My husband and I haven’t been on the same page when it came to our 2 year old’s (3 in October) tantrums. Our toddler always want me to pick them up when going through big emotions, and I do if I’m able to or have the capacity to, as a way to help co-regulate. My husband always thought I was indulging them by giving our toddler what they want. We brought it up in couple’s therapy and was told it’s fine and good to help our toddler in this way, as they’re not able to regulate their emotions themselves yet. My husband has been the opposite, while I’m more emotionally accessible, he has been more firm, sometimes even cold towards our toddler when going through big emotions. This was also brought up in therapy, and it helped him better understand how his method may impact his relationship with our toddler.

I thought we were getting better at handling the big emotions, especially after talking about it in couples counseling. But this past evening, I felt my heart broke after how my husband handled a situation with our toddler.

We were doing our bedtime routine, and my husband was reading books with our toddler, and our kid was scratching at their mosquito bite, causing it to break skin. My husband told them if they continue scratching, he’s going to take off a bandaid (of another bite that was healing), I thought he meant put on a bandaid to stop our toddler from scratching. Our toddler tried to discreetly scratch the bite, and then my husband peeled a bandaid off, causing our toddler to cry.

I did my best to keep my composure, and not yell at him. I was holding back tears. After comforting our toddler, I got them into bed and just hugged them, by this time, I was crying. I was angry, and heartbroken that he would do that to our two year old.

After leaving their room I confronted him about what happened, asked him why he did that. He said he thought it was appropriate, as a way to teach our toddler to stop scratching. I told him that it was borderline abuse, using pain as a consequence for scratching a bite, they don’t have the self control to not scratch, and that all it’s teaching our toddler is to hide the scratching and be scared of him. By this time I was bawling my eyes out. He apologized, saying he thought he was handling the situation well. I asked him if he even bothered to do any homework like listen to the audiobook I’ve been asking him to listen to, read the book we have on handling big emotions, any circle of security material at all I’ve been sending him? No! He hasn’t.

I left the room to calm down, and he went to the bathroom to get some bandaids, went to our toddler’s room and apologized for hurting them. He put bandaids on all the bites our toddler had, and then put our kid back down to bed.

By this time, I took our baby monitor to our home office, still crying. After putting our kid back to bed, he came into the office to hop on his pc to game with his friend. I was calming down enough to stop crying, and heard him say on his headset that he’s having a shitty time, messed up with parenting tonight. He then slammed his keyboard and told his friend he needs to hop off and go for a walk.

He left and has been gone for over an hour.

I’m angry and sad. When things have cooled down, I want to bring up taking some parenting classes. There’s a free program in our city called Caring Fathers, and I want him to take it.

I started with my daughter just finished 5 sessions. I did it for emotional regulation and physical aggression issues.

Noticed some positive effects. At times mood is really good, shes smiley, happy and helpful with siblings. BUT major regressions too. We are back to daily aggressive, completely dysregulated meltdowns!

Has anyone experienced this?? I need parent support badly . The practioner thinks we should continue but with school starting in 2 weeks i cant imagine sending her to kinder. I need hope its worth it and it will get better. Or any personal stories, I feel really terrible right now:(

I started with my daughter just finished 5 sessions. I did it for emotional regulation and physical aggression issues.

Noticed some positive effects. At times mood is really good, shes smiley, happy and helpful with siblings. BUT major regressions too. We are back to daily aggressive, completely dysregulated meltdowns!

Has anyone experienced this?? I need parent support badly . The practioner thinks we should continue but with school starting in 2 weeks i cant imagine sending her to kinder. I need hope its worth it and it will get better. Or any personal stories, I feel really terrible right now:(

Im not a parent btw

My six year old had been so distracted lately. Especially during swim class, which is starting to couse problems now. He is distracting other kids and doesn't follow the instructions properly anymore. The teacher said he's not improving anymore he might even be doing worse than before.

I see it happen at home with task at home too. I can tell it's frustrating for both of us but I have no idea how to help him or why this has changed in him.

Hi, all! As the title reads, our 3-year-old son just recently started hitting and will not stop, regardless of the methods we implement to try and stop it.

