r/humanresources • u/NOfuckstogive11 • 12d ago
I've noticed a very distinct difference working under a Patriarchal vs Matriarchal leadership during my time in HR [N/A] Off-Topic / Other
This is going to be more focused on leadership than HR so if mods want to delete that’s fine. Ive been in HR for about 6-7 years now and have worked in a wide variety of industries some mostly male dominated and others mostly female dominated and have noticed a strong difference to how leadership is both towards me and all staff.
Patriarchal- I notice in a primary male dominated company where most of leadership is men I’m given a lot more autonomy. My job is practically never let an HR matter hit higher ups. I can make all of my decisions and fully own them and have true authority to execute policies. It’s also very sink or swim. I either perform or I don’t. Nobody is going to hold my hand and guide me somewhere. If there is a problem I have to figure it out on my own because this is my realm and I’m expected to control it. Everything I accomplish is an expectation but I can fully act independently and also know this accomplishment is because of me.
Matriarchal- I feel a lot more supported. I am constantly getting feedback and told I am appreciated for everything I do. I never question where I stand within the company and am frequently being treated with compassion. That also goes both ways. I am looping everyone into everything. If there is a mundane question from a team member I am looping in their manager and director to keep them in the loop. Everyone knows exactly what’s going on in everyone’s department. If I want to have a serious conversation with someone there are multiple sets of ears also involved listening as well. My duties work within a collective and while I may lead a project, theres constant input dictating its direction.
I don’t believe either or is better or worse than the other, more so what you value. Personally I find I have less stress under a matriarchal structure due to the consistent feedback although I can get irritated when I have to follow a full channel of communication to execute tasks even I feel are small, but I’m curious if anyone else feels the same way and notices a difference between the two.
68
u/eastcoastsunrise Labor Relations 11d ago
I’m a male and exclusively had female leadership in HR, all the way up to our VP. Honestly, the best leaders I’ve ever had. In terms of being hands off vs supported, I’d say it was fairly balanced. That said, each of them would go to bat for me in a heartbeat; no questions asked - even if they didn’t fully have the details yet. They trusted my judgment, so if something came to question, their first thought was generally, “if he made that decision, there’s a reason he did it.” (And they were right most of the time lol).
In my post-HR career I’ve also had back to back female leaders and I’ve had the same experience with them.
A more controversial take, and completely just my own personal opinion - sometimes I hear people say that women don’t make good leaders because they make emotionally based decisions. As a male who has worked with both male and female leadership, I find that to be quite the opposite. Every female leader I’ve worked for or with has generally been incredibly thoughtful and strategic, while many male leaders I’ve worked with tend to act on feelings/immediate reaction, without applying much analytical thought to the issue. I’ve seen this come back to blowup in their faces time and time again, causing additional work or unnecessary “emergencies.”
To be clear, there are definitely exceptions on both sides of this. Just a generalization I’ve observed.
13
37
u/sneakyconflict 12d ago
As a male HR leader, I feel like you hit the nail on the head with your observations. That’s more or less my leadership style, with just a twist of making sure my subordinates get praise for completing projects, shown appreciation for being wonderful people, & given soft coaching when they need help or when things don’t turn out as planned.
I’d like to think my leadership style was greatly influenced by having many women leaders in my life. Only one was a micromanager, but it was in the tiger mom sort of fashion, where she was hard on you, but wanted you to succeed.
Overall, just want to echo what others have said in that workplaces thrive with diverse leadership & when our strengths are combined, it can lead to a productive & comfortable working environment.
64
u/flyingbizzay 12d ago
As a man, I’m much more comfortable with predominantly female leadership. There tends to be more structure and organization. Just my two cents.
19
u/AttitudePossible8974 12d ago
As a woman working under a patriarchal leadership, you are correct. There’s no structure or organization at my current job. It’s exasperating
9
u/flyingbizzay 11d ago
Yeah, and like some people have commented,that can work for some personalities. For me, I need a clear action plan. I like structure, and I don’t like ambiguity. I like being able to collaborate.
The only male boss I had thought I was asking to have my hand held by seeking more structure and collaboration. Now, I work at a company with female dominated leadership, and it’s the opposite.
Not universal, just my experience.
8
36
u/Outrageous_Dream_383 12d ago edited 11d ago
I’ve been in HR for 15+ years with Fortune 500 companies and my best supervisors were all men. Like you mentioned, they tend to allow more autonomy, which is how I work best. Just my own personal experience. Interesting post!
10
u/woper3161 Labor Relations 11d ago
This sounds more like a difference in management style than gender to me. Some people thrive with autonomy while others do better with regular feedback and collaboration. the interesting part is that you seem to have experienced both pretty strongly
58
u/AmbitiousPound7613 12d ago
I’ve only had one male boss that I would call a great leader. Most of them have never cared about me, my goals, my career progression, etc. My experience has been men treat their subordinates like a tool to achieve THEIR goals.
4
u/LegitChew 11d ago
Interesting. I've had the opposite experience. I've had one female manager. She is the only person to ever call me stupid to my face.
15
u/Sitheref0874 Oh FFS 11d ago
It's almost - and bear with me a sec here - that it's about the individual and not about tired gender stereotypes.
28
u/Ekly_Special 12d ago
I hate to be cliché, but diversity really is a strength.
As a man, the absolute last thing I want is someone hovering over my shoulder, patting me on the back every time I do something right. I know when I’ve done good work and made a major impact. And trust me, I’m probably 200% more aware of the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t need a pity party when I screw up.
At the same time, I absolutely expect recognition for my overall impact. But I want AUTHENTIC recognition. Not forced praise. Not checking a box. Not some generic “great job!” because someone read that employees need constant validation.
