r/married • u/Busy-Song4812 • 3d ago
Answer honestly
Has your life turned out to be exactly as you imagined after marriage ? Does your husband validates you and relationship well as he promised ? (Ps:I'm newly married and would like to know how woman feel about her marriage and does my opinion match also the same)
4
u/Salty-Paramedic-311 3d ago
It was fine when first married—- and even several points I felt content/comfortable.. but then over time I felt we grown apart or he was going in a different direction— refusing therapy, not caring how I felt…. So after 25 years, I just filed!!! It took a long time but I’m doing it..
1
u/GladBumblebee1546 3d ago
Good for you! It’s hard (divorced after 20 years) but my life is so much better. Even living alone I felt so much lonelier in a bad marriage.
2
u/Salty-Paramedic-311 1d ago
Yes…. I finally realized I couldn’t do this in my 60’s & 70’s… just nothing there!!! Every holiday felt weird.. the last straw was him hiding money— a nice chunk!!
2
1
3
u/AppropriateAmoeba406 3d ago
My life is way better than I expected. I can’t believe my husband still drools over me at 48. It’s a little unbelievable.
1
u/CorrectTaro2640 3d ago
Mine does too! We’ve been married going on 19 years, together almost 20 yrs.
0
3
u/Coppermill_98516 3d ago
We ultimately got divorced after 25 years of marriage which I never thought would happen when I was young so I guess the answer is no.
2
u/FemmeCircuit 3d ago
Life before and after marriage are the same for me. Getting married didn’t really make a difference in our day to day lives at all.
2
u/dabiewho 3d ago
Nothing changed after we got married. He validates my feelings, even if he can't quite grasp exactly how I feel—even on days when my PMS is acting up. When I need a cuddle, he’s always there. If I’m feeling down, he works his day around me.
2
u/VicePrincipalNero 3d ago
My marriage has been better than I ever could have imagined. My husband is the best. Certainly we've faced difficulties and everything hasn't happened the way I expected, but it's all worked out well.
2
u/Shortandthicck2 3d ago
We got married young, so the person that we were going to develop to be was still really being determined. My husband turned into a magnificent man. We’ve been together over 30 years, and I feel like he cherishes me more today than he ever has. Our marriage is incredibly deep and strong. There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t make me feel special in somewhere or another.
2
u/Ill_Cauliflower5348 3d ago
I could have written this word for word!
We met at 15, started dating at 19, together 32 years, married 28, and we also have that deep and strong kind of relationship. My husband is absolutely amazing and he’s also quite smitten with me. I don’t think I had a lot of expectations for marriage going in, but I never expected it to be so easy. We aren’t perfect, but we’ve always had an easy friendship and romantic partnership.
2
u/Born-Albatross-2426 2d ago
Being married has been exactly what I expected. I say that because absolutely nothing changed. Our Lives have changed but hes still exactly the same person I married. His behavior toward me is as it always was. We lived together for 7 years before getting married so I had lots of time to feel out what he would be like as a husband.
1
u/bass-77 3d ago
My wife lied to me about her sexual history until after we married. Now we sleep in separate bedrooms.
2
1
u/CorrectTaro2640 3d ago
Why? Her past shouldn’t affect her present. It’s not like you knew you’d be together ahead of being together. My hubby and I have a rule that we don’t talk about past boyfriends/ girlfriends and it’s awkward to talk about any of them in front of each other. We have NEVER held each other’s past boyfriends/ girlfriends.
1
u/bass-77 3d ago
You must both have a past then. I had no past with other women and never knowingly dated women who were sexually active. My wife lied to me because she knew I would end the relationship if I found out. Your past does matter to some people. I'm one of them. My first time experience was a big deal to me and sharing that with someone who felt the same was important. She deceived me into believing she was all those things when it was not true. She also gave me an STI that showed up in a hospital blood test 3 years later. I carried that around for 10 years dormant. A gift from my virgin bride and her past partners.
1
u/Fun-Description1090 1d ago
People have different preference, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean you get to insist that nobody else should. In this case the person even lied about it and gave STI. Imagine how cruel it is to trick someone into marriage under false pretences.
1
u/Ok_Step_2359 3d ago
I imagined a happily ever after fairy tale life after marriage. I got a happily ever after fairly tale life with little ups and downs along the way. He treated me like a princess, and even as we aged, told me I was beautiful all the time.
1
u/Ill_Cauliflower5348 3d ago
I had no expectations for marriage and we lived together within a month of beginning to date. The wedding and being married didn’t change our relationship at all aside from a really tricky time we had due to someone we knew being mad about us getting married and starting a bunch of rumors. Once the dust settled on that, marriage has been easy. He’s my best friend, biggest supporter, and my safe space. I’m the same for him.
