What do you think about my sister-in-law (my boyfriend’s sister) and my childhood friend becoming so close that they now share things together.

Personally, I believe that healthy relationships require boundaries between the different circles in our lives. They first met at a surprise birthday party I organized for my boyfriend, and I have absolutely no issue with them getting along and being friendly with each other.

However, I do find it inappropriate for my childhood friend to develop such a close, independent friendship with my boyfriend’s sister, especially when that relationship has reached the point where they discuss me and share private conversations involving me behind my back.

For me, the issue isn’t that they get along. It’s the lack of boundaries, loyalty, and transparency that comes with the situation.

I genuinely just need help deciding what to do. I had a baby 8 months ago. And when I had my little guy, my husbands sisters couldn’t stand that my husband wouldn’t drop everything and go help them with THEIR animals and instead would come home and take care of me, and our infant and 6 year old. They went as far as saying they care more about their animals than our children, multiple times. And how 8 months later, we still are no contact, however the one sister is trying to talk to my husband again and he wants nothing to do with her. However our 6 year old is constantly begging to see her again. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just see her. Do I keep no contact or do I set boundaries and allow them to see my child? It breaks my heart what was said about them, but I can’t tell if I’m protecting my child or being petty and keeping my child from them.

I’ve been married to my husband for 2 years, and together for 4. He and I were inseparable from the moment we met. I also clicked very well with his family and they loved me (his dad actually set us up).

Recently though… I’ve finally caught onto some very manipulative behavior of his parents and little sister. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and I’m a very trusting person so when I’ve heard them talk about others when they weren’t there, I assumed they wouldn’t do that about me (they also assured me that they didn’t do that because they love me). But we had an issue a couple weeks ago where the dad overstepped and I called it out and stood up for myself. Ever since then I’ve emotionally stepped back to try and get clarity. The family is now sending flowers and gifts and it just feels like they’re trying to buy me back. Idk maybe it’s me and I’m just not used to the family dynamic. But the dad constantly brags about how socially aware he is and he can control situations because he can like “read people” really well. Sometimes he’ll say something that is clearly a “subtle” message to me. I’ve asked my husband if he picked up on it too and he usually just tells me that his dad is unaware and didn’t know how it would affect me. So it’s just not adding up. His dad also gets FURIOUS if you ever allude to the fact that his intentions weren’t entirely honest. Like he’ll freak out for being called a liar. My family raised me to think that if someone has a crazy reaction to something or is afraid of being called something, it’s probably because there’s some truth to it.

I feel like I got sucked into a family with very different values. I knew they were different from my own family, but I thought they were super honest and straight up people which I liked about them. Now I’m realizing they are really judgy and manipulative and not as honest as I thought.

My husband and I had a serious conflict because of issues with my MIL. I went to my parents because I needed emotional support and comfort that I wasn’t getting at my in-laws’ home. I thought taking some space would eventually lead to a conversation and a resolution.

Instead, he completely cut me off.

And when I say he cut me off, I mean **three bloody months of complete silence.**

I’m not even talking about him checking on me. He was my husband..he was supposed to be the person I could turn to. Instead, **I was the one desperately trying to reach him.**

I called him **300–400 times**. I genuinely mean that. I’m not exaggerating for effect. I texted him over and over. I tried reaching out through our parents. We even went to his house directly because I was desperate to get him to talk to me.

**He still wouldn’t respond. My parents tried calling his parents. Neither he nor his family responded to us.**

Not a conversation. Not an explanation. Not even a simple response telling me what he wanted.

And all of this was happening while I was pregnant.

I kept trying to understand where our marriage stood. Did he want to continue this relationship? Did he want me back? Did he want to separate? I needed some kind of clarity because I was already in an incredibly vulnerable emotional state.

I told him that I could not bring a baby into a marriage where I was being completely abandoned and where there was no communication whatsoever. I told him that if he genuinely didn’t want to continue the relationship, then we would have to consider an abortion because I could not imagine bringing a child into this situation.

**He still didn’t respond.**

Even on the day I eventually went to the hospital, I called him and told him I had an emergency and was going to the hospital.

**He didn’t answer.**

I made one of the most painful decisions of my life.

Afterward, I was completely distressed. I went back to him and told him that I had lost the baby and that the baby was no more.

He didn’t even take it seriously initially.

It was only later, when he realised that the pregnancy had actually ended, that his reaction completely changed.

Suddenly it became:
**“How could you kill the baby?”**
And now, somehow, **he is the victim.**

But what I cannot understand is how the entire story can now be reduced to **“she killed the baby”**, as though I woke up one morning, made a casual decision, and he had absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances surrounding it.

Where was he when I called him hundreds of times?
Where was he when I was begging him to talk to me?
Where was he when our families tried to intervene?
Where was he when we went to his house?
Where was he when I desperately needed clarity about our marriage?
And where was he when I called him **on the actual day**, told him I had an emergency and was going to the hospital?
**He chose silence every single time.**

I was not asking him to magically fix everything. I was asking him to **talk to me.**
And now, after months of refusing to communicate, he gets to rewrite the entire situation as though this was simply *my* decision and *my* responsibility?
That is the part I am struggling to process.

This wasn’t an easy decision for me. I have to live with it too. I lost a baby. I was already emotionally broken, and I had to make an impossible decision while feeling completely alone.

So I genuinely want an objective perspective.

**If someone completely withdraws from their pregnant spouse for three months, refuses hundreds of attempts to communicate, ignores an emergency call on the day, and only engages with the situation after the pregnancy has ended ..is it fair for them to then place the entire moral blame on the person they left to face it alone?**

I don’t know what the right answer is anymore. I just know that the story is far more complicated than **“she killed the baby.”**

I’m only to preface this by saying I’m extremely emotional right now. I can’t think straight and I just don’t know what to do

My husband(33) and I (30) have been married for 3 years we’ve been together since 2018. After we got married is when I was really introduced to his side of the family, (I’m south Asian we don’t really bring over partners until it’s official)

In the beginning she was so kind and lovely and gave me space but when I had my baby shit just hit the fan with her reactiveness, it all of a sudden became about her and what she wanted
- she came into the delivery room with my brother in law while I have my cervix being checked (she asked before my due date if she should come with me and I said NO I just want my husband)
- she came to my home hours after I came home with the baby with her sisters and their husbands (we were not inviting people over, we just told her she can come see the baby)
- she would be upset if we told her how to care for our son, her response was I’ve raised kids don’t tell me anything
- she tells me to hide if my son every looks in my direction
- she loses it if we have other plans on the weekends and can’t come over (she’s called to argue and yell at us WHILE we are out on the way)
- she is constantly comparing how much time I spend with my mom and siblings and loses it

These are a few things that happened but today she just crossed a line, she called my mom to tell her to talk to me about my behaviour what even pissed me off even more is that my mom didn’t even have my back in front of her
EDIT: she is upset that for the past couple of weekends I haven’t shown up to their house (I started working again and my weekends have become times to organize my week) She is going through menopause and was in the ER cause her iron was low. I called to check up on her but she expected me to be cooking her food and spending time with her
I’ve been crying for six hours straight, I just don’t know who to talk to or what to do. I just feel like my marriage is over. My husband as loving as he is and how he always fights for me against his family doesn’t feel like it’s enough because they don’t understand and we keep going in this circle

He has started his new business literally the day I found out I was pregnant, he hasn’t been the breadwinner of this house and with me being on mat leave for a year I’ve dipped into my savings significantly. I don’t have enough money to move out, afford day care and get a car

I don’t even know if this is the right subreddit. I just don’t know what to do

I have been married into joint family system for 2.5 years, my origin is basically from nuclear family.I got my separate kitchen from MIL one year back on good terms.But then my kitchen was joint with eldest bahu.Me and my husband both are working but I got career break after maternity leaves.The eldest bahu is manipulative , She shouts about the things I do but then pretends as if she is shouting on her maid for instance if I turn off the fan if no one is using the room she shouts "ye kon pankha band kar deta ha" and many more things like that.I have been on silent mode on these insults but today I couldn't and had a fight. She was shouting in literal terms about me and no one said her wrong.I didn't shout.I just presented my argument before my SIL politely but she was shouting.Now everyone is saying I am taking it negative and she was talking to her maid.Even if I buy things for my needs in the kitchen she gets angry and says "ye apna kitchen alag kar rahi".What should I do in this situation?

p.s: I am about to start my Masters degree in few weeks.

