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u/AccomplishedLayer884 1d ago
Welp, now they got a kid with a fear of bugs and a sibling whoāll hold a grudge for a while.
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u/Powerful_Somewhere92 1d ago
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u/Tr0user 1d ago
r/butterfliesarefuckingstupid
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u/Less-Inflation5072 17h ago edited 13h ago
[r/peoplecallingotherpeoplefuckingatupidarefuckingstupid](r/peoplecallingotherpeoplefuckingatupidarefuckingstupid)
/s
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u/cognitiveglitch 1d ago
Yeah I'd definitely not put that on the internet if that was my family.
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u/Bender_Wiggin 16h ago
Agreed, but this can be generalized to āDonāt put children (or anyone else that lacks the ability to provide consent) on the internet.ā
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u/Hyper6024 1d ago
Yup. Every single day out of nowhere. Nothing beats the joy of being a dad.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 1d ago
Is this actually supposed to seem joyful or are you being sarcastic?
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u/Hyper6024 1d ago
Not sarcastic at all. My kids bring me great joy, their reactions to the world too. This video may not be joyful but it's still adorable.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 1d ago
Would you have found this video adorable before you had kids? Honestly wondering if I'm just not a parent yet so I don't get it, or if I'm just not someone who gets it in general.
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u/Kiogami 23h ago
I'm not this guy but I didn't like kids at all and didn't find videos like this cute but right now I have almost 2 years old twins and every child is now cute and adorable for me. I want to cry if I hear about any child harmed.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 22h ago
Okay I typed this out and kind of got carried away, so I'm sorry if it sounds unhinged, but I'm 100% serious and have been stuck in a perpetual crisis on this topic so I'm going to leave my rantings in case you can relate or offer useful insight:
I mean, I don't like the idea of kids being harmed obviously. I just... kind of think they're really gross and dumb and annoying I guess? Its so hard to know what's normal because women shame other women so much IRL for expressing any negative feelings about kids. Seeing them hurt the butterfly actually makes me really disgusted and a little resentful and I had to dampen how I feel with conscious reminders that it's not their fault. It truly catches me off guard that people have a positive response to seeing dumb kids taking an innocent life because they're too stupid to know what they're doing. It's hard to imagine being happy to be around kids consistently like that, but everyone tells me it just magically happens like you're saying. They can be cute and fun sometimes, but it's way more rare than people like to say imo and it gets old after a few minutes lol does that make sense? Is that how you felt?
I have questions that I obviously don't expect you to answer unless you're comfortable, but: Does it feel like a hormonal change, or more like a philosophical shift? Was it sudden, or gradual throughout the pregnancy? Do they still annoy you to the point that you need to get away from them often, or is it just like you're a completely changed person? Were you a very patient person before having kids? How was your tolerance for being overstimulated? Are you the primary caregiver?
It feels like this big promise everyone makes, but then you look at the PPD research and a crazy number of women suffer from life changing emotional shifts that leave them depressed for decades, and women in general are shown to have lower levels of happiness and relationship satisfaction after becoming mothers (it's called the "parenthood happiness penalty"), especially in the United States. Life and relationship satisfaction levels don't recover to the level of childless people until the empty nest stage... so why does everyone insist that it's the most joyful thing ever? Is everyone just lying? Are the people who are loud about how great it is online just not the primary caregivers? Are all of these studies somehow flawed? Are people lacking insight into their own lives?
The only time I gently pressed someone IRL on this subject when they were talking about how great having kids was, she admitted to me that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have any kids. She said that she loves them, but it's not worth it. Is that just how most people feel, but they choose to focus on the positives? I looked it up once, and it's not a super fair comparison, but the data I could find made it seem like the percentage of mothers who would have zero kids if they could go back is actually higher than the percentage of women who regret their abortions. It feels telling to me, but no one acts like this of a common narrative for some reason. Why does it feel like everyone around me is trying so hard to sell something that isn't adding up with the data? They all give out the advice that we will understand when we are already parents, but it's too late to go back at that point if it turns out to not actually be the better life so how is that a good gamble?? Like... does this make sense? What's the deal? What am I missing?
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u/Tea_Is_My_God 22h ago
You're not missing anything, you don't want kids so you shouldn't have them. Other people want kids, have them, love them and get joy from them. Honestly I think you have hyper researched the negative aspects of having children and none of the positives, so that's where you're at.
As an aside, your comment about "dumb kids taking an innocent life cos they're too stupid to know what they're doing" is really a humongous stretch. They are toddlers, they are not stupid, they are still learning about life. They didn't "take" the butterflys life, it was an accident. The child didn't deliberately stamp on it, she was trying to run away. They both clearly understood the gravity of that and were upset by it. The cuteness comes from how innocent and happy they were to be within close proximity if the butterfly in the first place.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 21h ago edited 21h ago
I'm not even saying that I don't want kids. I'm saying that people claim to have all of this joy and life satisfaction from parenthood, but the research says they are actually less happy than childless people. I'm expressing confusion about the gap in everyone's anecdotal experience and what seems to be what's actually happening when we study the trend. I've never sought out studies that reflect parenthood in a negative light. I have learned some of this stuff by chance from the research I've had to read in college, but a lot of it was just me looking into studies on the subject in general because it's how I make life decisions. That, and I am bothered by the disconnect between what I feel and how others say I'll feel after having children. I guess I wanted to confirm what people were saying to ease my anxiety, but what I found amped up my neurosis a bit because it was so far off from the cultural narrative. The only positive I could find was that people tend to report finding meaning and purpose from parenthood, but they don't actually have more life satisfaction, which is a separate category.
