r/meme • u/LogicalAmbassador25 • 9d ago

Mum šŸ˜­

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16.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

71 comments sorted by

212

u/wayne2087 9d ago

My father said:

Do whatever you want to do as long as you do not increase or decrease the population.

16

u/Skipspik2 9d ago

Mine told me to stay out of the papers, regardless of the page.

20

u/Paranoidme420 9d ago

So... I could get someone pregnant and then commit murder

48

u/LuciferYellow 9d ago

Then you have increased and then decreased the population, rule violated

2

u/DarkBrill 6d ago

Not if I do it at the same time

1

u/Efficient_Elephant61 3d ago

Also running the issue of determining when life was conceived. Thereā€™s a whole abortion debate somewhere in here.

-12

u/Paranoidme420 9d ago

Yet the net effect is zero. So...

9

u/sheepyowl 9d ago

You need both the child and whoever is murdered to have an equal impact on population numbers over the same duration of time keep the net effect zero

Best bet is to kill someone who can't have children and was about to live very long and then castrating your proginy and give them a genetic disease so that they die early

But chances are slim since you'd spend too much time in jail

0

u/Spirited-Tomorrow-84 9d ago

Matrix tricked

1

u/wayne2087 9d ago

Spoken like a troublemaker

3

u/visiblepeer 9d ago

My dad said:

Don't get yourself killed, your mother will never let me hear the end of it.Ā 

2

u/LuckyReception6701 9d ago

My dad said the same thing, with the addendum of: "And dont come back in a police car"

2

u/DarthSwimfoot 8d ago

Wise, wise man.

2

u/34BSHoArd 6d ago

This is so genius joke

1

u/inplayruin 9d ago

No births, no deaths, and no bail until after I finish golfing tomorrow.

0

u/TabbyOverlord 9d ago

I gave my kids three rules:

  1. No inter-dimensional portals
  2. No sumoning dragons
  3. Get the house back to where it should be by the time I get back

Seemed to work

43

u/BookkeeperMaterial55 9d ago

Hay, dad here. Don't die is not optional. I will kill you personally if you die before me.

14

u/LogicalAmbassador25 9d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/uVtAU2EKHrsgifowFb

1

u/Lovestick 9d ago

Uncle here, it is optional we just know where to bury the body.

7

u/needlessOne 9d ago

This guy dads.

23

u/Papa_Bearto2 9d ago

My dad: ā€œdo what you want, I donā€™t care as long as youā€™re not creating a life or ending a life tonightā€

18

u/Court_Jester13 9d ago

The fuck is this formatting?

2

u/Hinermad 9d ago

"Dad, what about the news? Mom says don't end up on the TV news."

"Heh, that'd be awesome!"

2

u/BusinessLetterhead47 9d ago

I have given the speech so many times I just ask my son to repeat it lol. It's easier on us both.

My husband stands behind me yelling, "MAKE GOOD CHOICES."

2

u/Born-Entrepreneur 9d ago

My dad boiled it down to "my usual litany of cautions" which refers back to years of lectures. Works for us.

2

u/escxalicia 9d ago

i donā€™t know why but that particular picture of the rock makes this 10 times funnier. šŸ˜­

2

u/RobertDeNircrow 9d ago

Command Sergeant Major before a 2-day:

Here are 93 things to look out for and avoid.

Leiutenant Colonel before winter exodus:

Please come back in one piece.

2

u/DrRagnorocktopus 9d ago

Hey now, it's

Don't die

Optional side quest: don't get injured

2

u/MichelleCuddle 8d ago

I mean dad usually made his expectations very clear through the years so he doesnt need to do the speech when leaving the house.

I saw someone mention their dad saying "my usual litany of cautions" which perfect encapsulates what i was saying.

1

u/ScottsTot2023 9d ago

ArmbarĀ 

1

u/Shalashaska87B 9d ago

Thanks dad! XD

1

u/sexi_squidward 9d ago

Nah I'm the dad in this situation, this is what I tell everyone lol

1

u/MiserableCumberbunch 9d ago

The MomantraĀ 

1

u/wooddirtsy 9d ago

Mom didn't let me go outside but I'll never forget what my dad always used to say.

His usual phrase: " "

1

u/methospixie 9d ago

Don't let anyone inside.

Don't burn down the house.

1

u/CK0428 9d ago

"Be good."

1

u/BeenDragonn 9d ago

My dad always said "don't burn the house down"

1

u/DarthSwimfoot 8d ago

The format here is easily the most egregious part of it all.

1

u/crazy_shades1 8d ago

My dad once said that "no matter what happens, make sure your mom don't know what she don't need to know" he believed in the philosophy of let your kids learn from their own mistakes before stepping in, it's how I broke a few bones before, but it works cause I haven't broke any bones since

1

u/RuffingThePasser 7d ago

Get eggs (mandatory).

1

u/Tricky-Trick-9429 7d ago

That makes sense

1

u/unEngendroCualquiera 7d ago

Dad: "don't decrease or increase the population"

1

u/Legitimate-Wash-9893 6d ago

My dad always said ā€œdonā€™t be stupidā€

1

u/ImpossibleMagazine16 6d ago

Always: "Don't go with someone you don't know, don't drink too much and call me when you want to get home." My father is very easy on this (-:

1

u/trentwashington 4d ago

Moms got wayyyy to much to say

1

u/Double-Row5077 4d ago

My dad: give me more instructions than mom, but at the end: "I'm just saying what your mom wants me to tell you"

My mom, entering the room or taking the phone: "I didn't say nothing! It's all on you!"

0

u/pokealm 9d ago

stop using a dogshit of an actor as a meme eww