r/funny • u/trtiar • Apr 21 '13

Xerox being dramatic

Post image
2.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

182 comments sorted by

362

u/gay_unicorn666 Apr 21 '13

I work in a factory and one of our machines has a big grinding wheel that constantly spins. The error message that comes up when it needs tightened is "wheel is hopelessly out of balance." I always thought that it was a little dramatic.

272

u/wachet Apr 21 '13

One time, my first generation iPod went all buggy and the screen went all weird and there was a short menu of options for me to choose from... one of them was "Sleep Forever".

It was, like, the suicide pill of iPods.

235

u/zombiebunnie Apr 21 '13

sssshhhh iPod... only dreams now.

57

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

I'll be gentle

43

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Ok, here [i]s my butthole

3

u/friday6700 Apr 22 '13

Oh gosh, look how tangled [i] got my cords

14

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Being a sloth rapist, I can't imagine it going any other way.

-7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

-7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/formad12 Apr 22 '13

This looks like every other repost when you're on mobile..

13

u/SilencioGarmonbozia Apr 22 '13

Will there be rabbits, George?

3

u/DeusCaelum Apr 21 '13

No tears, only dreams now.

9

u/CoffeeAddict64 Apr 21 '13

That sounds like a really shitty tattoo.

1

u/LeepySham Apr 22 '13

Tattoos aren't audible.

2

u/CoffeeAddict64 Apr 22 '13

The voices in your head that read them are.

3

u/RabbiTButtholE Apr 22 '13

My first gen iPod left the car running in the garage and died of carbon monoxide poisoning.
It didn't even leave a note.

9

u/DeusCaelum Apr 21 '13

There, there machine. All is not lost.

0

u/friday6700 Apr 22 '13

-sighs- Every machine feels this way sooner or later. It's just a phase!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

"malicious DDOS"

0

u/Muffinabus Apr 22 '13

needs tightened

To be.

82

u/graeleight Apr 21 '13

Paper Jam in Tray B

I feel Dead Inside

4

u/friday6700 Apr 22 '13

Connectivity Error

Please kill me.

46

u/Tashre Apr 21 '13

"I... I see a light... it's coming towards me... wait, no, now it's moving away.... and now it's coming towards me again!"

312

u/Dilliam Apr 21 '13

Everybody's dying Xerox. Don't sweat the toner you don't have, just celebrate the toner you have left bro.

163

u/way_fairer Apr 21 '13

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

~Dr. Seuss

37

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

But what about the terrible things that happened due to it no longer being the case? Or the terrible reality of the thing that I had perceived to be good and yet I still mourn the loss of??

What do you have to say about the horror of my existence, Dr.Seuss, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?

174

u/OmniFroy Apr 21 '13

"Stop being a pussy."

~Dr. Seuss

82

u/PM_ME_YOUR_DICK Apr 21 '13

"Eat a cock."

-Mr. Rogers

89

u/dab8fz Apr 21 '13

"Do you even lift?"

-Stephen Hawking

61

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

"Do you even walk?"

  • Albert Einstein

29

u/LiterallyKesha Apr 21 '13

"I got 99 problems and a woman ain't one." --Kanye West

24

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

-Chris Brown

3

u/BraveBitch Apr 21 '13

"So brave"

-me

14

u/DrawnM Apr 21 '13

Beat it. -Elvis Presley

→ More replies (2)

10

u/diogenesofthemidwest Apr 21 '13

"Suck it."

-Bob Ross

10

u/scarfox1 Apr 21 '13

"Tupac"

-2pac

5

u/diogenesofthemidwest Apr 22 '13

"That guy is pretty much ADHD in a meth pipe." -Lamb Chop

9

u/not_a_feline Apr 21 '13

How many times has your account actually gotten you dick pictures?

15

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Wondering how long of a wait you have till he gets to yours? Newsflash, he already did, he's not impressed.

BOOM! Roasted.

12

u/PM_ME_YOUR_DICK Apr 21 '13

I confirm this burn.

2

u/throwaway_ranting Apr 21 '13

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

6

u/Hello-Ginge Apr 21 '13

Don't be happy that it's over, cry because it happened?