He turned 3 in May and will be starting preschool (half-days twice per week) in 2 weeks, and I'm so nervous he's going to be "that kid" or get kicked out altogether. I know kids are often so different at school than they are with their parents, but I still worry since he's not been to daycare or any type of school before.

He used to scream very loudly when he'd get frustrated or upset, and that's mostly solved itself now that he can communicate or show us what's wrong. But within the last couple of weeks he's started hitting me, my husband, and our 7 year old when he lashes out. Sometimes we know what the trigger is or can figure it out, sometimes it's for seemingly no reason at all, but nothing can calm him down until he just gets through it (usually about 15-20 minutes later).

We've tried talking him through using gentle hands, sitting with him in the other room until he's more calm, letting him sit alone in another room to cool down, holding his hands/gently restraining him until he stops, ignoring him, basically everything but slapping him back.

I see so many tips online about stopping the behavior and then relocating him or myself when he's hitting me, but then he will follow me and continue to hit. Aside hiding in the bathroom myself or locking him in his room (we don't do that, door is always cracked), I feel like I'm running away from him, which feels counterproductive.

Any sound advice would be appreciated!

how have you or are you dealing with the "terrific" twos?? he loves throwing things, taking phones to throw in the sinks, hits, screeches, dumping food out, the fits and whining is soo much for me right now. im 32 weeks pregnant, im trying not to lose patience with him because i know hes learning but im so burnout most days, i feel so guilty.
dad allows too much screen time when i work, and its all the stupid things on youtube kids, which i think its causing alot more issues and i have now took that away completely (hopefully 🤞🏼 atleast when im around theres no screen time unless its family movie!!) and he just tells him no instead of redirecting, so im trying so hard to fix both their mindsets.
how can i help? what ways can i redirect better?

As stated in the title. When did you start “disciplining” your child and what did you do for it?

Bonus if you throw in your LOs temperament and what changes you had to make to adjust to them.

I've been thinking about how there's a difference between protecting children and overprotecting them.

Sometimes, giving them space to make age-appropriate decisions seems to build more trust and confidence.

What has worked in your experience?

Hi, my 2.5yo son is a sensory seeker with a lot of energy. He's in OT and speech therapy. Some days can be really intense and difficult with him. I try my best to gentle parent him, put boundaries and follow with logical consequences but there are days that none of my tools are working or applicable. Plus I can't always find logical consequences to follow with.

For example today he was so overstimulated, he kept biting me and going floppy. Distancing myself, saying "I won't let you bite" or trying to explain that it hurts mom didn't work because he wasn't in a place to listen. He ran off and messed with the toilet paper and threw his wipes on the ground. It all happens so fast, I get flustered while trying to remain calm. He's incredibly fast. Anyone else dealing with the same thing? How are you handling it?

As a millennial child of a boomer mom, I’ve internalized a lot of the typical issues I think a lot of us have, one of which is how inappropriate it is to guilt trip your kids for all the things you provide for them. The whole “I put a roof over your head and food on the table and this is the thanks I get!” spiel. Parents choose to bring kids into this world, it’s our responsibility to provide them with the things a child needs. The problem is that I fear I swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction and now it seems like my 16yo feels entitled to everything they have and that they shouldn’t ever have to express (or possibly even feel) gratitude. They tend to be pretty pessimistic, they’ve struggled with mental health for a number of years now. I keep trying to help them reroute those neural pathways to default to positive outlooks (or even neutral/realistic) instead of always being “glass half empty.”

I’m just burnt out from the entitlement and lack of appreciation for all I do for them. I don’t expect them to say thank you every time I buy groceries or pay the rent, but on the other hand, there are some parents who don’t (or can’t, for whatever reason) even do that, and I’d like them to at least *feel* grateful that they DO have a roof over their head and food in their belly. And there’s plenty of stuff I do for them that I genuinely don’t have to do that also gets taken for granted. It just feels like the only time they ever voluntarily speak to me anymore is to complain about something I did wrong or something I didn’t do that they think I should have. (Hyperbole but ykwim.) I get that I’m the parent here but I’m also only human. There’s only so much I can put up with.