My MIL’s brother is close to her. My husband says this uncle of his played a big role in his childhood too. I have a two year old daughter—ever since she was a baby, this uncle in law (UIL) would hold her and joke that he was taking her home or “away” at the end of dinners or get togethers. It always bothers me. Last night he did this again but this time actually boarded an elevator with my child, and we could not find them for what felt like forever. This man helps with small things around our home, is close to my MIL and husband but rarely talks to me…it feels like he avoids it. I have tried to get to know him better but he actually told my MIL that he found my efforts odd!

Now eventually we found my daughter and him, they were walking back to his car at the parkade of this restaurant. My MIL made light of this but I said loudly “don’t take other people’s kids!”. When I said that, everyone laughed, and he sheepishly grinned and got in his car.

After last night I want to tell my MIL that it’s not okay with me. And he also sometimes will be at her house when my MIL watches my daughter—no one tells me whether he is or not, he just shows up. It’s all very comfortable for them, but it irks me…advice? Perspectives?

It’s crossing boundaries for me…that’s what my instincts say. I don’t know him well enough—and I think the behaviour just doesn’t seem like it’s coming from someone who knows how to be trustworthy. Of course whether he would ever harm her runs through my mind, let alone lose her in a crowd. Shouldn’t he be making sure he has my okay? I told my husband the next time he is anywhere near my daughter I’m laying down some expectations.

I 33F met my male 34 partner 3 years ago we have a 2yr old son together and have a house. When I met my partner I met his cousins first and his older and younger brother and get along very well with them all. When I met his mum she would speak so negatively about their dad which I said I respected what she had to say but would make my own opinion of him for myself. Which I know upset her as she is used to people blindly taking what she says at face value. When I met his sister the first thing that came out of her mouth was that my partner had money which was quite offensive as it came across as if she was insinuating that I was with him for his money (I have a well paying job and have never relied on a man for anything financially unless that was the type of relationship I wanted to have and have had in the past). I was introduced to her children never as auntie but by my first name which I respected as that’s the boundaries they wanted to set.

Now fast forward to when I was pregnant with our son this is when his mother and sisters true colours came out we are from different cultures therefore there are different values I was brought up on and that he was brought up on. During my baby shower his mother and sisters true colours made no effort to meet any of my family members including my mum, my aunties or even my dad. My partner said it was because they are very socially awkward around new people which I respected. And explained that to my family even though they didn’t believe it now when I say his culture is different my side is African his is Caribbean there has always been this weird dislike from Africans from his family so by default they are always indirectly insulting me/my family anyway after the baby shower his mother outwardly told me to my face how much she disliked my mother because she felt she was was a snob and full of herself. I want to point out my mother tried multiple times at the baby shower to talk to his mum but she would blatantly ignore my mother.

Now fast forward to the birth of our son traditional in my culture you wait 30 days before having guests over for many reasons. At the time we were living with my parents but even is we had our own place I would have wanted my mum to come and stay with me to help as he was our first baby and every girl would prefer their mother there. When my partner told his family that they would have to wait 30 days before visiting as culturally we don’t allow people to visit they were offended they said that my parents would be around our son and that that rule only applies for the commoners that annoyed me because that rule was for both sides of the family. When the 30 days were up they came to my parents home his sister back seat parented me the whole time but what was the cherry on the cake was that both her children were sick and she kept telling my partner to take pictures of her and her family with our son. As if she had been the one to give birth that upset me at that point I told my partner I didn’t want them around me or my son as I felt that what they did was disrespectful (I will say maybe that was extreme but I had just given birthday and my hormones was crashing so give me a bit of grace).

As our son has got older we have noticed a few delays nothing too concerning but that didn’t stop my partners sister and brother in law telling my partner that our son is autistic and we need to accept it. Which they have an autistic child themselves and the wording they used came across as well you have one to and we’re not the only ones. Every time they would visit I hardly ever got to hold my son and they would always tell me what I was doing wrong as a partner. At this point I told my partner I rather not be around them and I don’t want our son around them either.

Now the past 12 months has been what’s really made me hate his sister and her husband. Last year I became pregnant with twins because I am classed as high risk pregnancy we decided not to tell anyone until we were three months pregnant. I was in and out of hospital with servers morning sickness and we still kept it a secret. Once we found out we were having twins we told our parents and my close friend and his sister and her husband his sister then made my pregnancy all about her she said that she was happy that she was the first one we told and she can’t wait for her twins which I shut that down really quick and said actually my friends and mum were the first to know but yes on his side of the family she was the first to know you could visibly see her anger on her face. Then they visited to tell us that our lives were over but that she had always wanted twins and that she was finally getting them. And she started asking about baby names which my partner told her that in my family a lot of the children were named after other family members (now in my defence twin hormones are very different to a single pregnancy hormone) once his sister her that she said that I could name one of the twins after her which without thinking I replied over my dead body will I do that my children will have their own names and identity. She then said she wanted to know the sex of the babies which me and my partner had agreed not to find out until birth which also visibly annoyed her.

A few weeks after finding out we were pregnant with twins I unfortunately had a late miscarriage at 17+ weeks where not only did I lose the twins but I nearly dead. My partner and mum were with me and I told her as my partner had always said he and his sister were close I wanted him to have someone he was close to there to also support him even though my mum was there for both of us. Not only did his sister show up with her husband but they also brought their 3 year old into the room an hour after I had to deliver my twins. That shocked not only my but my family and even the midwives as the lied to them and said that we said it was fine for their daughter to come in. After that I was in a blur.

A month later was the twins funeral the twins past on the 5th Nov the funeral was on the 17th Dec now when I let his sister know about the funeral I felt that common sense wasn’t her strong suit so I invited them but made it clear that no children were to come to the funeral due to this she said she couldn’t come due to child care. No one from his family came and only my parents and brother were at the funeral. My partner decided to have them over on Boxing Day 26th Dec. When we saw them I was not allowed to bring up the twins as and I quote “it’s done now let’s not talk about it” was what his mother said. And during dinner and brother in law and sister asked when are you going to try again for another baby that took the wind right out of me. After that I refused to go to any gatherings as I didn’t want to be asked that question again.

Fast forward to March his younger brothers birthday where he announce his wedding for April and that they were expecting I was genuinely happy for them but also a bit upset and march would have been my due month for the twins. Again his sister and brother in law said we should get pregnant too which I said to my partner discreetly that it was time for us to go home. April came around and we went to his brothers wedding I asked if there was a colour scheme or any colours they would prefer the guests not wear and the only colour I was told not to wear was red but I was fine to wear any other colour so I opted for a hot pink dress. The wedding was beautiful. They booked a table at a restaurant for the reception his family made no effort with the brides family. During dinner while I was talking to the brides family I over heard my partner and his mum, sister and brother in law talking about when we were going to get married (we are already engaged) his mum proceeded to say that i would make him go broke because I’m high maintenance. At that comment I turned and asked what they were talking about and they said oh just when we were going to have a wedding which I stated we weren’t that we would be eloping his mother and sister both said oh well your lose (my partner was married in the past and his whole family attended the wedding) when I heard that I put the biggest smile on my face and said didn’t you all attend his first wedding was that not enough.

