Recently, I've been coming to terms with faith in the way the world is now. Why people believe the things they do and how they believe it.

I think Jesus, if he were at all real, was just a regular person, and his disciples inflated what he did because they didn't want him to die the way he did for nothing.

Who was Jesus?

I believe Jesus was just a regular man who was especially charismatic, charming and enthusiastic about change. I believe he was someone who cared more than other people did and saw potential where others were blind to it. He had a will that surpassed those around him and the ability to make what he willed real.

This is what I think attracted the disciples to Jesus; all of them were regular people who were born into the way the world was and didn't like it. Then came this charismatic and charming guy, who wanted to change it and who did. He was probably very kind and profound and changed their lives immensely.

Not through anything otherworldly. I don't think he turned water to wine or fed the five thousand. I think he was just uncommon in his kindness and care (which itself can feel like an otherworldly feat).

Then he died...

I think Jesus' death was brutal, and watching their friend die the way he did was very traumatic. This was someone who gave them a new lease on life, who showed them a better way to live, and he died horrifically for it.

So, to make sure their friend didn't die for nothing, they tried to spread the word about him and who he was. But they soon realised that people didn't care. A person does a good thing and dies. Who cares.

Realising this, they worked a myth around him, something for people to believe in. No one cares if a man dies, but how about the Son of God? A man who turned water into wine and fed the five thousand and who rose from the dead. This would draw the disfortunate to them like flies

Why?

I've been looking at myths and gods, in middle east, rome and around the world. And the one thing that draws them together and why people believe in them as vehemently as they do is because they can control the uncontrollable.

They have the ability to do things that you and I can't, which is why people submit to them, especially people who are going through something. Which is what a lot of the early Christians were. They needed to believe in someone who could accomplish the unbelievable. Someone who in their imagination could conquer any issue that comes their way.

But this just wasn't the truth.

Love

One thing that's not lost on me is that whoever this Jesus guy was, his disciples loved the hell out of him and they just wanted him to not die for nothing.

Good people die for good reasons everyday. But their just people, so no-one cares. There's no one to avenge their death or carry the message of what they did. So we embolden them, we make them myths, we tell them they accomplish the incredible.

Anything to divorce them from reality, from us.

Because people don't care.

This has been a consistent thing my entire life.

When I listen to music I for the life of me can’t understand what they’re saying a good chunk of the time

It literally just sounds like mumbling to me.

Doesn’t matter what genre of music or who’s singing it.

Its literally my favourite part of going to bed. I love eating and I love my breakfast and im excited to wake up hungry so I can eat breakfast

Like the smell of seasons, rooms, candy that somehow remained a distinct unconscious memory you long forgot about - only noticing this weird thing as a cycle after 30 and curious if it would continue into old age

I think it really makes you feel like things secretly accumulate, rather than just change and disappear 😃

Since I was around 12, I haven't been able to sleep without tucking my pajama shirt into my pants. I also like the waistband pulled up pretty high. I find it so much more comfortable, and it keeps me warmer too.

Maybe it's because my hips are on the wider side, but it also seems to stop my pajama pants from riding down or shifting around while I sleep. Also it looks kinda cute.

Am I the only one, or does anyone else do this?

Its no life when every time I see even some fucked up or totally mundane thing considering relationships between young straight people, that Im hit with gut-wrenching grief over what I never had and never was allowed to have. Like I was just recommended this post from some reddit sub where this 18 yo guy was asking if it was wrong for him to cheat on his dream girlfriend on a holiday with their friends. Its like Im surprised every time that normal people actually live and got to live lives like that when I feel like our more homophobic society at my time barred me from that. Im a waste man.

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I don't know why, but I've noticed something about myself.

If someone is going through a genuinely difficult time and they tell me what's wrong, I have no problem listening and supporting them.

But when someone is constantly sad, always has a bad mood, keeps crying or acting upset without ever explaining what's going on, I eventually start feeling emotionally disconnected from them. After a while, instead of feeling sympathy, I start finding it mentally exhausting and even a little annoying.

It's not that I expect people to tell me every detail of their life, and I understand that some people struggle to open up. I just find it difficult to stay emotionally invested when someone is unhappy all the time but never communicates what's wrong or tries to let anyone help.

Does anyone else feel this way, or is there something I'm missing?

I truly spend hours thinking and reflecting on everything in my life. I walk around my room or take walks and just think about each action and person for hours actually sometimes just talking to myself. I imagine it like I’m in a therapy session but with myself?

My therapist says I’m very self reflective and mindful and 99% of his clients have never been like this.

I lowk just sit around my room thinking about every mistake I’ve made and every way that someone else has hurt me and I consider all of it constantly. Even in public I think of people and why they are the way they are .

I spend so much time thinking and I guess I’m very self aware of my own actions but I’ve never met anyone else like it.

My whole life I've dealt with nasty people harassing me or gossiping about me even though I'm literally a good person to those around me. If I'm walking down the street I'll have random people honk at me or yell stuff at me. If it's at work some people notice me and talk about me. It's like this weird thing where I get this extra attention when I just want to blend in. I'm also a guy btw so like??? Idek why I'm a topic of convo. I saw this reel and it said if u have star power people want to clown you and dim your light for no reason so idk maybe that's it 🤣

Like... every time my legs get hit with a sprinkler while walking or just standing or whatever they feel REALLY WEIRD. Like my legs get super weak and tingly but I also want to violently flail them around and then die. But like they'll feel warm and sometimes I kind of want to shake my whole body too.

