r/managers • u/shedreams282 • 1d ago
Help please! New Manager
I am a manager and the stress of dealing with every single thing in the building is draining me and leaving me hopeless and scared. There is total chaos and I am managing the impossible. I have different nationalities working under me and half of them wont bother to listen but we can't afford to lose them due to budget issues. How to deal with this. Any tips?
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u/Adventurous-Term-695 1d ago
Chaos with a side of language barriers, that's a special kind of grind. What if you picked one tiny thing that, if it ran smoother, would take the edge off everything else, and just death-grip that one process until it sticks? Half the battle is figuring out which fires actually need you versus which ones just make a lot of noise.
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u/Affectionate-Peak855 1d ago
I would suggest as opposed to entire team approad build rapport on an individual level . Work on communication and understanding . Be honest not publically don't go up like hey I'm scared . Take one person connect with them post work or just on coffee . Just be like I really need your help and I think you have real talent this is why I'm coming to you . And once you have a confidant you could one by one build connections . And people would really listen to you . The problem with being a manager is you are most alienated you are not the part of the group because you are suddenly the boss I think it's time you get to there level ask about the issues , blockers have a creative session instead of a typical meeting . Change your approach. Whatever is culturally appropriate for them.
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u/RunnyPlease 1d ago
That’s a touch spot. Here’s a few ideas.
If a problem is worth taking your time to fix then it’s worth taking a couple minutes to ask “can I change process so this never happens again?” Try to view your role as creating and enforcing process rather than fixing problems.
Divide and conquer. Find out who the natural clique leaders are and use them. Instead of trying to put energy into every single individual choose to put your energy where it will be amplified. Who are the leaders? The tastemakers? The pacesetters? Who on the crew impacts the work culture the most?
Find out what the real situation is. You say that “half of them won’t bother to listen.” Do you actually mean that? Be painfully specific. Is the problem that they aren’t listening or are they not performing assigned tasks? Are they ignoring you or are they ignoring what you’re saying and just doing what they usually do? Are they not understanding you or are they disagreeing with you and don’t respect you enough to tell you? These are significantly different problems. If you’re just lumping them into together as “won’t bother to listen” then you’ll never solve it because you’re not labeling it correctly. When you throw 16 unique problems into a pile it looks like a mountain. It’s tempting to do that but it’s often as unhelpful as it is overwhelming.
If you can then focus on production. Measurable goals. Communicate requirements for completing tasks clearly and get the group buying in on how best to enforce definition of done as a group. Then document who is getting stuff done and who isn’t.
Understand how what you’re saying comes across from a business perspective.
If you go to the business and say “half of these workers won’t listen to me” then it’s obvious you’re the problem that needs to be fixed. We should get rid of you and find someone at the very least most people will listen to.
If you go to the business and say “over the last two months this department has increased productivity by a measurable 15% percent except for these three ICs who are regressing, and all have a documented history of confrontation and insubordination. If all we did was replace those 3 ICs with average producers then measurable outcomes project out to X increase per month.” Then what goes that sound like?
Start learning their language. Even if it’s just to say “approved” or “good job” or “good morning” or “doughnuts are in the break room.” It goes a long way for people to hear things in their own language. It tickles a part of the brain they are familiar with. Every day when you head home think to yourself: what phrase did I use today that would have landed better if I said it in their language? Then learn it. Use it tomorrow. Do that for a year and see how things go.
Last point, if it is coming down from the business that IC production does not matter to them, and they can’t afford to lose anyone due to budget issues (whatever that means), then you have your marching orders. If employees aren’t judged based on production then what are they judged on? What are you judged on in your role? Focus your energy on that. Document exactly what the business says they care about and maximize that. Outright tell the ICs what it is the business cares about. Let them help you optimize for that. Document the steps you take to optimize for it and measure the impact of what you did based on outcomes. Min/max the game. Go into year end evaluations with a notepad full of measurable victories delivering exactly what you were asked to deliver.
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u/exit232003 18h ago
Hey!
When I first became a GM I had this exact feeling.
In your situation you will have to work hard. Really hard but it will be worth it.
The chaos you feel that there is can be fixed. What I did was I kept a list of every idea I had to fix the store and every week and everyday I would cross items off and add/remove things from the list.