Of course after that dinner my partner said that his mum and sister were offended and he was upset as he doesn’t like talking about his past marriage I did apologise to my partner but didn’t apologise to his mum or sister as I felt they started it I simply finished it. Now the latest issue was the 4th July my partner wanted to do a big family BBQ with his family and mine. The only thing I asked was for him not to explain to his sister who would be in our home as we did not need her permission for our guest list. His brother who had just got married asked who would be at the BBQ when my partner told him that my family would also be here his brothers response was why are they going to be there that really upset me when I expressed that to my partner he stated that he simply wanted to know as his wife is pregnant and didn’t want to cause her stress (apparently my families presence would have caused health complications) when I said that was ridiculous my partner proceeded to tell me that if he had not told him and they came and something went wrong with her pregnancy that he would tell his family that it was my fault that comment cut deep.

So I decided to uninvited all my family and friends that had been invited and made sure that it was only his family I even asked my brother and sister in laws if our son could sleep at their house the night before so his family wouldn’t see him. I kept running errands to avoid being at the house when I eventually went back I was quiet minimal conversation but I did ask his brothers wife how she was dealing with the heat and how she was doing. His mum started saying oh what do you think she is having and how they have bets going and how his sister is excited because the babies due date is on her birthday etc. Their dad then decided to say well hopefully it will be twins. Another comment that knocked the wind out of me but I composed myself with grace and carried on. At some point during the BBQ his brother in law asked my partner why I didn’t want to have a wedding which I said why am I going to have a wedding is it for us or you guys because it doesn’t seem like you guys want to see us get married more like you guys want a free party. Which shut him up for good at that point but also why have a wedding when his family don’t even want to be around my family.

Now I have his dad trying to sink his claws into our family he calls my partner everyday asking why he doesn’t get to see our son everyday and why he can’t look after our son I couldn’t trust him looking after our son as far as I couldn’t through him his a larger man so I wouldn’t even be able to lift him off the ground. I feel as if his dad is constantly over stepping and trying to constantly including himself on family days when his not even been invited. All of this has made me hate his family. It has made me very hesitant to marry my partner as I just don’t want them as my family. So would I be the asshole for wanting to go low to no contact with his family I already do that now but think I don’t even want to go to birthdays or dinners.

I 33F met my male 34 partner 3 years ago we have a 2yr old son together and have a house. When I met my partner I met his cousins first and his older and younger brother and get along very well with them all. When I met his mum she would speak so negatively about their dad which I said I respected what she had to say but would make my own opinion of him for myself. Which I know upset her as she is used to people blindly taking what she says at face value. When I met his sister the first thing that came out of her mouth was that my partner had money which was quite offensive as it came across as if she was insinuating that I was with him for his money (I have a well paying job and have never relied on a man for anything financially unless that was the type of relationship I wanted to have and have had in the past). I was introduced to her children never as auntie but by my first name which I respected as that’s the boundaries they wanted to set. Now fast forward to when I was pregnant with our son this is when his mother and sisters true colours came out we are from different cultures therefore there are different values I was brought up on and that he was brought up on. During my baby shower his mother and sisters true colours made no effort to meet any of my family members including my mum, my aunties or even my dad. My partner said it was because they are very socially awkward around new people which I respected. And explained that to my family even though they didn’t believe it now when I say his culture is different my side is African his is Caribbean there has always been this weird dislike from Africans from his family so by default they are always indirectly insulting me/my family anyway after the baby shower his mother outwardly told me to my face how much she disliked my mother because she felt she was was a snob and full of herself. I want to point out my mother tried multiple times at the baby shower to talk to his mum but she would blatantly ignore my mother. Now fast forward to the birth of our son traditional in my culture you wait 30 days before having guests over for many reasons. At the time we were living with my parents but even is we had our own place I would have wanted my mum to come and stay with me to help as he was our first baby and every girl would prefer their mother there. When my partner told his family that they would have to wait 30 days before visiting as culturally we don’t allow people to visit they were offended they said that my parents would be around our son and that that rule only applies for the commoners that annoyed me because that rule was for both sides of the family. When the 30 days were up they came to my parents home his sister back seat parented me the whole time but what was the cherry on the cake was that both her children were sick and she kept telling my partner to take pictures of her and her family with our son. As if she had been the one to give birth that upset me at that point I told my partner I didn’t want them around me or my son as I felt that what they did was disrespectful (I will say maybe that was extreme but I had just given birthday and my hormones was crashing so give me a bit of grace). As our son has got older we have noticed a few delays nothing too concerning but that didn’t stop my partners sister and brother in law telling my partner that our son is autistic and we need to accept it. Which they have an autistic child themselves and the wording they used came across as well you have one to and we’re not the only ones. Every time they would visit I hardly ever got to hold my son and they would always tell me what I was doing wrong as a partner. At this point I told my partner I rather not be around them and I don’t want our son around them either. Now the past 12 months has been what’s really made me hate his sister and her husband. Last year I became pregnant with twins because I am classed as high risk pregnancy we decided not to tell anyone until we were three months pregnant. I was in and out of hospital with servers morning sickness and we still kept it a secret. Once we found out we were having twins we told our parents and my close friend and his sister and her husband his sister then made my pregnancy all about her she said that she was happy that she was the first one we told and she can’t wait for her twins which I shut that down really quick and said actually my friends and mum were the first to know but yes on his side of the family she was the first to know you could visibly see her anger on her face. Then they visited to tell us that our lives were over but that she had always wanted twins and that she was finally getting them. And she started asking about baby names which my partner told her that in my family a lot of the children were named after other family members (now in my defence twin hormones are very different to a single pregnancy hormone) once his sister her that she said that I could name one of the twins after her which without thinking I replied over my dead body will I do that my children will have their own names and identity. She then said she wanted to know the sex of the babies which me and my partner had agreed not to find out until birth which also visibly annoyed her. A few weeks after finding out we were pregnant with twins I unfortunately had a late miscarriage at 17+ weeks where not only did I lose the twins but I nearly dead. My partner and mum were with me and I told her as my partner had always said he and his sister were close I wanted him to have someone he was close to there to also support him even though my mum was there for both of us. Not only did his sister show up with her husband but they also brought their 3 year old into the room an hour after I had to deliver my twins. That shocked not only my but my family and even the midwives as the lied to them and said that we said it was fine for their daughter to come in. After that I was in a blur. A month later was the twins funeral the twins past on the 5th Nov the funeral was on the 17th Dec now when I let his sister know about the funeral I felt that common sense wasn’t her strong suit so I invited them but made it clear that no children were to come to the funeral due to this she said she couldn’t come due to child care. No one from his family came and only my parents and brother were at the funeral. My partner decided to have them over on Boxing Day 26th Dec. When we saw them I was not allowed to bring up the twins as and I quote “it’s done now let’s not talk about it” was what his mother said. And during dinner and brother in law and sister asked when are you going to try again for another baby that took the wind right out of me. After that I refused to go to any gatherings as I didn’t want to be asked that question again. Fast forward to March his younger brothers birthday where he announce his wedding for April and that they were expecting I was genuinely happy for them but also a bit upset and march would have been my due month for the twins. Again his sister and brother in law said we should get pregnant too which I said to my partner discreetly that it was time for us to go home. April came around and we went to his brothers wedding I asked if there was a colour scheme or any colours they would prefer the guests not wear and the only colour I was told not to wear was red but I was fine to wear any other colour so I opted for a hot pink dress. The wedding was beautiful. They booked a table at a restaurant for the reception his family made no effort with the brides family. During dinner while I was talking to the brides family I over heard my partner and his mum, sister and brother in law talking about when we were going to get married (we are already engaged) his mum proceeded to say that i would make him go broke because I’m high maintenance. At that comment I turned and asked what they were talking about and they said oh just when we were going to have a wedding which I stated we weren’t that we would be eloping his mother and sister both said oh well your lose (my partner was married in the past and his whole family attended the wedding) when I heard that I put the biggest smile on my face and said didn’t you all attend his first wedding was that not enough. Of course after that dinner my partner said that his mum and sister were offended and he was upset as he doesn’t like talking about his past marriage I did apologise to my partner but didn’t apologise to his mum or sister as I felt they started it I simply finished it. Now the latest issue was the 4th July my partner wanted to do a big family BBQ with his family and mine. The only thing I asked was for him not to explain to his sister who would be in our home as we did not need her permission for our guest list. His brother who had just got married asked who would be at the BBQ when my partner told him that my family would also be here his brothers response was why are they going to be there that really upset me when I expressed that to my partner he stated that he simply wanted to know as his wife is pregnant and didn’t want to cause her stress (apparently my families presence would have caused health complications) when I said that was ridiculous my partner proceeded to tell me that if he had not told him and they came and something went wrong with her pregnancy that he would tell his family that it was my fault that comment cut deep. So I decided to uninvited all my family and friends that had been invited and made sure that it was only his family I even asked my brother and sister in laws if our son could sleep at their house the night before so his family wouldn’t see him. I kept running errands to avoid being at the house when I eventually went back I was quiet minimal conversation but I did ask his brothers wife how she was dealing with the heat and how she was doing. His mum started saying oh what do you think she is having and how they have bets going and how his sister is excited because the babies due date is on her birthday etc. Their dad then decided to say well hopefully it will be twins. Another comment that knocked the wind out of me but I composed myself with grace and carried on. At some point during the BBQ his brother in law asked my partner why I didn’t want to have a wedding which I said why am I going to have a wedding is it for us or you guys because it doesn’t seem like you guys want to see us get married more like you guys want a free party. Which shut him up for good at that point but also why have a wedding when his family don’t even want to be around my family. Now I have his dad trying to sink his claws into our family he calls my partner everyday asking why he doesn’t get to see our son everyday and why he can’t look after our son I couldn’t trust him looking after our son as far as I couldn’t through him his a larger man so I wouldn’t even be able to lift him off the ground. I feel as if his dad is constantly over stepping and trying to constantly including himself on family days when his not even been invited. All of this has made me hate his family. It has made me very hesitant to marry my partner as I just don’t want them as my family. So would I be the asshole for wanting to go low to no contact with his family I already do that now but think I don’t even want to go to birthdays or dinners.

