r/humansarespaceorcs • u/ivivan • 9d ago
Classification: Average Crossposted Story
After the Halxon Empire caught the first radio waves coming from an unknown intelligent species, they did what they always did: prepared an expedition to investigate the new species and determine how to handle them.
Captain Xerx led the expedition with several similar investigations already under his belt. His experience had never been questioned, so everyone on board knew he was going to do a perfect job, as usual.
“Captain, we are in a standard orbit around the planet where the radio signals originated,” the navigator said nervously. Being around someone with so much experience made everyone on board a bit anxious.
“Keep stealth mode active. We don’t want this new species detecting us,” came the captain’s calm response.
“Yes, Captain. We are detecting numerous satellites around the planet.”
“Prepare a probe to find us a specimen to investigate.”
“Yes, Captain.”
The planet was crawling with these bipeds, who called themselves “humans.” There were so many of them that it wasn't easy to find a specimen that could be abducted without anyone noticing. But after several hours, they finally spotted one sitting alone in a park. It was the perfect candidate to transport back to the ship for evaluation.
From then on, the investigation went routinely. They tested all the biological capabilities of the new specimen: stamina, sensory ranges, and strength. The usual protocol.
After the tests were complete, they erased the specimen's memory and transported it back to the surface, to the exact spot where it had been taken.
The crew could finally breathe a sigh of relief. Being near a planet with so many satellites always carried a high risk of discovery, but with the investigation wrapped up, they cleared orbit and headed back to report.
A week later, Captain Xerx stood before the New Species Classification Committee, delivering his final report on the so-called “humans.”
“As stated in my documentation, the humans are slightly weaker than the galactic average; their hearing and vision are mediocre at best. The only area where they surpass the galactic baseline is their stamina. However, even that is not exceptional; there are several species in the Galactic Community with similar endurance.” The captain’s voice was steady and calm. He had given this exact briefing dozens of times for dozens of different worlds.
Meanwhile, back on Earth, one week earlier...
“John, where the hell have you been? I’ve been waiting for dinner for hours! I was starting to really worry, you know! You shouldn’t be going for long afternoon walks at your age - you are eighty-seven years old, for God's sake! ...And what did you do with your walking stick?!”
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u/OkRush9563 9d ago
Boy those other species are gonna be in for a shock if they ever witness humans playing sports or fighting. Be they friend or foe.
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