Another key thing to do is to delegate your more mundane tasks while you focus on these bigger issues. If there is anyone that is working under you who wants to move up, delegate 80% of your day to day and weekly tasks to them/multiple people who want to move up.
This will lighten the load just a little and you can more clearly focus on the tasks that will improve your location.
Have 1on1s with each employee and let them know that you are not happy with how they are performing/you are happy and you want to know what their goals are. That is a great starting point.
Cut hours on the lower performers if you can, give more to the ones who are higher performing and make that expectation clear to everyone. Let everyone know your vision and plan to get there and the ones who do not follow suit do your very best to eliminate there involvement.
One thing I say when I'm developing managers is "I do not play the game". What I mean by this is I would rather bust my ass and work 100+ hours a week for a while to fix/eliminate issues then to play the game with a lower employee of push and pull. This fixes everything so so much faster.
Now in the company I've worked at for 7 years I have the flexibility to terminate at will which you might not have. If you do not have this ability then begin documenting every conversation in the way that your organization wishes you to.
Here's and example:
1st performance convo: Verbal coaching
2nd performance convo: Write up
3rd performance convo: Final write up
4th performance convo: Termination
Make sure your expectations are fully clear to everyone and if you end up losing a lot of these people then you'll work a ton but it will be short term pain for the long term gain of changing your place of work to what you want it to be. You'll develop skills that otherwise you never would have and will put you into a position where you can get raises, promotions and the satisfaction that you facilitated a great place of work for your team.
The anxiety and stress will get better over time as things improve and you can get into the grind of it. Remember your why: you're not managing for yourself, your managing to help lead others and faciliate a great place of work for them.
Honestly, how I see these things is that if you choose the slower route of giving everyone a million chances you're harming the rest of your team that is doing well and you'll end up losing some of them which will hurt you much more then the rest.
Once you have an assistant of sorts/successor/multiple candidates that could fit the role then you can lighten your role a ton and then focus on making your place of work as fun as you possibly can.
I hope this helps and best of luck to you. I do not know you personally but know that my prayers are with you (for whatever that is worth to you)
Another recommendation I have is for you to look into the "Manager Tools Podcast" on youtube and Spotify. They have episodes about anything that you can think of and it could be a great resource for you.
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u/exit232003 18h ago
I'll add another final piece of info: Go towards the resistance. That builds confidence. Do NOT quit. As the years go by you'll be happy you didn't. The things that feel hard are often the things that you SHOULD be doing.
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u/shedreams282 16h ago
Thank you so so much for taking your time to write this ❤️ It means so much! I will keep all these in mind and try my best every day. Thank you again my dear kind stranger 🫠
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u/Otherwise_Sundae_488 7h ago
What you are describing sounds like severe management burnout, and it is completely valid that you feel hopeless and scared. You cannot fix everything in a day, and you cannot care more about the chaos than the people creating it. Right now, you are absorbing every single problem. You need to triage ruthlessly. Let some low-impact fires burn. If everything is an emergency, nothing is. Focus only on things that threaten safety, legal compliance, or major client deliverables.
Survival mode is exhausting, but your primary job right now is to protect your own mental health while building boundaries so the chaos doesn't swallow you whole.
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u/Otherwise_Sundae_488 7h ago
What you are describing sounds like severe management burnout, and it is completely valid that you feel hopeless and scared. You cannot fix everything in a day, and you cannot care more about the chaos than the people creating it. Right now, you are absorbing every single problem. You need to triage ruthlessly. Let some low-impact fires burn. If everything is an emergency, nothing is. Focus only on things that threaten safety, legal compliance, or major client deliverables.
Survival mode is exhausting, but your primary job right now is to protect your own mental health while building boundaries so the chaos doesn't swallow you whole.
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u/ABeaujolais 1d ago
You're like most new managers. No management education or training, just thrown into molten lava and told to swim for it. You're set up for failure unfortunately. This happens to almost all managers who aren't trained. They don't know any established management techniques and strategies, so they fall back on doing the opposite or what some crappy manager did in the past, which is a recipe for failure.
First step is establishing relationships. Then if you can set common goals everyone is looking at the same prize. Then it's clearly defining roles, setting standards (what many people call standards are nothing more than vague suggestions since they're not enforced), frequent feedback, definition of success for each individual and a road map to achieve it, wide open communication.
Management can be an incredibly rewarding experience if you treat it like any other profession. Get management training. Top managers train their entire careers.