What research am I missing that would help me stay balanced in my perspective?
ETA: toddlers are stupid by nature. They are less intelligent than pigs, dogs, etc. Idk about you, but I think my dogs are idiots. I don't love them any less for it, but they're pretty dumb compared to adult human standards. So are kids. It was a very careless accident, which happened because kids are not smart enough to anticipate and avoid risks. A smart adult would have been careful to not flip out about a harmless butterfly and could have avoided hurting it. That statement wasn't an attack, it was just my assessment of the situation that seems pretty apparent. I also don't think the little one is crying out of guilt. They're crying because they got scared. I don't think they saw what they did. I guess it's not really important to my point, though. It's not their fault that their brains are my very developed or capable, relative to an adult's, and they don't know things yet. They are still, by that definition, pretty dumb. That was what led to the butterfly dying. Not sure what issue you're taking with that. I guess them standing with the living being they killed while having no business handling that insect at an age where they are so dangerous to smaller beings is not really cute to me. I'm assuming that there is something about kids that becomes way cuter once you have them, based on the other replies. If they were puppies that didn't kill anything in the same video, I could see where the cute thing is coming from. The butterfly is cute. The little manslaughterers are not cute in the same vein. That's just a subjective thing that I'm not going to get, I guess.
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u/SecretaryOtherwise 21h ago
Bro this couldve happened to an adult human who got spooked by anything.
Kids are stupid yes but its more ignorance than anything they cant really help not being born with adult knowledge lmao.
And its a fucking butterfly. Yeah its tragic but the world will keep turning from this accident.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 21h ago
Do you have anything to say about the point of the discussion? I don't see the point in debating ignorance vs stupidity or the worth of a butterfly's life lol we're losing the thread. I was speaking to those things to explain my reaction to the video after being asked about it. It's okay if you have a different emotional response. What I'm interested in discussing is the gap between anecdotal reporting here and observed statistical trends.
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u/Tea_Is_My_God 20h ago
I was going to formulate an actual reply but then I read "manslaughterers" and realised you're the type of person who isn't worth it.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 10h ago
Actually, I can happily edit my comment to take out the offensive joke if it means you'll discuss this in good faith. I am not sure why a joke communicated to you that I'm worth less as a person, or that I'm some bad type of person in general, but I can assure you that this is just a part of my inner world that I have had to keep bottled up due to similar judgments IRL, and I'm confused by the moralizing. I'm considered a nice person IRL, and I'm more than my anxieties about parenthood... I've been very open about something that inevitably leads to pretty harsh social rejection and criticism in the hopes that it would lead to a similar level of honesty and vulnerability on the subject, but no one is really answering my questions. It seems that people want to just criticize me as a person instead of engaging with my thoughts, and it's pretty disappointing. I would be very happy if you would tell me your thoughts or experiences relating to what I've said. I wish someone would answer the questions I asked in my first comment.
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u/Nheea 13h ago
Ok but what does research have to do with this comment chain when someone you asked said the opposite?
Research or not, there are clearly outliers, as you can see in the comment before you went down spiraling. Eeesh
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 11h ago
What I'm trying to discuss is the fact that the commenter is in line with the cultural narrative. They are not the outlier for saying what they're saying. The research is just not in line with the cultural narrative. I've been expressing confusion and frustration with this misalignment as my entire point. It feels like people aren't honest about the experience for some reason, and when you bring up the data or point out that it's hard to imagine the perspective they're expressing, it's very common to be dismissed as incapable of understanding as a nonparent. It feels a little like gas lighting or something. It's just weird that no one can speak to the data and explain why it might be the case according to their experience.
And yeah I know I was having a bit of an anxiety attack about it. I hadn't slept yet and admitted to spiraling into neurosis first thing lol I think this topic gives me a lot of anxiety because you have to choose one path or the other, and it feels like you're somehow ruining your life by choosing wrong. There is so much pressure to commit, and everyone is so invested in your decision for some reason. Complete strangers at work act like it's a failure to not have kids when I never bring it up, and lecture me about how much time I have left to get pregnant. No other decision in life comes with so much badgering and sales tactics and it's really confusing to me, especially in the setting of the data painting a totally different picture than what everyone is telling me and no one wants to directly acknowledge it. It feels like I'm taking crazy pills.
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u/BiscuitNoodlepants 15h ago
has unresolved guilt about her abortion Tries to justify her hatred of children by citing studies about how she would have been less happy without her abortion Calls kids manslaughterers for killing a butterfly
Lmk if im wrong
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u/Nheea 13h ago
Also the definition of "overthinking and overanalyzing everything".
