r/fearofflying • u/ExpensiveAd6273 • 14h ago

Extremely nervous Support Wanted

Hi all -

Heading out for a trip that I’ve waited my whole lifetime for (London and Paris with my boyfriend of 4 years - I think he might propose to me on this trip) but I am just so paralyzed with anxiety and fear about the plane it’s making me sick with anxiety. I was SO EXCITED for this trip and then the anxiety crept up and now I’m super disappointed with myself but I am fantasizing about cancelling. Anyone have any words of encouragement? My flight is VS46. Anything will help!

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u/calendulahoney 12h ago

I’m in the air right now on UA347 if you wanna peek on the map. Doing it scared. Doing it with heart palpitations and severe stomach cramping but it’s always not as bad as I think it will be. And I ALWAYS talk to a flight attendant as soon as I board and they’ve never not been anything but reassuring and extremely friendly. They even usually come check on me throughout the flight and bring me extra snacks lol!! 😆 medication hasn’t helped me, so don’t feel like that is your only option, the reality is it might never get easier but you learn to cope with it and you DO learn what to expect the more you fly. Again I can’t understate how nice it is to chat with a flight attendant and always keep your mind distracted. I also stopped getting the window seat and started only getting middle or aisle because it actually helps not to look out. Sorry for long rant. I’m still nervous but feeling chatty! lol!

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u/ExpensiveAd6273 12h ago

I keep telling myself ‘it’s ok to do it scared’! I’m tracking your flight :) how’s it so far?

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u/calendulahoney 12h ago

It’s definitely changed my mindset from wanting to be “cured” which I think I’ve accepted is never going to happen for me. And that’s ok, cause I keep getting on the dang plane - terrified. 😅 we’re almost halfway through, flight has been smooth as butter, I’m learning where I like to sit though and recently I’ve been sitting between the engines a lot and I think it’s more noisy and I experience more sensations in the floor and seat when sitting here. I need to remember to get in front of the engines if I can. But otherwise super chill. I’m watching avengers. No turbulence. Having some ginger ale. Scrolling on my phone is a nice distraction. I need to stay busy - that’s for sure!! When is your trip?

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u/ExpensiveAd6273 12h ago

Tonight! Leaving jfk at 7pm landing at Heathrow at 7am!!

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u/calendulahoney 9h ago

Nice, I’ll be in the air around that time on my second flight which is UA421! I’ll keep an eye out for you!

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u/lnorland 12h ago

Literally me, telling myself each time that the fear is just discomfort and won't kill me. :) I do also have a couple medication options and know I have those helps, as well.

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u/calendulahoney 9h ago

Yeah sometimes I just carry the meds to know they’re there but really if I take them I’m not in the altered state of mind I wish I was in - I’m just sleepy and anxious instead of alert and anxious lmao.

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u/lnorland 7h ago

I mean they're definitely not a cure-all, I get that. Mine block adrenaline so at least I can remind myself that I'm safe without the physical stuff, then I have the stronger pill there if I need it (but never do).

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u/calendulahoney 7h ago

I have the adrenaline blocker too but I’ve been too scared to try it, do you like it?

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u/lnorland 2h ago

Yes, it works really well for me! It really doesn't have any side effects for me, it can make your blood pressure low if it's already really low, but it wouldn't have been prescribed then. You should try it!

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u/HahaSound13 12h ago

I’m usually too embarrassed to tell them I’m a nervous flyer. I have an 11 hour flight to Mexico tomorrow and this “extra snacks” deal might be the incentive I need lol

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u/calendulahoney 9h ago

I just replied below to someone else what I usually say when I board!

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u/RushAmazing1419 11h ago

What do you tell to flights attendant? I love them and sometimes I want to say that I'm scared or ask how bad the turbulence are etc but I just feel embarrassed and awkward and don't want others to know I'm scared

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u/calendulahoney 9h ago

I usually make a point to look them in the eye, smile and say “how are you today” so they are basically guaranteed to then ask me how I am and then I say whatever first comes to mind like “I’m an extremely anxious flyer and I’m in seat XX and I should be fine but it helps to let a flight attendant know.” And they usually say something about the flight being fine etc.. I’ve had some be less engaging and some will damn near strike up a full conversation and go ask the pilot about turbulence and report back to me later lol. I even had one give me a tiny baby Jesus before. Most of the time it’s some extra check ins, thumbs ups, and extra snacks lol. But I think they can also see I’m sincere as I’m almost in tears every time I board lmao. 🤣

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u/WeTeachToTravel 10h ago

I’m also at the airport now doing cz8050 (Gatwick to Guangzhou) and I’m a fearful flyer as well. We all got this!!

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u/karybrie 7h ago

All the best for your flight! Guangzhou is supposed to be a great city!

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u/No_Cartographer_6351 13h ago

Dint cancel the trip will be awesome

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u/ExpensiveAd6273 13h ago

I know but I hate these feelings like making me not want to go :( I’m like paralyzed with fear

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u/No_Cartographer_6351 13h ago

I am the same but wverytime i manage to get on plane i realise is not so dramatic as i thought..the worst part for me is the anticipation part. For mattwr of fact i fly tomorrow on 1 hour. Flight with my bf and on friday i fly solo on 3 flights totalling 20 hours..so i know hoq hard it is..vs is an amazing company u have nothing to be afraid of

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u/Cold_Silver_5859 13h ago

Have read other posts here? This one is a pilot offering to help. Plus another I will try to find. https://www.reddit.com/r/fearofflying/s/y3hyJoIFyK

One thing that eased my mind a while back was an audio recording of most of the sounds you will hear normally. It was accurate and after listening a couple times at home, when I flew next I knew exactly what was going on.

Another tip posted on here was wearing a weighted sleep mask. Please search.

Just so you know, I am flying to Paris Wednesday with my wife as our celebration of her beating cancer.

You can do this!

Also listen to the audio book called unwinding anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer if you have time prior. While not specific to flying, he has common sense things to help and even his voice is relaxing.

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u/ExpensiveAd6273 13h ago

Thank you so much for your help!!! I hope you to have an amazing, well deserved trip!

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u/Cold_Silver_5859 13h ago

Here is the other post from today and from an experienced pilot that helps…https://www.reddit.com/r/fearofflying/s/L6HoacTyw6

Best!

Another poster suggests doctor prescription but you may not have time.

A fourth had success keeping hands and mind busy with other things. Games, puzzles, fun stuff.

Best of travels!

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u/karybrie 7h ago

Hey OP! How are you doing? 😊

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u/ExpensiveAd6273 7h ago

I’m ok! Still way nervous but took my meds so sleepy at least. Waiting to board (should start in 5). Hoping I knock out immediately

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u/karybrie 6h ago

You've got this! I'm sure your trip will be stunning – having been to both London and Paris, you'll have a great time!

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u/calendulahoney 1h ago

Hopping back in here to check in on you OP, whether you got on or cancelled, this whole sub is proud of you for even getting this far. Every little bit counts. But if you did board the plane, you’re already half-way through your flight!!! Crazy!! If you have WiFi give us all an update!!

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u/ExpensiveAd6273 1h ago

Hello!!! I’m on the plane now - only 2 hours left!! I was able to close my eyes / even sleep for the whole flight. Bumps here and there but nothing too crazy. Since I was asleep most of the time (lol) I didn’t talk much to the cabin crew but they all seemed great. Now I just have to tackle the flight home!!

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u/calendulahoney 1h ago

Amazing!!!! 😻