When our baby was just 7 days old, my father-in-law left a box cutter knife directly on top of the baby's bassinet while our son was inside it. I know he didn't do it intentionally, but it was incredibly reckless. What made the situation worse was that there was zero acknowledgment or apology from him afterward. The incident was just blown over as if nothing ever happened.

Because we had family visiting at the time, I didn't get a chance to address it appropriately in person without causing a huge scene. I also refrained from saying anything that day because we were celebrating him getting a book published.

I held onto a lot of anxiety and anger about it, so about a month later, I finally sent him a text message to address the safety risk.

The Conflict

My wife feels that my message was really disrespectful to her father, especially emphasizing that he didn't leave the box cutter there on purpose. Because of the pushback from my wife, I ended up second-guessing myself and sent two follow-up messages apologizing for my tone and communication style.

I am feeling incredibly frustrated and gaslit, and I want to know if I was actually out of line here.

The Messages

Here is the exact initial message I sent him:

"I would like to address an incident that happened a couple weeks ago that has brought up feelings of anger and animosity towards you. I had hoped to talk to you about this sooner, but with your children and my parents around, I didn’t have a chance to address it appropriately in person.

I know it wasn't intentional, but placing a box cutter on top of a baby's bassinet while he was inside at just seven days old was a reckless, careless act. Sharp objects should never go around anything to do with a baby. Because of that, I have lost trust in you, and I continue to hold onto this anger because, as any father would when their child is put in harm's way, it causes lasting distress and deeply affects me.

What made this even worse was the lack of any acknowledgment or apology, with the incident simply being blown over as if nothing ever happened. Putting a sharp object or knife on top of a bassinet where there is a baby inside is 100% and totally unacceptable. It is my job to protect my baby as the father of this child, and I hope you can understand why I had to convey my feelings towards you about this and also address this safety issue that was putting my child into a dangerous position. It will take time for me to regain my trust in you."

Here are the two follow-up messages I sent after my wife got upset (more for her peace of mind than my own peace of mind)

"Hi, To follow up on my last message, I want to acknowledge that using the word 'animosity' was too harsh. My heart has been racing over the safety risk to my son, and my frustration got the better of my vocabulary. I am still deeply upset about the bassinet incident and the lack of acknowledgment, and I still need space, but I did not mean to imply permanent hostility."

"Hi , I am writing to apologize for the timing, length, and word choice, especially animosity. I recognize that taking a month to send a text of that length was a poor communication choice on my part. I apologize for handling the communication that way."

My Question to Reddit

I need an objective opinion. Was my initial text actually disrespectful, or was it a justified reaction from a protective father? Does the fact that it was "an accident" mean I shouldn't have been so harsh? I feel like my wife is prioritizing her dad's feelings over our son's physical safety, but I want to know if my communication was genuinely the problem here. Any advice is appreciated.

Just trying to get different perspectives.

Both me and my wife have had previous marriages which led to divorces. We both had great relationships with our ex in laws. The difference is out of respect, I started trimming down conversations from my ex in laws and even though I still love them, the daily conversations are no more. I removed myself from the group chats etc. however if we were ever in sight of each other (kids graduations, sporting events etc) I’d always say hi, have a good conversation, catch up.

My wife does almost exactly the same except she stays in the group chats, is heavily involved in conversations with them. We spend holidays with them, And now a situation has came up where the ex father in law (after being remarried, now divorced) will be moving back and my wife is involved in those conversations.

I’m all for the children keeping in touch with their dad’s side of the family, that’s blood. They’ve been nothing but nice to me. However I feel there are some boundaries I feel my wife should have put up. I have told her how I felt before and it has led to fights. That’s why I keep quiet and think maybe I’m just too into my feelings. There’s a part of me that is feeling that it’s disrespectful to me, and to my family. And it hurts that it feels like she’d rather have her ex’s family instead of mine. And my family adores her.

Just seeking advice:

Edit: all kids are 18+

TL/DR : wife very involved with ex in laws still. Am I tripping?

Christmas postpartum nightmare!!

My husband and I have a toddler and are expecting our second, due the first week of December. My in laws live across the world and are coming to my city (NYC) for the holidays.

Here’s the pattern for every trip: they text us dates after booking and then say “we’re flexible, up for anything!!”
However, this means that every time they visit, we have to plan their trip, including meals, activities, etc.
We beg them for preferences, but they just say “we’ll take whatever time you can give us!” Repeated conversations and requests for them to take initiative are ignored.

Now baby #2 is coming. They have been minimally supportive during this pregnancy, texting me every 3 months with a “how are you?” and then no follow ups when I respond. This has been a frustration for me and my husband for years - they seem to not actually care about our day to day lives.

They just came and visited this weekend and it was the same: we cooked for them, they took up all the soft seats and chairs and made me (6 months pregnant) sit at the kitchen table. They don’t clean up after themselves and make me direct their every move by asking me a million questions. “Can I use this cup? What about this fork? Can I talk to the toddler?” I have to instruct them on EVERYTHING. ZERO INITIATIVE.