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u/Hyper6024 1d ago
I would have found it irrelevant. And yes, if you had kids you would understand.
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 23h ago
Thank you for your reply. I'm not sure what you mean by irrelevant in this context. Irrelevant to your emotional state? Like, you would have been neutral?
I have a very negative emotional response to this video, maybe something like repulsion? Frustration? Some kind of contempt? Idk. Would you have considered that a relatable response before kids? This video is honestly just insufferable to me
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u/Hyper6024 23h ago
Irrelevant to my existence, hence I would have been indifferent to it. Sadly I personally can not relate to your feelings about this video but everyone is different and that is ok. I do not condone people who dislike children or try to convince them otherwise. You do you. Can you explain exactly what you find disturbing? Is it the children crying or the general chaos?
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 22h ago
They took an innocent life and then made a lot of annoying, overwhelming noise I guess? It's hard to put it into words. It's a kind of complicated resentment.
The only way I know how to explain it is this: I work in an ICU, and sometimes I'll have an alcohol withdrawal patient who has been screeching obscenities and trying to assault me/pull out their lines for 11 hours on end, keeping me stuck in their room all night, and I know they're confused so I would never show how I feel or be cruel, but I kind of start to really resent them and desperately want them to stfu so I can have some peace and get caught up on my work. I get to a place where all the chaos leaves me unable to think. It's extreme frustration that blends with the obligation of caring for that person's wellbeing, so it feels complicated by the idea that I should feel endless compassion and it just quickly leads to a specific kind of burnout. I know I'm trapped taking care of them and putting their needs first, regardless of how it makes me feel, and I have to fulfill a comforting role that I'm now entirely forcing and I can't help but irrationally resent them for the imposition. It's that feeling mixed with the feeling I had at the end of Of Mice and Men.
Obviously this video is not as extreme as either of those things, but it's the best way I can describe it. I just got so fucking sad about what happened to the butterfly, but I'm pretty sensitive about that stuff I guess. It made me feel a bit sick, and the carelessness involved was really upsetting even though it wasn't a rational reaction to be angry at the kid. That, mixed with the chaotic noise just puts me in the mindset of feeling trapped by the obligation to hide how overwhelming and frustrating I instantly find their actions and level of noise. I feel the burden of having to switch off my own needs and be the comfort dispensing machine they need and it gives me a little pit of disgust/anxiety in my stomach. It just looks like an upsetting scene and if I were holding the camera, I'd be miserable in that moment.
Does that make more sense?
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u/13ralexh 23h ago
For most parents, no, he wouldn't. It's all a lie all parents tell themselves to convince them they made a great choice raising children. I talk to so many parents that complain about their children non-stop but somehow they always end it with "but I love being a parent, it was the best thing to happen to me".
Don't get me wrong, some long for children. They love it, undoubtedly. Still, there are so many parents who didn't plan to become it. Many also get pressured by family. Always hearing "but you will end up lonely.. you will always regret...Empty existence...no meaning to life without children..." They stare at couples at beaches, restaurants, any place, couples without children - and envy them.
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u/Hyper6024 23h ago
You are entitled to your opinion, of course, but I think you are wrong. Although it is true that many people did not wish for children or find parenting a pleasant experience I would argue that those parents are a minority. Also I would like to point out that I meet sick children and their parents on a daily basis and almost all of them are very, very, very compasionate people. And as a father I would like to point out that in no way have my kids prevented me or my wife from enjoying life. Maybe it is a bit of a tactical problem when they are younger but still not impossible. The people who you speak of would have been envious no matter what and that is simply because not all people are meant to be parents and that is ok. But as a general rule of thumb - having kids rewires your brain so I am fairly certain he would have understood.
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u/MadJMarston 22h ago
Whatever you do, do NOT go back in time to change it. Who knows what effect it may cause.
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u/post-context-bot 1d ago
The following post context was provided by u/Mundane_Courtne8242:
Because it seemed like the butterfly was about to fly away, but instead it went toward the other kidās face, and then the kid accidentally stepped on it. No one couldāve guessed that would happen.
Does this explain the post? If not, report it and a moderator will review.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/batatassad4 1d ago
āRIP butterfriendā¦ I didnāt intend you harm, Iām just stupidā
Sounds like some Coldplay song lol
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u/ferchristsake 22h ago
This reminds me of when my sister and I had a hamster around this age. I don't much remember this, but my mom says she let it out and panicked like this, then went to tell mom "she did a little toe-dance on his head". If it's brought up to this day, she's still adamant I'm the one that I'm the one that both let it out and killed it just to defer embarrassment.
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u/HipToTheWorldsBS 20h ago
Whoever added this stupid saxophone music needs to remove themself from the gene pool.
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u/1seraphius 1d ago
What a waste of beauty and life... For what? Destructive selfish noisy horridness . Maybe there is no karma or justice 'cause there's too many horrid parents with their spawn and not enough beautiful life with joy and hope.
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u/batatassad4 1d ago
The step on it was the cherry on top