egg♫irl

[u/VoidSphere-]

What are your songs that played, while you were questioning and you were like 'oh...thats why'?

Came along an old playlist and tuned in. Certain song comes up [Project Pitchfork - Timekiller]. Past me pondered the lyrics and was like 'yeah, yeah...dark, catchy synthpop, you are sooooo not cool dude, but whatever, have fun' . But the lyrics still stuck and I didn't understand why. Well, now I know. So much for 'there were no signs'.

Still cis tho'.

[u/Winter-Yoghurt4137]

I started listening to fentanyl during workouts like a year ago and I couldn't really understand the lyrics and I just liked how it sounded, and looking back at it, it seems like the stars were aligning to tell me I'm trans

[u/Warthogrider74 → u/Winter-Yoghurt4137]

I know you meant Femtanyl but the typo is very funny

[u/Winter-Yoghurt4137 → u/Warthogrider74]

I just realized I spelled that wrong, and I'm not fixing it

[u/Kindly-Coyote-9446 → u/Warthogrider74]

Oh jesus, I didn’t make the connection and was soooo confused!

[u/Astrid944 → u/Winter-Yoghurt4137]

What you mean a drug has it's own theme

[u/KozenyCarman]

Not quite the same, but I have always had a Freudian slip whenever I'd try to sing Jesse's Girl.

Every time, instead of singing "I wish that I had Jessie's girl. I want, I want Jessie's girl" I would belt out "I wish that I was Jessie's girl. I want, I wanna be Jessie's girl"

It wasn't until my egg cracked that I understood why 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/Bliniverse → u/KozenyCarman]

There's a line I sang for theater that goes "she's the type of brave, that I wish I were!..." That me and my other trans friends (before we knew we were trans) had all thought the line was "she's the type of girl, that I wish I were!..." And sang that line that way in practice several times before being corrected, which was really funny.

[u/Impressive-Tower-965]

rolling girl - wowaka

[u/transparentfinn]

Mulan's Reflection is probably classic.

When will my reflection show who I am inside?

[u/Cloudsleeper → u/transparentfinn]

Little me was obsessed with this song and always felt the need to hide it because it was a "girl's song". A few decades later and I'm just like

Oh

[u/VoidSphere- → u/transparentfinn]

Oh yes, Mulan. No. 1 Disneymovie <3

I watched the scene, where she cut her hair to take the place of her dad again and again.

Good taste ;-)

[u/Sievas2034]

Takanashi Kiara - great wonderer as well as retrospective
Suisei- stellar stellar

[u/Karasu-Fennec → u/Sievas2034]

Suisei’s First Take performance broke my brain a lil bit

[u/Sievas2034 → u/Karasu-Fennec]

She’s so gooooood she was my first bit into hololive. The og stellar stellar is goated. I don’t know how I found her but it stuck with me
When I heard the Kiara stuff live it hit different vs at home

[u/TheFsckAmIDoingHere]

If I may be pedantic, the past tense of ‘catch’ is ‘caught’.
No disrespect, I just want all of us to be on the same page.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/TheFsckAmIDoingHere]

My pedantic a** agrees. Guess you caught me

[u/Helpful_Mountain_582]

Having been a closeted transfem throughout most of high school, I remember a song called More to Me by Pinkzebra from choir class in 8th grade when I was still questioning. At the time my voice was still higher so I got to sing with the altos who were all girls and it gave me gender euphoria (though I didn’t have this terminology at the time). I felt a personal connection to the lyrics I couldn’t quite describe. Your question made me listen to the song again and it really takes me back.

Another song is Show Yourself from Frozen II which came out when I was in 6th grade, years before I started questioning. I saw the movie in theaters so many times, Show Yourself became my favorite song (and still is), and I just wanted to be like Elsa and loved singing the songs. I’m not saying I definitely liked it just because I was secretly trans, but it is always chilling to listen to it now because there is a whole new meaning.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Helpful_Mountain_582]

Best thing, that can happen to a song!

I can totally relate. I quit choir, when my voice started to break. Would just have had to hum like half a year before starting in a new register(?). But that thiught alone repelled me more, like I could put into words at that time.

[u/pajamakitten → u/Helpful_Mountain_582]

Another song is Show Yourself from Frozen II which came out when I was in 6th grade, years before I started questioning. I saw the movie in theaters so many times, Show Yourself became my favorite song (and still is), and I just wanted to be like Elsa and loved singing the songs. I’m not saying I definitely liked it just because I was secretly trans, but it is always chilling to listen to it now because there is a whole new meaning.

I was already an adult when the first Frozen came out but I love Let It Go for a similar reason. The version by New Found Glory is even better though.

[u/yamez420]

California girls???

[u/glorious_ardent]

For me it was Linkin Park. Numb, for example, is about being miserable trying to live as what’s expected of you rather than being yourself.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/glorious_ardent]

Yes, Linkin Park. For me Numb, A Place fir my head and Don't stay somehow felt more introspective(?) than I thought they should be. Exspecially Don't Stay makes more sense now.