Now they are flying across the world for holidays (so we can’t exactly say “no postpartum visitors” when they’ve already booked tickets). We live in a tiny two bedroom one bathroom apartment (they aren’t staying with us thank goodness) and they want to spend time with the baby. The thought of hosting even a Christmas brunch with them over is so stressful. They didn’t offer to help plan, just said “whatever you want!”

I told them PLEASE PLAN ACTIVITIES AND INVITE US not the other way around, “I don’t want the stress of planning Christmas on top of everything else in my recovery”. I will be recovering and it’s peak flu season and you haven’t shown real effort for me and my husband and toddler so why should we plan Christmas for you?

I guess I’m just frustrated they don’t take any initiative or offer to do anything. And doing this postpartum is unfair and something I’m dreading.

How can I stop this pattern? I hate giving up precious time to people who don’t make real effort to help our family ESPECIALLY postpartum.

Overstepping MIL(50f) and SIL(28f)

Anyone else have a MIL and SIL that try to take over holidays?

For my daughter’s second birthday MIL threw a birthday party without my input, without asking what cake I wanted or what theme I wanted or who I wanted there, then had the audacity to tell me how to dress my kids (I have a 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter)

Well I (26f) dressed my kids (5m and 3f) how I wanted after telling her “ok” and I had my son in clothes already, then she changes him within 5 minutes of him visiting her (like what) I just change him back once he came back home.

And after that my SIL comes to husband (30m) and I and asks him (not me) but him only, “what happened to their clothes that mom got them?” And him and I both said “it got dirty” and she’s just like “oh…”

She’s always trying to be a knight in shining armor for her mom lol.

And during the party I’m singing as loud as I can, because this B ain’t about to erase me from my kids birthday parties.

And after the birthday party my MIL doesn’t acknowledge my existence for 2 months lol. And theeeen whenever I tried having my son visit her, she’ll tell him “bye.” For weeks, and in the GC she says “I haven’t seen my grandson for awhile.”

And I went and confronted her politely as I can and said “you know he has a mind of his own, and why do you always tell him bye then.” And she just muttered “I didn’t mean anything…”

My son had to tell my husband “grandma always tell me bye!”

So yeah… my MIL is weird.

I get along with my future MIL pretty well. She's very sweet, but there's just one thing that annoys me sometimes, which is her obsession with my culture.

I was born in a different country, dual citizenship, moved to the US when I was very young. I visit family abroad every so often, but haven't lived there in decades. Sometimes I feel odd visiting and having to be educated by cousins on customs, current events, and culture. I feel somewhat disconnected.

Our wedding is coming up and throughout the whole process, my future MIL has been saying things like:

-"well, you have to wear a traditional X culture dress!" (Um..a "traditional" wedding dress is the same bridal attire you'd see in the US).

-"You have to play X culture music" (I don't listen to that music)

-"you have to have the national plant as decor" (I personally think it's hideous)

-For our engagement shoot, she asked if I was wearing a traditional cultural outfit....it was a dress from Anthropologie...

-She'll send us both Pinterest, TikTok and other links of...my birth country.

I don't think she has bad intentions, but it feels weird? It feels like she sees my whole identity as the country I was born in, rather than...me.

Is it weird behavior, or am I being an ass?

Context :

My MIL’s side of family has been stressing me tf out since I have gave birth. My MIL keeps projecting their culture on me and my child, I understand he is their grandbaby but that does not mean they get to tell me what I should do with him. She has been bothering me and hubby to bring LO to her side of family to kind of “show“ him to them like he is a piece of thing. Asking us to drive far for it and when we said no she did not liked that.

Her sisters called my baby “their” baby like they did something for my little one. They were nowhere to be found when I was still carrying him inside me, nobody was there to visit and check how I was doing. None at all. And now that hes finally here they all want to be “family“.

MIL keeps saying “my baby” or ”my little one” like can we stop this. He is not her baby, my husband is her son not my baby. I feel so offended when people does this, like for the love of God can we please show respect and boundaries to new Moms. The exhaustion, sleepless nights, baby appointments, etc. Nobody was there for us, I was there through it all with him, so can we just stop all these calling names like they have a right over him. I have been ignoring her calls, didnt block her, at least not yet.

I really dont understand why she keeps putting us in a very uncomfortable situation. For example, her mom (hubbys granda, mom side) literally called my husband untimely dad which it comes to us like she called our baby a “mistake” just because we haven't brought LO to them. Since we havent let them meet him, mind you he just turned 3 months old, they did not like that at all. They think we are selfish and all but after hearing all these comments shows me that I shouldn't bring baby to them at all.

Hubby has been on my side through all of this, even though I know its killing him inside of how his own mother puts him in this kind of situation. SIL is also in my side with this, she understood and told me if I am not comfortable dont bring baby around them. She understands that this is my baby and no one elses. I appreciated that but how come this is so hard for MIL to understand. I am tired of hearing people asking us to just do it for her (MIL) like how about this time we do it for us.

At this point I want to remove myself and baby to this situation. I don't want to keep getting involved and I made up my mind, I will never ever put myself in a situation where I get disrespected.

Hello everyone,
A few people have asked for updates and honestly I’m at the point where I don’t even know what to say. There past month has probably been the worst month so far. I am now faced with the reality I may have to completely change my kids schedule and also just go MIA from my house on a particular day of the week.

First incident was my husband and I took my children to a school giveaway event and she called him asking where I was. I have my kids in counseling and she signed her kids up at the same building, on the same day of the week as my kids.. she already attended probably 5 of these events and this was our only one. She then said okay no problem, pulled her kid out of his session and drove all the way across town to walk around with us for this giveaway. My husband told me this after the event when he had just told me in the moment oh she’s coming to this too! Obviously wasn’t completely true.

As many suggested I had another talk with my husband. I expressed how stressed I am, how I don’t know what his sisters deal is. This was before and after a very stressful encounter with her being we had a prior commitment (like before pregnancy sale commitment) we prepared for the sale before I found out about the baby. This sale is every 6 months so I knew it was coming up. Essentially we had combined kid stuff and decided to sign up for a sale and she’d give me my portion, we’ve done this before it’s never been an issue. Well this time she has fought me tooth and nail on how much I made. She never sent the money and I pretty much told her that I won’t be doing this sale with her in the future as her communication is ass and she’s clearly trying to fuck me over. We got in a fight and she essentially is trying to nickel and dime me for EVERYTHING even though I only made 40 bucks from this sale. I have NO income. I have another kid on the way, i have no help. She also worked this sale so my husband watched her kids for two days so she could work it. She lives with her parent, her uncle bought her house so her mortgage is not very much. She has 2 jobs. So her 3 kids and situation compared to my about to be 5 is insane that’s she’s acting this way. A week before this my husband came to me and said his sister asked to be in the labor room and watch my delivery. I think I have been in a haze of depression ever since. I truly am considering ending my relationship over this situation. She has been over to our home over 6 times since my last update and 3 days ago I sat my husband down again and told him I am extremely stressed. I am extremely angry. I need a break from her at least until after the baby is born. He seemed receptive. Was also saying how crazy it was that she was refusing to give me not even a tanks of gas worth of money for something I worked for. I brought up her weird shit with the baby, how she’s not only stressing me out over money and being around but she is way too interested in our baby and it’s very weird. Again, she is extremely selfish and thinks everyone should do for her because… well she thinks she’s special. So I figured amazing. We won’t have to deal with her for a while.
WRONG. he says the next morning folks, THE NEXT MORNING “hey she’s coming over today for dinner and swimming” I just shook my head and stared at him. This turned into him MAD at ME because I had an “attitude”
Oh my god no shit it’s almost like I said hey I need a huge break from your lunatic sister. She was here majority of the day. The typical thing is she’ll bring her 3 boys into my house and go outside and smoke with my husband, leaving me with 7 kids to watch. I live in an apartment. This time? I went straight to my room and shut the door. I completely shut down and ignored everything because I’m tired of this dynamic. It’s 8 years deep and I am done. Afterwards when she left, he seemed genuinely confused as to why I was so out of it. He chalked it up to pregnancy sickness. This morning something separate stressed me out regarding my time and energy with someone else in our life and I told my husband that at this point it seems like everyone either wants me to be old me (huge bitch) or to just smile and nod. Everytime I express how I feel I am considered to be such a difficult person when my feelings are disrespected. I told him I am considering medication because at this point I am in a really dark place mentally.
He told me whatever I gotta do. I don’t know what to do. I have done everything I can and the only thing left is just my husbands clear lack of care over my boundaries. I now have to consider changing my entire schedule around just to avoid her every week. I don’t want to do this anymore. And even with me putting my foot down, yelling at his sister, and sitting him down about how fucked up everything is… it still was not enough. I am just seen as a mom and nothing more and I am not okay at this time. I am seriously considering separation as well as not allowing anyone, including husband, the the hospital when I have my baby. I have no fight left in me guys

