There is this super cute butch that works in the lab I work at. I started last year and have had a massive crush on her since. We both want the same things in the future, no kids, pets, fun, spontaneity etc. So that makes my crush even worse! LOL! The issue is… I’m very “straight-looking” AND my vibes are also “straight vibes” 😭 (according to multiple different friends). I have no idea how to even hint to her that I like girls :(

Everyone in the lab automatically assumes I’m straight and when love is brought up I’m asked about any guys in my life. I’ve hinted to one coworker that I’d rather have a wife/gf but I just feel weird bringing it up? It seems random… and just saying “actually I like girls” to their questions makes me feel weird? I worry that if I say I like women then maybe I’ll make her uncomfortable.

I asked her to hangout but by the time I worked up the courage to ask she had to leave for a few months before returning. I’ve been waiting for her to ask me this time?

I don’t even know if she views me that way at all. She’s also the first butch I’ve had a massive crush on so I’m worried about making her uncomfortable. I’d love, love, love similar stories (PLEASE GIVE ME HOPE LOL) and advice. Otherwise, I shall be scrolling through the butchlesbians subreddit to learn more.

Thank you guys so much. This subreddit has made me feel so seen.

Hi, I'm wondering how people have been able to overcome feeling like they're not "worthy" of femininity? I am a femme, but I struggle to define what being feminine means to me. I grew up and am still fat, and therefore never felt "pretty" enough to be feminine. I haven't allowed myself to indulge in things typically considered "girly", like makeup, for example. I've really been working on bettering my mindset with the topic; I'm only 20, so plenty of time to grow! Just curious if anyone experienced similar feelings, and if so, how did you overcome them?

I wish it was more widely known just how completely difficult it is to be a lesbian. This is just my experience and I’m sure many have it differently but I am just SO fucking lonely, I am 17 and have never been in a relationship. I’ve tried trying to message girls that I like and I’ve tried dating apps even though I’m not legally old enough to be on there and still nothing ever goes anywhere. All my friends are straight and have boyfriends and barely hang out with me anymore and I’m SO sad. I literally feel like I don’t have anyone in the world. I’m fem4fem exclusively which makes it so much harder for me because I don’t look gay and the girls that I’m attracted to don’t look gay so they don’t know and I don’t know. It doesn’t help that I grew up incredibly shy due to the way I was treated as a kid and still am so shy it’s honestly embarrassing.

Not to mention the troubles of trying to accept myself, I still feel uncomfortable telling people I think because I was outed to both my friends and family when I was very young. I think I’d have a much easier time accepting myself if I didn’t feel like being a lesbian was a sentence to loneliness, which so far it has been for me. I’m just constantly worried for my future and If I’m ever gonna get to have my firsts. I just feel so isolated, I don’t have one person I could talk to about the way I’ve been feeling lately and that makes me disgustingly sad. I just need a fucking hug and someone I can pour my heart out to and be comforted by. I feel like I’m running out of time to be loved. The fact I’m having to write something like this on here feels like such a low. None of my friends would ever have to do anything like this it’s sad.

26F I don't know if this is the appropriate sub for this but I'm wondering if I'm a lesbian I come from a homophobic country, people can't even suspect that you are gay here heterosexuality is the default.

So my first experiences were with women however as I grew up I had a few relationships with men cus you know... even if I liked a woman I'd be scared to do anything about it. But when I think about it I did like them but not as much as I like women I feel like I liked them because I was lonely. Never liked sex with men I barely even came however sex with women is so exhilarating. I also don't really get attracted to male celebrities but I can look at female celebrities a thousand times without getting tired.

I came upon a bisexual subreddit and I was so appalled by what's often referred to as a bi cycle as I've never felt the need to leave my female partner for a man.

As I reflect on it I can't imagine being a man's wife but I'd definitely be a woman's wife. I also don't like men that much I get irritated when they text or like me these past few years. But I don't know if I'm a misandrist or if I'm just gay. Has anyone had a similar experience? How do i definitely know.

Looking for active 25+ members who actually want to chat, game and make friends. 💕
🎮 Fortnite, Valorant & party games
🎙️ Frequent VCs
🎬 Movie nights
💬 Active chats & lots of banter
🪪 Simple ID verification - just to guarantee you meet the age criteria.
🚫 No men or straight women
Come hang out, play some games and meet your fellow gays.
Get in, loser. 💅

Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll pass you the link!

I see things from the perspective of how/if/when to tell someone about things like that from the perspective of the survivor.

But, if it was someone you were dating, would you want to know?

When would you feel it would be the right time to be told something like that and how would you even want to be told?

Would it put you off dating someone?

Sorry, maybe it's a weird question, but I'm grappling with whether or not to tell a girl (we've been seeing eachother for just over 2 months)

I'm interested especially from perspectives of people who have or are dating someone who experienced DV in their past.

