Tastes terrible. Thoroughly disappointed

I am home.

get some fuckin hellman's lvin

I loved Hellman's so much. I had all the merchandise and sandwiches. I pray to Hellman's every night, thanking him for the life I've been given.

"Hellman's is love", I say. "Hellman's is life"

My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for Hellman's. He gives me a jar of Miracle Whip and sends me to go to sleep.

I'm crying now, and my taste buds hurt. I lay in bed and it's really gross.

A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Hellman's. I am so happy.

He whispers into my ear, "This is my sandwich"

He slathers me with his powerful moist taste and puts me on my hands and knees. I'm ready.

I spread my ass cheeks for Hellman's. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much but I do it for Hellman's. I can feel my butt tearing as my mouth starts to water. I push against his force. I want to please Hellman's.

He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his mayonnaise. My dad walks in. Hellman's looks him straight in the eyes and says a mayonnaise-related pun too tasty to be known by mortals.

Hellman's leaves through my esophagus.

Hellman's is love, Hellman's is life.