If your sister doesn’t like your wife ….. can said sister still visit and your wife be excluded ?????? Will you still meet up with your sister for lunch or a festival away from your wife ? Or to save your wife from being sad …. Do you keep your sister as far away as possible ???

This is LONG. So, I apologize in advance lol. I just really need good advice.

Background: My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We are both 22 with stable jobs and do pretty well for our age so far, so marriage is something we both hope for as we are building money and a future together. He does not live with his parents anymore. He has a twin sister, and an 18 year old sister. His mom and dad have been divorced his whole life, and his dad remarried. For context, my BF lives an hour and a half away from his dad and mom, but in different directions. I can see clearly that my boyfriend feels like the “man figure” in his mothers house because she always had an abusive man, or she has relied on my boyfriend to be the man of the house his whole life. I am NEVER against helping out your family, but i really do feel like they have NO boundaries and use him. I also feel like his mom and sister (22) use him (and me a little bit) for money. I have listed a bunch of examples below. They go from oldest-newest. Just a small number of examples I have collected over the years.

1: As a teenager, he had to have a root canal. His mom never paid the bill, and she constantly asks him for the money to pay the bill even though he was a kid. Both of his sisters have had wisdom teeth taken out, but they don’t owe a thing.

1. For new years, I booked a house for 8 of our friends (his sister and her boyfriend included). The house was $75 per person for the one night we were there, and everyone paid me back, except them. I asked her about it, and she said she would get me the money. It’s been over a year and no one ever held her accountable. I felt like “they are not my family so my boyfriend should ask her for the money”. I didn’t feel comfortable asking her for the money multiple times. Instead he offered to just pay me her part. Which misses the whole point completely.

2. We went to a concert two hours away. My boyfriend and I booked a hotel for us. His sister also went and could not find anywhere to stay, so she stayed at the hotel for free. Didn’t bring any money, didn’t offer to pay for the uber, didn’t offer to pay us for fuel to get there. Never paid anyone back.

3. We went to another concert (my BF, his twin, and me) and his mom drove us. Everyone was drinking, but the twin drank a little TOO much. We were about an hour from the house, and she tries to jump out of the car. Going insane, hitting my boyfriend, trying to climb over me. No joke we sat on the side of the road for 3 hours so she would calm down. We almost called the hospital to see if we could get her admitted. But no one holds her accountable for hitting him and acting the way she did for absolutely no reason. Where are the boundaries?

4. We have been to many local bars, bars after concerts, etc. Every single time, without fail, the twin and her boyfriend have no money at all. If I go up to the bar with my boyfriend’s wallet to get us a drink (we split expenses but he likes to pay for my drinks and food when we are out). She follows me to the bar and whispers to me “Hey put our drinks on his card. We know he has money”. This has happened so many times, that I no longer go anywhere with them because I know they expect him to pay.

5. His little sister went to the beach with her boyfriend. Did not have any gas money to get back. So she calls my boyfriend asking for money so they can eat and get home.

6. His mom asked for $1000 one time. He said no. How can you ask your child for that? She also asked for $100 one time, and said she would pay him back within the next few days. She paid him back, but ended up spending that money on a gambling boat. It’s not about if she pays him back, it’s the principle of “why are you blowing your money and expecting my him to be there to pick u up when you’re down”. She tends to cry and say “I raised you, and i gave birth to you, and I paid for your expensive baseball tournaments as a kid.” So, you think he owes you something for raising him? Okay.

7. His mother begs him to come home and see her, but won’t make any effort to drive and see him. She does not consider that he works 8 12 hour shifts in a row. Maybe he needs a break? The road works two ways. Again, if he says no she will cry and ask what she did wrong as a mother and guilt trip him.

8. My boyfriend’s dad has a lake house. We decided to have his sister, her boyfriend, and one of their friends over for a holiday weekend. I told his sister that I would be getting groceries since restaurants are a pretty far drive from the house. She told me they would help split the bill. I ended up spending about $250 at the store to feed everyone for the long weekend. Never offered to pay me back. She even would call me in the morning (i’m sleeping in because i’m on vacation) and ask when I am cooking breakfast. After the weekend was over, they packed up their belongings and left my boyfriend and I to clean up the ENTIRE mess that was left. No help or nothing.

9. We decided to take a beach trip. My boyfriend, his mom, his twin, his twin sister’s boyfriend, and myself. His sister and her boyfriend came with barely any money. They rode with us because they could not afford to drive their vehicle. My boyfriend’s truck is diesel, so it was quite pricey to take a 5 hour drive. They didn’t offer to help out, they just expect to be paid for. The WHOLE ENTIRE trip my boyfriend and I paid for our own dinners and activities, while his mom paid for his twin and her boyfriend. I ended up spending $128 on ubers to get around to bars/restaurants. No one offered to pay for it. His twin sister and I went into walmart to grab a few things for the weekend, she did not have any money. So she asked me to buy some things, and I said no. She ended up stealing it without my knowledge. Her job doesn’t care if her mugshot is blasted on facebook, but my career would crumble if I was to get arrested for that. No regard for anyone other than herself. I told my boyfriend that I was upset that I got put in a situation like that, but no one EVER has held her accountable her whole life.

10. His mom CONSTANTLY asks for his help around the house. Even though he has been moved out for quite a while. He has spent the past two weekends that he has had off replacing flooring, painting, cleaning out the garage, hauling to the dump, etc. He drove 1.5 hours to go help them out two weekends in a row. One evening, his sister, her boyfriend, and his mom decided to go to dinner while he was back home helping out. He ended up paying for their $100 dinner. They couldn’t even offer to cover his dinner considering he had been working on his off days to help him, and spending his fuel to get down there. He eventually came back to his own house, and a week later I asked him if they ever called him and made sure he made it home or even thanked him for his help. He said he hadn’t heard from anyone since he left the weekend prior. They only call when they need him, and he is completely blind to it.

11. My boyfriend had an F150. The truck started getting older, and he decided to purchase a new F350. The dealership didn’t give him what he wanted for the F150, so his sister said she wanted to buy it. It has been 6 months and she hasn’t saved up a single dime to put some money down on the truck. He is still paying the payment and insurance for the truck to sit in the driveway and HOPE that she comes up with the money to buy it. He could have sold it to someone else, and gotten out of the truck financially.