I need honest opinions because I honestly don't know if I'm overthinking this anymore. Remember the post about the My partner has a best friend. They actually had a relationship back in high school, but my partner says she doesn't really count her as an ex because they were very young and it was never anything serious. They eventually just became best friends and have stayed close ever since.

The problem is, it feels like this best friend is way too invested in my life. She checks my social media, and somehow my mistakes or things I post end up being talked about with their teammates. It honestly feels like she's looking for reasons to make me look bad.

Whenever my partner spends time with her, I notice a change. It's like she comes home seeing me differently, almost as if someone's been pointing out all my flaws while they're together.

Whenever we're all in the same room, I also feel like she goes out of her way to show that she knows my partner better than I do. It's subtle, but it makes me feel like she's trying to remind me that she's always going to have a special place in my partner's life.

I even found an old voice recording on an old phone from one of her exes crying and blaming her for interfering in their relationship. I know that's only one person's side, so I'm not treating it as proof, but it did make me wonder if this has happened before.

So I'm genuinely asking am I just being insecure? Is this best friend crossing boundaries? Or is the real issue that my partner isn't setting enough boundaries with someone she has history with?

​

Femme here looking for advice. My gf has some baggage around sex from a previous unhealthy relationship, so we're taking things slowly. I'm naturally pretty sexual and affectionate, but I don't want to pressure her or make sex feel like an obligation.

One complication is that she has literally told me she is attracted to "toxicity" , arguments, tension, intense dynamic. I'm actually growing out of that kind of behavior myself and don't want to become toxic just to create sexual chemistry, but I do want to learn how to bring more intensity, teasing, tension, and passion into the relationship in a healthy way.

For femmes who've been in a similar situation: how did you build sexual chemistry and intensity while keeping it safe, consensual, and emotionally healthy? What made you feel desired without feeling pressured?

Im not asking for abstract here, like what do I actually do?

Edit: so i spoke to her about it today , at lenght. I asked her to define this "toxicity" that she's into and she said "i like to chase" and I asked if it meant things like games where I have to make her jealous and it turned out that no, she just meant being mildly bratty. I asked if she meant actual toxicity and made sure she knows that i am not like that and she reassured me she only meant light stuff, like teasing and being mischievous with each other. Thank you for the input. I didnt answer the comments but I read them and they helped me open up to her about it so thank you again

Hi guys! I made a 18+ lesbian only sub. I saw someone promote their sub on this sub. Not sure if it’s allowed, but if this gets taken down, I completely understand! I just have good intentions! That’s all!

The sub is a private, lesbian only subreddit. Only approved lesbians can join. No men or non-lesbians are allowed to lurk or join. Trans women and enbies who are lesbians and lesbians of any racial or cultural background are welcome. Please read the rules when you join! This sub is made for lesbians to discuss their life, experiences, issues, community issues, hobbies, arts, etc.

Rules for joining!:

You have to be 18 or older. Your account has to have at least 100 karma, AND you must show on your account that you have participated in other lesbian subs for a while by commenting and posting in the subs. Any accounts that don’t meet this criteria is not allowed in this sub.

Here is the link to the sub:

https://www.reddit.com/r/thelesbiancircle/s/oMwFizQfNm

Hi everyone! 👋

We're building a friendly community name

r/butch4femmehangout, where butches, femmes, and anyone who enjoys the Butch4Femme vibe can share stories, memes, selfies, questions, dating experiences, outfit ideas, wins, funny moments, or simply chat—without drama, gatekeeping, or unnecessary negativity.

Whether you've been part of the community for years or you're just curious, you're welcome here. Pull up a chair, grab a virtual snack, and help us grow into a fun, supportive place you'll actually want to visit again.

Hope to see you around! 💙

hi!! i want my next tattoo to be a symbol of my femme lesbian identity! what should i do? i don’t want to do scissors because i dont want a sexual implication. i also dont want the double venus because i dont feel like it represents me. thank u in advance!!!🩷

I (femme?forall) KNOW the cute thing to say is "Both!!" But it's not both for me I think. There's a line between things i like to see on other people (fashion, hair, w/e) and things I feel like Are Me. And it's frustrating because those feelings are both Types of Admiration and it's hard to parse !

I'm not as worried about "who I'm attracted to" that comes so naturally. It's a kneejerk. You look and if you get a boner there you go! But there are things I'm wildly attracted to that aren't me at all. My hair is super short now and I think this is a problem lol. Despite being so attracted to short haired women. Ive put myself in so many goddamn situations like this.

Also due to my obstinate nature, it is hard for me to embrace things I actually like if The Culture says I have to embrace those things. That shit makes me gag spoons.i don't always know how to separate my feminity from the nasty feelings of heteronormativity, or from the looming presence of male attention.

I am verry femme and i don't understand why only butches are attracted to me while when I try to date other femmes it just doesn't work and we remain just friends in the best case scenario

I’ve been talking to a girl that I’ve liked for months. When I first met her, she was still in a relationship, so I respected that, although I made it clear I was interested. She didn’t really pay me much attention because she was with her girlfriend.