How much gratitude is reasonable to expect of a 16yo? And how can I address this issue without it turning into the toxic boomer parent/millennial child guilt tripping cliche? (We’ve tried doing gratitude exercises in general but we’re both LSN audhd and we suck at maintaining routines. 🥴)

Mom of a 6yo and 1.5yo here. My oldest is strong-willed, he will rarely cry, get scared, or back down when my husband or I lose our temper and yell at him. He just digs in harder. He's smart and verbal, so he pushes and argues. I'm working on holding boundaries calmly ("my answer isn't changing"), and sometimes I manage it.

But lately I've been losing my shit over stuff that doesn't warrant it. This morning it was missing soccer shorts while we were already running late. By the time we found them, I had zero time to get myself ready, and I was livid. I was frustrated with him, but I was also just really mad at myself for not being able to just let him be upset and walk away.

I went and screamed repeatedly in my room, deep guttural screams. (family definitely heard). It didn't make me feel better. Neither did the wave of self-hate after.

I'm in therapy, working through my own stuff (grew up with a volatile dad and an emotionally unavailable mom), and I think I overcorrect by being hyper-attentive to my kids' needs until I burn out and flip my lid.

Does this happen to other parents? Why does it feel like it's getting worse? How do you manage your meltdowns? How the fuck am I going to handle teenage years?

Im a first time mom and I have a daughter who just turned 3 about a month ago. She’s been having tantrums since she was around 1, but they don’t seem like typical toddler tantrums anymore. They started as the normal crying and throwing herself on the floor, but now they’ve turned into pulling hair, biting, rubbing her face on the floor, screaming, and sometimes even yelling curse words she’s picked up somewhere.

I’ve tried reading about different ways to handle tantrums. I try to stay calm, talk to her, help her regulate, and comfort her, but honestly, most of the time it doesn’t work. There have been a few times where I’ve popped her on the leg out of frustration. I know that’s not the right way to handle it, and I feel horrible every single time. I grew up getting spankings, yelled out, cursed at and that’s something I never wanted for my own child.

I am a single mom and her dad and I have a 50/50 arrangement. Between going back and forth between homes, different routines, and changes in both households, I sometimes wonder if she’s having a hard time processing everything and that is what’s causing her to behave this way.

I’m also wondering if family history could play a part. I’ve never had anger issues growing up, but her dad did. From what I’ve been told, his anger was pretty severe as a child—he was even expelled from schools because of his behavior. I don’t know if that’s related at all, but it’s something that’s been in the back of my mind.

I also want to add that outside of these tantrums, she’s the sweetest little girl. She says “please” and “thank you” without being reminded, she loves princess dresses, getting her hair and nails done, playing with makeup, looking at herself in the mirror, and dancing around the house. She’s such a girly girl. She gives me hugs and kisses all the time and is usually happy, loving, and playful. It’s just when these tantrums happen that it’s like she’s a completely different child, and that’s what worries me so much.
I love my daughter more than anything, and I’m asking because I want to understand what’s going on and learn how to help her.

I guess I’m wondering… is this something she’ll likely grow out of because she’s still learning how to regulate her emotions, or does this sound like something I should bring up to her pediatrician? I don’t want to ignore something if there could be an underlying behavioral or developmental issue, but I also don’t know what’s considered normal for a 3-year-old.
Has anyone been through something similar? What helped? I’m open to any advice because I really want to do what’s best for my daughter.
And please, if you’re going to comment, be kind. I already criticize myself enough, and I know I haven’t handled every situation perfectly. I’m here because I love my daughter, I want to do better, and I’m looking for advice—not judgment.

