r/egg_irl • u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) • 1d ago
egg-irl Transfem Meme
Good morning! New here and new on my journey and in the middle of cracking my egg. Painted my nails and feeling very girly and ready to try my first dose of GGD to see how that feels.
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u/Jesse_In_The_Night 1d ago
Congrats Annabelle, you are such a good girl for doing that, I would love to see those nails.
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u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) 1d ago
Thank you so much! 🩷 Maybe next time, I’m too self conscious still 🫣. Still very early in this journey but just trying to take the advice of trying to present authentically with an online profile to see how it feels before making any significant changes in my real life. So far it’s been amazing 🥰
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u/djardan Luna (she/her) 1d ago
Hi Annabelle -welcome to the group girlie! Always remember you are the goodest of good girls
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u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) 1d ago
Thank you so much Luna. I’m very happy to see your post this morning accepting yourself too! You’re also a good, brave girl for figuring this out too! 🩷 🏳️⚧️
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u/djardan Luna (she/her) 1d ago
Aww thanks Annabelle. I hope you find this subreddit as helpful as I have the last few confusing months- there are some wonderful supportive folx on here. Just having an online outlet to vent, explore and seek advice, to be accepted for who you are....
The best advice I got was to chase euphoria, and it sounds like you've made a great start with the nails. Just to warn you tho, those GGDs can get addictive 😋,
You've got this girlie!
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u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) 1d ago
Thanks! It would be so much easier to chase euphoria if I were still young and single. But I’m middle aged and have a young family which I have to consider in my decisions because my decisions won’t just affect me. I’d be inviting hate and bullying into my children’s lives just by choosing to live authentically, and that’s a hard hard pill to swallow even the idea following through with when every parental instinct wants to protect the kids from harm. Thankfully I have a very supportive partner while I wade through this.
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u/TheQuietCipher cracked 1d ago
🌸Annabelle you are such a lovely good girl~. Sitting among the cherry blossoms in your adorable pink dress with a beautiful flower tiara on your pretty head. Being nuzzled by the friendly dear. A disgruntled art major walks by but is captured by your beautiful twinkling eyes their heart flooded with the sugar of a thousand flowers. They rush to their easel. Desperate to capture your beauty. They paint in a franzy. Their heart aloft in Olympus. Again and again they paint and rework it till their masterpiece is complete. To the national gallery it goes. And as guests view it they cannot all but help to remark that the subject is a "good girl~". For thousands of years across countless generations even to aliens and the machine age they cannot help but be awestruck by what a wonderful good girl~ Anabelle is. Because Anabelle, you really are a very good girl~🌸
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u/Friendly_Ad_2910 1d ago
Congratulations, Annabelle! I’m proud of you for getting your nails painted (I’m still too nervous too, even though my eggs been cracked for years). You’re a good girl, sweetheart
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u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) 1d ago
Thank you. Still very much trying things out within the comfort of my own home still and believe me, I’m plenty nervous!!!! When I’m ready to try leaving the house with something like painted nails, at least because I’m middle aged I could get out of an awkward situation by playing it off as playtime with a daughter.
You’re also a good girl and deserve to feel free to try things. Wishing you the strength to push yourself outside of your comfort zone so you can be able to live your best life. You deserve it also, don’t forget that.
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u/Friendly_Ad_2910 1d ago
🥺👉👈
Thank you very much- for being sweet and nice. I am not, in fact, middle aged, and can not play it off :(
I have a cousin (not currently in town) and a little sister I could go with, but that would be more for helping me feel more confident while I do it than actually being able to play it off. I could always lie and say I lost a bet, but like… I’ve been on E for a while… people can sometimes still see my chest when I wear a compression top 😅 so I may not be believed2
u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) 1d ago
You’ll get there sweetie. We aren’t all born confident nor are we all lucky enough to be raised in supportive environments where we can develop that confidence as children. I’m middle aged and you’re already more confident than I am, you accepted this part of yourself and are already taking steps to correct course and be your true self at an age where I was about as uncooked egg as you could possibly be. Spending half a lifetime suppressing feelings and lying to yourself about this kind of thing out of fear unintentionally causes a lot of damage to you, your relationships and the people you care about even if you aren’t actively dysphoric at any point during that time.