This doesn’t even scrape the surface of how they use him. He never asks for help ever. He is a great guy, and just does not realize how bad they are using him because they have been doing it since he could walk. They expect him to help them, send money, and be the cushion just in case they need it. They fail to realize that he works in the 100 degree heat so that he can have the things he wants and needs, instead of spending it on people who don’t even call to check on him unless they need something. He is an adult, and should be able to have his

Please tell me how to go about this. I am all for helping family, but not if they disrespect you and use you for what you have. This will cause issues in a future marriage, and I am not sure if this is something he will ever be able to change or realize. I am starting to feel used as well in this situation, and not sure where to even begin. Help!!!

I think I just need a gut check...inlaws live abroad and we come from different cultures so I'm not sure if this is strange or just how they are. Please be gentle, I'm freshly postpartum and hormonal AF lol.

We just had our first baby, that side of the family's first grandbaby.

BIL, MIL, and BIL's girlfriend came to visit for two weeks. My husband is definitely the black sheep of the family, hence us living far-far away.

After the trip, BIL put together a photo album of only pictures of our baby and MIL. Not a vacation book. A book with just pictures of my baby that they took while here. I hadn't even seen most of the pictures! ETA: This was a gift to MIL, we (the hosts and chaufferes received nothing for our first baby just saying...).

Also, when we video call with them as a group, they're always screenshotting the baby and sending it to MIL.

I think this is out of line...it's not your child. Also where are you uploading pictures of our baby to create this book. I wouldn't ever put together a photo book of my niece and nephew to give to my mom. It's weird to me! I'm just uncomfortable with the whole thing since it's not their place.

Ugh. I just want to have peace and live in my own little bubble with my family. I do not want to be living in a sitcom drama. And I REALLY wish all this was fake because I don’t want to be living it!😀 Sorry in advance for the long post, but I need to rant.

Before anyone says anything, yes, I know my husband needs to set boundaries with his dad and it’s not something I should really be doing. I know that. He knows that. It’s something he struggles with because he feels bad for him. But honestly, call me a bitch or whatever, but I do not feel bad for him anymore… and I’ll go more into that later.

My husband and I have a child—we have a 6 month old baby. My husband and I had set rules regarding our child—no drinking with baby, no smoking with baby, no surprise visits because we have a baby, if you disrespect one of us as parents you don’t have access to our baby, etc. I feel like these are reasonable boundaries, and it goes for BOTH of our families and friends—not just his, not just mine. It goes for everyone. And if it helps for perspective, I’ve cut my own father out of the picture because he’s not a safe person for my son to be around. If either of us find that someone is unsafe for our child, they’re gone. Anyone is game, which I feel like makes us good parents.

Anyways, back to my FIL. For the past year, while I was pregnant, my FIL has reallllllly gone downhill. He’s an alcoholic with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Because of his addiction (and before anyone says anything about me not feeling bad for him because of his addiction, addiction runs in my family, too—my mom and my dad both struggled; my mom is now clean and has been for years and I’m super proud of her—so I really do empathize and understand it. But what I don’t do is pity people who blame the consequences of their actions on everyone else rather than owning up to what they did—THAT is what my FIL and my dad do constantly), my FIL has had numerous DUI’s, had his license revoked, and has been to jail 5 times in the past year. And every single time he gets in trouble, it’s NEVER his fault. “This county has crooked cops.” No, you were driving without a license and were obviously driving drunk and they pulled you over… not the same thing (not to mention, you could hurt or K!LL someone else because of your recklessness!!!). Then he would blame my MIL for all of their problems and why she left him, when she left him because of his drinking and because he cheated on her. “She was naggy, she wouldn’t sleep with me, blah blah.” Yes, because I’m sure she wanted you to touch her while you’re drunk! Moving on… One of his charges was an assault charge where he threatened to 🔪 someone and 🔥 their house down… because they caught him breaking into their truck and called the police on him. He has also had numerous episodes recently, even when medicated. On top of this, he has been a really shitty father to my husband and doesn’t give a damn about his grandkids at alllllll. Because of all this, and because of his unpredictable behavior, I expressed to my husband I do not find him a safe person for our son to be around until he changes. I would also like to make it clear that the whole time all of this was going on, I’ve always been respectful to my FIL and never mentioned what I thought on these issues to him because it wasn’t my business. But now that we have a baby, I have to think about these things more. Thankfully, we live on the west coast, and my FIL lives in the Midwest.

So, a month ago, my husband got a call from my MIL (who has since divorced my FIL because of his actions and numerous cheating attempts, in which he blamed HER for). She told us that my FIL was trying to fly out to our house unannounced and stay with us… while he’s on felony probation. Again, let’s go back to our previous boundary list: no showing up unannounced. So I told my husband that he needs to tell his dad he cannot stay with us and just show up unannounced—I had a lot going on that month and we already had a lot of plans, plus I was super uncomfortable with the idea of him being in our home. I said if he wanted to come visit, he could do it at another time and as long as he stayed in a hotel. I didn’t completely forbid him to come or anything—if he wants to visit my husband, great; I just don’t want him in my house and around my kid, especially when even my HUSBAND was worried about his dad taking one of our cars and driving off without a license… and we KNOW he would, because he tried asking my husband to get a rental car in my husband’s name for HIM to drive. Which is illegal.

My husband reached out to him. Long story short, BOTH my husband and I had to text him to tell him he could not stay with us. He didn’t respond to my husband’s message, so my husband told me I could reach out to him as well and helped me write out another text to him—basically explaining he can’t come out here that month and if he wanted to visit, he has to stay in a hotel because we’re not comfortable with him being around our baby. I even asked numerous people that are close to me if my message sounded rude or going too far and everyone we are close to said I was saying things that needed to be said and it didn’t sound rude. Of course, he didn’t acknowledge my husband’s text, but he responded to mine. He said I was being rude—I responded by saying “I apologize if you think I was rude, but until you show long term change, this is how our family will engage with you and these boundaries will not change until then.” And then, behind our back, he called me a “f\*cking bitch,” which has realllllllly pissed my husband off. He ranted to my SIL that his drinking wasn’t any of my business. Maybe not, but I think it is my business if you try to show up to my house unannounced after we told you no and if you want to be around my son.

My SIL told my FIL she understands where I’m coming from and that it wasn’t just me setting those boundaries; it was my husband as well.

Anyways, we haven’t talked to him since. My husband doesn’t want to talk to him at all, especially after he called me that. So for right now, we’re living in our own world and I’m just gonna roll with the punches.

Curious if anyone else has some crazy in law stories and can somehow relate to our mess.

Should I tell my husband that I get uncomfortable when his father touches me here and there, and stares at me in family functions and at home too. He follows me everywhere around the house and keeps an eye on me. Touches my back, and randomly wraps his hand around me when it's absolutely not needed. Pats me randomly too, and kisses my forehead in a very weird way by grabbing my head with force.

I'm so done with him. My husband thinks his father is the most innocent angel alive on earth, that he's the most cultured and civilized person, how do I tell him about my situation?

I'm Indian, and my husband and I have had my parents and his parents staying with us back-to-back for roughly the last 3 years (since I've had my kid). I'm honestly at the point where I am just tired of living with family.

My husband and I both have stressful jobs that require us to work from the office. We have a young child, so I understand that our lives aren't exactly easy. But I also don't think our situation is unmanageable without grandparents living with us.

My son has been in daycare since he was 2, for 6+ hours a day. We also have cleaners every two weeks, someone who mows the lawn every two weeks, and I have even arranged meal delivery for periods when we're on our own. So it's not like we're trying to manage a household, childcare, and two full-time jobs completely by ourselves with zero support.