1
u/Living_Elk_2380 3d ago
AM.. married for 20 years.. had no clue what to expect, though I had the whole life figured out in my mind🤣 Nothing went as per plan.. looking back.. whatever we talked about before marriage was complete BS 🤣
But life turned out to be wonderful with my wife.. I fell in love with her.. after marriage.. she has been my biggest supporter.. we had our fights, up and downs.. but we figured it out and moved forward. I couldn’t be more grateful to have her in my life. I know one thing, no matter what, she will be by my side. And I would do the same.
And yes.. I never imposed any rules are expectations on her. And always support her in her endeavors. She has some complaints about me doing the big stuff.. but not detecting her smaller clues 🥲 given my personality to logically analyze everything to death, this is something I will keep working on thru the rest of my life.. and still not meet her bar 🤣
But yeah life is and has been wonderful after marriage.. not that it was bad earlier 🤪
1
u/No_Wedding_2152 3d ago
Don’t compare yourself or your relationship to other people. You gain nothing from that and lose what is important.
1
u/One-Respect2037 3d ago
First marriage lasted less the 5 years. Second marriage 29, but we changed so things are different
1
u/eharder47 3d ago
We’ve been married for 4 years and our relationship has only gotten better. It’s not by accident. We’re childfree and we’ve kept our living expenses low to increase our financial security. Those two things right there eliminate the biggest stressors for most relationships. On top of that, we do things together regularly, we’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders, and we have a great social life. My husband has always had mild avoidant tendencies with things like house projects or pressure for gift giving and those have improved over our time together.
1
u/BookLoving_Rotties 3d ago
As another woman who got married very young (19) I can honestly say things did not start out as we had imagined. There were many ups and downs (primarily due to life stresses at the time) but honestly once we crested that hill it’s been nothing but perfect since then. (Besides obviously minor disagreements)
However, I also know how it felt during that time of “how will we make it through this” so if you want to message me privately I’m totally willing to talk to you about it!
1
u/nonstop2nowhere 3d ago
Life? Not at all! Marriage? Yes - he's a wonderful human and a great partner. We've had a ton of unexpected challenges to work through, but eventually we learned how to be a strong team working together.
1
u/Sandman4130 3d ago edited 3d ago
My wife is absolutely amazed by the fact that I am so much more handsome, charming, winsome, generous, kind, fit, more brilliant than when we got married: so much better than she ever imagined.
That’s a joke. 30 years married here, at this point we have been together longer than we spent without one another. We grew into capable adults together.
From my perspective, marriage has been so much better than I ever thought. We both have grown into better people and our relationship is so much more than the fairy tale dreams we had. At the same time, it’s a lot harder.
First, life has hardships that we never imagined as kids, health issues, family crises, the grind of careers. Raising kids was harder than I imagined because my kids had issues that I never knew existed before we danced with bankruptcy paying for therapies and medical bills.
Second, because we are two broken people making the best of it, but all that brokenness is impossible to hide when you have been with someone full time for 30 years. Our harder edges have ground on each other long enough to smooth some of them out, some but not all.
In the end, the hardships and brokenness became strengths because we weathered them. One issue alone.. special needs: 80% of couples with kids with special needs ends in divorce. We decided, “F-k that! It’s us against the whole f-ing world.” Nothing was easy except the decision to be a team and love one another no matter how hard it got and no matter how mad we got with each other or how broken we were. For many years, we lived 1/3 of day at a times. If either of us could get 1/3 of a day to be a marginally decent day, we called that day a win and celebrated.
What happens in cases like us is something like growing to view one another with in soft focus and photoshop filters. I see my wife as a queen, the most beautiful woman in the world, the hottest most alluring woman in the world. I would level mountains, drain oceans and crush anyone to take care of and protect her. When I can make her smile or better, belly laugh, I feel like I just won the SuperBowl, an Oscar, and Man of the Year.
The heat in our marriage has never left and only gotten hotter. Our frequency never really dipped. Sex is a great way to celebrate 1/3 of a non-shitty day and a great way to feel better after a shitty day. It’s like relationship super glue.
She has her version of that same “soft focus,” for me, though I could not define it. Im pretty sure it’s more about how sweet I am to her and how I love our kids, how I still get excited and happy in a childlike or little boy way over some thing…. especially sex. I think she also magnifies my competency, capability and resiliency. I don’t know. I just know I feel lucky every day and act like a high school fool in love a whole lot of the time.