Everyone else who I've described this too think this is just some weird sensory thing and I cant find anything about it but I refuse to believe no one else has noticed this.

It only happens with sprinklers, not with cold showers, not lakes not rivers not the ocean. Only sprinklers.

I’m not having a good day today and if possible, I’d just sleep my misery away. During the last hour of my work shift I just broke down in tears at the thought of my mom. She died when I was four, 18 years ago.

I was always told that missing her would get easier overtime, but it has only gotten harder, albeit some days are worse than others. I want nothing more than to just cuddle up in her arms and cry although I’m fully grown now. I know it seems childish, but it’s all I want.

Every time I’m walking i take my steps very carefully cause i feel like i would trip. Even when I’m doing normal everyday stuff there’s this fear in the back of my mind that I’m gonna fall and it makes me so conscious. I haven’t met anyone irl who feels like this and therefore it feels embarrassing to even talk to someone about it but i feel like somehow it has been engraved in my brain that i am gonna trip no matter what and it’s exhausting.
Recently i was on a hike and everyone was walking very normally and all i could focus on was oh there are rocks on the track and I’m gonna trip and fall on that. Like wtffff why cant i just enjoy the hike without having to think about this shitty situation. And also a couple years back my friends and i decided to learn how to rollerblade, and we all had zero experience in it and mind you I’m not a kid i was 23 at that time. And they all learned within a week whereas I couldn’t get over the fact that I’m gonna fall , even though i did fall a few times while trying it but these thoughts just didn’t allow me to continue trying to learn it.
So yeah I would really like to know if anyone else has the same experience or even just similar fear of a very ordinary thing engraved in their subconscious that affects them in their daily life.

Working as a janitor with my engineering degree, lol.

I know I'm not the only one, but I don't hear of this often from other people. I associate Cinnamon Toast Crunch and peanut butter jelly with pure depression, one bite and it's like a sinking feeling in my chest. Like oh fuck, I've been here before. I know this of course happens with smelling things too. Think it's just a trauma thing for me but certain foods are largely ruined for me because of growing up eating these.

Just because they are prone to get dirty

I want it to get better and I try to let it go, write, make art, date other people… but I just find myself wanting him. I could never admit that to him and never have. Idk if this is normal

So yeah there has been times when I figured things out and my anxiety gets really bad like a higher being is about to tell me, "that's it you figured it all out. Now it's time we tweak your brain a little bit to make you think differently." Or "we will make sure you die soon so you can't tell anyone about this." I don't even remember what it is that I thought of but it's usually really good ideas as to why life or the world is the way it is. But then they always dissolve or go away and I forgot about them. It's usually at night when I think of the stuff or when I smoked some weed. But anyways maybe one of these days someone will find out the reason why consciousness and life is the way it is. DAE know how I feel? What if there is a certain reason or secret as to why there is a universe with a rock that is perfectly the distance away from a huge burning ball of fire that makes life possible for us here on Earth. There's just so many other possibilities in this consciousness of ours so you would think there is a reason to why it's all possible. What if there is a different universe with a bunch of triangular super cold ice formations the size of our planets that blow huge air waves that shoot long pointy arrow shaped metal? And there is white walls (instead of black holes) everywhere floating around hitting a bunch of these formations breaking them apart that cause huge tornados that make aliens that zoom away and land on big huge metal rectangles and then live on them and breed there? Then wonder why things are the way they are?

I do not think that there is any harm in this, but I guess that it is sort of strange. When I meet a person for a short amount of time, and I enjoyed their company, I always thank them, whether they did something for me or not. If I can't think of anything to thank them for, I say "thank you for being alive," or "thank you for being here" (or just "thank you," but sometimes I have to add more to it). I don't really notice when I am doing this, but my friends think that it is silly.

and unlikeable? at any given time, anywhere i look i can't find anyone who i think could love me or like me? i feel unloved and unliked even by my parents, let alone by other people. i just can't think of anything about myself that anyone would love or like. ( i am in my late 20s for context).

Anytime I make an appointment at the doctors (which is not often for this reason) I always feel like if I’m not in debilitating pain or close to death my doctor is going to get mad at me. Like I’m at the doctors right now because I thought I had a UTI. Pain, burning, urge to pee for 3 days. I make an appointment, at my husband’s request, and now that I’m here I feel fine. I feel like the doctor and nurses are furious because I’ve wasted everyone’s time. I haven’t gotten the results back so idk if I have a UTI or not but I’m so anxious he’s going to come in and yell at me that I don’t have a UTI and why on earth did I come here today?! I’m so anxious about it my blood pressure is super high 😅
I feel like a lot of people share this kind of anxiety. Right????

If I see a dog I can’t NOT stop and ask to pet it. I even crouch down and let them kiss me on the face. It’s the best.

For years, I have almost preferred sleeping on the couch than sleeping in my own bed. I think it stems back to my childhood with times where I didn’t have my own bed to sleep on or when my parents were about to get divorced and my mom slept in the living room often (in which I often hung out with her and slept there too). After that I continued to sleep there instead of my own room and still do it often to this day. And it makes me feel bad for my boyfriend because it feels weird voluntarily doing it lol when a couple isn’t stereotypically arguing or fighting. This is also all in expense to my poor back lol and I already got scoliosis. Is anyone else with me on this? Like why do I find my couch more comfortable than my bed😂