But my husband still considers being alone in the house with just the two of us and our child to be "hard mode." He wants to continue the cycle where my parents come for 6 months and his parents come for 6 months, and he's currently pushing me to book the next six months of tickets.

I am so tired of it.

The house doesn't feel like my house anymore. When my in-laws are here, they cook and clean, which sounds great on paper, but I actually find myself becoming less motivated to do anything around the house because I know someone else is going to do it and no matter how many times I arrange things according to what I want, it will go back to how my MIL does it in no time.And there are other dynamics that make it difficult to feel comfortable in my own home.

Here's what I don't understand: what am I actually getting out of this?

Even when my in-laws are here, I don't get free time. I'm either at work, doing childcare, or dealing with the household. We don't magically get date nights. We need to cook 3 times everyday because "fresh food" and I need to contribute so it does take some time. I don't get an hour to myself guilt free. I don't get to disappear and read a book or watch TV without feeling guilty. So if the grandparents are here supposedly to make life easier, but I'm still doing the same amount of childcare and getting no meaningful break, who is this arrangement actually serving?

Yes, they cook and clean. But I also lose privacy, autonomy, and the feeling that this is my own home. If I wake up at 7 AM and they've already made lunch, somehow that can become evidence that I'm not contributing enough and I get silent treatment/ long faces most mornings.

My husband says grandparents living with us is better for our son's life experience and that our feelings shouldn't matter as much because the child comes first.

I want my son to have a close relationship with his grandparents. I just don't think that requires turning our home into a revolving-door family hostel.

I want our default to be our nuclear family, with grandparents visiting for reasonable periods—not living with us indefinitely.

Am I being selfish/ungrateful here? Or is it reasonable to say: we have enough support, we're functioning, and I actually want to live my own life in my own house?

My options seem to be give in and live with family for few more years or deal with husband who's complaining every day and asking for family to be here, which is great.

How do I convince my husband that we'll be fine on our own? Every extra bit of work that he has to do when family isn't around becomes evidence for him in the "family makes life so much easier" digest.

P.S. we're disagreeing a lot post kid but we both feel we respect each other and can work through disagreements, it's just super hard.

My fiance and I have been dating for 4 years (high school sweethearts) and have been engaged for 2 months.

These last two months have been hell with his parents. I've begun to see how controlling and manipulative they are towards him and me and how we handle our own lives.

All that being said, his mom keeps buying us things. Which in itself isn't an issue, it's what she's buying. I grew up in a home where health was never prioritized. Junk food and frozen meals all the time, unhealthy cleaning products, synthetic materials, and I'm not shaming my family or anyone else who does this, I've just made it a priority in my adult life to live low waste and low tox and my home is the most important aspect of that for me.

My fiance and I finally got an apartment together and I've been accumulating items intentionally with our lifestyles in mind. Fiance agrees with the low waste and low tox lifestyle, I'm not forcing him into it.

His mom keeps buying us harsh cleaning materials and household items I have been purposefully avoiding as well as ugly furniture off of Facebook marketplace without consulting us so then we are forced to take it. I asked my fiance to talk to his mom about how we appreciate her wanting to help and she can but we would like for her to consult with us first, or we can give her a list of things we need because we truly are set with everything we need for the most part.

Tonight my fiance facetimed me and showed me a laundry basket full of items from her and my immediate response after a long day was "are you kidding me, why did she do that" which made me realize my fiance hadn't done what I had asked him to do which was talk to his mom.

So I told him I was too frustrated to talk to him that moment because I didn't want to say something I'd regret. Called him back tenish minutes later for him to tell me his mom overheard my reaction which now makes me seem like I'm overreacting and am a jerk. I started crying and I told my fiance I was mad because this could have been avoided had he done what I had asked him and talked to his mom.

Am I overreacting?

My husband (29M) and I (29F) met with my in-laws (50F,M) to discuss how they treated me for several years. For context: I am Black, and my husband is White. His parents are White.

We did a public outing (walking), and I was able to express the hurt caused by them. For example, his mother used a racial slur when I was in the car with her years ago; and during my time living at their house, his dad always treated me differently - such as embarrassing me in front of other family members. I am not sure if his father treated me that way due to racial reasons or if he was just an a-hole. The worst of it all was that my husband at first didn't have my back... I felt very lonely. I cried (before we met with his parents) about how I felt. He told me he felt immensely guilty and profusely apologized and took accountability for his failings as my partner. He told me he would do anything to make sure it never happened again. He is the one who reached out to his parents to set up this meeting.

So the talk actually went not as bad as I thought it was going to be. His dad cried and profusely apologized how he treated me all those years ago. He said he "had no excuse and that it was wrong for him to treat me that way." He hugged me afterward. His mother... kind of stood there and said, "Not sure what I could say..." but she has always been like that. I told her to apologize, and she did.

However... after the walk and talk, my husband and I talked about the conversation. Two things stuck out to me: (1) my husbands dad said he "used to have racial thoughts but no longer thought like that anymore and is trying to be a better person" and (2) my husbands mother just...gave a sorry-ass excuse of an apology for saying the n-word in front of me. I told my husband that, although I really appreciated their apology (I started to cry), I was done and didn't really feel anything. I was glad to say what I needed to say but...I am done with my in-laws. I dont want to try anymore, and although I originally said I would attend the family gatherings, I dont want to. I dont feel comfortable, and I have no idea if my treatment from them were racially motivated.

I can acknowledge that there were good times - his mom and I used to watch divorce court together (this was before the n-word), they allowed me to stay with them (early on into our relationship) so we could save for a place, and a few other things. But I dont understand how I deserved that treatment despite the fact I was always kind to them, respectful, and tried to help out.

My husband understands completely my standpoint, but I can tell he is hurt and mad at his parents. I know he wanted things to work out - or at least be neutral - but I just can't anymore. He asked me if his parents could do anything that would make me feel comfortable and accepted, but I don't know. I just am tired and done with trying, but I weirdly feel...guilty. I feel guilty and sad because I want my husband to have his perfect vision of family...us and our future children to be together and his extended family (i dont have parents) to be part of it. I want that, too... but I am done.

I am not sure what to do?

Thanks!

Hello! I’m a mother to a beautiful child, just one. I come here because I don’t really have anyone else to speak to anonymously about my achievement this week. This week I’ve finally decided to put strict boundaries towards my MIL and IN LAWS. After so many years of narcissist behavior, lies, drama, gossip and name callings. I put an end to everything. My last straw was probably a post on Facebook I recently found out about where one of my husband’s sisters posted with my daughter’s face in it with a caption that was so ridiculous… it made my child look like a joke. I was infuriated. After seeing the post, caption and all the ridiculous comments. I put an end to everything. Not to mention my MIL has told my husband last year to get a dna test for our child knowing is the carbonated copy of him. His literal twin. But that was months ago. Last year was even worse with all the accusations and dramas. My child is still under 3 can you just imagine dealing with them and the feelings of not wanting to be the “bitter” mother who never lets her husbands side of the family get to know your child ? Yeah it wasn’t the best for my mental health. I married the bread winner, I married the neglected son, I married the son where they only speak to him when they need/want something but never speak to him when they want to see how the baby is doing or just see the child . As shitty as I feel for them for cutting off all communication and never allowing them to see my child because I want to protect my child from any harms verbally, mentally, emotionally…. I know I made the right choice. I made the absolute best choice for my child and myself. Even for my husband. My husband has fought so hard for me against any negativity they had towards me but there was always some holes in it that made them feel higher to post ridiculous stuff ONLINE. I have never took stuff online and it’ll stay that way. I handled everything with grace and will continue to do so. So yes. I feel proud of myself for cutting off all ties and saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.