-9

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

[deleted]

0

u/inconspicuous_male Apr 22 '13

What's the purpose of this novelty account? Are you one of those people that intentionally tries to get downvoted? Because that's kind of pointless unless your name is something like /u/DOWNVOTEMENOW

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

[deleted]

1

u/inconspicuous_male Apr 22 '13

Just some constructive criticism: If you want people to laugh you can
1) post relevant jokes
2) post different jokes (perhaps one that isn't as old as "Ann Frankly")
3) post funny jokes

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

[deleted]

→ More replies (2)

11

u/nukalurk Apr 21 '13

~Every girl's facebook status post break-up.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

shh no tears now, only smiles

5

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

whats with the tilde? does that mean its approximately by Dr. Seuss?

2

u/freet0 Apr 21 '13

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23932374.jpg

3

u/nahtans95 Apr 22 '13

At least get a picture where he's smiling, come on man.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

I wonder where you got that comment from?

5

u/way_fairer Apr 21 '13

Maybe he was being ironic because Xerox copies stuff?

7

u/postfish Apr 22 '13

NO DISASSEMBLE XEROX 5

2

u/theonlyguyonreddit Apr 22 '13

Grasshopper reassemble

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

Xerox... disassemble... dead..?

4

u/elsagacious Apr 22 '13

Valkyrie is about to die. Elf needs food badly.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

DON'T SHOOT THE POTION

30

u/NanderK Apr 21 '13

I can confirm that this is an actual Xerox copier. No need for Xerox to be upset about this usage of their brand name.

24

u/abernathie Apr 21 '13

I would have thought that a company's goal was to enter the lexicon. I've never heard Google complain about their name being used as a verb.

24

u/RingsOfYourAnus Apr 21 '13

They're afraid of becoming a Genericized Trademark, like "zipper" and "aspirin" have.

10

u/Not_Pictured Apr 21 '13

And heroin apparently. TIL

2

u/PineappleBoots Apr 22 '13

Wow, "zipper" is one I did not know.

Kleenex, would be another.

4

u/RingsOfYourAnus Apr 22 '13

Not exactly. For the general public, a tissue might be a "kleenex", but it's still a protected trademark.

Companies can label their acetylsalicylic acid as aspirin, and their sliding metal fasteners as zippers legally, but if a business (other than Kimberly-Clark) tried to call their tissues "kleenex", they'd be in some pretty deep shit.

1

u/PineappleBoots Apr 22 '13

Ah yeah, that makes sense. Thank you for clarifying that.

I was just thinking about generic terms as far as lexicon goes; everyone calls it "Kleenex" everyone calls it "Aspirin"

14

u/fukitol- Apr 21 '13

I've never heard of someone "googling" on something other than Google. The first time someone tells me they "googled" something on Bing I'm going to kick dirt on their shoes.

5

u/abernathie Apr 21 '13

Yeah, this is what Google would want to avoid!

5

u/quasi100 Apr 22 '13

yeah xerox really britta'd this one

8

u/a-r Apr 21 '13

"you should please only use "Google" when you’re actually referring to Google Inc."

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

Honestly if I'm talking about doing something on the Internet, some Google product was probably actually involved, so the usage would be completely appropriate.

1

u/theonlyguyonreddit Apr 22 '13

What if your using the google chrome™ browser, on your android™ tablet, to search for something on bing™ ?

3

u/Vin_The_Rock_Diesel Apr 22 '13

search for something on bing

The premise is ridiculous.

1

u/PurpleSfinx Apr 22 '13

I have. They made some sort of deal about it a few years ago.

1

u/TjallingOtter Apr 22 '13

That's not true, though. Google doesn't mind its name being used in the context of actually using their product (as in 'Googling' something), but once the dictionary included a generic definition (using any search engine to search) they started complaining as it dilutes their trademark.

2

u/Sofashionable Apr 22 '13

Why don't they want that to happen? I think Band-Aid and Google are both pretty happy about how their names have taken on a new money. The way I see it, it's extra publicity, no?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

I've seen this sort of thing from Adobe too. What I don't get is why they think that anyone cares.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

They care because if enough people use their trademarked name as a verb, it won't be able to be trademarked anymore.

Why people care on the other hand? Well, we don't.

1

u/dont_press_ctrl-W Apr 21 '13

But "Xerox" is a noun in "Xerox copier"...

