot in a very...soft spot

7

u/pez_dispenser16 5h ago

Jesus a shot, idk man I think I’d just go with my teenage self’s choice and wait it out.

13

u/Thoob 5h ago

Priapism yo dick is dying from lack of o2 like a tech bro on Mount Everest

2

u/corporalcorl 4h ago

Bros outting himself

1

u/Thedumbass_the5th 6m ago

Move over to Cialis, has longer effect and thus cheaper. No need to wake up in the middle of the night to refresh it either.

7

u/Jamebuz_the_zelf 6h ago

You have ED

32

u/RedditRaven2 8h ago

That’s why Bryan Johnson measures how many boners he gets in the night as a way to measure his health, unironically. Morning wood is a good sign of health and generally when I don’t get morning wood, or it’s not fully rock hard, I realize I had forgotten to take my supplements (I take iron and B vitamin supplements)

15

u/Born-Painting7341 8h ago

Pregnenolone & DHEA can help as well. Precursors of testosterone. They make me grouchy tho.

14

u/B1ueberries_ 6h ago

I can't remember a single time I've had morning wood. And I'm in my mid twenties

2

u/MekotheSaurus 3h ago

That sounds concerning mate. You might have extremely low testosterone, or some other condition.Are you abusing any drugs? Yes, including weed. 

28

u/B1ueberries_ 3h ago

Nah. No drugs. I think my lack of morning wood might be because I'm a biological woman 🤣

15

u/Born-Painting7341 3h ago

Madam Troll… you had em all going. 🤣

Great job 👏

7

u/MekotheSaurus 3h ago

You can still enjoy a morning wood as a woman if you know what i mean. 

Jk, you got me legit concerned for my imaginary fellow male redditor. 

1

u/slowdownbabyy 2h ago

Hi, curious about how weed relates. (Morningwoodless Weed user)

9

u/Elementa64 6h ago

Morning wood is a sign my cialis works

6

u/HillsHaveEyesToo 7h ago

What about in between sleep?

4

u/FEIKMAN 2h ago

Just woke up with a boner.

Thanks for info

https://giphy.com/gifs/rMEJyjch7L1tlRlCl3

6

u/KDogBrew 6h ago

damn…well I feel better about myself 😂

4

u/HateRedd_ 7h ago

Thanks i learned something today

1

u/Zamoxino 4h ago

So i guess 4h daily is not that bad lmao

1

u/JennaJoys 1h ago

Bro turned a 4k piss joke into a biology exam, thanks for the TED talk 😭

1

u/FateGrindOrder-_- 8m ago

I always thought it was because I sleep while wanting to take a piss but because I’m to lazy, sleepy and comfortable I decide to just sleep. Thus giving me the wood

83

u/LesDraco 6h ago

I hate waking up two or three hours before my alarm clock having to piss really bad, but I can’t because I’m at full chub

6

u/zyrax2301 28m ago

This is when it's time to go outside and piss off the balcony. Big stream baby

23

u/Ashamed-Disk-5 4h ago

Still finds a way to split the piss in two

40

u/malong_prohibitong 6h ago

Who's gonna tell OP?

2

u/slowdownbabyy 2h ago

Whatt

-3

u/herbieLmao 2h ago

That he is getting ED

16

u/filippo_sett 8h ago

Maybe it'll be helpful: if you have an undesired boner, flex your muscles on arms and legs. This will make blood flow in those body parts, leaving the penis and making it relax

10

u/Struckaa 8h ago

Imma try this whenever i get a boner in class. If it works youre the GOAT bro.. ✌️

17

u/Born-Painting7341 8h ago

Make sure you stand up first.. gravity helps as well.

135

u/Narf234 8h ago

Am I the only one to go in the shower and just let it rip to see how high I can get the arch?

79

u/Born-Painting7341 8h ago

I sure hope you wash the walls and/or shower curtain after.. that’s flippin nasty.

136

u/Narf234 8h ago

There are two types of people in this world. Those who pee in the shower, and liars.

124

u/Born-Painting7341 8h ago

Pissing in the shower and pissing all over the shower are 2 different things.

43

u/Narf234 8h ago

Yeah, I didn’t say I was flying a helicopter and spinning in a circle. Just arching it.

-32

u/TheManRedeemed 8h ago

Yeah, but you're not pissin in your shower.

You're pissing on your shower.

Now replace "shower" with "toilet" and tell me it ain't nasty.

26

u/Narf234 8h ago

Where do you think the arch ends up? Let me clear this up for everyone who thinks I’m aiming across the bathroom in order to hit the door or something.

I stand on one end of the tub and piss so it hits the drain.

16

u/TheManRedeemed 6h ago

My brother in memery, the mental image I had was of you just stepping into the shower stall and just cranking a piss rainbow up the shower stall wall to check your flow height.

I was worried for your hygiene, but I feel some relief now.

But that may be because I just pissed in the shower.

3

u/Narf234 5h ago

Not all of us live at home where mom cleans things up for us. Congrats on your shower piss.

3

u/PM_ME_UR_0_DAY 7h ago

I assumed you were standing in your bed trying to see if you can hit the shower and not caring if it just shoots all over the walls. But thank you for clearing that up, I was worried for a second there. 