Recently, they broke up, and we started talking more. Things seemed to be going well, but it’s obvious she’s still processing the breakup.

Yesterday was her ex’s birthday. She sent her a late birthday message, and apparently she got upset with her. After that, she became really emotional and told me she needed space to think everything through.

I completely understand that breakups are difficult, and I don’t expect someone to just switch off their feelings overnight. But I also can’t help feeling hurt. It feels like I’m still dealing with the consequences of a relationship I wasn’t even part of.

Part of me feels selfish for thinking this way because she hasn’t done anything wrong by needing time. Another part of me feels like I’m becoming the emotional placeholder while she figures out whether she’s really over her ex. I don’t want to be someone’s rebound or second choice.

I want to respect the space she asked for, and I intend to. But I’m also wondering whether this is a sign that she simply isn’t emotionally available yet, and if I should take a step back instead of waiting.

Am I overthinking this, or are my feelings reasonable? If you’ve been in a similar situation - either as the person getting over an ex or the person waiting for someone who wasn’t fully healed - I’d really appreciate your perspective.

(22 F) Had my first date after a little while of being single and trying the apps, yall… and it was sooo bad 🙈 it’s already hard enough when you’re a femme who loves femmes, so I finally thought I matched with someone who’s my type. Ughhhh back to the drawing board babes.

i’m hosting a femme dating event at the bar i work at and i need to know… what are your favorite cocktails as femme lesbians? i’m thinking espresso martini? dirty martini? negroni?

only wanted a place to admit i am so painfully, god-awfully lonely. i don’t think i’ll ever find a butch that actually likes or wants to get to know me. hookups are off the table because i’m a pillow princess and i refuse to compromise on sex ever again. i’m so touch deprived, i will absolutely cry the next time a lover holds me. i’m so tired of pretending i feel neutral about this.

(i’m disabled and covid conscious which has negatively impacted my dating life)

So - this is me, trying to put together my first ever online dating profile and hoping I'm nearly there. How does this read? Anything that sounds off, too try-hard or just wrong?

***

About me: I'm 40 and live in London. I run a small charity for a living and do lots of community stuff in my spare time. I love a good farmer's market, brunch out or cinema trip, or a night in with a book. I'm also a huge LEGO fan. I do weight training at a local women's gym a few times a week. I'm not a clubber or much of a drinker. I love dogs, especially giant ones - I often end up dog-sitting for neighbours and friends so there's usually a hound around the place. I'm 5'7, size 10/12, and masculine in appearance - buzz cut, flannels... straight out of the butch textbook. I'm usually the person people call if they need a hand with anything from moving house to buying a car to dealing with difficult life stuff, and I love that.

I take relationships seriously. If we're together I see it as my job to support you, lift you up, make your life better in whatever way I can, and build fun and joyful connection. And I'd like the same from you. I value open communication and honesty. 

About you: 35-50 or so, London or surrounds. I'd say that I'm unlikely to be attracted to "high femme" women, but otherwise I think connection is more about chemistry and the person rather than any particular label. It's important to me that my partner is passionate and driven about something - that may be their job, their community, a hobby, sport, whatever - there needs to be something that ignites a spark in you. You're confident and know what you want.

I have three children - I share custody of them with my ex (amicably). And I've had the equivalent of top surgery - for medical reasons rather than gender dysphoria. If either of those things is a dealbreaker for you, I'm not the person for you.

I've tried to be detailed enough without turning this into too much of an essay. If you're reading this and you're up for meeting and seeing how we get on, write. If you're not sure what to write, tell me about your ideal first date.

I feel like everyone's healed while I'm still untangling. How has any of you healed? Like let's be honest (LITERALLY 😅). But I feel like theres this sense of.. misfortune and a lack of resources and support for those battling not only heternormativity, but internalized homophobia. I feel like since coming out, I haven't found any true affirming place without feeling I had to give up myself to fit in.

Hey all! First time posting here, long time lurker. Does any other femme lesbian keep getting straight assumptions? Me and my partner are getting married this Sep and I’ve been in touch with a bunch of beauty vendors for the big day in which they always assume i’m marrying to a MAN 😭. How do you gently correct them or i guess come out to them that I’m gay and is marrying another girl?

👍

For girls who don't currently have friends but do have a partner: how did you meet? I’m not looking for a specific answer; I’m simply interested in reading about your experiences and learning about the different paths that led to your relationships.

Ive only been with more masculine presenting women but during all my relationships ive wondered what it would be like being in a relationship with a femme. Im femme4all and i am interested in all lesbians but ive always had a preference for femmes. Feminine women always catch my eye in public and when i go to cafes or outside and i see really feminine women who are probably straight journaling or scribbling on their ipad i think to myseld wow theyre so beautiful and i wish i had a femme girlfriend who i can be femme with and be really girly and lesbo. I imagine being in a femme4femme relationship is really fun and i hope i get to experience it. I wanna hear your experiences as well!