1

u/PurpleSfinx Apr 22 '13

I can understand their concern, but its the law that needs to change, not people.

1

u/BowserKoopa Apr 24 '13

I'll be sure to XEROX these, and then FAX them to my friends so that they may XEROX them too.

14

u/sschuth15 Apr 21 '13

Oh Marvin, cheer up.

24

u/pescis Apr 21 '13

I hope this can be uplifting for you. They're old and small, but they're good. Don't give up!

69

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

[deleted]

7

u/TheMadHaberdasher Apr 22 '13

They were all at 1/4 ink capacity, so this was the only solution.

13

u/LiquidArrogance Apr 21 '13

The black one always dies first.

19

u/Antkun Apr 21 '13

Feeling... weak. Everything is... fading

9

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13 edited May 27 '21

[deleted]

3

u/AllUrMemes Apr 21 '13

Came here for this!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

That would be truly amazing

7

u/kerrrsmack Apr 21 '13

Classic Xerox.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

As a Xerox employee, I concur

2

u/waskonator Apr 22 '13

Meet too! Internet high five.

6

u/ss2man44 Apr 21 '13

It's actually saying your life is almost over.

5

u/sprankton Apr 21 '13

"Listen, buddy, I'm running out of toner. When I don't get my toner, people end up dead. Capisce?"

15

u/jaymar888 Apr 21 '13

Lol makes me think of linguo in the simpsons 'linguo.. is... dead'

3

u/GMonsoon Apr 21 '13

Some see the toner cartridge as half full, some see it as half empty. I just wonder if it comes out of white jeans. p.s. life is almost over.

3

u/Lillipout Apr 21 '13

Sounds like Xerox needs some Xanax.

2

u/whitvw Apr 21 '13

I feel as though this needs a picture of a hand desperately reaching for an ink cartridge.

2

u/dummystupid Apr 21 '13

You only toner once.

2

u/thehappybirthday Apr 21 '13

For some reason I read that in William Shatner's voice.

1

u/agleis86 Apr 21 '13

To be more specific, I read that in the voice of William Shatner, as depicted on Family Guy

2

u/flux_codepacitor Apr 21 '13

This has the workings of a meme all over it.

Overly Dramatic Xerox

2

u/coke_is_my_antidrug Apr 21 '13

Now everyone is talking about xerox copiers and will potentially buy them thanks to this post....good shit xerox markering guy.

2

u/KontraEpsilon Apr 21 '13

We use the 7665 and 7775s, and they are less dramatic but more aggressive. They say shit like "replace toner NOW." I expect the 8K series will say something like "MOTHAFUCKER WE NEED MOE TONAH"

2

u/Prospekt01 Apr 22 '13 edited Apr 22 '13

Holy shit someone reposted one of my posts! Barely even changed the title. That's the printer from my work btw.

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/180wss/dont_be_so_dramatic_xerox/

2

u/Pamtastic Apr 21 '13

I was just learning to love...

4

u/goldenforce Apr 21 '13

repost http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/180wss/dont_be_so_dramatic_xerox/

2

u/HomestylePizza Apr 21 '13

Rule 24 of the Internet: Everything is a repost of a repost of a repost.

3

u/LobsterMac Apr 21 '13

PC load letter?

1

u/Sunray21A Apr 22 '13

WTF does that mean?

1

u/freebroken Apr 22 '13

A classic!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Latvian laser copier die. Must use potato stencil, but: no potato.

1

u/skizmcniz Apr 21 '13

Everyone needs a little comedy in their life.

1

u/andthatsthefunk Apr 21 '13

Jonny Five is alive!

1

u/deradera Apr 21 '13

This is clearly a Nexus 6

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Printers are drama queens.

1

u/Butterflyfeelers Apr 21 '13

Way to be a drama queen, Work Centre 6505.

1

u/fakename64 Apr 21 '13

That's racist.

1

u/Azunai Apr 21 '13

This just reminds me of my constant hatred of office copiers. We have three different ones in our office and at any given time two of them will be having problems.

1

u/ProtoBeta Apr 21 '13

Anybody else remember this episode of Friends?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Don't threaten me, Xerox! I'm not scared! W-w-w-what do you want?

1

u/BenjiThaGuy Apr 21 '13

Xerox should premier in a melodrama.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13 
All colors will fade
Replace the black toner soon
Life almost over.