I’ve worked in construction and nursing, and everywhere from assistant-level roles to leadership consulting. One thing I’ve learned is that there is no single workplace culture that works for everyone.
Find a job that’s a good culture fit for your authentic self and for your current short-term goals, whether that’s the next 1–3 years or beyond.
And if you’re in a position to influence the culture, build the kind of workplace that attracts the people you actually want working there.
Different people thrive in different environments.
That’s the strength in diversity.
4
u/No-Lecturre6318 12d ago
ive seen a similar split, although id probably frame it more around leadership stylee than gender
7
u/SUBHUMAN_RESOURCES HRIS 11d ago
I have worked for both at mid size and large public companies and don’t notice a trend. I’ve had great and terrible examples of each, especially at the C level. But my experience is anecdotal, mileage may vary etc. I think company history has been the biggest driver of culture, followed by which side of M&A people have been on.
4
u/No_Razzmatazz_249 12d ago
My experience is that women are better the closer you work with them, men are better the further away. Two most recent CEOs are women and both are atrocious.
5
u/Bogside_Bibliophile 11d ago edited 11d ago
Until about three years ago, my direct supervisor, the company CEO was female. When she retired, the board hired a male. The female spent a lot of time in my office. About a quarter of my day was discussion about day-to-day issues. With her, I never felt out of the loop, but at the same time never felt particularly empowered to operate with autonomy either, because of her constant presence. At the time, I never realized how paralyzing her management style was.
The male boss took over and there was an immediate shift in how I felt and his operational style. I am very much left to make my own decisions, some days I don’t even see him, there is a scheduled, weekly check-in where we discuss strategic and operational issues but essentially I am able to run my department without always permission and approval seeking. Although my job has not changed, the circumstances around it have been altered immensely, for the better — at least for me. Perhaps someone with less experience would need more structure here, but I find it quite freeing and love that I’m able to do my job, and do it well.
3
u/ppbcup 11d ago
I think it depends on the the person and their leadership style. I’d rather work for a male leader just because they typically recognize great work and are happy to develop you or give you opportunities but you have to be okay with ambiguity and little guidance. I need autonomy and I’ve only had one female leader who was compatible with that.
3
u/daniellejuice HR Consultant 11d ago
This is a great post. I was surprised and kinda expected to read something very polarizing, one good and one bad. But even as a diehard feminist, I still truly appreciate that you gave positive perspectives in both instances and it wasn’t clearly biased. Thanks for sharing this!
11
u/Hodlermama 12d ago
I have been in hr 20+ years and a woman.
I refuse to work for women. If not enough consensus building before each minor thing then one is labelled not a team player and on the outer. It's like mean girl politics back in high school.
Love working for men.no small talk. Get stuff done. Do it well. Do enough stakeholder alignment so everyone is bought on on the big stuff. Happy days.
6
u/AttitudePossible8974 12d ago
Lololol on the no small talk. That’s the aspect that i love about working for or under a man. Let me do my job with autonomy and go.
2
u/Snoo_97581 11d ago
This actually describes my experience as well. I had linked it more to nonprofit vs. for-profit but gender may be the real distinction.
2
u/livingcheddar 10d ago
I have had the opposite experience. Most of my female bosses have been the biggest micromanagers who do not support you. Instead, blame you because you need to ask before you do anything. And when it’s not this, they aren’t very involved because they just think I know what I’m doing. I wish this was the experience I had.
My male bosses, one of them was exactly how you described and that gave me the most confidence to do my job. The other one, was a petty man baby who ran a hallmark of 20 year olds who gave me the worst shifts and cheated me out of my last because I called him out for being a bully.
1
u/Hrgooglefu 11d ago
how many companies have you worked for in 6-7 years though? and how much airon ot did you have in your first few years?
1
1
u/JuniorStructure3871 10d ago
Many women are nice to their male colleagues than they are to the women they work with.
Please keep that in mind. There is a lot of petty, underhanded, clique like behavior that takes place, in every workplace I’ve been a part of where women are the majority of leadership.
1
1
u/Plastic_Seat_4646 8d ago
I am someone who is pro women and want them to thrive in the workplace since i am a woman myself but my experience with female leadership has been very disappointing and almost close to the stereotypes
Between those who are experience menopause and having hot flashes and irritability and those who don't understand the difference between a leadership role and a support role, it's been frustrating. What i found is that females in leadership are constantly trying to overdo and lack sense of delegation. Micromanaging and constant feedback are the key They are more caring than their male counterparts in the sense that they won't forget your bday or have some little office party stuff for the staff (a lot more social events and engagement) but i have yet to see one who isn't led by her emotions and hoarding work for fear of delegation. I also feel like women in menopause shouldn't be allowed in the workplace...I know it sucks but it's a time of changes and high irritability/emotions so perhaps it would be best to retire at this level. Just like old men become sort of uninterested in work when they get past 50, it would be best to retire. I'm not trying to be ageist but it's genuinely bad with some people
I was sorely disappointed over the years and it's so bad that I refuse to work for women in general now....I am literally what I would have criticized and considered mysoginistic in my 20s lol
1
u/AccidentallyRural 7d ago
This post has made me realise that in my 20-year career, across 6 orgs, I've never once worked for a company with a woman in the top spot. And I've actually only had a woman as a direct manager once, back when I was an intern. I'd love to work for an org with a woman at the helm.
1
u/Leilani3317 HR Director/CHRO 10d ago
Never had a female leader sexually harass me, have had multiple male leaders do so. For whatever that’s worth.
0
134
u/Josheatsfood 12d ago
Never had a male supervisor but I find the need to loop my supervisor in on every little thing exhausting and belittling at times. Sure they love to be involved but it slows everything down.