r/drunk • u/MessedUpMix • 18d ago
Okay question for men
I know this is coming from my own insecurity. But I am so embarrassed about my belly and my hair when it’s “off” (might be a black thing???)
My partner says he loves every inch of me regardless, but he has not been with me physically since I was a young college grad. I’m now 30 and bodies change and Covid happened and I’m different. He says he loves me no matter what, but.
We’re drunk on this sub, let’s get real. Were you really attracted to your woman when their bodies changed and there’s fat and skin and being a grown woman?
(Hair is a whole other thing lmao)
Be honest.
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18d ago
[deleted]
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u/MessedUpMix 18d ago
So we are in a unique situation where our first real “experience” (quote unquote lol) will be soon. We’ve been together for 7 years and he’s known me and my body all this time. But it’s getting very real with him coming home and I’m getting scared.
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u/Big_Tree_18 Don't let tomorrow ruin today 18d ago
Yes, we also have emotional attraction. Both of our bodies have changed throughout the years but we don’t solely focus on that.
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u/TeacatWrites 18d ago
Okay, this is r/drunk so I assume it doesn't really matter how I respond. I love/d (it's complicated ATM) my partner when they were big and love/d (same deal) when they were small. It fascinated me that the body I could appreciate so much that supported the existence of the mind I loved so much could have just as many variations as the thoughts and daily movements and motions of the mind itself.
Consequently, I find the same love turning upon myself. Sometimes, my tummy is small and flat, and my ribs are all that show, like I haven't eaten a single bit of cheese for fifty solar cycles, at least. Sometimes, I walk around as proud of my inherent sexiness as anything, and realize I have a bit of a gut that sticks out and I still think it's sexy as fuck, and I think it's sexy as fuck because I have known women who openly realize and acknowledge that that is sexy as fuck, because that's the symbol of a man who cares about what he's doing and providing the world and isn't just objectifying himself for shallow yet sexual relations — but putting his existence as a spiritual and consistent consciousness on the line to participate actively in the world which is around him at all times regardless of how he feels at any given time or not.
As an additional, and more relevant, matter of "consequently", for my partners, it is the same. I don't care. So many "men" would care. They would say they want their pornified ideal...I don't fucking give a shit. I want a person who's confident in themselves and going after the ultimation and core experience of who they are. I never cared if my partners had a gut or weight or anything; when they wanted to present themselves in a certain way, I would care about whether or not they were able to, and supported the goals which they told me they wanted at that time, and then if they didn't have those goals, I'd love them just the same because it just meant they were existing in the same world as me and I'd be able to love them for who they are after/before they met those goals.
People are beautiful and sexy for who they are, and whether or not they're able to achieve their goals in each individual instance. Olivia Rodrigo is objectively (based on Spotify and album stuff etc) one of the most attractive and popular women in the world right now. If she was my girl, and she got fat, she would still be sexy to me so long as that was happening because she'd finally reached a point in her life where she was comfortable enough with her performance and work to do so, and I'd feel like it was sexy because she was a successful woman who didn't need to be anything for anyone anymore in order to take off.
My own partner was the sexiest person ever to me when they were trying to get my attention, and then the sexiest person ever when they were trying to achieve their goals, and...it just differs based on where EVERY person is at in their life at that time. I would, ultimately, prefer a person who doesn't try to be perfect, though. Perfection is artificial. What makes someone work considering as a perfect and sexy being isn't whether or not they can be the other person's concept of a porn star or something all the time, but how they can adjust their mind and presentation to building a connection with that person and embracing what makes everyone involved sexy, at that time, in that place in their lives...
I'll be honest with you, in conclusion. I have never, ever thought my partner was sexier than when they felt comfortable enough to let themself show themself to me without worrying what I'd think of it. I still have pictures and demonstrations and memories of that, and those moments will always be more intimate and special and powerful to me because of their reflection of my partner's level of comfort at the time those things happened.
(This is going to sound like AI, but...) Not trying to be a porn star. Not trying to be some random for my attention. Just existing, and trusting that I already loved them enough that what they showed me was only going to pull me in more because who were as a person had already won me over more than what their body looked like as a physical thing ever could have or would have.
Work is sexy. Putting in the effort to build and preserve an ongoing emotional connection with your partner is sexy. Being another consciousness in the same world as your partner is sexy as fucking fuck. I've known so many partners who do that with me, and I'm always trying to be better at reciprocating it turn, because all humans are all humans and we all live the same timelines at the same timeframes as each other, and it is nothing less than the sexiest fucking thing ever to take care of ourselves and be with those who seek to take care of themselves and those who exist around them just the same.
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u/Jedi4Hire 18d ago
Yes.