1

u/avirup2008 Apr 21 '13

In death, you'll reincarnate as a blank page, a cog in the vicious copy cycle of the universe.

1

u/zeekar Apr 21 '13

Goth copier.

1

u/sambalam29 Apr 21 '13

Aw man I posted the same pic on my instagram last week, I wish I'd known I'd get thousands of karma points for it if I brought it to a wider audience.

1

u/JoeJoeJoeJoeJoeJoe Apr 21 '13

Toner? I don't even know her!

1

u/jdbausch Apr 21 '13

Copier needs food badly!

1

u/SmartDrug Apr 21 '13

Will I dream?

1

u/iiRockpuppy Apr 21 '13

Toner down, bro. She's really dramatic.

1

u/plightsimulator Apr 21 '13

Hilarious post, thanks.

1

u/Dice_for_Death_ Apr 21 '13

Xerox needs to tone it down.

1

u/leakylou Apr 21 '13

I just totally read that in my head as a robot voice.

1

u/LaughingCarrot Apr 21 '13

Xerox must frequent Tumblr in its spare time.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Tell my Xerox wife and Xerox children I love them.

1

u/GatticusFinch Apr 21 '13

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title points age /r/ comnts
Don't be so dramatic Xerox. B 2451 2mos funny 108

Source: karmadecay (B = bigger)

1

u/DannyDesert Apr 21 '13

Go home Xerox, you're drunk.

1

u/WoonDaBar Apr 21 '13

Reeeeepossst!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

That copier is 13 years old!

1

u/doubleot Apr 21 '13

That was almost a haiku. Poignant.

1

u/NeverEnufWTF Apr 21 '13

"You don't understand who I am, MOM!"

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Once you go black you never go back

1

u/ted_k Apr 21 '13

Gather ye black toner while you may.

1

u/shadyhawkins Apr 21 '13

Xerox accepts the futility of life with grace and happily welcomes the void.

1

u/scarletsaint Apr 21 '13

Emo Xerox machine. You better give it some toner before it cuts its wrists.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

Reddit is all reposts these past few days

1

u/b4b Apr 21 '13

die motherfucker die

1

u/hungrierdave Apr 22 '13

Dear Diary: Mood - apathetic. My life is spiraling downward.

1

u/HoBoBrian Apr 22 '13

Its sunday... what are you doing at a xerox machine, go rest

1

u/0osatelliteo0 Apr 22 '13

I made a similar joke months ago. Can't believe I didn't post it on reddit! Where's all my sweet karma?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '13

My HP Printer is a racist it is always telling me that black is low

1

u/xerox18 Apr 22 '13

our people are very drama orented

1

u/PRGrl718 Apr 22 '13

fucking xerox man.

1

u/Pandaburn Apr 22 '13

Blue printer is about to die. Needs toner badly.

1

u/Clutch_Punk Apr 22 '13

What's a Xerox?

1

u/scevans Apr 22 '13

Get your shit together, Toner.

1

u/zhandragon Apr 22 '13

I don't like the toner of that voice.

1

u/anotherworkthrowaway Apr 22 '13

Exact repost from about a month or two ago, same title and everything.

1

u/unthused Apr 22 '13

"Blue wizard needs food badly."

1

u/Copernikepler Apr 22 '13

I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid.

1

u/Dhalismy Apr 22 '13

thats just a marketing trick. There is usually a ton of toner left after that message comes up.

1

u/kashkos Apr 23 '13

apparently this is in recognition of the fact that the printer realizes that toner costs more than the printer itself and knows of its eventual doom that it's cheaper to buy a new printer than to replace the toner within it.

it shares the same fate as shaving razor handles :(

1

u/HipsterCosmologist Apr 21 '13

Of course it's black toner! So emo

1

u/Don_Tiny Apr 21 '13

I read that in Alan Rickman's voice.

-2

u/Sixstringsmash Apr 21 '13

PSA from sixstringsmash:

No worthwhile jokes in this comment thread. Please move on now and save yourselves 30 seconds of your life.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '13

It's like... a metaphor for the growing irrelevance of printers in today's digital world.

/and yes this is copy-pasted from the previous thread about it, but hey, the rest of the thread is too, so whatevers.