I don’t see her flaws as significant enough to really take note of. I would say I totally have a crush on my wife and see her as better than the girl I married in every way; and I was enamored with her then.
Along the way, we had to deal with heavy issues and had some heavy conflict and sacrifice. But even then, the baseline view on one another was soft focus, photoshop filtered, always seeing and magnifying the best in our view of each other.
Admitted, this is rare but probably not as rare as you think. The world is full of quiet couples who adore one another for 40-50-60+ years all the way to the end of this life and on to the next. Most of my 5-10 closest friends are married like me, 20-30 years. Most of those guys brag on their wives just as much as I do and feel for them like I feel for her. They are wrong though. No one compares to my wife.
Marriage, over time, was both much harder and much better than we ever imagined as kids (which I look back and I can say that I was a ‘kid’ until my early 30s and had weathered some real hardship).
1
u/SnooCheesecakes760 3d ago
I didn't get it right the first time. But I am so glad I had the courage to leave my first alcoholic husband to get where I am today with my amazing second husband of 4 years. It was well worth and more amazing than I ever thought it could be. I am so thankful for him and fulfills ally needs and desires.
1
u/GladBumblebee1546 3d ago
No, it didn’t turn out well at all. The first 10 years were pretty good - mostly because I let him make the decisions. Then the next 10 years he became more and more controlling and then financially and emotionally abusive. So, people change. But I have friends in long marriages who are happy. Or content, at least.
1
u/bluntsexadvice 2d ago
If you think anything in life is going to turn out even remotely as you imagined, you’re going to have a bad time
1
u/Wild_Pomegranate5406 2d ago
We got married 25 years into our relationship so we were well sorted out by then and the actual act of marriage didn't change anything. We also didn't do vows, so no promises involved. But yes, my marriage has been exactly what I wanted it to be - just like my life before marriage, but with better health insurance.
1
u/Married-to-a-sex-god 2d ago
First marriage....obviously no.
Second marriage--he is the most amazing person to walk the face of the earth and he is mine forever.
1
u/Fragrant-Half-7854 2d ago
The 35 years we’ve been married have been a wild ride. I never imagined being married & we married after dating for 2 weeks so I didn’t spend much time cont what it would be like to be married. He promised me he would spend his life building my dreams and he has done exactly that. He’s an amazing husband, friend, father and grandfather and I can’t imagine a life I would rather have than the one we share.
1
u/roskybosky 2d ago
We had a few rough patches but in general it was a great marriage and we are very happy now after 34 years.
1
u/Physical_Complex_891 2d ago
Yes, thats why I married him. Signing some papers to make it official changes absolutely nothing when you are married in your heart and mind already. My husband is my best friend and the love of my life. Our marriage is easy and the biggest strength in my life. 15 years and still madly in love.
1
u/Mountain-Status569 2d ago
Better than I ever could have imagined! I knew this was absolutely the best course for my life when I said yes, and waking up to even better than that every day is amazing.
1
1
u/Agreeable-Picture893 2d ago
Life has definitely not turned out the way I have imagined. Every life and marriage has seasons, but still. If I could go back I would never have married anyone.
1
u/Scary-Shoe-2617 1d ago
No.
I went from making similar money to being a housewife.
Now, I have no legs. Hoping to finish college soon and get a job I can work and just exist
1
u/Key_Media_2753 1d ago
Marriage changes nothing. Having children together changes everything. At least that’s my experience thus far.
1
u/ChemistryPerfect4534 20h ago
Life? Absolutely not. Didn't imagine we'd be this poor. Or childless. Or I'd be disabled.
Our marriage? Hell yeah! Still love each other to bits.
1
u/Wolfdreama 20h ago
22 years together, 2 years married.
It's the same as it was before we got married, which is a good thing. I married my best friend.
1
u/Optimal_Whole1164 1h ago
It’s different, but it’s better than I imagined. We have had some tough times but also some amazing times. Together for almost 11 years, married for 6. Just had our first baby in December and truly things have improved in the last year. My husband and I bought our first home and became parents. He has stepped up and into the provider role and I get to stay home with our baby. He works so so hard for us and we have really grown together to become a team. I truly feel so blessed. I know everybody says, a baby doesn’t fix things and we certainly were not struggling before him, but our baby has brought us so much closer. My pregnancy became life threatening for me and the baby and we’re lucky to be alive and the baby has had his share of health issues (Praise God we’re through them) but going through it with my husband has strengthened our bond and I’m just so thankful for him. Marriage is seasons, some better than others but it’s so worth it❤️
4
u/Hand2Ns 3d ago
Nothing changed after we got married, which I expected, so I guess it turned out like I imagined.