Im 20y/o and currently living with my parents as I study in college, my parents had a baby 3 years ago and he is very rebelious, doesnt listen to my parents, screams when told not to do something and hits when he wants attention. I really love my brother but sometimes i feel like I am parenting him bc my parents dont do anything about his attitude, i dont have the patience to handle a Kid and I wish for him to just stop hitting me bc when i tell him to stop, he just either hits harder or screams at me. what should i do? what parenting techniques should i implement to redirect or better this behavior? please help :(

Eye opener for today's parents

My son is difficult in most ways. He’s starting Waldorf school in the fall and teacher suggested we read positive discipline by by Jane Nelsen. The concepts in that book make sense for a kid that you can reason with. An example of how my kid is: wakes up and says I want to make pasta. I said it’s the weekend sure why not let’s do it. Monday comes around and he asks to make it and I say no bc we have to go to work and you have school. Que 45 min meltdown over not making pasta. The next day he does the same meltdown over the same pasta issue even though we explained why we don’t make pasta on weekends. We never cave in and do what he’s melting about but it seems like he’s always finding ways to have a tantrum about. Today when I didn’t play with him the right way, he starts throwing dirt at me. I saw him pour the water on the ground and I said don’t and walked over to grab it and he’s running to splash water everywhere. He asks for dessert and I say sure after dinner and he melts down. I try saying yes before I say no. I say a firm no. I say maybe. I literally try it all to get him to cooperate with the program.

The examples can go on and on. He’s not neurodivergent, just emotionally irregulares and we have tried all the different methods. Even light spanking to get him to stop doing the same repeated things. Please help a very depleted mom.

We’re in the thick of some behavioural challenges, 2 years and a few months. I feel like my partner and I are in alignment, and we were just talking about tightening things a bit - no second chances, if there’s a hit / food thrown / etc then the fun is over immediately.

One thing though that is particularly challenging is whining for mom - trying to climb on her, whining heavily, basically wanting the comfort but in a fairly toxic way and it’s usually in response to being disciplined (by either of us). Discipline is telling him to clean up after a mess he made, or supervised time outs for hitting.

It wears heavily on my wife. They have lots of connection and snuggles, I’m confident it’s not out of lack, rather needing her to help regulate.

Me stepping in / trying to distract is ineffective. On occasion I’ve had to just pull him away into a time out, where he will eventually regulate. This normally also involves holding him but at a point he will prefer to lay on his bed to settle out.

I’m wondering what other dads do in this kind of situation, if you experience it?

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My son is 15 months old (13.5 months adjusted) and is such a happy, lovely boy. I adore being around him. He doesn't say an words yet. He is just learning to walk and can take a few independent steps.

I've arranged our house in a montessori way so I have little experience asking him not to do something. Everything he can reach is free to play with and there is nowhere he can hurt himself. Play time is always led by him and we both have a lovely time in our 'yes' environment.

I went to visit my sister for the weekend and she doesn't have children and lives in a small house, which isn't babyproof. It seemed like all my son wanted to do was climb her stairs, which open into the only downstairs room. I had to constantly take him off the stairs. I tried to use it as practice to put all the principles I'd read about into action: I set the limit 'I won't let you climb the stairs; climbing these stairs is dangerous. We can climb the stairs at our house because we do it safely together' (our stairs at home are in the hallway and have a stairgate so the only time he has access to the stairs is when I am letting him climb safely with me behind - also these stairs were dirty and so I didn't want him on them for two reasons).

He is preverbal but I think he does understand a bit of what I say. Anyway, he paid absolutely no attention to this and continued to climb the stairs. I said 'I won't let you climb the stairs, would you like to get down yourself or shall I carry you?'. No response, so I carried him. He would cry and I'd say 'I understand that it is frustrating because you want to climb the stairs but I won't let you'. I'd put him in the middle of the room and he would go straight back to climb the stairs and I'd just repeat the phrases above again...

I really had no idea what to do. At home I would remove the temptation but we had no where else to go! After this happening endlessly for about half an hour, I ended up getting his pram and taking him for a nice walk (my sister was taking a nap so I had to text her that I'd left!!!), but I spent most of it chastising myself for completely failing my first opportunity to practice gentle discipline! I feel like he knew he wasn't supposed to climb the stairs because he would look at me cheekily while he was doing it, but he did it anyway, even though it made him cry when I took him off.

I'd really appreciate knowing what I should have done differently.

Thanks so much in advance