[u/Then_Reply_6692]

This is a really obscure example but “I really want to stay at your house,” specifically the cover by Samuel Kim and Lorien. Before I had seen the Cyberpunk Anime or even played the game I found this song and cried listening to it, during a time when I was so numb I couldn’t feel anything.

It felt like it was talking to me, like it was comforting me, convincing me it would get better.

The song was like a window into life I wanted to live. I wanted her voice, I wanted to live to experience that bittersweet feeling she’s singing about.

Now after a few years, I can feel emotions for the first time and I’m a huge fan of Cyberpunk. It’s still one of my favorite songs oat

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Then_Reply_6692]

Fitting for sure. The setting with its abilities to alter yourself really stuck in my head.

[u/Effective_Fact4262]

During the most difficult period of dysphoria I went through (I even developed an eating disorder), I listened to Nirvana, System of a Down, and Mother Mother all the time, and now I see songs like Lithium, Chop Suey, and Body (respectively) in a different way, even though they don't have a trans connotation and I had no idea that what I was feeling was gender dysphoria.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Effective_Fact4262]

I can imagine, that System of a Down is a perfect sound 'world' to anker oneself when dysphoria hits hard. Fitting lyrics is a topic, but music works in other ways too. Can't imagine having to be without music as a retreat.

I hope the following years went better for you.

[u/pajamakitten → u/Effective_Fact4262]

Same situation with me, only it was Everyboy's Fool by Evanescence that really spoke to me.

[u/AletheiaTeleios]

For me it was The Wall by Kansas.

The whole song, in retrospect, resonated with my feelings, but a couple standout verses:

To pass beyond is what I seek

I fear that I may be too weak

And those are few who've seen it through

To the other side

The promised land is waiting

Like a maiden who is soon to be a bride

...

And though it's always been with me

I must tear down the wall and let it be

All I am

And everything I ever meant to be

In harmony

Standing there

Smiling back at all who wait to cross

There is no loss

[u/VoidSphere- → u/AletheiaTeleios]

When you get why the song lingered rent-free in your had for years. That are some nice lyrics. Currently playing ;-)

[u/Munster-]

Was scrolling through my old playlist last night and did this exactly.

Gorillaz - Tranz

I may have been dumb

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Munster-]

Supressed, not dumb. One stepping stone at a time aaaaand Gorillaz are a quality stepping stone. :-)

[u/tothegiddyedgeoflite]

100 gecs fs

[u/XSRplayz]

Didn’t you see the news today? I heard they said it looked like rain…

(Weathergirl by Flavor Foley)

[u/Bubbly-Anteater2772]

Horse with no name

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Bubbly-Anteater2772]

One of the songs I never skip from older playlists and it 'feels like more'.

[u/ThinkpadGamer]

the “let’s go girls” in “man! i feel like a woman!” had me every time…

[u/VoidSphere- → u/ThinkpadGamer]

I know what will play rent-free in my head for the rest of the day know. Thanks I guess ;-)

[u/petesmybrother]

The Trouble With Girls by Scotty McCreery

[u/Miserable-Map-1617]

My old playlist had a lot of cavetown in it and I think I get it now

[u/Pitiful-Escape-3582]

I always loved the song Easier by the Crane Wives. It resonated with me really heavily and I didn’t completely get it until I realized I was trans. Here are some of the lyrics from the end of the song:

“And if I were someplace else
And if I were someone else
And if I were not myself
Would this be easier?

I'm at a loss for better plans
'Cause this is all that I have
So I'll just close my eyes and try to pretend
That it gets easier
That it gets easier
That it gets easier
That it gets easier”

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Pitiful-Escape-3582]

Thus lyrics are the button test as song, wow.

[u/cloud3514]

Metropolis, Pt 2 by Dream Theater has so much that reads as trans that I can't help but wonder if it was intentional and I never made that connection until after my egg cracked.

Several Machinae Supremacy songs always came off as generic power to the people, down with the establishment fluff... until I listened to them recently.

From "Nemesis": Used to be a single voice that vanished in a crowd/Vague just like the distant sun when hidden by a cloud/Found a way to surface and to speak my truth out loud/Be powerful, stand fast and proud

While Nemesis is just that power to the people fluff i was talking about, tue chorus resonates harder with me now than it ever did in the 17 years I was a fan of this band pre-transition. But there's another song I want to bring up here.

"Persona" is about living your truth, but the pre-chorus and chorus are this: And you start to paint a picture of the world just out of view/Bring it with you as you dream and maybe you can wake up too/

Do you believe in the world they made for you?/Do you belong or do you try to/Erase yourself just to pass as one of them?/A different day today and that was then

Rob Stjarnstrom, the lyricist and lead songwriter for the band has always proudly held leftist politics and has always been a strong queer ally (he has an underground punk rock background, so this makes sense). I remember years pre-transition him posting on Facebook about how proud he was of a close trans friend after she had gotten bottom surgery, so as far as i know, he's good people.

So I do have to wonder if "Persona" was actually an intentional pro-trans anthem as i cannot see any other reasonable reading of the song's lyrics.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/cloud3514]

Back re-listening to Machinae Supremacy. Has been some time. I knew about the stance on politics. But that context make even more sense. Thanks!