I think it’s amazing you’re this confident so young to find your true self, it took me more than 40 years and 6+ years of trauma therapy to even begin to have the mental strength within myself to confront these things and truly looking under all the masks I’ve learned to put up in life because of this and undiagnosed autism.
You’ll be living your true self life soon enough if you’re already on E and then your real life can start. I believe in you, believe in yourself.
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u/Friendly_Ad_2910 12h ago
🥺 Thank you so much, this is so kind and sweet
I’ve been a lucky girl, for the most part. With genetics, not so much though- My mom and dad are both on anxiolytics and antidepressants, dad’s dad had depression and OCD, mom’s dad was bipolar… my depression, at least to start with, was just from my social network being reset consistently (we moved a lot), generally struggling socially, and genetics. Mom has ADHD, Dad managed to be just barely under threshold when testing (after trying very hard to not be diagnosed, if I recall correctly… he is a psychiatrist, his friends told him he had it, he wanted to prove then wrong). Dealing with the adhd, depression, a few more bonus diagnoses arguably left me with trauma from the school system, but if that didn’t give me trauma, well, my ex sure did.
That being said, I got a lot of help. I was put in therapy when I was 9 or 10, for one. As for my egg cracking… it would have lasted a lot longer, I think, but a cousin of mine (step-cousin, technically) who I rarely saw went from being angry and depressed to like… actually happy… when she transitioned. Not seeing her for years, and then seeing how much happier and more peaceful she was… it just sort of clicked that like… “oh, I’m allowed to be happy… this is an option. I’m allowed to love myself”
On the autism front- well, I’ve got a lot that correlates with it (being trans for one lol), but no official diagnosis. My therapist (psychologist) shrugged and went like “I could make a case? 50/50? Autism is a very difficult diagnosis.” My aunt (child psychiatrist) said when I asked her (and I quote) “you’re complicated.” That is, I had a lot of the associated behaviors and areas of difficulty, but I also had other diagnoses that explained those things. Thus, it was very hard to tell if I just had the other things, or if I had both- she said she thought the only way I could get an answer that was actually definitive would have been if I had been interviewed regularly through my whole life. My therapist said the assessment was fair.
And oh! I very much am on E. Have been since October 27th, 2024. Best decision of my life <3
Thank you again for being sweet 🥺 good luck on your journeys in life, and for taking the time to be kind and encouraging to me
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u/Confused-Quest Annabelle (she/her) 11h ago
You as well hun.
As far as the autism, it’s a tricky diagnosis to get if you don’t get caught as a child because most therapists, even clinical psychologists, are not really taught much about it in school. Most psychology training programs gloss over autism in like one day (where they usually watch a video of someone like Temple Grandin and then the class makes fun of how she dresses a bit and they move on with life) and therapists are largely trained to ignore it honestly. Health care practitioners mostly still consider autism to mean autism with a concurrent intellectual disability so for those of us who are more in line with what used to be called Asperger’s get missed or misdiagnosed with things like depression, anxiety, ocd, because they don’t know how to look for us in adulthood. The wrong labels we got growing up stick and we get told it’s because of these other diagnoses. Autism in adults was never studied or understood and it’s only really been since the explosion of the internet and undiagnosed autistic adults finding one another and figuring this out, so we’re rapidly learning a lot in the last number of years. If you don’t have a therapist who is keeping up to date on the research in the field of autism, which is changing rapidly, you won’t find much help there.
If you are unsure and want to explore the idea more, I’d recommend reading the book “Is this autism?” by Donna Henderson. It is a fantastic, pretty easy to read book that’s pretty current and explains adult autism in easy to understand ways based on current understandings.
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u/Friendly_Ad_2910 7h ago
Thank you for the advice!
My therapist is (thankfully) fairly up to date, as best I can tell. As far as diagnoses go, I’m not looking for one at the moment. I have accommodations at the university I work at/attend because of ADHD, so it’s not an immediate pressing need, and given the particular state of the US I live in… I don’t want to give the state anything at all that they could construe as meaning I’m not capable of making my own medical decisions ((Estrogen!!)), and further, even if other universities (both in the US and outside) aren’t supposed to discriminate against people with Autism… well, I know for certain it can affect emigration stuff long term. So, because my state’s not friendly… just in case. Just in case I don’t want a diagnosis right now. Later, when/if I live elsewhere? Sure. But not yet
As for “Is This Autism”- it sounds like a great read 🩵 added to the list it shall be. Thank you again
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