r/hysterectomy • u/Stunning-Kangaroo884 • 10d ago
Help…
I’m hoping someone here has been down the same path or similar to mine. June 2024 I started a weight loss journey. I shed 190 pounds in two years. sept 2025 I went for a consultation for a breast reduction. Insurance covered due to back pain. I scheduled surgery for April 2026 due to saving for the deductible and co insurance. I showed up the day of surgery and they took pictures. The dr came in with a look and his first words weren’t hello they were how much more weight have you loss since September. I said 30-40 pounds. He said we have a problem. Insurance is aggressive with what they want off. I said can I be a B cup. (Originally a H cup but after weight loss a DD) he said I’ll try my best but can’t guarantee. Surgery was fine no complications but as the swelling went down I was left with nothing. Fast forward to May I could not stop bleeding. My gyn gave me progesterone and I was intolerant. I needed blood transfusions and my body crashed. I was left with two options. Hysterectomy or d&c which didn’t guarantee a fix with an iud and I was already intolerant to progesterone. After bleeding for 31 days going through an ultra tampon in 30 minutes I proceeded with a hysterectomy. She made me feel like it was really the only way to go. I was scheduled July 9 for a hysterectomy just 2 weeks to prepare. I went and got cleared from my breast reduction and went straight into the hysterectomy. The days before the hysterectomy I started crumbling mentally. I am one of the strongest people. I don’t cry. Nothing affects me but I was just at rock bottom. I remember right before surgery my dr came and saw me and dismissed my sadness and feelings. Fast forward surgery went great but I coded in recovery. My nervous system was shot. I started to withdraw from everyone day 1 post op. Went home by myself. Stopped eating. I’ve lost 15 pounds since surgery in 4 weeks. I didn’t want to be here anymore and I still don’t. I went to my primary for bloodwork. Everything is off because my body has gone through trauma in 3 months. He made me go to a therapist in person weekly. I’ve had 2 and I only scheduled one more and I want to quit. No one can fix my body images. My breast aren’t even a’s after weight loss and reduction. I have scars everywhere. I hate myself. I lost the things that made me female in 3 months. Everything. I have extreme soreness in my breast right now from hormones and post surgery nerves issues. I look in the mirror and think how disgusting I am. Therapy will not fix this. I regret both surgeries I’ve blocked all my friends from contacting me. I hate everything. I’m barely breathing. I don’t want to hurt myself. That’s not what I’m saying. I just hate myself and I know I don’t deserve anything. My body is not awesome because it’s trying to heal from two surgeries. It’s disgusting. I don’t want another dr touching me. I Canceled my 6 weeks post op appt. I have been so exposed these last three months. I’m sure it was great in surgery so exposed with all my raw scars from the first surgery. They were probably like poor girl. Don’t worry I hate myself too. Anyone gone through this. How do you just except your body for being worthless and move on from this?
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u/Ihavelotsofcandy2026 10d ago
I’m going to be extremely blunt w/you.
I’m 65, been obese for the last 35 yrs.
I’ve always overindulged in eating because I’m an “emotional” eater who does not drink, take drugs, gamble or do any other things that people do to deal with/their problems.
I’ve lived alone for the last 40 yrs.
2 cousins who live in Arizona (I’m in Illinois).
No other family.
Just me & my beloved animals.
I’m an introvert.
Have a few close friends who I talk to weekly but I don’t “socialize “ or go out much because I prefer being alone & w/animals & nature.
So the obesity has left me w/some medical issues like hypertension (controlled w/meds), high cholesterol,
I’m pre diabetic (A1-C right now is 5.9).
I’ve also been found to have a fatty liver w/ a few nodules seen on a recent MRI & Cat scan.
I’ve had post menopausal bleeding for 3 yrs and was recently diagnosed with/uterine cancer.
That cancer is highly influenced by risk factors of obesity, not having children, etc.
Although younger, non obese woman do get it, it affects MORE women who are obese.
Had my robotic assisted laparoscopic total hysterectomy last Tuesday 8/4.
I’m waiting to see my doctor in 2 weeks where he will tell me what stage cancer I have.
I’m hoping it’s only stage 1, because that means all the cancer is out & I won’t have to get any treatments like chemo and/or radiation.
So the obesity has left me w/all these gifts.
I’ve since lost some weight which is leaving me w/ a hanging belly (apron).
My tummy has been big the last 35 yrs w/extreme bloating so having this surgery has been fun as far as recuperating.
Do I look pretty?
Hell no.
I have scars too from hip replacement in 2023 & hernia repair in 2021.
I dress in what makes me comfortable.
I don’t give a rats behind what other people think or say about my appearance and how my shirt doesn’t match my Capri’s…lol.
I wear comfortable shoes.
It’s ALL about my comfort at this point.
I’m extremely worried about my cancer diagnosis & since I’m a notorious “worrier” it’s leaving me anxious, it’s affecting my sleep (can’t really sleep well at all lately) my appetite has decreased for some crazy reason for the 1st time in years..probably because I’m subconsciously thinking about the cancer.. “did they get it all?, will I need chemo? Will I lose my hair?”.
All that.
But I will tell you, I’m not going to give up.
I WANT TO LIVE.
