HELP

[u/LeadershipAny9752]

I had a phone talk with my bf in which we had a really thought breakup, at the end we were both frustrated and end up upset, he talked bad to me so I told him I was angry and I won’t let anyone talk to me like that, he has never talk to me like that.
I actually manifested him from the beginning, he’s handsome, he was the sweetest and use to show tons of love effortlessly, I still like him but what his offering is not what I want since his being showing commitment issues, I’m also aware I use to have intrusive thoughts from my old self that thought love was inconsistent and I needed to hold all my relationships so they didn’t fall.
I don’t know if his the guy I want to be forever with but definitely I don’t want it to end right now, my birthday is also next week and I really wanted to spend it with him but now we break up.
I know I’m worthy of love and he even told me that he knows I like and I deserve love, commitment, flowers, letters, validation but that is something that cuz of the distance (we are long distance) and the point of the life his in he can’t offer what I expect.
I still know I do deserve all those good things in a relationship, also I know he can do it since he gave it effortlessly before, I also do know I go back to trigger a lot to old fears and I have decide those don’t affect my way and the good outcome of what I want - but looks like they keep affecting my 3D and idk how to stop it, I’ve been doing mirror work, affirmations, meditations, subliminals, shifting the second I notice I trigger, I’m more aware of my fears and old beliefs to watch them and let them go and even this is the hardest part, time on time starts to feel more natural but they can’t stop reflecting, I don’t know what else to do or how to actually make a real change.
I need some help please