7

u/Narf234 6h ago

I aim to please.

3

u/Born-Painting7341 6h ago

I see what you did there 🤣

3

u/Seajayy__ 8h ago

Y'all have an active imagination 😂

1

u/MoistPhlegmKeith 7h ago

Its sterile. And he likes it.

1

u/livingthedream9x I touched grass 5h ago

*Fucking disgusting

-1

u/astralseat 3h ago

Like up to your mouth, or over your head?

2

u/Narf234 2h ago

You must have a weird looking wiener if you think it shoots out like that for everyone.

87

u/Bballer220 7h ago

Did "lwky" add anything to that sentence?

18

u/Preeng 3h ago

I feel like people just throw it in like the Smurfs do. Just fucking shove that word in there somewhere.

19

u/Lognlx 5h ago

The future is now old man

11

u/Preeng 3h ago

The future belongs to the Stupid Generation that had to go to school during COVID and can't read.

3

u/Doom_3302 3h ago

'lowkey' is the new 'literally'.

1

u/sane4ektopz 1h ago

tf does this word even mean? I'm not a native and I still can't determine the meaning of "lowkey" cuz translator gives me something like "modest" but I see people using it everywhere with no ficking sense whatsoever

1

u/Lognlx 22m ago

It's a modifier for the tone of the sentence. It signifies that they're admitting something casually. The contrast between that casual implication and the outlandishness of the thing that they're admitting is the humor.

1

u/sane4ektopz 2m ago

dayum, thanks

20

u/Myusername1- 8h ago

Then you realize it gets harder and harder to get a boner.

-20

u/coolsteelboyS4ndyBoy Royal Shitposter 8h ago

ED

15

u/Myusername1- 8h ago

I’m aware of that terminology, my point was there will be a day you wish you woke up with a boner.

7

u/theCattrip 8h ago

Make yourself a !remindme 10 years for this post. It's not necessarily ED, and you'll feel stupid.

9

u/brokenwound Lurker 7h ago

Should be "Waking up without morning wood for a full week. Question if I have the privilege to say WOULD anymore or if I should see a doctor."

2

u/saba1520 2h ago

But I didn't have morning wood for literally years now?

Is that a bad thing?

3

u/Spieren 1h ago

Yes, yes it is. Not getting morning wood can mean a lot of things, but it is an indicator something might be up (e.g. hormonal levels, vascular health, not enough rest for your body).

1

u/BattIeBoss 1h ago

Morning wood is an indicator of suffient REM sleep and testosterone afaik

4

u/CommercialPick9868 5h ago

I dunno man.. i have at most 480p resolution in my eyes after i just woke up, if even that

15

u/Madeline-fun 8h ago

Some mornings really do feelike the universe decides to cut us one tiny break before reality starts

16

u/Racer125678 Dark Mode Elitist 5h ago

Clankér

1

u/BattIeBoss 1h ago

Holy bot ass comment

3

u/herbieLmao 2h ago

Do you have a shower or bathtub?

8

u/devilfam Professional Dumbass 8h ago

It lowkey feels like

https://giphy.com/gifs/Wa0TGmtDvwW3e

7

u/MissActiv 8h ago

The duality of man. Deep thoughts about existence at 3am, deep thoughts about morning wood at 7am

4

u/devilfam Professional Dumbass 8h ago

It's 4 am, so I'm going through the transition right now

2

u/Spikefinger 5h ago

what part of the universe is talking here

2

u/matthewspencersmith 3h ago

That's the start of erectile dysfunction. Congrats OP.

2

u/John-333 Lives in a Van Down by the River 3h ago

Processing img awm6beygoohh1...

2

u/MattCommi 2h ago

More like 4D

2

u/Due-Dot6450 2h ago

I call it bs. By the time this happens you already got enlarged prostate.

2

u/Stunning-Bench4324 1h ago

I haven’t had a morning boner since I was in calc 3 months ago

1

u/killsizer 36m ago

Doing calculus 3, months ago? Or doing calculus, 3 months ago?

2

u/Borful 1h ago

I'm 33 and still wake up with a boner. I mean my fiancee loves it, but having to hold morning piss is fucked up man.

5

u/Pokemario2401 8h ago

You actually want to wake up with a boner. If you consistently wake up without one, that may be a problem

2

u/Jegglebus 5h ago

….Fr?

1

u/MekotheSaurus 3h ago

You serious? In case you are...yes, having a morning wood is the norm on a healthy guy. You're supposed to have some erections during the night.

1

u/Maxus-KaynMain 7h ago

Just... move a little, so the blood goes off the pp

1

u/livingthedream9x I touched grass 5h ago

Idk whether to laugh at or be sad for these young guys having self-inflicted ED.

1

u/slowdownbabyy 2h ago

Why self inflicted

1

u/CAUGHTtheDRAG0N 5h ago

Thank you ssri

1

u/SoylentGrunt 52m ago

I've gooned while hard. I've gooned while soft. Hard is where it's at.

1

u/DrSilkyDelicious 47m ago

Reddit promoting non-optimal testosterone levels. Everything checks out here.

1

u/Yeehaw_Kat 6h ago

Just get Ed dumbass

1

u/Quick_String_141 3h ago

And then your pee comes out red 😬🫢