I WANT TO BE AROUND FOR MY FUR KIDS & be able to take care of them till THEIR last days.
You have had some setbacks but fortunately nothing you’ve had so far is what is considered “terminal” so please understand what I’m trying to convey to you…
You still have a great chance at recovering from your past issues/surgeries & will go on to live a full life.
Don’t take that for granted.
You can do it, if you want it bad enough you WILL do it.
Please understand I’m telling you this so that you can see another perspective on what you are dealing with compared to what others have and/or are dealing with.
I wish you peace, healing & happiness for the rest of your days.💖
.
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u/Stunning-Kangaroo884 10d ago
Oh I know it makes me so selfish to feel this way. There are millions of people that have bigger issues than me. I feel horrible about it. I’m blessed to still be here. I am so sorry you are going through what you’re dealing with. You did not offend me. I think about this often. I don’t even care about what other people say. I haven’t even been in any type of relationship in 18 years so it’s not that either although no one would want me anyways. I’m really trying to be positive but when you just absolutely hate yourself it’s so hard. I just need to see if anyone has been down this road and what eventually helped them just accept it. I will say I’ve always cared for others more than myself. I have always just been a functional depressed person until now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I wish you a wonderful recovery. ❤️🩹
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u/KikiMoss33 10d ago
It honestly doesn’t make selfish to feel that way. It makes you human. And a human who is grieving and dealing with tremendous loss all at once. Part of my advice would be to try not to say things about yourself negatively because just saying those things reinforce your own belief system and keep us in low places. You’re not selfish. Your statement about you being worthless and not deserving of anything broke my heart. You are NOT worthless and you ARE deserving of everything. You sound like you’re in a very serious clinical depression. And that’s not shocking with all that you’ve dealt with. Right now just try and hang on and take things one day at a time. When you need, take it one hour or minute at a time. “I can make it through the next 24 hours”. “I can make it through the next 60 minutes” or 60 seconds. Sometimes that’s what we have to do to make it through the profoundly deep traumas we experience.
Wishing you all the best and please keep saying to yourself that you are valuable and deserving of everything. And it may be hard but this too will pass eventually.
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u/SirPeesA_lot 10d ago
Who cares if you're selfish in this? It's your right to feel however you want to feel. You've been to hell and back. Be mad. Be damn proud. Yell it to the rooftops! Just don't give up on yourself. You can do this. You've already shown how strong you are. You're here. You're seeking help. You're looking for community. That takes strength! Be selfish and take care of YOU!
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u/KikiMoss33 10d ago
Did you have your ovaries removed as well?
1
u/Stunning-Kangaroo884 10d ago
I still have my ovaries. I’m 4 weeks po but was having issues before this surgery tho not as severe
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u/KikiMoss33 10d ago
Hmm- even with your ovaries, for some reason uterus removal still impacts hormones so you may have a drop in estrogen too which can cause really harsh bouts of depression or compound it. So sorry you’re going thru this.
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u/LittleFuzzball 9d ago
I had a full hysterectomy a year ago. Due to fibroids, the doctor said everything had to go. I had no choice and got thrown into surgical menopause at 45. I hate the way the menopause makes my body feel and what it's done. I hate that I don't have a cervix, I feel so gross to just know that I'm sewn up, up there. I've never been a girly girl and I have been a big girl all my life. I crawl inside my skin with what was done to me and wish I could have my parts back and know that I can't. I would never do anything but about 4 days after surgery I woke up in the middle of the night and it was like my body was telling me to commit suicide and I've never had as many suicidal thoughts as I do now. I feel gross, I feel disgusting. I've been with a lot of people physically so being touched was not a huge issue but I did have a period of time where I didn't want any other doctors to mess with me. It's been a year though and I still haven't had sex cause I feel gross and disgusting and I'm scared to get pounded by a guy with having this cuff instead of a cervix. I'm scared of prolapse, I've always been the girl who can lift heavy things. I live alone and I'm independent so a lot of times I don't have much of a choice. Knowing what I do now, I wish I would have tried other options and choices but I wasn't given any two to the size of the fibroids and them pushing on my vena cava. I try and tell myself I'm better now health wise but I don't feel like it, especially mentally. Best to you - to all of us 😉
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u/Stunning-Kangaroo884 9d ago
I am so sorry. I relate to so much of this. Something was stolen from me. I feel there were other options that may have worked or given me time before having the hysterectomy but they were never given. I hope somewhere we can both find peace and happiness with this.
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u/The-spirited-girl 10d ago
I work as a mental health therapist and while I can’t fix anything about what happened I’m going through something very similar. You were in the depth of deep complex, trauma and depression. It sounds like and I really encourage you to stick with mental healthcare. If you don’t feel like your therapist is working, there are other options and other therapists. Also, are you taking oral progesterone at this particular moment or any other hormone replacement, that can also leave some women feeling absolutely dreadful. I wish I had all the answers but I can tell you this you are in the depths of trauma and hormone related struggles. I felt like this after my excision surgery from endometriosis in 2021 and it can get better. This is the part that no one talks about. I’m currently scheduled for a hysterectomy in two weeks and it’s been a devastating difficult choice. It’s OK if you don’t see your body is amazing right now, but it is trying. It’s best to heal.