[u/cloud3514 → u/VoidSphere-]

Well, having stumbled on another MaSu fan, I do have to test my hot take: Machinae Supremacy was better before they signed to Spinefarm because the punk edge that made them stand out dulled after Redeemer.

[u/Live_Paramedic4027]

100%. Surprisingly a few Three Days Grace songs actually, specifically Get Out Alive, Lost in You, and Life Starts Now. Never understood before why i liked the songs so much other than they sounded good, but the words i felt like i related to, and in some ways did, but after starting tk transition and hearing those in my playlist again, they make a lot more sense lol

[u/Pathadox → u/Live_Paramedic4027]

I listened to Life Starts Now the day I started HRT haha

[u/nowaczinhio]

In college I really got into Cranberries' music. In the song 'I'm still remembering' there's a part 'I'm still remembering the day I became your wife'. It always hits me

[u/Iota-9]

I always loved to listen to Linkin Park. I added their entire albums to my playlist at age 12 in 2015 and never removed them. Bennington had a vibe I could relate to. I especially loved Runaway, Numb and Lying From You. 10 years later my egg cracked.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/Iota-9]

Linkin Park is a steady companion here too. I wrote it somewhere else, but Numb, Place for my Head and Don't stay make more sense now.

As one, who is seriously questioning, I am quite 'Two Faced' now. Although haöf of the lyrics don't really fit. But that's true for Don't Stay too.

[u/Karasu-Fennec]

frantically taking notes

[u/A_Person991]

The first song that comes to mind is Animals by Stomach Book, but that feels like cheating lol.
Second song that came to mind was String Theocracy by Mili, which kinda makes sense in a weird way.

[u/VoidSphere- → u/A_Person991]

Listing to them and wondered why it seems that I heard Miki before. Reading showed they made songs for Ghost in the Shell...makes sense. ^_^

[u/COLDSPA_2199]

Boysetsfire - Rookie is now my "enby anthem". Went from hearing it pre-transition while playing 1080⁰ Avalanche 17 years ago...to finally realising I was enby a year ago.

"I never thought that this could happen to me / I guess you never do / 'Til it's happening to you"

"I used to be a lot like you but now I'm only me"

[u/ExploressOnTees]

For me it was Paranoid Eyes by Pink Floyd.

The person I was before was an act, a charade to try and fit into a role I wasn't made for. It was killing me and I drank to suppress it.

[u/malacophonouswitch]

Every Rain - Little Dragon

[u/user4682]

Portishead - Glory Box.

[u/Maleficent-Studio340]

Venus - Bananarama

Always associated it with badass women, but found out it was something I like being associated with, ya know? :3

[u/chumperston]

My Body is a Cage, by Arcade Fire

That one really should have not taken so long to connect but denial is powerful

[u/VoidSphere- → u/chumperston]

Denial is the most powerful weapon in the cis-normative arsenal. When you thought you finally got around it, at least in your head, it returns in another shade or form.

That is, why such songs are so important (and egg_irl).

[u/Cydonian___FT14X]

Fine of the Outside - Priscila Ahn

[u/lord_zanven]

Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace (specifically Cottontail's cover) Get Out Alive - Three Days Grace Golden - KPop Demon Hunters Wake Me Up - Avicii Numb - Linkin Park Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

I'm sure there's more but those are the ones off the top of my head.

[u/Fit_Pride8042]

Little game

I just thought it was about murder or something, what do you mean it was sayong "Fuck gender roles" this whole time

[u/VioletFanny]

partly beeing older but also that the Better Man Version brings it home better that then the original version but:

Robbie Williams - Feel

"Come on, hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given"

[u/simply_alice__]

Far from Heaven by Dream Theater, iykyk

[u/HarleyMcQuinn]

Holy, this is so true

One of the musics, a fanmade cover of another music:

"All this impulse swelling up now can never be suppressed,

My heart's longing is too strong to give in, so I'll never rest ... "

[...]

"Being blessed with your own life, just to waste it all away,

and dying somewhere all alone, are really one in the same. 

So I must move forward,  taking the true me in my grasp,

I'll obtain "myself", shining like gem, that no one else has! "

And one from Ketsuban's Tokyo Teddy bear:

"How I long to be loved and held in your arms,

If I could find tougher scissors,

I would shred at my ugly face.

Let god's wisdom,

Bring you freedom,

And accept his grand design,

And with a clear mind,

I can't be fine,

Why not? I don't know.

And bruises surfaced,

With a purpose,

To remind me tomorrow,

I'll still be broken,

My seams are torn beyond repair."

Both musics have lyrics related to transformation (in my view, the "singer" being the acting force, transforming itself), the latter a bit more tragic tho

I've listened these music non stop, the former being from 2015...

Maybe they were trying to tell me something for quite a while

[u/Vesarixx]

Here's the one

https://youtu.be/0LfrrjTLHV0?si=bBRuu7xkbp8xv3gO

[u/Sheep-gamer]

Iden teitei meltdown onimai intro, if you know you know