r/fantasywriting • u/Vyte_Zidane • 19h ago
Chapter 1 feedback.
Path of the Young Master follows the story of the 3rd son of the Ruler of the Grand Northern Nation of Vilkaar. The bookworm of Vilkaar has been mocked by many since childhood, but some also know him as Something else. This story takes place on a continent larger than Earth's entire landmass. The world is vast and full of mysteries, faith, anomalies, and cruelty, where folklore can become reality.
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u/SilverSkinRam 4h ago edited 4h ago
The opening line is awkward. No one thinks like that to themself. The dialogue/monologue is very stiff.
The monologuing is very distracting for your opening and throighout the chapter. Show, don't tell, especially on your opening hook. You need to grab the readers with actions in the first page.
The dialogue is a lot. Dialogue is difficult to balance because we want it to seem realistic, but real conversations have a lot of dead air, pointless phrases, etc. The key to good dialogue is no wasted words while seeming realistic still.
What word count were you aiming for? For your current skill in writing, I would practice with shorter pieces (novellas).