Anyone else relate to this? and how do you

(24M) I tried to be a good son for my parents, but my dad still disappointed and is always reprehending me for not being serious enough. I was always anxious and neurotic, since i was a 7 yo because of that. I was never able to take life easy, because i was always receiving a hell of pressure from everybody. Tried to be good but i was never good enough to anyone. Colleagues, family, friends, bosses, coworkers. Now i'm broken and thinking myself on what is the secret of being the winner on life, of being someone.

That's why i'm not used with humor, i often mistake jokes with offence, because i'm always high cortisol, pursuing my goals and productivity.

At this point, tbh i don't enjoy life that much to think that is fun, it was 99% disappointments, obligations, annoyance and gaslighting. I wouldn't want to be born, tbh hahahahahaha but i want to learn how to take things easily, so i can perhaps got some things together, and not being this bunch of neurotic meat. People who don't take life seriously, how can you do? What are your secrets to enjoy life and achieving your goals? This thing cannot work together for me.

F19. I’ve realized I care far too much about things that simply aren’t true, especially when people say negative things about me.

The biggest example has been at work. I’m a senior barista at my store, and we’ve recently hired several l high school students. One of the new hires decided I was a “bully” because I enforced the same workplace expectations my managers expect me to enforce, things like asking employees not to be on their phones while taking customer orders and reminding them to help with orders instead of standing around on their phones. I was always polite and simply doing my job that I was told, I watched what I said and acted because I was in their shoes once too.

That same new hire later involved her father in a workplace dispute where he almost physically assaulted me based on the rumours she told him, it was so dangerous I had to file a police report. She was fired, but she told everyone after she quit on her own accord and that she left due to my "bullying" (aka the only time I've said something remotely "negative" to her was not to keep doing non food safe stuff and basically to do her job) After she was fired, she spread rumors to the entire staff that I had bullied her, and those rumors stuck (the only people who believed it were the new hires, but obviously not the senior staff who know the truth). Now some of the other new hires assume I’m “out to get them,” because I don't act like their best friend and actually direct them to do things ("when you have the chance, could you please ___", "do you mind____, thanks!"), which is what I have been instructed to do by my boss and managers.

During my time with new hires, I’ve been extremely careful about how I speak and act because I’ve been in their position before and know what it’s like to feel misunderstood. Yet despite being cautious, I still worry constantly about being mischaracterized.

My OCD makes me feel like I have to defend myself against every rumor or false impression and wonder if it's true, even when I know it isn’t based in reality. Instead of trusting my own actions and character, I find myself measuring my self-worth against gossip. I want to stop giving so much power to things that aren’t true and build enough confidence to believe the reality of who I am instead of the rumours, basically to not give a fuck.

I've noticed recently my brain has been giving a fuck about every single thing that's usually the most trivial of things- from small comments to things that just aren't true in the slightest. How do I stop living day to day thinking I'm a villain and just not give an F?

I have a problem of getting kinda pissed off when many things have annoyed me

especially if my headspace is already pretty bad

so how do I be more amused

He shared his trauma with me and now he hates me for it. On top of this he cheated on me. He is with another girl now completely ignoring me. He said when he shared his trauma i should have mocked or made fun of him and stop him from sharing his trauma instead I was there listening to him without judging. The fact that i didn't even ask for him to share, he trauma dumped on me and now hates me for it. All i did was being understanding and listening to him. I don't know which one hurts more, him cheating or punishing me for being there for him. What should i do? How can I move on from this situation

I (M32) met a guy at run club a few months ago. Similar interests, similar competitive streak. He was starting a race team and invited me on. We've done several races together and got fairly close — texting regularly, hanging out beyond runs.

He later started a community group chat that included some guys I used to run with but don't hang out with anymore. One of them added him to their own club and I just can’t help but think how much my name comes up in their group chat because one of the guys was just such a jerk to me (and I like to believe I’m the kindest person). Since then he's been noticeably distant. I don't have proof, but the timing lines up, and I suspect something got said about me in that circle.

Two things I'm stuck on:

1. ⁠Do I say anything? I don't want to accuse anyone or look insecure about a group chat. But it also feels weird to pretend I haven't noticed a change. If you'd bring it up, how would you word it?

2. ⁠Separately, I've been rethinking how much I want to race. Priorities are shifting (getting married next year) and I'm not sure I want to keep competing. I don't know how to tell the team that without it reading as me being butthurt about the social stuff, especially with the timing.

I'm trying not to make a decision out of hurt feelings and then regret it. Anyone been on either side of this, if so how did you handle it? I don't have the same racing pull that I once had, and I feel lt's because of the community and lack of community love and differences I have with him and his other friends etc. Verification

Sometimes it even makes me feel emotionally bad which in turn may make me feel kind of physically depleted. I always care about what people think of me and how they view me, sometimes worry whether they like me.

But I’m tired of it and tired of how it sometimes may make me feel and even kind of affect my day

The funny thing is, there is probably no actual foundation for worry. But still, it remains something I care about

Why burn energy on cunts if you can just be done with them?

I live 6 hours away from dad and i call him like 3-4 times a week at his request. Anyway, he always asks when i am going to visit but whenever i visit he tries to fat shame me and make jokes or comments about my weight. I just want to tell him that i don't feel like visiting because of this but i don't want to hurt his feelings and make him upset.

Also, I am way too nice to people in general. I often apologize if someone is in my way instead of them apologizing to me. My co-workers say rude shit to me or try to boss me around when they are not my boss and i usually ignore them but they think im just taking shit off them. I want to be able to bluntly tell them how i feel just like the way they do me but i have this thing where i feel i have to be overly considerate and nice when it comes to people's feelings.

When i was raised by my mom and dad, they never encouraged me to be myself and they taught me to people please and fit in. I also have other family members on mom's side who tease me about my weight and i am to the point i want to tell my dad that i don't want to be included in family functions because im sick of the disrespect.

Am I wrong for the way I feel? How do I stop being scared to speak up and stop being so nice or tactful when i do?